I could really use some input on this... Thank you!
mozafamily
Well, my just turned 6 yo bit the other child in my care yesturday
(a just turned 4 yo)when he took a toy from him (a toy he had just
gotten that day) and refused to give it back when asked. I think it
was partially because he had just been to the dentist that day and
everyone seemed to be examining his teeth that day plus he has 2 new
teeth (molars) coming in the back of his mouth, I think he was just
on teeth overload for the day! He hasn't ever bit anyone that hard
before (left bruses but didn't break the skin) and hasn't bitten at
all for probably 2-3 years - he never was prone to it! So all us
parents saw it and after it happened my ds went and hid - to me
obviously showing he had lost control and didn't know the correct
thing to do. So we all comforted the hurt child and later after they
left and my ds had calmed down we talked briefly about it - but it
was prettymuch him who was saying something like "I know I shouldn't
have bit him and I'll try harder to be more patient next time, etc."
I really felt like he knew he made a mistake and didn't need much
from us to help him correct himself, that he had it under control.
Today he appologized to the other child for hurting him - on his
own - no prodding from me at all! So I felt like everything was
settled, that he learned something and was moving on. BUT the other
parent today asks me why wasn't anything "done" to my child because
he behaved that way, this is supposedly another "unschooling"
parent! I explained that nothing needed to be "done", that children
didn't need to be humiliated (like say sorry right then) or suffer
punishment, that he understood what he did and why it was wrong and
that "he" was working on it. Then of course she asked if anything
is "done" to her son when he's in my care? And so I explained again
that I no longer believe in humiliating or punishing children (or
time outs either), if her child was out of control that I would help
him as much as I could and may remove him from an overwhelming
environment. So I would really like some feedback on if I did the
right thing here - I was finally feeling like I was getting the
correct "ideas" of this "unschooling or Life Learning", that it was
starting to make sense to me, and my son is so much happier than he
was in school, but now that my closest "unschooling" friend is
questioning me so I feel confused again.
(a just turned 4 yo)when he took a toy from him (a toy he had just
gotten that day) and refused to give it back when asked. I think it
was partially because he had just been to the dentist that day and
everyone seemed to be examining his teeth that day plus he has 2 new
teeth (molars) coming in the back of his mouth, I think he was just
on teeth overload for the day! He hasn't ever bit anyone that hard
before (left bruses but didn't break the skin) and hasn't bitten at
all for probably 2-3 years - he never was prone to it! So all us
parents saw it and after it happened my ds went and hid - to me
obviously showing he had lost control and didn't know the correct
thing to do. So we all comforted the hurt child and later after they
left and my ds had calmed down we talked briefly about it - but it
was prettymuch him who was saying something like "I know I shouldn't
have bit him and I'll try harder to be more patient next time, etc."
I really felt like he knew he made a mistake and didn't need much
from us to help him correct himself, that he had it under control.
Today he appologized to the other child for hurting him - on his
own - no prodding from me at all! So I felt like everything was
settled, that he learned something and was moving on. BUT the other
parent today asks me why wasn't anything "done" to my child because
he behaved that way, this is supposedly another "unschooling"
parent! I explained that nothing needed to be "done", that children
didn't need to be humiliated (like say sorry right then) or suffer
punishment, that he understood what he did and why it was wrong and
that "he" was working on it. Then of course she asked if anything
is "done" to her son when he's in my care? And so I explained again
that I no longer believe in humiliating or punishing children (or
time outs either), if her child was out of control that I would help
him as much as I could and may remove him from an overwhelming
environment. So I would really like some feedback on if I did the
right thing here - I was finally feeling like I was getting the
correct "ideas" of this "unschooling or Life Learning", that it was
starting to make sense to me, and my son is so much happier than he
was in school, but now that my closest "unschooling" friend is
questioning me so I feel confused again.
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/16/04 11:12:33 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
mozafamily@... writes:
did was not the best decision. It is hard when you are that age. I tried to be
really close to the boys when they were younger to help with mediation, help
them to reach compromises they both could live with.
I didn't quite understand how it happened. Was it your sons toy?
With my boys if it is their toy I do not make them share. They share if
they want to. IF not we can usually find something else for another child to
play with that my son does agree to share. I mean it is his toy after all. And
I have seen as they get older they are more and more willing to share. If
they do have toys they don't want played with for one reason or another then we
put them away before company comes over so that nothing gets broken or
whatever.
Just my thoughts, and I do agree with you and punishment is not the best
available to parents and we do not use punishment either.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mozafamily@... writes:
> >>So I would really like some feedback on if I did theIt sounds like you handled the situation well and that he realized what he
> right thing here - I was finally feeling like I was getting the
> correct "ideas" of this "unschooling or Life Learning", that it was
> starting to make sense to me, and my son is so much happier than he
> was in school, but now that my closest "unschooling" friend is
> questioning me so I feel confused again. <<
did was not the best decision. It is hard when you are that age. I tried to be
really close to the boys when they were younger to help with mediation, help
them to reach compromises they both could live with.
I didn't quite understand how it happened. Was it your sons toy?
With my boys if it is their toy I do not make them share. They share if
they want to. IF not we can usually find something else for another child to
play with that my son does agree to share. I mean it is his toy after all. And
I have seen as they get older they are more and more willing to share. If
they do have toys they don't want played with for one reason or another then we
put them away before company comes over so that nothing gets broken or
whatever.
Just my thoughts, and I do agree with you and punishment is not the best
available to parents and we do not use punishment either.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kay Alina
Just wanted to say I feel for you and I also understand how the other mother could be freaked out. I think you handled the situation beautifully. I also think your son is very mature (regardless of the error in biting) and admitting his wrong and making amends for it is to be admired. I am sorry the other mother is feeling a need to control your choices in mothering. I think it might be coming from a place of powerlessness and realizing it is impossible to protect our young 24/7. Unschooling/homeschooling/stay at home mom or not. I hope her anger passes. I don't think you did anything wrong. You have every right to be the mother you want to be and to practice gentle discipline is odd to some people. Just because the commonality of unschooling exists does not mean we parent or discipline the same way. Anyway, hope peace returns to the relationship and you both get through this. I think it would be wonderful to have a friend locally who unschools. Have not found one yet.
Kay
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Kay
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tia Leschke
Was it here that someone mentioned participating in geocaching and/or
letterboxing? I'm writing a column about them as family outdoor activities,
and I'm hoping to interview (by email) one or two families about it. I
would use names or not. Your choice. Anybody?
Tia
letterboxing? I'm writing a column about them as family outdoor activities,
and I'm hoping to interview (by email) one or two families about it. I
would use names or not. Your choice. Anybody?
Tia
[email protected]
Was it here that someone mentioned participating in geocaching and/or
letterboxing? I'm writing a column about them as family outdoor activities,
and I'm hoping to interview (by email) one or two families about it. I
would use names or not. Your choice. Anybody?
Tia
[kaculwell@...]
Tia, we just went letterboxing last week for the first time. You can email
me if you like.
Kathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
letterboxing? I'm writing a column about them as family outdoor activities,
and I'm hoping to interview (by email) one or two families about it. I
would use names or not. Your choice. Anybody?
Tia
[kaculwell@...]
Tia, we just went letterboxing last week for the first time. You can email
me if you like.
Kathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]