The Perfect Homeschooler
[email protected]
I got this on a state-wide resource list I'm on. (It's rather long.)
Lets me *know* that unschooling is about as perfect as it gets. Can you
imagine the homelives of these families? Especially this: "a child who complains
that he
doesn't like a job has the "opportunity" to learn to like it by
doing extra duty until he stops complaining."
~Kelly
The Perfect Homeschooler
by Rhonda Barfield
Imagine: It's Monday morning, 7:00 A.M. , and your children are up,
dressed, washed, breakfasted, and sitting at the kitchen table, math
books and sharpened pencils waiting. There you are in your
embroidered apron, finishing the last of the early-morning dishes,
with a beef roast and peeled potatoes already simmering in the slow
cooker on a spotless countertop. "I can sit here and help you all
the rest of the morning," you say, smiling, to your little
angels. "Let's start with that math test." Cheers erupt all around
as your family begins yet another day of perfect homeschooling.
Have you ever fantasized about a homeschool situation like this? If
so, you know that it only takes a few moments of daydreaming before
reality sets in. Then you're back to unswept floors, scattered toys
and clutter, a ten-foot-high pile of laundry, grumpy toddlers,
hormonal teens . . . and the list goes on. But surely, somewhere,
you think, even if it seems all wrong for you, there must be
homeschoolers who are doing this right , homeschoolers who are
perfect.
Aren't there?
The answer is no.
Last year, when I researched and wrote a book called Real-Life
Homeschooling: The Stories of 21 Families Who Teach Their Children
at Home , I never found a perfect homeschooler. True, some are
better organized or more experienced than others. Some have children
with easygoing temperaments. A few are blessed with floors that
don't show dirt. But nobody, not a single family, had reached
perfection.
Sounds sillydoesn't it?this idea that other people are perfect. Yet
homeschoolers, in particular, seem to share a tendency to believe
that if they just work hard enough, they can produce the perfect
homeschool. We compare ourselves to others, and we often note how
much better another family "has it together," rather than
understanding that they, like us, also struggle.
I believe we need to remember four important points.
(1) There is no perfect curriculum.
A friend of mine who sells books at homeschool curriculum fairs
reports that desperate mothers often come to her for advice on
buying the "right" curriculum. It's hard for these women to believe
that there is no right curriculum. I thought it amusing that some of
the families in my book recommended one particular math curriculum
as one of their favorite resources, while other families found it
tedious. Is that curriculum, then, a good or bad curriculum? It all
depends on your particular family's goals, methods, learning styles,
and a dozen other considerations.
And how does one know whether a curriculum will work or not? Most
homeschoolers I interviewed said they simply chose something, jumped
in and began using it, then made adjustments as they saw the need
arise. One family, for example, started with one and abandoned it
when they discovered their children learned better through using a
more hands-on approach. Another family tried a different one, but
found their daughter was distracted by the colorful pictures on the
pages; they returned to their former program and have been perfectly
satisfied with it.
One interviewee, now a college student, told me he wished his well-
meaning mother had chosen one curriculum, however imperfect, and
stayed with it, rather than jumping from program to program. In
response, his mother explained that she always believed she could
solve all her problems by finding the perfect curriculum . . . and
finally had to admit that there was no such thing.
(2) There is no perfect method of teaching.
I interviewed families who use a variety of teaching methods, such
as traditional textbooks, unit studies, the Charlotte Mason method,
and the classical approach. One woman utilizes a video school. Other
families "unschool," encouraging their children to lead and
structure their own learning goals, with parents acting primarily as
resources rather than teachers.
Interestingly, many of the families I profiled started out "rigid"
and "school-like," as they described themselves and then relaxed
considerably through the years. Those using textbooks, for example,
often supplemented with other books and activities and sometimes
made a break with the program to discover other areas of interest.
Others found they needed more structure as their children grew.
Susie, one of the parents I interviewed who formerly used an
eclectic, casual approach to homeschooling, wrote, "We completely
switched gears and started using (a program that was organized for
us), a big change but a major relief. I couldn't keep up with
schooling and was getting very concerned about it." Susie says the
family had "no trouble at all switching from a very loose approach
to a complete curriculum."
(3) There is no perfectly clean house, especially when homeschoolers
live there.
One of my interviewees, Janice, observed that our houses are
naturally messy because so many of us live and interact there all
day as well as all night. Families who work, school, and play away
from home should find it much easier to keep their places clean and
tidy.
Several mothers I interviewed have elaborate chore systems and
charts in place. Others (usually those with smaller families)
simply "pick the kid who happens to be in the room at the time," as
Lynda said, "and he's the one who gets to do the job." In Bobby and
Nina's family of eleven children, a child who complains that he
doesn't like a job has the "opportunity" to learn to like it by
doing extra duty until he stops complaining.
Still, as Angie lamented, "My house is always messy, even though the
children do have chores." One interviewee's husband often reminds
his wife that "the house will be clean some day . . . after the kids
have all left home."
(4) There is no perfect family.
Some families do get up earlier than yours. Some may actually have
dinner in the slow cooker by 9:00 A.M. And there really are some
days when a few homeschool moms have time to sit down with their
kids all morning, helping with assignments. This doesn't mean the
families are perfect or even better than yours.
As I wrote about twenty-one families' lives, I found it difficult to
convey that each had struggles. Describing the good stuff was easy;
in fact, when these homeschoolers' accomplishments were listed on
paper, the lists were truly impressive. It was much harder to convey
the frustrations, irritations, and occasional deep disappointments
of daily living.
How does one fully describe, for example, the effects of sleep
deprivation caused by a colicky newborn? The tiresomeness of dealing
with a child with ADHD? The feelings of vulnerability that come in
the midst of a financial crisis? When the inevitable pressures of
life are added to two full-time commitmentsparenting and
homeschoolingit's no wonder that we sometimes "lose it."
I had to laugh when Susie described a time when she was pregnant
with her fourth child: "I was so tired and sick and grouchy, I found
I was overreacting to everything," she says. "A child would spell a
word wrong and I'd cry, feeling that he'd never learn." I can
remember going through times like that, and worse.
Last year I got a Christmas letter from a friend, a homeschool
mother of five, who now lives in another state. It was quite an
impressive letter. Fran's children are active in Scouts, substitute
teaching, babysitting, camping, backpacking, family trips, canoeing,
summer camps, and of course, homeschooling. As I finished reading
the letter, I couldn't help but compare my own homeschool with that
of this supermom's. I wondered how she did it all. I also
questioned, a little, whether I was doing enough.
Then I received a letter from Fran in response to our family's
Christmas letter. "I get dizzy reading all you've done," she said.
Ironically, that had been my reaction, exactly, to her letter. How
tempting to compare ourselves to other homeschoolers, the ones who
have perfect curricula, teaching methods, families, and clean
houses!
But again, perfect people don't exist. God has a way of reminding us
that we are, after all, fallen creatures. Not perfect, but real.
Rhonda Barfield is the author of Real-Life Homeschooling: The
Stories of 21 Families Who Teach Their Children at Home
(Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 2002), Feed Your Family for $12 a Day
(Kensington Publishing, 2002), and 15-Minute Cooking (Lilac
Publishing, 1996). barfield@a...
The Perfect Homeschooler
by Rhonda Barfield
Imagine: It's Monday morning, 7:00 A.M. , and your children are up,
dressed, washed, breakfasted, and sitting at the kitchen table, math
books and sharpened pencils waiting. There you are in your
embroidered apron, finishing the last of the early-morning dishes,
with a beef roast and peeled potatoes already simmering in the slow
cooker on a spotless countertop. "I can sit here and help you all
the rest of the morning," you say, smiling, to your little
angels. "Let's start with that math test." Cheers erupt all around
as your family begins yet another day of perfect homeschooling.
Have you ever fantasized about a homeschool situation like this? If
so, you know that it only takes a few moments of daydreaming before
reality sets in. Then you're back to unswept floors, scattered toys
and clutter, a ten-foot-high pile of laundry, grumpy toddlers,
hormonal teens . . . and the list goes on. But surely, somewhere,
you think, even if it seems all wrong for you, there must be
homeschoolers who are doing this right , homeschoolers who are
perfect.
Aren't there?
The answer is no.
Last year, when I researched and wrote a book called Real-Life
Homeschooling: The Stories of 21 Families Who Teach Their Children
at Home , I never found a perfect homeschooler. True, some are
better organized or more experienced than others. Some have children
with easygoing temperaments. A few are blessed with floors that
don't show dirt. But nobody, not a single family, had reached
perfection.
Sounds sillydoesn't it?this idea that other people are perfect. Yet
homeschoolers, in particular, seem to share a tendency to believe
that if they just work hard enough, they can produce the perfect
homeschool. We compare ourselves to others, and we often note how
much better another family "has it together," rather than
understanding that they, like us, also struggle.
I believe we need to remember four important points.
(1) There is no perfect curriculum.
A friend of mine who sells books at homeschool curriculum fairs
reports that desperate mothers often come to her for advice on
buying the "right" curriculum. It's hard for these women to believe
that there is no right curriculum. I thought it amusing that some of
the families in my book recommended one particular math curriculum
as one of their favorite resources, while other families found it
tedious. Is that curriculum, then, a good or bad curriculum? It all
depends on your particular family's goals, methods, learning styles,
and a dozen other considerations.
And how does one know whether a curriculum will work or not? Most
homeschoolers I interviewed said they simply chose something, jumped
in and began using it, then made adjustments as they saw the need
arise. One family, for example, started with one and abandoned it
when they discovered their children learned better through using a
more hands-on approach. Another family tried a different one, but
found their daughter was distracted by the colorful pictures on the
pages; they returned to their former program and have been perfectly
satisfied with it.
One interviewee, now a college student, told me he wished his well-
meaning mother had chosen one curriculum, however imperfect, and
stayed with it, rather than jumping from program to program. In
response, his mother explained that she always believed she could
solve all her problems by finding the perfect curriculum . . . and
finally had to admit that there was no such thing.
(2) There is no perfect method of teaching.
I interviewed families who use a variety of teaching methods, such
as traditional textbooks, unit studies, the Charlotte Mason method,
and the classical approach. One woman utilizes a video school. Other
families "unschool," encouraging their children to lead and
structure their own learning goals, with parents acting primarily as
resources rather than teachers.
Interestingly, many of the families I profiled started out "rigid"
and "school-like," as they described themselves and then relaxed
considerably through the years. Those using textbooks, for example,
often supplemented with other books and activities and sometimes
made a break with the program to discover other areas of interest.
Others found they needed more structure as their children grew.
Susie, one of the parents I interviewed who formerly used an
eclectic, casual approach to homeschooling, wrote, "We completely
switched gears and started using (a program that was organized for
us), a big change but a major relief. I couldn't keep up with
schooling and was getting very concerned about it." Susie says the
family had "no trouble at all switching from a very loose approach
to a complete curriculum."
(3) There is no perfectly clean house, especially when homeschoolers
live there.
One of my interviewees, Janice, observed that our houses are
naturally messy because so many of us live and interact there all
day as well as all night. Families who work, school, and play away
from home should find it much easier to keep their places clean and
tidy.
Several mothers I interviewed have elaborate chore systems and
charts in place. Others (usually those with smaller families)
simply "pick the kid who happens to be in the room at the time," as
Lynda said, "and he's the one who gets to do the job." In Bobby and
Nina's family of eleven children, a child who complains that he
doesn't like a job has the "opportunity" to learn to like it by
doing extra duty until he stops complaining.
Still, as Angie lamented, "My house is always messy, even though the
children do have chores." One interviewee's husband often reminds
his wife that "the house will be clean some day . . . after the kids
have all left home."
(4) There is no perfect family.
Some families do get up earlier than yours. Some may actually have
dinner in the slow cooker by 9:00 A.M. And there really are some
days when a few homeschool moms have time to sit down with their
kids all morning, helping with assignments. This doesn't mean the
families are perfect or even better than yours.
As I wrote about twenty-one families' lives, I found it difficult to
convey that each had struggles. Describing the good stuff was easy;
in fact, when these homeschoolers' accomplishments were listed on
paper, the lists were truly impressive. It was much harder to convey
the frustrations, irritations, and occasional deep disappointments
of daily living.
How does one fully describe, for example, the effects of sleep
deprivation caused by a colicky newborn? The tiresomeness of dealing
with a child with ADHD? The feelings of vulnerability that come in
the midst of a financial crisis? When the inevitable pressures of
life are added to two full-time commitmentsparenting and
homeschoolingit's no wonder that we sometimes "lose it."
I had to laugh when Susie described a time when she was pregnant
with her fourth child: "I was so tired and sick and grouchy, I found
I was overreacting to everything," she says. "A child would spell a
word wrong and I'd cry, feeling that he'd never learn." I can
remember going through times like that, and worse.
Last year I got a Christmas letter from a friend, a homeschool
mother of five, who now lives in another state. It was quite an
impressive letter. Fran's children are active in Scouts, substitute
teaching, babysitting, camping, backpacking, family trips, canoeing,
summer camps, and of course, homeschooling. As I finished reading
the letter, I couldn't help but compare my own homeschool with that
of this supermom's. I wondered how she did it all. I also
questioned, a little, whether I was doing enough.
Then I received a letter from Fran in response to our family's
Christmas letter. "I get dizzy reading all you've done," she said.
Ironically, that had been my reaction, exactly, to her letter. How
tempting to compare ourselves to other homeschoolers, the ones who
have perfect curricula, teaching methods, families, and clean
houses!
But again, perfect people don't exist. God has a way of reminding us
that we are, after all, fallen creatures. Not perfect, but real.
Rhonda Barfield is the author of Real-Life Homeschooling: The
Stories of 21 Families Who Teach Their Children at Home
(Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 2002), Feed Your Family for $12 a Day
(Kensington Publishing, 2002), and 15-Minute Cooking (Lilac
Publishing, 1996). barfield@a...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lets me *know* that unschooling is about as perfect as it gets. Can you
imagine the homelives of these families? Especially this: "a child who complains
that he
doesn't like a job has the "opportunity" to learn to like it by
doing extra duty until he stops complaining."
~Kelly
The Perfect Homeschooler
by Rhonda Barfield
Imagine: It's Monday morning, 7:00 A.M. , and your children are up,
dressed, washed, breakfasted, and sitting at the kitchen table, math
books and sharpened pencils waiting. There you are in your
embroidered apron, finishing the last of the early-morning dishes,
with a beef roast and peeled potatoes already simmering in the slow
cooker on a spotless countertop. "I can sit here and help you all
the rest of the morning," you say, smiling, to your little
angels. "Let's start with that math test." Cheers erupt all around
as your family begins yet another day of perfect homeschooling.
Have you ever fantasized about a homeschool situation like this? If
so, you know that it only takes a few moments of daydreaming before
reality sets in. Then you're back to unswept floors, scattered toys
and clutter, a ten-foot-high pile of laundry, grumpy toddlers,
hormonal teens . . . and the list goes on. But surely, somewhere,
you think, even if it seems all wrong for you, there must be
homeschoolers who are doing this right , homeschoolers who are
perfect.
Aren't there?
The answer is no.
Last year, when I researched and wrote a book called Real-Life
Homeschooling: The Stories of 21 Families Who Teach Their Children
at Home , I never found a perfect homeschooler. True, some are
better organized or more experienced than others. Some have children
with easygoing temperaments. A few are blessed with floors that
don't show dirt. But nobody, not a single family, had reached
perfection.
Sounds sillydoesn't it?this idea that other people are perfect. Yet
homeschoolers, in particular, seem to share a tendency to believe
that if they just work hard enough, they can produce the perfect
homeschool. We compare ourselves to others, and we often note how
much better another family "has it together," rather than
understanding that they, like us, also struggle.
I believe we need to remember four important points.
(1) There is no perfect curriculum.
A friend of mine who sells books at homeschool curriculum fairs
reports that desperate mothers often come to her for advice on
buying the "right" curriculum. It's hard for these women to believe
that there is no right curriculum. I thought it amusing that some of
the families in my book recommended one particular math curriculum
as one of their favorite resources, while other families found it
tedious. Is that curriculum, then, a good or bad curriculum? It all
depends on your particular family's goals, methods, learning styles,
and a dozen other considerations.
And how does one know whether a curriculum will work or not? Most
homeschoolers I interviewed said they simply chose something, jumped
in and began using it, then made adjustments as they saw the need
arise. One family, for example, started with one and abandoned it
when they discovered their children learned better through using a
more hands-on approach. Another family tried a different one, but
found their daughter was distracted by the colorful pictures on the
pages; they returned to their former program and have been perfectly
satisfied with it.
One interviewee, now a college student, told me he wished his well-
meaning mother had chosen one curriculum, however imperfect, and
stayed with it, rather than jumping from program to program. In
response, his mother explained that she always believed she could
solve all her problems by finding the perfect curriculum . . . and
finally had to admit that there was no such thing.
(2) There is no perfect method of teaching.
I interviewed families who use a variety of teaching methods, such
as traditional textbooks, unit studies, the Charlotte Mason method,
and the classical approach. One woman utilizes a video school. Other
families "unschool," encouraging their children to lead and
structure their own learning goals, with parents acting primarily as
resources rather than teachers.
Interestingly, many of the families I profiled started out "rigid"
and "school-like," as they described themselves and then relaxed
considerably through the years. Those using textbooks, for example,
often supplemented with other books and activities and sometimes
made a break with the program to discover other areas of interest.
Others found they needed more structure as their children grew.
Susie, one of the parents I interviewed who formerly used an
eclectic, casual approach to homeschooling, wrote, "We completely
switched gears and started using (a program that was organized for
us), a big change but a major relief. I couldn't keep up with
schooling and was getting very concerned about it." Susie says the
family had "no trouble at all switching from a very loose approach
to a complete curriculum."
(3) There is no perfectly clean house, especially when homeschoolers
live there.
One of my interviewees, Janice, observed that our houses are
naturally messy because so many of us live and interact there all
day as well as all night. Families who work, school, and play away
from home should find it much easier to keep their places clean and
tidy.
Several mothers I interviewed have elaborate chore systems and
charts in place. Others (usually those with smaller families)
simply "pick the kid who happens to be in the room at the time," as
Lynda said, "and he's the one who gets to do the job." In Bobby and
Nina's family of eleven children, a child who complains that he
doesn't like a job has the "opportunity" to learn to like it by
doing extra duty until he stops complaining.
Still, as Angie lamented, "My house is always messy, even though the
children do have chores." One interviewee's husband often reminds
his wife that "the house will be clean some day . . . after the kids
have all left home."
(4) There is no perfect family.
Some families do get up earlier than yours. Some may actually have
dinner in the slow cooker by 9:00 A.M. And there really are some
days when a few homeschool moms have time to sit down with their
kids all morning, helping with assignments. This doesn't mean the
families are perfect or even better than yours.
As I wrote about twenty-one families' lives, I found it difficult to
convey that each had struggles. Describing the good stuff was easy;
in fact, when these homeschoolers' accomplishments were listed on
paper, the lists were truly impressive. It was much harder to convey
the frustrations, irritations, and occasional deep disappointments
of daily living.
How does one fully describe, for example, the effects of sleep
deprivation caused by a colicky newborn? The tiresomeness of dealing
with a child with ADHD? The feelings of vulnerability that come in
the midst of a financial crisis? When the inevitable pressures of
life are added to two full-time commitmentsparenting and
homeschoolingit's no wonder that we sometimes "lose it."
I had to laugh when Susie described a time when she was pregnant
with her fourth child: "I was so tired and sick and grouchy, I found
I was overreacting to everything," she says. "A child would spell a
word wrong and I'd cry, feeling that he'd never learn." I can
remember going through times like that, and worse.
Last year I got a Christmas letter from a friend, a homeschool
mother of five, who now lives in another state. It was quite an
impressive letter. Fran's children are active in Scouts, substitute
teaching, babysitting, camping, backpacking, family trips, canoeing,
summer camps, and of course, homeschooling. As I finished reading
the letter, I couldn't help but compare my own homeschool with that
of this supermom's. I wondered how she did it all. I also
questioned, a little, whether I was doing enough.
Then I received a letter from Fran in response to our family's
Christmas letter. "I get dizzy reading all you've done," she said.
Ironically, that had been my reaction, exactly, to her letter. How
tempting to compare ourselves to other homeschoolers, the ones who
have perfect curricula, teaching methods, families, and clean
houses!
But again, perfect people don't exist. God has a way of reminding us
that we are, after all, fallen creatures. Not perfect, but real.
Rhonda Barfield is the author of Real-Life Homeschooling: The
Stories of 21 Families Who Teach Their Children at Home
(Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 2002), Feed Your Family for $12 a Day
(Kensington Publishing, 2002), and 15-Minute Cooking (Lilac
Publishing, 1996). barfield@a...
The Perfect Homeschooler
by Rhonda Barfield
Imagine: It's Monday morning, 7:00 A.M. , and your children are up,
dressed, washed, breakfasted, and sitting at the kitchen table, math
books and sharpened pencils waiting. There you are in your
embroidered apron, finishing the last of the early-morning dishes,
with a beef roast and peeled potatoes already simmering in the slow
cooker on a spotless countertop. "I can sit here and help you all
the rest of the morning," you say, smiling, to your little
angels. "Let's start with that math test." Cheers erupt all around
as your family begins yet another day of perfect homeschooling.
Have you ever fantasized about a homeschool situation like this? If
so, you know that it only takes a few moments of daydreaming before
reality sets in. Then you're back to unswept floors, scattered toys
and clutter, a ten-foot-high pile of laundry, grumpy toddlers,
hormonal teens . . . and the list goes on. But surely, somewhere,
you think, even if it seems all wrong for you, there must be
homeschoolers who are doing this right , homeschoolers who are
perfect.
Aren't there?
The answer is no.
Last year, when I researched and wrote a book called Real-Life
Homeschooling: The Stories of 21 Families Who Teach Their Children
at Home , I never found a perfect homeschooler. True, some are
better organized or more experienced than others. Some have children
with easygoing temperaments. A few are blessed with floors that
don't show dirt. But nobody, not a single family, had reached
perfection.
Sounds sillydoesn't it?this idea that other people are perfect. Yet
homeschoolers, in particular, seem to share a tendency to believe
that if they just work hard enough, they can produce the perfect
homeschool. We compare ourselves to others, and we often note how
much better another family "has it together," rather than
understanding that they, like us, also struggle.
I believe we need to remember four important points.
(1) There is no perfect curriculum.
A friend of mine who sells books at homeschool curriculum fairs
reports that desperate mothers often come to her for advice on
buying the "right" curriculum. It's hard for these women to believe
that there is no right curriculum. I thought it amusing that some of
the families in my book recommended one particular math curriculum
as one of their favorite resources, while other families found it
tedious. Is that curriculum, then, a good or bad curriculum? It all
depends on your particular family's goals, methods, learning styles,
and a dozen other considerations.
And how does one know whether a curriculum will work or not? Most
homeschoolers I interviewed said they simply chose something, jumped
in and began using it, then made adjustments as they saw the need
arise. One family, for example, started with one and abandoned it
when they discovered their children learned better through using a
more hands-on approach. Another family tried a different one, but
found their daughter was distracted by the colorful pictures on the
pages; they returned to their former program and have been perfectly
satisfied with it.
One interviewee, now a college student, told me he wished his well-
meaning mother had chosen one curriculum, however imperfect, and
stayed with it, rather than jumping from program to program. In
response, his mother explained that she always believed she could
solve all her problems by finding the perfect curriculum . . . and
finally had to admit that there was no such thing.
(2) There is no perfect method of teaching.
I interviewed families who use a variety of teaching methods, such
as traditional textbooks, unit studies, the Charlotte Mason method,
and the classical approach. One woman utilizes a video school. Other
families "unschool," encouraging their children to lead and
structure their own learning goals, with parents acting primarily as
resources rather than teachers.
Interestingly, many of the families I profiled started out "rigid"
and "school-like," as they described themselves and then relaxed
considerably through the years. Those using textbooks, for example,
often supplemented with other books and activities and sometimes
made a break with the program to discover other areas of interest.
Others found they needed more structure as their children grew.
Susie, one of the parents I interviewed who formerly used an
eclectic, casual approach to homeschooling, wrote, "We completely
switched gears and started using (a program that was organized for
us), a big change but a major relief. I couldn't keep up with
schooling and was getting very concerned about it." Susie says the
family had "no trouble at all switching from a very loose approach
to a complete curriculum."
(3) There is no perfectly clean house, especially when homeschoolers
live there.
One of my interviewees, Janice, observed that our houses are
naturally messy because so many of us live and interact there all
day as well as all night. Families who work, school, and play away
from home should find it much easier to keep their places clean and
tidy.
Several mothers I interviewed have elaborate chore systems and
charts in place. Others (usually those with smaller families)
simply "pick the kid who happens to be in the room at the time," as
Lynda said, "and he's the one who gets to do the job." In Bobby and
Nina's family of eleven children, a child who complains that he
doesn't like a job has the "opportunity" to learn to like it by
doing extra duty until he stops complaining.
Still, as Angie lamented, "My house is always messy, even though the
children do have chores." One interviewee's husband often reminds
his wife that "the house will be clean some day . . . after the kids
have all left home."
(4) There is no perfect family.
Some families do get up earlier than yours. Some may actually have
dinner in the slow cooker by 9:00 A.M. And there really are some
days when a few homeschool moms have time to sit down with their
kids all morning, helping with assignments. This doesn't mean the
families are perfect or even better than yours.
As I wrote about twenty-one families' lives, I found it difficult to
convey that each had struggles. Describing the good stuff was easy;
in fact, when these homeschoolers' accomplishments were listed on
paper, the lists were truly impressive. It was much harder to convey
the frustrations, irritations, and occasional deep disappointments
of daily living.
How does one fully describe, for example, the effects of sleep
deprivation caused by a colicky newborn? The tiresomeness of dealing
with a child with ADHD? The feelings of vulnerability that come in
the midst of a financial crisis? When the inevitable pressures of
life are added to two full-time commitmentsparenting and
homeschoolingit's no wonder that we sometimes "lose it."
I had to laugh when Susie described a time when she was pregnant
with her fourth child: "I was so tired and sick and grouchy, I found
I was overreacting to everything," she says. "A child would spell a
word wrong and I'd cry, feeling that he'd never learn." I can
remember going through times like that, and worse.
Last year I got a Christmas letter from a friend, a homeschool
mother of five, who now lives in another state. It was quite an
impressive letter. Fran's children are active in Scouts, substitute
teaching, babysitting, camping, backpacking, family trips, canoeing,
summer camps, and of course, homeschooling. As I finished reading
the letter, I couldn't help but compare my own homeschool with that
of this supermom's. I wondered how she did it all. I also
questioned, a little, whether I was doing enough.
Then I received a letter from Fran in response to our family's
Christmas letter. "I get dizzy reading all you've done," she said.
Ironically, that had been my reaction, exactly, to her letter. How
tempting to compare ourselves to other homeschoolers, the ones who
have perfect curricula, teaching methods, families, and clean
houses!
But again, perfect people don't exist. God has a way of reminding us
that we are, after all, fallen creatures. Not perfect, but real.
Rhonda Barfield is the author of Real-Life Homeschooling: The
Stories of 21 Families Who Teach Their Children at Home
(Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 2002), Feed Your Family for $12 a Day
(Kensington Publishing, 2002), and 15-Minute Cooking (Lilac
Publishing, 1996). barfield@a...
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