NVC
Jay
Hi Jay sahm to 2ds and ltp Martin,
At the moment we are in the process of getting to grips with NVC. I
was introduced to it about 2&1/2 years ago by a friend and was
inpressed. I brought the book by Marshell Rosenberg called
Nonviolent Communication and was immediatly captured by the whole
concept. I went on a one day workshop which helped me even more to
see how the NVC model worked. I have downloaded an excerpted
from "Raising Children Compassionately" which I really enjoyed. I
wondered if any one in the group has had any experiance of NVC and
the effects it has had on their life.
Jay Wood
Your child does not carry the baggage you do, he is lighter so moves
faster, follow him
At the moment we are in the process of getting to grips with NVC. I
was introduced to it about 2&1/2 years ago by a friend and was
inpressed. I brought the book by Marshell Rosenberg called
Nonviolent Communication and was immediatly captured by the whole
concept. I went on a one day workshop which helped me even more to
see how the NVC model worked. I have downloaded an excerpted
from "Raising Children Compassionately" which I really enjoyed. I
wondered if any one in the group has had any experiance of NVC and
the effects it has had on their life.
Jay Wood
Your child does not carry the baggage you do, he is lighter so moves
faster, follow him
Angela
Hi Jay,
I read Nonviolent Communication a couple years ago and I took much of what I
learned from the book and tried to apply it to my life. I really should
re-read in order to refresh those ideas in my mind. I love the concept
behind it but it is difficult sometimes for me to apply it in real life. I
also have a hard time reading the NVC speak without it sounding *fake* to
me. But the idea that another feeling is behind anger really made sense to
me and identifying those feelings have really helped in regards to getting
to the bottom of issues with my children. What looks like anger on the
outside often begins with hurt feelings, feelings of being left out or not
valued. Helping my children to identify the primary feeling and expressing
that hurt to the other person in a non-judgmental way has really opened up
the channels of communication for us. I highly recommend it.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I read Nonviolent Communication a couple years ago and I took much of what I
learned from the book and tried to apply it to my life. I really should
re-read in order to refresh those ideas in my mind. I love the concept
behind it but it is difficult sometimes for me to apply it in real life. I
also have a hard time reading the NVC speak without it sounding *fake* to
me. But the idea that another feeling is behind anger really made sense to
me and identifying those feelings have really helped in regards to getting
to the bottom of issues with my children. What looks like anger on the
outside often begins with hurt feelings, feelings of being left out or not
valued. Helping my children to identify the primary feeling and expressing
that hurt to the other person in a non-judgmental way has really opened up
the channels of communication for us. I highly recommend it.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
The NVC newcomers here are not doing NVC any favors. It's coming
across as a method to tell someone what you think of them and call it
non-violent.
If someone walks into an algebra lecture thinking it's a Shakespeare
lecture, it's rude to berate the lecturer for not talking about
Shakespeare.
This is not a support list. This list is *supportive* of those who
are self-examining their imperfections in public and seeking to do
better. That's not a process for everyone. In fact very few! And it's
okay to be a voyeur. It's expected most people who join will only
read and not participate. (If all 2000 people started posting, the
list would be useless!)
That's not because people who are not ready to let go of practices
are "bad". It's because the target audience is those who are trying
to change, whether that change be in public or privately. Others are
welcome to take what they find useful and leave the rest. But to
complain that the list isn't supportive of people where they are is
to declare clearly that you haven't looked at the list description
and haven't taken the time to explore the flavor of the list.
If people ask for gentleness for being imperfect, sympathy for their
inability or unwillingness or fear to change gets in the way of those
who are actively accepting their imperfections, facing them candidly
and seeking help to change. The people who are changing is who the
list is for, not those tiptoeing out.
It's hard to change. It's scary.
It's makes people hugely uncomfortable to look at themselves and see
where they could be doing better.
It also feels scary to sit on the edge of what looks like an abyss of
chaos where nothing is comforting or familiar. But it's not nearly as
scary as jumping off the edge into that chaos.
If you're not ready to change, that's your choice. But the list is
for those who are changing and it's rude to complain that the list
isn't meeting the needs of those who don't want to self examine when
the list isn't intended for them.
Joyce
across as a method to tell someone what you think of them and call it
non-violent.
If someone walks into an algebra lecture thinking it's a Shakespeare
lecture, it's rude to berate the lecturer for not talking about
Shakespeare.
This is not a support list. This list is *supportive* of those who
are self-examining their imperfections in public and seeking to do
better. That's not a process for everyone. In fact very few! And it's
okay to be a voyeur. It's expected most people who join will only
read and not participate. (If all 2000 people started posting, the
list would be useless!)
That's not because people who are not ready to let go of practices
are "bad". It's because the target audience is those who are trying
to change, whether that change be in public or privately. Others are
welcome to take what they find useful and leave the rest. But to
complain that the list isn't supportive of people where they are is
to declare clearly that you haven't looked at the list description
and haven't taken the time to explore the flavor of the list.
If people ask for gentleness for being imperfect, sympathy for their
inability or unwillingness or fear to change gets in the way of those
who are actively accepting their imperfections, facing them candidly
and seeking help to change. The people who are changing is who the
list is for, not those tiptoeing out.
It's hard to change. It's scary.
It's makes people hugely uncomfortable to look at themselves and see
where they could be doing better.
It also feels scary to sit on the edge of what looks like an abyss of
chaos where nothing is comforting or familiar. But it's not nearly as
scary as jumping off the edge into that chaos.
If you're not ready to change, that's your choice. But the list is
for those who are changing and it's rude to complain that the list
isn't meeting the needs of those who don't want to self examine when
the list isn't intended for them.
Joyce
Shannon Burton
I am very very new here, but there are a few things I know for sure, already.
1. It is Sandra's list. So she decides purpose and direction and tone.
2. I *love* the purpose and direction and tone. I've always felt out of sync with my real-life world. People here say things I've thought, and things I've been laughed at elsewhere for saying, although they weren't intended to be funny. That's refreshing to me - not rude.
3. It is hard to learn anything if your thoughts are rigid and your mind is closed.
4. Offense is not given where none is taken. (I borrowed that from the Vulcans) Monty python phrased it differently - if you're one of those who is easily offended (especially by the ring of truth)....don't post.
5. Honesty is high currency here.
6. Anyone willing to lay ego aside before they touch the keyboard, to embrace the stated fact that the discussion is about ideas and not people, will feel courtesy and respect here. If (as the tone of the masked poster suggests) someone comes along wanting to convince others to live by a prescribed path simply because it suits them, I imagine they'll receive a different type of reception.
7. The honest advice I've read without posting has been as valuable as the answers to my posts. Unwanted diatribes about the general wrongdoings of the group as a whole, seem to have no intrinsic worth in my life.
8. I don't care to be lumped in anyone else's "we" without first giving my consent.
9. The world would certainly be more pleasant if no one tried to force their ideaology down the throats of everyone they encounter....even literal virtual strangers minding their business in what is intended to be a peaceful forum.
Off my soapbox, and thanks for listening! =)
shan
"There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap." - Cynthia Heimel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
1. It is Sandra's list. So she decides purpose and direction and tone.
2. I *love* the purpose and direction and tone. I've always felt out of sync with my real-life world. People here say things I've thought, and things I've been laughed at elsewhere for saying, although they weren't intended to be funny. That's refreshing to me - not rude.
3. It is hard to learn anything if your thoughts are rigid and your mind is closed.
4. Offense is not given where none is taken. (I borrowed that from the Vulcans) Monty python phrased it differently - if you're one of those who is easily offended (especially by the ring of truth)....don't post.
5. Honesty is high currency here.
6. Anyone willing to lay ego aside before they touch the keyboard, to embrace the stated fact that the discussion is about ideas and not people, will feel courtesy and respect here. If (as the tone of the masked poster suggests) someone comes along wanting to convince others to live by a prescribed path simply because it suits them, I imagine they'll receive a different type of reception.
7. The honest advice I've read without posting has been as valuable as the answers to my posts. Unwanted diatribes about the general wrongdoings of the group as a whole, seem to have no intrinsic worth in my life.
8. I don't care to be lumped in anyone else's "we" without first giving my consent.
9. The world would certainly be more pleasant if no one tried to force their ideaology down the throats of everyone they encounter....even literal virtual strangers minding their business in what is intended to be a peaceful forum.
Off my soapbox, and thanks for listening! =)
shan
"There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap." - Cynthia Heimel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 5/12/2009 1:24 AM, Shannon Burton wrote:
Really - separating ideas into very distinct numbered points, as you
like to do, has helped me develop my logic over the years. I highly
recommend it as a thinking exercise to those people whose posts tend to
be one big huge long paragraph or those who feel that their own thoughts
are sort of all muddled together.
-pam
> Off my soapbox, and thanks for listening! =)Shannon - you're a listmaker after my own heart! <G>
> shan
>
>
Really - separating ideas into very distinct numbered points, as you
like to do, has helped me develop my logic over the years. I highly
recommend it as a thinking exercise to those people whose posts tend to
be one big huge long paragraph or those who feel that their own thoughts
are sort of all muddled together.
-pam
Shannon Burton
Shannon - you're a listmaker after my own heart! <G>
Really - separating ideas into very distinct numbered points, as you
like to do, has helped me develop my logic over the years. I highly
recommend it as a thinking exercise to those people whose posts tend to
be one big huge long paragraph or those who feel that their own thoughts
are sort of all muddled together.
-pam
Pam -
Thanks! =) That's why I do it...I could out-talk Joe Biden, maybe! I am also quite prone to episodic muddlement (a muddled over-talker - yikes).
*I* don't like listening to (or reading) myself when I really get going...lol!
Again, thanks!
shan
"Brevity is the soul of wit. Therefore, I shall be brief." - Polonius
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Really - separating ideas into very distinct numbered points, as you
like to do, has helped me develop my logic over the years. I highly
recommend it as a thinking exercise to those people whose posts tend to
be one big huge long paragraph or those who feel that their own thoughts
are sort of all muddled together.
-pam
Pam -
Thanks! =) That's why I do it...I could out-talk Joe Biden, maybe! I am also quite prone to episodic muddlement (a muddled over-talker - yikes).
*I* don't like listening to (or reading) myself when I really get going...lol!
Again, thanks!
shan
"Brevity is the soul of wit. Therefore, I shall be brief." - Polonius
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tania
Does someone has a link with food for thought for me regarding non
violent communication and unschooling? I just read bits and pieces
here and there and don't get the full picture yet.
Thank you very much, Tania
violent communication and unschooling? I just read bits and pieces
here and there and don't get the full picture yet.
Thank you very much, Tania
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
In an interview Sandra Dodd gave she wrote this:
I don't like the false overlay "NVC" puts on the world. I've seen people fail to have direct presence and mindfulness because they were mentally trying to label people and judge their expressions of feeling or desire. I prefer people be compassionate and flexible about communicating with others, rather than to pre-decide there is only one way they will communicate or accept being communicated with.
Although it can be a good healing tool for an adult who suffered years of verbal abuse and is in recovery, as a starting place, or as something to impose on or require of others, it's unnatural. As for communication between a child and his parents, it's overkill and takes time that could be better used just listening to one another without wondering what a book or a coach would have to say about it.
Choices and compassion will cover that, in an unschooling family where children and parents live closely together as partners.
http://sandradodd.com/interviews/naturalparenting2010
Meredith also wrote this:
Specific parenting/communication strategies! Like Non-violent communication (NVC), or consensus processing. When sticking to a particular format for problem solving becomes more important than real people with real needs. Somewhat ironically, the NVC, consensus, and non-coercion folks seem to be the most likely to try to talk their kids into submission, explaining and explaining and explaining until the kids give in (if they're lucky).
Here: http://sandradodd.com/priorities
Alex Polikowsky
________________________________
From: tania <tania.loewe@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, February 28, 2013 3:52 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] NVC
Does someone has a link with food for thought for me regarding non
violent communication and unschooling? I just read bits and pieces
here and there and don't get the full picture yet.
Thank you very much, Tania
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I don't like the false overlay "NVC" puts on the world. I've seen people fail to have direct presence and mindfulness because they were mentally trying to label people and judge their expressions of feeling or desire. I prefer people be compassionate and flexible about communicating with others, rather than to pre-decide there is only one way they will communicate or accept being communicated with.
Although it can be a good healing tool for an adult who suffered years of verbal abuse and is in recovery, as a starting place, or as something to impose on or require of others, it's unnatural. As for communication between a child and his parents, it's overkill and takes time that could be better used just listening to one another without wondering what a book or a coach would have to say about it.
Choices and compassion will cover that, in an unschooling family where children and parents live closely together as partners.
http://sandradodd.com/interviews/naturalparenting2010
Meredith also wrote this:
Specific parenting/communication strategies! Like Non-violent communication (NVC), or consensus processing. When sticking to a particular format for problem solving becomes more important than real people with real needs. Somewhat ironically, the NVC, consensus, and non-coercion folks seem to be the most likely to try to talk their kids into submission, explaining and explaining and explaining until the kids give in (if they're lucky).
Here: http://sandradodd.com/priorities
Alex Polikowsky
________________________________
From: tania <tania.loewe@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, February 28, 2013 3:52 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] NVC
Does someone has a link with food for thought for me regarding non
violent communication and unschooling? I just read bits and pieces
here and there and don't get the full picture yet.
Thank you very much, Tania
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
http://sandradodd.com/interviews/naturalparenting2010 has something on NVC.
http://sandradodd.com/priorities
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/message/69786
There are 252 hits if you search the archives for NVC:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/msearch?query=nvc&submit=Search&charset=ISO-8859-1
http://sandradodd.com/priorities
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/message/69786
There are 252 hits if you search the archives for NVC:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/msearch?query=nvc&submit=Search&charset=ISO-8859-1