Lauren

My name is Lauren, I have a 7-week-old son named Lucas. I'm planning
on home/unschooling him eventually, and I have a question.
How do home/unschooling parents prepare their kids for the curriculum
and scheduling of college if the kids have never participated in an
actual "classroom" setting? I don't know much about home/unschooling
yet, I'm just starting to look into the "pre-K" stuff since my son is
so young--I just want to make sure he will be well-prepared for the
future, and I'm curious as to how home/unschooling parents handle the
college situation.

Thanks,
Lauren

joylyn

I think the assumption I see you making is that unschooling children are
never involved in formal educational situations.

For some kids that is the case. For others it is not the case.

My oldest child will be nine next week, but she has already been a part
of more formal educational situations, of her own choosing, doing formal
work, with deadlines (She's involved in a film club where she is, along
with others, writing, and then producing, their own film). She's also
been in formal classrooms, and has taken formal tests, all of her own
choosing. Unschooling simply means, to me, child led learning. It does
not mean no formal learning.

Oh, and I don't prepare my children for anything. We work together. :-)

Lauren wrote:

> My name is Lauren, I have a 7-week-old son named Lucas. I'm planning
> on home/unschooling him eventually, and I have a question.
> How do home/unschooling parents prepare their kids for the curriculum
> and scheduling of college if the kids have never participated in an
> actual "classroom" setting? I don't know much about home/unschooling
> yet, I'm just starting to look into the "pre-K" stuff since my son is
> so young--I just want to make sure he will be well-prepared for the
> future,

what future? Whose future?

I think that if my children have the opportunity to have some real
control over their lives and their learning now, then their future will
be one of their choosing and they will prepare for it themselves, with
me being there to simply provide the food, transportation, hugs, love,
encouragement, guidance, etc.

Joylyn

> and I'm curious as to how home/unschooling parents handle the
> college situation.
>
> Thanks,
> Lauren
>
>
>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/8/2004 2:23:55 AM Eastern Standard Time,
shadow@... writes:
<<How do home/unschooling parents prepare their kids for the curriculum
and scheduling of college if the kids have never participated in an
actual "classroom" setting?>>


If your child is motivated to go to college because they want to learn
something and think that is the best way at the time, or they need a college degree
for a career they desire, I don't think they'll have any problem figuring out
how to handle the *classroom setting*. College classes vary a lot from each
other and in my experience tend to be a lot different from highschool classes.

In my dd's experience of attending ps for 7th grade after being previously
homeschooled, she adjusted to the middle school setting better than the students
who had come from ps elementary school. (Her guidance counselor actually
commented on this.) I think it was because she didn't have any expectations
about how school should be but just saw it as an adventure. I think an unschooler
might experience the same thing if their first *classroom* was in college.
They wouldn't be carrying around expectations from highschool. A lot of
highschoolers seem to let the freedom of college sidetrack them from learning. An
unschooler definitely wouldn't have this problem!

--Jacqueline


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

pam sorooshian

> <<How do home/unschooling parents prepare their kids for the curriculum
> and scheduling of college if the kids have never participated in an
> actual "classroom" setting?>>

What specifically are you thinking of?

How to show up at classes and on time?
How to take notes during a lecture, take a test, or write an essay?

Or do you mean that they need to have studied certain things in order
to be prepared to understand the material taught in the college
classes?

Contrary to popular belief, college courses do not assume any prior
knowledge in a subject because the professors (I am one) are perfectly
aware that students do not come from high school with much, if any,
retention of whatever courses they supposedly took. We assume nothing
and start from scratch in all freshman courses. Unschooled kids
typically have broad general knowledge and far more retention of what
they've learned then kids in school who have "studied" certain
subjects.

I'd say that the biggest problem new students have, in college, is
UNlearning bad habits they've developed in high school. By this I mean,
for example, that they have the habit of relying on a teacher to tell
them EXACTLY what is going to be on a test and they expect to just
memorize whatever it is they are told and spit it back out on an exam.
Some college courses are like that, too. But in some courses, they're
expected to read and THINK about material and understand it far beyond
just regurgitating it for the test. Many of them just can't get to that
point - they've spent many years perfecting the art of reading a
chapter, answering the end-of-chapter questions, and spitting it all
out on a test and forgetting it. THINKING is not part of the repertoire
they've built up in high school. THIS is the most frustrating part of
teaching college freshmen, for me.

Unschooled kids might have poor handwriting <G>. And they might have
idiosyncratic ways of doing arithmetic. And they might need some
instruction on how to write a standard essay (they'll get that
instruction in their first semester "College Writing" course). But the
one thing that is important in college is that they are willing to
actually engage - think - wonder - make connections between material in
a course and what else they know or are learning. For unschooled kids,
this is how they live - it is as natural to them as breathing. For
schooled kids, this is the HARDEST part of college and it sometimes
takes a Herculean effort for them to throw off the weight of bad habits
formed in response to their previous schooling.

-pam

National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.

badolbilz

This is great, Pam. I've printed it out to keep in my "why unschooling
works" folder. Thank you. Heidi Case

pam sorooshian wrote:

>><<How do home/unschooling parents prepare their kids for the curriculum
>>and scheduling of college if the kids have never participated in an
>>actual "classroom" setting?>>
>>
>>
>
>What specifically are you thinking of?
>
>How to show up at classes and on time?
>How to take notes during a lecture, take a test, or write an essay?
>
>Or do you mean that they need to have studied certain things in order
>to be prepared to understand the material taught in the college
>classes?
>
>Contrary to popular belief, college courses do not assume any prior
>knowledge in a subject because the professors (I am one) are perfectly
>aware that students do not come from high school with much, if any,
>retention of whatever courses they supposedly took. We assume nothing
>and start from scratch in all freshman courses. Unschooled kids
>typically have broad general knowledge and far more retention of what
>they've learned then kids in school who have "studied" certain
>subjects.
>
>I'd say that the biggest problem new students have, in college, is
>UNlearning bad habits they've developed in high school. By this I mean,
>for example, that they have the habit of relying on a teacher to tell
>them EXACTLY what is going to be on a test and they expect to just
>memorize whatever it is they are told and spit it back out on an exam.
>Some college courses are like that, too. But in some courses, they're
>expected to read and THINK about material and understand it far beyond
>just regurgitating it for the test. Many of them just can't get to that
>point - they've spent many years perfecting the art of reading a
>chapter, answering the end-of-chapter questions, and spitting it all
>out on a test and forgetting it. THINKING is not part of the repertoire
>they've built up in high school. THIS is the most frustrating part of
>teaching college freshmen, for me.
>
>Unschooled kids might have poor handwriting <G>. And they might have
>idiosyncratic ways of doing arithmetic. And they might need some
>instruction on how to write a standard essay (they'll get that
>instruction in their first semester "College Writing" course). But the
>one thing that is important in college is that they are willing to
>actually engage - think - wonder - make connections between material in
>a course and what else they know or are learning. For unschooled kids,
>this is how they live - it is as natural to them as breathing. For
>schooled kids, this is the HARDEST part of college and it sometimes
>takes a Herculean effort for them to throw off the weight of bad habits
>formed in response to their previous schooling.
>
>-pam
>
>National Home Education Network
><www.NHEN.org>
>Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
>through information, networking and public relations.
>
>
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/8/04 12:23:54 AM, shadow@... writes:

<< I don't know much about home/unschooling

yet, I'm just starting to look into the "pre-K" stuff since my son is

so young-- >>

Well anything we tell you about college today, then, would be fifteen years
or more outdated by the time your son's that age, right?

<<How do home/unschooling parents prepare their kids for the curriculum

and scheduling of college if the kids have never participated in an

actual "classroom" setting? >>

They don't need to be prepared. If they're interested, they just do it. I've
seen it happen lots.

Same as waking up to go to class or to go to work or to a picnic or to pick
up a friend at the airport. People don't need years of "practice" or
preparation to use an alarm clock when they need to.

My son used to wake up before 6:30 every morning (on his own with an alarm
clock) to record Ninja Turtles, and then go back to sleep. When he doesn't have
to go to work, he sleeps until 1:00 p.m. or so. Yet he's had a job for three
and a half years, and has only overslept once. How can that be? <g>

The "you have to prepare for the future" stuff is school-message. Let it go.
Empty your school memories so you have more room for more fun things!

Here are lots of ideas for you to consider if you think you'd like to
unschool:

http://sandradodd.com/unschooling

http://sandradodd.com/life
(lots of parenting considerations that will make natural learning/attachment
parenting/mindful parenting work smoothly)

Sandra

Sylvia Toyama

Hi Lauren!

Welcome, and congratulations on becoming a Mom! Seven weeks and already looking ahead to college, are you?

You are going to find that so many of our best plans with our kids seldom turn out as we planned. This is because, when we just love our kids, let them unfold on their own and come to know who they are, what we get is so much more and better than we could have ever thought to plan or even ask for!

When you have loved your children, and raised thim in freedom, cherishing their journey -- and yours -- they will know what they want from life, and how to pursue it, whether or not they ever spent a moment in a classroom.

Of course, by the time a person goes to college, even the most unschooled have likely attended Driver's Ed, tried some art or dance classes, or learned a sport that involved focused attention to a teacher, practice and some level of discipline as well as a time commitment. And they'll have done it because this was what they wanted to do, it was the path they chose to reach their own goals, for their own fulfillment. College really only works for people who want to be there. I've known lots of people who either didn't finish college because they were only going for someone else (myself included) or finished, but never pursued the career choice, again because going didn't fulfill them, it simply fulfilled someone else's plan for them.

For now, just relax with your new baby. Respond to his needs with love, watch him with amazement, sniff his head (better than any other sensory experience I've ever had) laugh with him, watch him become who he is meant to be. That's how unschooling works, and nothing that right can ever be insufficient for your child's future.

Sylvia


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/8/04 9:21:30 AM, pamsoroosh@... writes:

<< What specifically are you thinking of?

How to show up at classes and on time?
How to take notes during a lecture, take a test, or write an essay? >>

Marty just finished driver's ed.

For him and Kirby both, driver's ed was the first formal classroom situation
they'd had. (Well Marty did a junior police academy for a week and there were
a couple of note-taking times, and Marty is on the souvenir videotape they
gave the kids taking his notes <g>.)

The had no problem showing up early, prepared, taking notes, participating in
class or driving.

Their problem (and quite minor) was taking a multiple choice test, where they
were to put their answers on another sheet of paper.

Now I know and you all know that such a situation would look like this:

1. a
2. a
3. c
4. d
right?

Kirby and Marty didn't know that.

Kirby wrote his answers out, so when others were done, he was still writing.
The teacher said "writing?"

So Marty knew from that not to write the answers out.

What Marty didn't know was each question will only have ONE answer.

So he went

1. a, c, d
2. b
3. a

So he had three wrong where there was only one item! <g> (It was just a
pre-test, nothing binding or important, but even the final test was one that could
be retaken twice if necessary, and they both passed.)

Marty had read the question wrong, and was indicating what you DID need to
have in the car when driving, instead of marking what you didn't need to have
(the car title).

All those years of no preparation, and that was that.

They were both able to do theiere making appointments a month or two out in
the future. Marty could go at noon; no problem.

Both of them, too, were MUCH better at asking question in class and caring
about the answer; they were better at participating when there was something
interesting to do (like get into the cab of a semi, which Kirby did without
hesitation, but the other kids were too cool to want to do).

We were at the museum's star show the other night, in one of those cool domed
theaters where the chairs all recline and the stars are projected, and move
around. The narrator was talking about the phase of the moon and the
positions of the planets, and said, about the angles and moon-shadowing, "So which way
are we facing?" and Marty said clearly, loudly and without hesitation "Up!"

It got a good laugh. <g>

Sandra

Dana Matt

Hi, Lauren (that's my daughter's name, btw;)

I'm having a conversation about college on another
list right now, too.

Did you know that it's ok NOT to go to college, just
like it's ok NOT to go to school? I feel like I need
to mention this, just in case you didn't.

I wouldn't be planning for my son's college career at
7 weeks any more than I would be planning for him to
work or be married, or will be know how to fit into
his retirement home if he's never been
institutionalized..... Just let him see you living,
let him live himself, and all the rest will take care
of itself.

Dana
--- Lauren <shadow@...> wrote:
> My name is Lauren, I have a 7-week-old son named
> Lucas. I'm planning
> on home/unschooling him eventually, and I have a
> question.
> How do home/unschooling parents prepare their kids
> for the curriculum
> and scheduling of college if the kids have never
> participated in an
> actual "classroom" setting? I don't know much about
> home/unschooling
> yet, I'm just starting to look into the "pre-K"
> stuff since my son is
> so young--I just want to make sure he will be
> well-prepared for the
> future, and I'm curious as to how home/unschooling
> parents handle the
> college situation.
>
> Thanks,
> Lauren
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
> [email protected]
>
>
>


__________________________________
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Yahoo! Search - Find what you�re looking for faster
http://search.yahoo.com

Lauren

--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
> How to show up at classes and on time?
> How to take notes during a lecture, take a test, or write an essay?
>
> Or do you mean that they need to have studied certain things in
order
> to be prepared to understand the material taught in the college
> classes?

You have all answered my questions wonderfully, and I thank you. :)

Although now I'm wondering about actually applying for college. Are
high school transcripts a requisite? And knowing next-to-nothing
about home/unschooling, I have to ask, what about the proof th
at you "graduated" or have a high school diploma? Don't you need that
to go to college? I admit I'm really naive about all of this, so I
know my questions sound dumb--but these are things I've honestly
wanted to know about home/unschooling, I just want to be fully
prepared for everything so Lucas gets the best education he possibly
can, starting even now at his age. :)

Thanks in advance!

Lauren

--- In [email protected], Sylvia Toyama <syltoyama@y...>
wrote:
>it simply fulfilled someone else's plan for them.
>
> For now, just relax with your new baby. Respond to his needs with
love, watch him with amazement, sniff his head (better than any other
sensory experience I've ever had) laugh with him, watch him become
who he is meant to be. That's how unschooling works, and nothing
that right can ever be insufficient for your child's future.<<

Sylvia, I totally agree with you. I plan on letting my son be who he
is and learn how he wants to learn, with my encouragement and
support, whether or not he wants to go to college. I just want to be
fully prepared for the future for all options he will have so I won't
be caught off-guard at the last minute and end up failing him as his
mother and his "educator" (maybe "encourager" is a better word)
because I didn't find out in advance what *I* needed to know for his
benefit, YKWIM? I could think of nothing more heart-breaking than my
teenage son coming to me and saying he wanted to go to college but he
can't because of something I didn't do or something I did wrong, when
I could have done my "homework" long beforehand.
I am enjoying every moment with him right now, of course, he's my
angel. :) But I'm also always looking ahead, to make sure he was a
bright future that *I* won't screw up by not knowing what the heck
I'm doing.

Hope this makes sense.

Lauren

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/9/2004 7:41:23 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
--- Lauren <shadow@...> wrote:
> My name is Lauren, I have a 7-week-old son named
> Lucas. I'm planning
> on home/unschooling him eventually, and I have a
> question.
> How do home/unschooling parents prepare their kids
> for the curriculum
> and scheduling of college if the kids have never
> participated in an
> actual "classroom" setting? I don't know much about
> home/unschooling
> yet, I'm just starting to look into the "pre-K"
> stuff since my son is
> so young--I just want to make sure he will be
> well-prepared for the
> future, and I'm curious as to how home/unschooling
> parents handle the
> college situation.
>
> Thanks,
> Lauren
>
****************
Hi Lauren!
When I first read your post, I thought your son was 7 YEARS old, and while it
was early to be worrying about college, I figured he was recently school-aged
and people were bugging you about homeschooling.

When I realized that he was only 7 WEEKS old, I laughed and thought, "It's
been a while since Lauren has taken a nap." :)

Lauren, first, you have so much time and so many things you'll be able to
worry about before you get to worrying about college. The first time your little
one gets a cold, or rolls off the bed, etc. Try to stay in the moment.

That said, my 14 year old unschooled son recently took a very challenging
college course for fun. It involved lots of writing, which he'd hardly done at
all. It also involved a heavy load of reading. He did great, mostly because he
really cared about the class, found it interesting, and was doing it because HE
wanted to.

So, don't worry. And kiss your wee one for us folks whose babies have gotten
REALLY big.

Kathryn


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

pam sorooshian

Lauren - the best thing you can do for your baby is be FULLY in his
present -- not be living in the future.

By the time he is college age things may have changed dramatically,
anyway. Distance education, a la carte college courses, internships,
all kinds of new innovations in college education will have happened.
Things we can't even imagine, I'm sure.

Homeschooled kids go to college all the time. It is common. I have two
unschooled kids now going to college.

I know you just want to do right by your son, but you're on the wrong
track, worrying now about things that are so far in the future. How
about, instead, you spend some time reading things that will help you
in the upcoming years of his young childhood? The first book that comes
to mind is: "The Hurried Child" by David Elkind. I think you might be
in danger of becoming an overanxious and/or pushy parent as he gets
older. Maybe I'm all wrong on that - but I still think you ought to
read that book, now.

-pam

> --- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
> <pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
>> How to show up at classes and on time?
>> How to take notes during a lecture, take a test, or write an essay?
>>
>> Or do you mean that they need to have studied certain things in
> order
>> to be prepared to understand the material taught in the college
>> classes?
>
> You have all answered my questions wonderfully, and I thank you. :)
>
> Although now I'm wondering about actually applying for college. Are
> high school transcripts a requisite? And knowing next-to-nothing
> about home/unschooling, I have to ask, what about the proof th
> at you "graduated" or have a high school diploma? Don't you need that
> to go to college? I admit I'm really naive about all of this, so I
> know my questions sound dumb--but these are things I've honestly
> wanted to know about home/unschooling, I just want to be fully
> prepared for everything so Lucas gets the best education he possibly
> can, starting even now at his age. :)
>
> Thanks in advance!
>
>
>
>
>
>
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National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.

sharonjrt

Thanks everybody! I've seen some of the exact reasons why unschooling
is best for my child.
I've printed out some of this to give my husband to read during his
morning commute, just to reassure him that we are doing the right
thing.
Although my husband tries to be supportive of my unschooling ideas,
we were both educated in public school systems and his clinging to
vestiges of conventionality prey upon my own belief that we have
chosen the best course for our child. This type of exchange
reinforces my convictions!

Our DD will be 4 in a few weeks. She asks intelligent questions and
always tries to figure out how things work. She understands that for
every action there is a reaction. This is true of social situations,
as well as the more physical or mechanical processes. I am fully
confident that by presenting her with situations that interest her,
she will continue to grow and develop an understanding of what she
wants to do with her own life.
Oh, she's not very concerned with getting places on time because she
is off in her "Imagi-Nation" (a magical place), but that will change
as she realizes that you can miss some fun things if you don't get
out of the house!

Enjoy every moment. Listen to and learn from your child. It is an
amazing adventure.

Paula Sjogerman

on 3/8/04 5:25 PM, Lauren at shadow@... wrote:

> I just want to be
> fully prepared for the future for all options he will have


Lauren, and I am saying this with utmost kindness, here's something to try
to let go of. You are clearly a very loving person, so be satisfied with
knowing that you will do your best - that's all any of us can do. Many
mistakes will be made.

Paula, whose very first parenting mistake was when the midwife held up her
firstborn and said "Look what you have!" "Oh, a boy!" Nope <gg>.

Jon and Rue Kream

>> I just want to be
fully prepared for the future for all options he will have

**Hi Lauren - That's just not possible. There are no guarantees.
Instead of worrying about giving him a "bright future", live a bright
today with him. Then no matter what tomorrow brings, he will have a
foundation that will support him throughout his life.

>>I could think of nothing more heart-breaking than my
teenage son coming to me and saying he wanted to go to college but he
can't

**I can think of so many things more heartbreaking. I could probably
pretty easily paralyze myself with fear of what might happen. Instead I
focus on living joyfully with my kids and giving them the freedom to
choose their lives. ~Rue


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/10/04 1:34:58 AM, pamsoroosh@... writes:

<< Homeschooled kids go to college all the time. It is common. I have two
unschooled kids now going to college.
>>

Last night Marty (15) and I had gone out for him to practice driving. We
drove around for two hours and went to least-busy freeway entrances for him to
practice merging.

On the way home he was talking about college. He's planning to be a
policeman. He said he doesn't know what might be good to take besides chemistry, in
case he wanted to go into forensics. I told him freshmen often take an
assortment of beginning classes just to see what strikes them as especially
interesting, and maybe he should do that. He asked if there are any classes everyone
is required to take. I said English 101 and 102, probably, and otherwise it
depended whether they were going into the arts/humanities, or the sciences (and
I gave him some examples of those). He said he thought law might help.

I said he might consider psychology, sociology, New Mexico history, maybe
political science and economics, and see what he liked, but that intro courses in
any of those would help him with concepts and terminology he would come
across. Physics would probably be helpful no matter whether he did basic police
work, forensics, bomb squad--but anything involving investigations or firearms
could use knowledge of physics. I forgot to mention driving and
accident-related stuff. I'll bring that up next time we're out alone.

It was a really calm conversation. I told him there was no rush, he didn't
have to get a degree to learn the things. I told him he didn't need to stick
with one job all his life either. He said maybe after he'd been in police
work a while, he might rather go on to law.

It all sounds good, but I won't hold him to any of it. I've seen too many
families where a kid mentioned one desire or interest and the family practically
tattooed it on his forehead and wouldn't shake loose of it. Sometimes it's
just a passing fancy. Sometimes it might have been a lifelong pursuit if
someone hadn't commandeered it.

So I want to leave Marty's ideas in Marty's domain and not take charge of
them. I'll help him, and I'm paying attention, but I don't want to back him into
a corner, or whine later, "You said you wanted to go to college" or "What
happened to being a policeman?"

When he was just starting to drive I had a hard time describing to him how to
hold the steering wheel when coming back to straight from a turn. It was not
"let go of it" but it sure wasn't "hold it tight and put it where you want
it."

It was right between "hold it" and "let it go."

That's where I am with Marty and his interests and future. I'm neither hands
on nor hands off. I'm hands near.

The example I came up with was rappelling, which he learned to do at a junior
police academy, and which he's done on a climbing wall at the Santa Fe
children's museum too. You neither hold the rope tight all the time nor just let
go of it.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/10/04 1:09:37 AM, shadow@... writes:

<< I just want to be

fully prepared for the future for all options he will have >>

You can't prepare now for all the options he will have when he's near-grown.
A good relationship with him now will be worth WAY more than anything else
you can do or think about.

There are unschoolers going to college. They didn't start applying fifteen
years ago.




Sandra

Stoermann

He could probably get a good idea by using the internet to look at a
college with police training. They will often list the coursework required
throughout the 4 years, and he can look into some of it from there, should
he maintain interest.

Joy

-----Original Message-----
From: SandraDodd@... [SMTP:SandraDodd@...]
Sent: Wednesday, March 10, 2004 12:11 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Home-/un-schooling question


In a message dated 3/10/04 1:34:58 AM, pamsoroosh@... writes:

<< Homeschooled kids go to college all the time. It is common. I have two
unschooled kids now going to college.
>>

Last night Marty (15) and I had gone out for him to practice driving. We
drove around for two hours and went to least-busy freeway entrances for him
to
practice merging.

On the way home he was talking about college. He's planning to be a
policeman. He said he doesn't know what might be good to take besides
chemistry, in
case he wanted to go into forensics. I told him freshmen often take an
assortment of beginning classes just to see what strikes them as especially
interesting, and maybe he should do that. He asked if there are any
classes everyone
is required to take. I said English 101 and 102, probably, and otherwise
it
depended whether they were going into the arts/humanities, or the sciences
(and
I gave him some examples of those). He said he thought law might help.

I said he might consider psychology, sociology, New Mexico history, maybe
political science and economics, and see what he liked, but that intro
courses in
any of those would help him with concepts and terminology he would come
across. Physics would probably be helpful no matter whether he did basic
police
work, forensics, bomb squad--but anything involving investigations or
firearms
could use knowledge of physics. I forgot to mention driving and
accident-related stuff. I'll bring that up next time we're out alone.

It was a really calm conversation. I told him there was no rush, he didn't
have to get a degree to learn the things. I told him he didn't need to
stick
with one job all his life either. He said maybe after he'd been in police
work a while, he might rather go on to law.

It all sounds good, but I won't hold him to any of it. I've seen too many
families where a kid mentioned one desire or interest and the family
practically
tattooed it on his forehead and wouldn't shake loose of it. Sometimes
it's
just a passing fancy. Sometimes it might have been a lifelong pursuit if
someone hadn't commandeered it.

So I want to leave Marty's ideas in Marty's domain and not take charge of
them. I'll help him, and I'm paying attention, but I don't want to back
him into
a corner, or whine later, "You said you wanted to go to college" or "What
happened to being a policeman?"

When he was just starting to drive I had a hard time describing to him how
to
hold the steering wheel when coming back to straight from a turn. It was
not
"let go of it" but it sure wasn't "hold it tight and put it where you want
it."

It was right between "hold it" and "let it go."

That's where I am with Marty and his interests and future. I'm neither
hands
on nor hands off. I'm hands near.

The example I came up with was rappelling, which he learned to do at a
junior
police academy, and which he's done on a climbing wall at the Santa Fe
children's museum too. You neither hold the rope tight all the time nor
just let
go of it.

Sandra




Yahoo! Groups Links

Paula Sjogerman

on 3/10/04 12:10 PM, SandraDodd@... at SandraDodd@... wrote:

> On the way home he was talking about college. He's planning to be a
> policeman.

Has he read any of Tony Hillerman's books? They're about Native American
police in New Mexico. Very well written.

Paula

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/10/04 3:37:53 PM, sjogy@... writes:

<< Has he read any of Tony Hillerman's books? They're about Native American
police in New Mexico. Very well written. >>

No. I should get him one. He might or might not read it, but he might.

If you've read lots of them, what do you think would appeal to a 15 year old
boy?

Sandra

April M

Sandra said: <<<When he was just starting to drive I had a hard time
describing to him how to
hold the steering wheel when coming back to straight from a turn. It was
not
"let go of it" but it sure wasn't "hold it tight and put it where you want
it." It was right between "hold it" and "let it go."
That's where I am with Marty and his interests and future. I'm neither
hands
on nor hands off. I'm hands near.>>>

That was so well said, Sandra. Just exactly where I am with both of my
girls.....
Thanks!



~April
Homeschooling Mom to Kate-17, Lisa-15, Karl-12, & Ben-8.
*Facilitator to REACH Homeschool Group, an inclusive group meeting at the
Auburn Hills Library.
http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
*Member of Michigan Youth Theater...Acting On Our Dreams...
<http://www.michiganyouththeater.org/>
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future," Galadrial






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Paula Sjogerman

on 3/10/04 6:31 PM, SandraDodd@... at SandraDodd@... wrote:

> If you've read lots of them, what do you think would appeal to a 15 year old
> boy?

They're all the same in a certain way. For mysteries that follow their main
characters, I like to start from the first one, but there's no big reason to
do that. The two major protagonists are male, that might help.

paula

Diane

>
>
>I just want to be fully prepared for the future for all options he will have
>

There's a part in one of the Little House books where Pa is taking Laura
to see the railroad construction. He tells her that someday in her life,
everyone will travel by train, and there won't be any covered wagons any
more. This is just on the edge of credibility to them, but it's the
future Pa is preparing Laura for. There is no way for him to know that
by the time she grows up, she'll be living into the jet age. She didn't
live a life that looked like Pa's, and neither can we foresee the lives
our kids will live or the challenges they'll face.

>>>I could think of nothing more heart-breaking than my teenage son coming to me and saying he wanted to go to college but he can't
>>>

Going to college and developing schizophrenia and never being able to
use that education or live on his own or have a family. I think that
would be more heart-breaking. Of course there are lots of things in that
category.

:-) Diane




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[email protected]

In a message dated 3/10/04 10:05:55 PM, stoerm@... writes:

<< He could probably get a good idea by using the internet to look at a
college with police training. They will often list the coursework required
throughout the 4 years, and he can look into some of it from there, should
he maintain interest. >>

That's a good idea. Thanks.

I was also told tonight that TVI, our local trade-school/jr.collegish thing,
has an associate's degree in police work, so maybe he could look at those too!

I really hesitate to channel him, and if he goes to regular general intro
classes he might find something he likes better, but I'll suggest he could look
around on the net (rather than deliver it into his lap myself).

Sandra

Lauren

--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
> think you might be
> in danger of becoming an overanxious and/or pushy parent as he
gets
> older. Maybe I'm all wrong on that<<

Yes, Pam, you are, and I find it upsetting that you would make such a
judgment call on my character when you don't know a thing about me
except for a few typed words on a screen. I'm sure you mean well, but
you are way off base. I have already stated that I will allow my son
to do whatever he wants to do, but I really don't feel I should have
to explain my own parenting techniques or family values, or my
reasons for them, to complete strangers.
I have asked the question in a pretty straightforward manner, twice.
Yet I have not gotten a single logical answer. All I *have* gotten
are lectures and judgments on the possible *reasons* for my question,
unsolicited advice on how to better appreciate and/or raise my own
child, and people telling me that my *own* feelings on what I should
personally find "heart-breaking" are wrong--none of which has
*anything* to do with the question itself. What is SO difficult about
just answering a simple question, as opposed to over-analyzing and
worrying about and lecturing about the WHY of it? It's enough to
drive a person mad, it's very frustrating, I feel like I'm trying to
reason with a brick wall, and I don't understand or appreciate the
treatment I've received here. Is this how all new members are treated
when they ask questions of the group? If so, I'll gladly take my
leave.

Really, is there someone, anyone, who would PLEASE take the question
at face value and please give me an answer? PLEASE??

Let me simplify this even more so maybe it'll be easier to give a
straight answer: As it stands today, right now, what proof do
home/unschooled individuals provide to show that they have had an
education? Do they get a GED or a high-school equivalency diploma
issued by their state, or is there something else that is done? Some
jobs and educational institutions require a "high school diploma or
equivalent". So what do you have to show them when you've been
home/unschooled? Your word alone isn't enough, there has to be
*tangible proof*. So what do you do?
(In the United States, I mean--North Carolina more specifically, if
that helps.)

Joanna Wilkinson

I could think of nothing more heart-breaking than my
> teenage son coming to me and saying he wanted to go to college but
he
> can't because of something I didn't do or something I did wrong,

What could possibly be something you didn't do, or did wrong that
would prevent him from doing something he wants? What couldn't he
learn or do now that he's a teenager. If something is needed and a
true desire is there, things get done.
As your child grows, you will see how amazing children are. How
brilliant they are. My children are my inspiration. I want to be
like them and I learn from them, real lessons that help me become a
better person. When they are so tiny, we feel this awesome
responsibility to protect and nuture, and it can feel overwhelming.
This little human being is ours, and it's completely up to us to do
this right. But, as they grow, if you really look at them, and honor
them, you realize how little control you really have. And the sooner
you let go of trying to control, the sooner you get to a peaceful
life.
Control is about fear. Trust is about love.
I wish I had known that from the beginning.
I spent the first half of my son Sam's life being a controlling
parent. Worrying about him turning out right and making so many
decisions based on fear. I spent the last half of his life learning
to let go, to value who he IS, not who he will be. I came to realize
the 'now' was important and when I truely understood that, our life
became joyful. He was always joyful and I sometimes can't understand
how I could have wasted our time by not really appreciating it.
By worrying about what others thought, worrying about expectations,
worrying about being the perfect parent. What a waste.
My SIL was over the other day. She was looking at my daughter Jamie.
She asked "So, are you going through that 4 year old stage with her?"
Then she told about a friend of hers who's having a hard time with
her 4yo. I had forgotten about how life can be with a young child,
when control is a big part of your life. I rarely say 'no' to Jamie,
or my other kids. I don't worry they will turn out to be spoiled
brats or treat me like a door mat. I know what kind of relationship
you get, when you go for happiness over anything else.
I have a 13yo and she is one of the coolest human beings I have ever
known. How lucky am I, that she lives in my house! I know that
giving her the freedom to be who she is has helped keep the most
precious part of her intact.
Living in the now, is really the most importatn lesson to learn in
this life. It's the only thing that is real, tangent.
Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is an idea.
Sam died right before his 9th birthday. He would be 10 today.
He fell through the ice on a pond last winter.
Even I can think of things more heartbreaking than that.
Joanna

scookeafan

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> On the way home he was talking about college. He's planning to be
a
> policeman. He said he doesn't know what might be good to take
besides chemistry, in
> case he wanted to go into forensics.

Here in Kentucky we have a growing Hispanic population, so the ability
to speak Spanish is a highly valued skill for our local officers (and
guarantees a higher base salary).

Best regards,
Sherry

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/10/04 7:27:43 PM, cen46624@... writes:

<< He tells her that someday in her life,
everyone will travel by train, and there won't be any covered wagons any
more. This is just on the edge of credibility to them, but it's the
future Pa is preparing Laura for. >>

And it wasn't even true. <g>

Trains went from station to station. When people were moving to ranches,
they still had to use wagons to get their stuff there, up to the time when
trucks and pavement made horses obsolete. But there wer still many decades of
overlap. My grandmother's family moved to and from a ranch near Carizozo, New
Mexico, without trucks. Covered wagon, herding cattle, riding horses. There
wasn't a road a truck could've gone on anyway. And they dug their own well.
Well drilling equipment was invented, but it took roads and trucks.

Northern New Mexico (my grandmother was in SE N.Mex.) has ranches still that
can't be accessed well. Mountains create problems of their own. So if you
have a child who's interested in ranching, he will still to this day need to
have horseback skills--unless he's in some flatland where ATVs will do.

-=-She didn't
live a life that looked like Pa's, and neither can we foresee the lives
our kids will live or the challenges they'll face.-=-

That is hugely true.

The same year my grandmother was bemoaning the fact that I couldn't (at nine
years old) milk a cow or use a fountain pen (this was 1963), my 4th grade
teacher told us that SOMEday there would be calculators small enough to hold in
our hands, and they would cost less than $200 (I think was her figure).
RIGHT, thought I.

Now I have free-to-cheap solar- and battery-powered calculators scattered
around my house, I can use a fountain pen, or cartridge, or dip-pen, and I still
can't milk a cow. But I'm composing this writing on a computer my 4th grade
teacher wouldn't have imagined could be in a private home so soon after the
fantasy of the hand-held electronic calculator. <g>

So the moral is: don't waste your energy worrying about 15 years from now.
We can't really see it from here. We just see 2004 15 years older, and our
vision will be wrong. Worry about having a child who is confident and happy.
He'll figure out the future on his own.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/11/2004 9:30:18 AM Central Standard Time,
Wilkinson6@... writes:
> Sam died right before his 9th birthday. He would be 10 today.
> He fell through the ice on a pond last winter.

Joanna-

For what it is worth, my thoughts are with you today. I'm so sorry that
you lost your son. He obviously had a terrific mom.

Hugs-
Katrina


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