Bedtimes
Claudia Bartoli-McKinney, FTI
Hi everyone,
I am finding this thread interesting and hoping to hear what other parents
have to say about this.
I have such a hard time with bed times with all of my kids (11, 3 and 2)
With a new baby due any day - I'm feeling a bit scared about the whole bed
time deal.
Mainly because if I let them just get "sleepy" - they usually get really
wired up first -- and then it's really late and I'm ready for the box. LOL!
Dh and I can't watch our normal programming because it's not something we'd
necessarily want them to watch it.
And last but not least -- the intimacy thing can be a problem. I sometimes
feel that I don't get any alone time with DH.....
Trying to conceive this baby was tough! ;-)
Any suggestions????
I am an attachment parenting kind of mom - but I guess this area I need a
little help with.
God Bless!
Claudia (McKinney)
www.padrepiohomeschool.com
-------Original Message-------
From: [email protected]
Date: 12/23/03 08:10:13
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] florida here/ Re: travel during flu season
In a message dated 12/22/03 11:05:23 PM, mozafamily@... writes:
<< Now about the not enforcing a bedtime - WHY??? Your kids do not
need you to help them sleep and you being there probably actually
keeps them from sleeping well. >>
My kids have always, since they were babies, before we had any inkling we
would be homeschooling, gone to sleep when they were sleepy. They needed my
help
when they were nursing, because they nursed to sleep. The needed my help
when I read or sang to them, when they wanted me to. They needed my help to
make
them a bed. But they didn't need my help to say "It's time," because every
single night, they went to sleep at some point, when they were sleepy.
<<you being there probably actually
keeps them from sleeping well>>
I'm guessing you're not a family bed advocate. <g>
When babies sleep with their parents, it can be longer before they want to
sleep alone. Mine all want to sleep alone now, but there were times for all
of
them when they preferred to sleep with someone else. Because they had
choices, we know they are sleeping alone now from choice, not because they
gave up or
because they resent us and want us away from them.
<<It is not against the unschooling
train of thought to insist that your children be in their rooms by a
certain time each night.>>
It might be against the attachment parenting train of thought, and for some
families there's not a difference.
<<If he is not ready
by 7:30 then no stories and he has to put himself to bed and we do
only hugs and kisses>>
That's more punitive than our family would ever have been comfortable with.
That seems plainly "training," and not offering choices in the most open,
positive way.
<<Perhaps letting them
understand how to put themselves to sleep is a gift you could give
them now, and the gift to your family would be a stronger
relationship between you and your dh. >>
My kids don't "put themselves to sleep." Neither do I. I fall asleep happy
When I was little, going to bed was often an unhappy thing, a
feeling-mom-is-mean thing, a scary thing, and a punitive-feeling thing. I
never wanted that
for my children, and they've never had it. Yet they sleep!
All my children put together have had fewer nightmares than I had in any
single year of my childhood from the time I was seven or so.
<<Remember that freedom is no
longer freedom when it infringes on the rights of others.>>
It has never seemed fair to me when parents claim many more freedoms than
their children have. Adult understanding and compassion should be larger by
far
than child-understanding and compassion.
Sandra
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I am finding this thread interesting and hoping to hear what other parents
have to say about this.
I have such a hard time with bed times with all of my kids (11, 3 and 2)
With a new baby due any day - I'm feeling a bit scared about the whole bed
time deal.
Mainly because if I let them just get "sleepy" - they usually get really
wired up first -- and then it's really late and I'm ready for the box. LOL!
Dh and I can't watch our normal programming because it's not something we'd
necessarily want them to watch it.
And last but not least -- the intimacy thing can be a problem. I sometimes
feel that I don't get any alone time with DH.....
Trying to conceive this baby was tough! ;-)
Any suggestions????
I am an attachment parenting kind of mom - but I guess this area I need a
little help with.
God Bless!
Claudia (McKinney)
www.padrepiohomeschool.com
-------Original Message-------
From: [email protected]
Date: 12/23/03 08:10:13
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] florida here/ Re: travel during flu season
In a message dated 12/22/03 11:05:23 PM, mozafamily@... writes:
<< Now about the not enforcing a bedtime - WHY??? Your kids do not
need you to help them sleep and you being there probably actually
keeps them from sleeping well. >>
My kids have always, since they were babies, before we had any inkling we
would be homeschooling, gone to sleep when they were sleepy. They needed my
help
when they were nursing, because they nursed to sleep. The needed my help
when I read or sang to them, when they wanted me to. They needed my help to
make
them a bed. But they didn't need my help to say "It's time," because every
single night, they went to sleep at some point, when they were sleepy.
<<you being there probably actually
keeps them from sleeping well>>
I'm guessing you're not a family bed advocate. <g>
When babies sleep with their parents, it can be longer before they want to
sleep alone. Mine all want to sleep alone now, but there were times for all
of
them when they preferred to sleep with someone else. Because they had
choices, we know they are sleeping alone now from choice, not because they
gave up or
because they resent us and want us away from them.
<<It is not against the unschooling
train of thought to insist that your children be in their rooms by a
certain time each night.>>
It might be against the attachment parenting train of thought, and for some
families there's not a difference.
<<If he is not ready
by 7:30 then no stories and he has to put himself to bed and we do
only hugs and kisses>>
That's more punitive than our family would ever have been comfortable with.
That seems plainly "training," and not offering choices in the most open,
positive way.
<<Perhaps letting them
understand how to put themselves to sleep is a gift you could give
them now, and the gift to your family would be a stronger
relationship between you and your dh. >>
My kids don't "put themselves to sleep." Neither do I. I fall asleep happy
When I was little, going to bed was often an unhappy thing, a
feeling-mom-is-mean thing, a scary thing, and a punitive-feeling thing. I
never wanted that
for my children, and they've never had it. Yet they sleep!
All my children put together have had fewer nightmares than I had in any
single year of my childhood from the time I was seven or so.
<<Remember that freedom is no
longer freedom when it infringes on the rights of others.>>
It has never seemed fair to me when parents claim many more freedoms than
their children have. Adult understanding and compassion should be larger by
far
than child-understanding and compassion.
Sandra
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
Yahoo! Groups Links
To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/23/2003 5:24:56 PM Mountain Standard Time,
sanfrancesco@... writes:
-=-Dh and I can't watch our normal programming because it's not something we'd
necessarily want them to watch it.-=-
Record and watch it later.
-=-if I let them just get "sleepy" - . ..-=-
It's hard to go to sleep when you're not sleepy.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sanfrancesco@... writes:
-=-Dh and I can't watch our normal programming because it's not something we'd
necessarily want them to watch it.-=-
Record and watch it later.
-=-if I let them just get "sleepy" - . ..-=-
It's hard to go to sleep when you're not sleepy.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Barbara Chase
>Mainly because if I let them just get "sleepy" - they usually get reallyWe don't have bedtimes in our house, not for any of us. We just don't
>wired up first -- and then it's really late and I'm ready for the box. LOL!
>
>Dh and I can't watch our normal programming because it's not something we'd
>necessarily want them to watch it.
>And last but not least -- the intimacy thing can be a problem. I sometimes
>feel that I don't get any alone time with DH.....
schedule things for early in the mornings -- the beauty of homeschooling!!
My dd and I usually get to bed anywhere from 9-11pm, and my dh usually gets
to bed by 1am. These days we are all sleeping in late.
I usually get sleepy before my dd. She still isn't willing to play by
herself, so she often will decide to come to bed with me. Sometimes, when
she does she ends up falling asleep really really quickly. Sometimes we
end up talking and giggling far longer than I would have, but I'm still OK
and having fun. Sometimes I'm just so wiped out that I need to get to
sleep, and if she really isn't ready to sleep then we try to come up with
some option that will work for both of us... I may try to fall asleep on
the couch, she may agree to get up and play in her room, she may talk her
Dad into not working for awhile. You can't really predict what it will be
like each and every day, and that's OK too.
The thing that is really important is for me to remember myself, and to go
to bed before I go over the edge. I'm no fun to be around when I'm too
tired.
My dh and I spend time together during the day. We like this so much
better, because we are each awake ;-) It's much easier for our dd to find
something to do for awhile compared to late in the evening, and the only
thing we ask is that she not come into our room and interrupt us. She
would prefer to be with us rather than to be alone, but this is one choice
that I'm not willing to give her. We don't require that she stay in one
room, or do any one thing, just that she give us our privacy. We're really
lucky that we can do this (my dh works from home most of the time), but
even so I'd probably do the same thing in the early evenings if we didn't
have the daytime hours.
We don't get TV reception, and watched so little TV that it's not cost
effective to pay for satellite. We do get Netflix movies, and mix them up
so sometimes our dd watches something she wants in one room and my dh and I
watch something else in another room. If our dd comes in we don't worry
about it -- if she doesn't like it she will tell us, and it's so easy to
just pause a movie.
Other things that have worked in the past, in case you need some other
ideas: my dd and I have often gone to sleep really early, say 8-9pm, I
sleep for several hours, get up around 11pm and then spend some time with
my dh. Or, either my dh or I would awake in the really early morning hours
and we'd decide to get up to spend some time then, then both go back to
sleep.
Namaste
--bc--
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joylyn
Claudia Bartoli-McKinney, FTI wrote:
own bodies, to know when they are tired and to go to bed before they get
to the wired and out of control point. My kids tell me when they are
tired. Then they go to bed.
without commercials. :-) It's worth it. Even when I could be watching
it I usually don't. Sometimes I'm weeks behind in my viewing though.
Joylyn
> Hi everyone,But if they've always had a bedtime, then they aren't cued into their
> I am finding this thread interesting and hoping to hear what other parents
> have to say about this.
> I have such a hard time with bed times with all of my kids (11, 3 and 2)
> With a new baby due any day - I'm feeling a bit scared about the whole bed
> time deal.
> Mainly because if I let them just get "sleepy" - they usually get really
> wired up first -- and then it's really late and I'm ready for the box.
> LOL!
own bodies, to know when they are tired and to go to bed before they get
to the wired and out of control point. My kids tell me when they are
tired. Then they go to bed.
>Tape it. That's what I do. I tape all my programs and watch later,
>
> Dh and I can't watch our normal programming because it's not something
> we'd
> necessarily want them to watch it.
without commercials. :-) It's worth it. Even when I could be watching
it I usually don't. Sometimes I'm weeks behind in my viewing though.
Joylyn
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> And last but not least -- the intimacy thing can be a problem. I
> sometimes
> feel that I don't get any alone time with DH.....
> Trying to conceive this baby was tough! ;-)
>
> Any suggestions????
>
> I am an attachment parenting kind of mom - but I guess this area I need a
> little help with.
>
>
> God Bless!
>
> Claudia (McKinney)
> www.padrepiohomeschool.com
>
>
>
>
> -------Original Message-------
>
> From: [email protected]
> Date: 12/23/03 08:10:13
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] florida here/ Re: travel during flu season
>
>
> In a message dated 12/22/03 11:05:23 PM, mozafamily@... writes:
>
> << Now about the not enforcing a bedtime - WHY??? Your kids do not
>
> need you to help them sleep and you being there probably actually
>
> keeps them from sleeping well. >>
>
> My kids have always, since they were babies, before we had any inkling we
> would be homeschooling, gone to sleep when they were sleepy. They
> needed my
> help
> when they were nursing, because they nursed to sleep. The needed my help
> when I read or sang to them, when they wanted me to. They needed my
> help to
> make
> them a bed. But they didn't need my help to say "It's time," because
> every
> single night, they went to sleep at some point, when they were sleepy.
>
> <<you being there probably actually
>
> keeps them from sleeping well>>
>
> I'm guessing you're not a family bed advocate. <g>
>
> When babies sleep with their parents, it can be longer before they
> want to
> sleep alone. Mine all want to sleep alone now, but there were times
> for all
> of
> them when they preferred to sleep with someone else. Because they had
> choices, we know they are sleeping alone now from choice, not because they
> gave up or
> because they resent us and want us away from them.
>
> <<It is not against the unschooling
>
> train of thought to insist that your children be in their rooms by a
>
> certain time each night.>>
>
> It might be against the attachment parenting train of thought, and for
> some
> families there's not a difference.
>
> <<If he is not ready
>
> by 7:30 then no stories and he has to put himself to bed and we do
>
> only hugs and kisses>>
>
> That's more punitive than our family would ever have been comfortable
> with.
>
> That seems plainly "training," and not offering choices in the most open,
> positive way.
>
> <<Perhaps letting them
>
> understand how to put themselves to sleep is a gift you could give
>
> them now, and the gift to your family would be a stronger
>
> relationship between you and your dh. >>
>
> My kids don't "put themselves to sleep." Neither do I. I fall asleep
> happy
>
>
>
> When I was little, going to bed was often an unhappy thing, a
> feeling-mom-is-mean thing, a scary thing, and a punitive-feeling thing. I
> never wanted that
> for my children, and they've never had it. Yet they sleep!
>
> All my children put together have had fewer nightmares than I had in any
> single year of my childhood from the time I was seven or so.
>
> <<Remember that freedom is no
>
> longer freedom when it infringes on the rights of others.>>
>
> It has never seemed fair to me when parents claim many more freedoms than
> their children have. Adult understanding and compassion should be
> larger by
> far
> than child-understanding and compassion.
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
> ADVERTISEMENT
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
> To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>
> * To visit your group on the web, go to:
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> Service <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/>.
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>
Stephanie Elms
> Tape it. That's what I do. I tape all my programs and watchWe have tivo and I can't say how much I love it! When dh wanted to get
> later, without commercials. :-) It's worth it. Even when I
> could be watching it I usually don't. Sometimes I'm weeks
> behind in my viewing though.
it, I thought that it was another "boy toy", tv gadget. It has
totally changed the way we watch tv! I can tape things for the boys
and they can pick it out of the now playing list, we can set up
season passes so that shows are automatically taped and I can tape
a lot of my craft or decorating shows that are on during the day
that I normally would miss. It is so much easier to tape and find
the shows again to watch then using a vcr. You can even start
watching a show from the beginning while it is still taping. And dh
loves being able to rewind live tv for his own instant replays. Not
to mention the kids love to be able to rewind their shows and watch
parts over and over again and that they do not have wait for a show
to on...we tape all their shows and they are ready whenever they
want to watch them. No more being tied to a tv schedule!
End tivo commercial. ;o) I now return you to your regular unschooling
list...
Stephanie E.