unhappy about herself
[email protected]
Hi,
My nine year old daughter is having fits about her looks. She is larger than most of her friends, unhappy with how clothes fit and all around down. She went to a sleepover this weekend and I think she had a tough time. Of the 6 girls there, she is about 6 inches taller and 20 lbs heavier than the rest. She has been crying most this am. I know part is she is tired, but this idea of a skinnier body has come up alot lately in conversation. So moms and dads, help me come up with the things to say and not say as I hold my baby while she talls me how she doesn't like her looks.
Mary H.
My nine year old daughter is having fits about her looks. She is larger than most of her friends, unhappy with how clothes fit and all around down. She went to a sleepover this weekend and I think she had a tough time. Of the 6 girls there, she is about 6 inches taller and 20 lbs heavier than the rest. She has been crying most this am. I know part is she is tired, but this idea of a skinnier body has come up alot lately in conversation. So moms and dads, help me come up with the things to say and not say as I hold my baby while she talls me how she doesn't like her looks.
Mary H.
Joanna Wilkinson
--- In [email protected], maryfhickman@j... wrote:
all around down. She went to a sleepover this weekend and I think
she had a tough time. Of the 6 girls there, she is about 6 inches
taller and 20 lbs heavier than the rest. She has been crying most
this am. I know part is she is tired, but this idea of a skinnier
body has come up alot lately in conversation. So moms and dads, help
me come up with the things to say and not say as I hold my baby
while she talls me how she doesn't like her looks.
self assured as she gets older. At 9 and 10 she was very unhappy
about her height (short) and weight. The height issue was easier
for me to deal with, because there is really nothing you can do
about it but learn to accept it as who you are. Talking about that
and finding the positives was what we did. Now that she is 13 and
has a more womanly figure and doesn't get assumed to be 3 to 4 years
younger than what she is, she likes the uniqueness of her height.
Her weight is a harder issue for me to deal with, because it is
something I deal with and have dealt with since I was about 16.
I haven't always had a healthy attitude about it, and trying to help
her find her way to happiness with this issue is a learning
experience for me.
We talk about all of this together. She has complete control of
what she eats, and giving her that control has helped so much with
her finding her self control/motivation with food and exercise. She
had to decide what is important for her. This society makes a huge
deal about weight with health issues to looking "right". There is a
lot of good information out there and a lot of harmful, negative
views. In discussing these issues we have both come to conclusions
that feel right for us.
Talking about it and growing more mature has helped us both.
So my advice is time and communication. Taking an unschooling
attitude and delving into why we feel the way we feel about
something and figuring out what we can do about it has been our
approach with this.
Hope this helps.
Joanna
> Hi,larger than most of her friends, unhappy with how clothes fit and
>
> My nine year old daughter is having fits about her looks. She is
all around down. She went to a sleepover this weekend and I think
she had a tough time. Of the 6 girls there, she is about 6 inches
taller and 20 lbs heavier than the rest. She has been crying most
this am. I know part is she is tired, but this idea of a skinnier
body has come up alot lately in conversation. So moms and dads, help
me come up with the things to say and not say as I hold my baby
while she talls me how she doesn't like her looks.
>My 13yo went (is going) through this. She's getting more and more
> Mary H.
self assured as she gets older. At 9 and 10 she was very unhappy
about her height (short) and weight. The height issue was easier
for me to deal with, because there is really nothing you can do
about it but learn to accept it as who you are. Talking about that
and finding the positives was what we did. Now that she is 13 and
has a more womanly figure and doesn't get assumed to be 3 to 4 years
younger than what she is, she likes the uniqueness of her height.
Her weight is a harder issue for me to deal with, because it is
something I deal with and have dealt with since I was about 16.
I haven't always had a healthy attitude about it, and trying to help
her find her way to happiness with this issue is a learning
experience for me.
We talk about all of this together. She has complete control of
what she eats, and giving her that control has helped so much with
her finding her self control/motivation with food and exercise. She
had to decide what is important for her. This society makes a huge
deal about weight with health issues to looking "right". There is a
lot of good information out there and a lot of harmful, negative
views. In discussing these issues we have both come to conclusions
that feel right for us.
Talking about it and growing more mature has helped us both.
So my advice is time and communication. Taking an unschooling
attitude and delving into why we feel the way we feel about
something and figuring out what we can do about it has been our
approach with this.
Hope this helps.
Joanna
Barbara Chase
You might be interested in reading "The Body Project: An Intimate History
of American Girls" by Joan Jacobs Brumberg. I heard an interview with the
author on public radio several years ago, and I was just fascinated with
the conversation and had to get the book.
Here's what Amazon says: Adolescent girls today face the issues girls have
always faced: "Who am I?" and "Who do I want to be?" Unfortunately their
answers, now more than ever before, revolve around the body rather than the
mind, heart, or soul. "The body is at the heart of the crisis that [Carol]
Gilligan, [Mary] Pipher, and others describe.... The fact that American
girls now make the body their central project is not an accident or a
curiosity," writes Brumberg, "it is a symptom of historical changes that
are only now beginning to be understood." The historical photos, thorough
research, and political even-handedness make this a book of worth and
sincerity. The Body Project is also comforting for women, adolescents,
parents, lesbians, and male lovers of women--helping us sort out the roots
of female insecurities, obsessions, and angst.
--bc--
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of American Girls" by Joan Jacobs Brumberg. I heard an interview with the
author on public radio several years ago, and I was just fascinated with
the conversation and had to get the book.
Here's what Amazon says: Adolescent girls today face the issues girls have
always faced: "Who am I?" and "Who do I want to be?" Unfortunately their
answers, now more than ever before, revolve around the body rather than the
mind, heart, or soul. "The body is at the heart of the crisis that [Carol]
Gilligan, [Mary] Pipher, and others describe.... The fact that American
girls now make the body their central project is not an accident or a
curiosity," writes Brumberg, "it is a symptom of historical changes that
are only now beginning to be understood." The historical photos, thorough
research, and political even-handedness make this a book of worth and
sincerity. The Body Project is also comforting for women, adolescents,
parents, lesbians, and male lovers of women--helping us sort out the roots
of female insecurities, obsessions, and angst.
--bc--
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Teresa Jones
Hiya,
My 12 year old daughter has struggled with her self image in the last year or two. She is a different build from her two sisters (who are small boned and petite) and she got this notion (helped by other school kids in the neighbourhood) that she was overweight. I would tell her time and again that she certainly was not (as she truly wasn't!) and it just didn't seem to sink in! However, over a period of time, some other people (not mum that is!) have said how slim she is and one time I said to her lets look up on the internet and see the height/weight tables and see if you are overweight, and so we did this and she was actually 1kg underweight for the lightest weight for her height! Now, thankfully, that one made an impact!
She still has a bit of a problem now and then with it, but I just remind her about the height/weight tables! The other thing I did was 'educate' her about weight issues. I told her the only thing she has to ever work on is eating only when she is hungry and avoid comfort eating (which her mum has had trouble with!) - and about how exercise is good and firms you up. We did a notebook for a week or two, jotting down what she ate and whether she was hungry or not and this worked well.
It's such a hard time for young girls these days - self image gets so confused with body image!
Wishing you well!
Teresa
Mumto5kidz :D
living in New Zealand
My 12 year old daughter has struggled with her self image in the last year or two. She is a different build from her two sisters (who are small boned and petite) and she got this notion (helped by other school kids in the neighbourhood) that she was overweight. I would tell her time and again that she certainly was not (as she truly wasn't!) and it just didn't seem to sink in! However, over a period of time, some other people (not mum that is!) have said how slim she is and one time I said to her lets look up on the internet and see the height/weight tables and see if you are overweight, and so we did this and she was actually 1kg underweight for the lightest weight for her height! Now, thankfully, that one made an impact!
She still has a bit of a problem now and then with it, but I just remind her about the height/weight tables! The other thing I did was 'educate' her about weight issues. I told her the only thing she has to ever work on is eating only when she is hungry and avoid comfort eating (which her mum has had trouble with!) - and about how exercise is good and firms you up. We did a notebook for a week or two, jotting down what she ate and whether she was hungry or not and this worked well.
It's such a hard time for young girls these days - self image gets so confused with body image!
Wishing you well!
Teresa
Mumto5kidz :D
living in New Zealand
----- Original Message -----
From: maryfhickman@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, March 30, 2004 5:01 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] unhappy about herself
Hi,
My nine year old daughter is having fits about her looks. She is larger than most of her friends, unhappy with how clothes fit and all around down. She went to a sleepover this weekend and I think she had a tough time. Of the 6 girls there, she is about 6 inches taller and 20 lbs heavier than the rest. She has been crying most this am. I know part is she is tired, but this idea of a skinnier body has come up alot lately in conversation. So moms and dads, help me come up with the things to say and not say as I hold my baby while she talls me how she doesn't like her looks.
Mary H.
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