time alone with dh
badolbilz
I have another question...as I said in my other post, my dh is under
extreme mental stress and in the last 9 months, since I've stopped
enforcing a bedtime and began sleeping downstairs with all the girls, dh
and I never get to really be together alone to talk or watch movies or
anything. What's the happy medium between always being there for your
kids and giving your spouse the attention that he needs, too. It's
gotten so bad that I hardly even know what he does during the day at
all. It really putting a lot of stress on our marriage. How do all of
you find time for just the grown-ups? Thanks. Heidi
P.S. As for as the no bedtimes and the co-sleeping, dh doesn't agree,
but doesn't argue. He also doesn't fully support unschooling, but he's
leaving it up to me.
extreme mental stress and in the last 9 months, since I've stopped
enforcing a bedtime and began sleeping downstairs with all the girls, dh
and I never get to really be together alone to talk or watch movies or
anything. What's the happy medium between always being there for your
kids and giving your spouse the attention that he needs, too. It's
gotten so bad that I hardly even know what he does during the day at
all. It really putting a lot of stress on our marriage. How do all of
you find time for just the grown-ups? Thanks. Heidi
P.S. As for as the no bedtimes and the co-sleeping, dh doesn't agree,
but doesn't argue. He also doesn't fully support unschooling, but he's
leaving it up to me.
[email protected]
Hello Heidi,
I can relate to your posts, since my husband and I just argued about this
this past weekend. What we've been doing for years is to make one night a week,
usually a weekend night, our "date" night. We tell the kids they have to stay
out of the room during the movie and don't interuppt unless it's a fire,
earthquake, flood or other natural disaster. ;) We usually get chinese food for our
date and enjoy ourselves. The reason we do not go out much is for a once a
week date, that can get expensive, and we're a large family living in one income.
Now....what's the deal with you sleeping downstairs with the girls? I hope
everythings okay that way. I sometimes sleep on the couch, but it's only because
I want to stay up really late and don't want to bother him.
Anyway, make it a priority to do something together once a week (at least). I
hope it works out for you!!
:) Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I can relate to your posts, since my husband and I just argued about this
this past weekend. What we've been doing for years is to make one night a week,
usually a weekend night, our "date" night. We tell the kids they have to stay
out of the room during the movie and don't interuppt unless it's a fire,
earthquake, flood or other natural disaster. ;) We usually get chinese food for our
date and enjoy ourselves. The reason we do not go out much is for a once a
week date, that can get expensive, and we're a large family living in one income.
Now....what's the deal with you sleeping downstairs with the girls? I hope
everythings okay that way. I sometimes sleep on the couch, but it's only because
I want to stay up really late and don't want to bother him.
Anyway, make it a priority to do something together once a week (at least). I
hope it works out for you!!
:) Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
badolbilz
Amy, the one night/a week movie would be great, except I have a 1 yr old
that the older girls, 7 & 5, can handle for a little while, but not the
length of a movie. Hiring a sitter is too pricey for us with our
finances and the four girls.
The deal with our sleeping arrangement is this: I don't believe it's
ever okay to not answer a child's cry at night, and I believe in
co-sleeping with babies...and I have four children. So by the time I
had Leiren, the forth, I was bed-hopping so much at night, with the
baby, that I would wake up and not know where I was, plus dh would get
woken up every time in jumped in or out of our bed. He's a farmer and
desperately needs good sleep or he could get hurt at work. We put a
full-size bed in our library for when my grandmother came to visit and
it was still here, so the girls and I just started sleeping there. It's
been awesome! They're comfortable going to sleep when they're tired and
they're not scared of being alone, because I'm downstairs with them and
whenever they wake up (anytime 9-12) they wake up right next to all the
activity, they just join in. One of the best parts is since we started,
I now get to sleep ALL night, and for the first time in 7 years feel
like I'm getting enough rest. I've been able to cut way back on my
coffee. Technically, I wasn't really sleeping in the bed with dh
before, and all of our nights were disruptive. Now it's just a lot
better :)
Have the Happiest of Holidays!
Heidi
javamdnss@... wrote:
that the older girls, 7 & 5, can handle for a little while, but not the
length of a movie. Hiring a sitter is too pricey for us with our
finances and the four girls.
The deal with our sleeping arrangement is this: I don't believe it's
ever okay to not answer a child's cry at night, and I believe in
co-sleeping with babies...and I have four children. So by the time I
had Leiren, the forth, I was bed-hopping so much at night, with the
baby, that I would wake up and not know where I was, plus dh would get
woken up every time in jumped in or out of our bed. He's a farmer and
desperately needs good sleep or he could get hurt at work. We put a
full-size bed in our library for when my grandmother came to visit and
it was still here, so the girls and I just started sleeping there. It's
been awesome! They're comfortable going to sleep when they're tired and
they're not scared of being alone, because I'm downstairs with them and
whenever they wake up (anytime 9-12) they wake up right next to all the
activity, they just join in. One of the best parts is since we started,
I now get to sleep ALL night, and for the first time in 7 years feel
like I'm getting enough rest. I've been able to cut way back on my
coffee. Technically, I wasn't really sleeping in the bed with dh
before, and all of our nights were disruptive. Now it's just a lot
better :)
Have the Happiest of Holidays!
Heidi
javamdnss@... wrote:
>Hello Heidi,[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>I can relate to your posts, since my husband and I just argued about this
>this past weekend. What we've been doing for years is to make one night a week,
>usually a weekend night, our "date" night. We tell the kids they have to stay
>out of the room during the movie and don't interuppt unless it's a fire,
>earthquake, flood or other natural disaster. ;) We usually get chinese food for our
>date and enjoy ourselves. The reason we do not go out much is for a once a
>week date, that can get expensive, and we're a large family living in one income.
>Now....what's the deal with you sleeping downstairs with the girls? I hope
>everythings okay that way. I sometimes sleep on the couch, but it's only because
>I want to stay up really late and don't want to bother him.
>Anyway, make it a priority to do something together once a week (at least). I
>hope it works out for you!!
>:) Amy
>
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
> http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
I used to go to sleep with a kid (or two or three) and nursing them would
knock me RIGHT out,but after a few hours when I woke up I would go and wake my
husband up in a way that he didn't mind, and we'd have some alone time and that
would knock me right out, and so I got two short yet deep sleeps, and he
preferred a 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. visitation to none at all.
That doesn't cover movies and conversation, though. That we did in the car,
or by watching movies we could watch with the kids.
Now that the kids are older, we've had two "disagreements" where I made a
suggestion (complained <g>) and he got angry. Both were the same thing, and both
recent.
With kids there, where we're all in one place and could potentially be having
fun, he has started on some long story about someone at work whose job
involves this or that project management and... and it's too removed and boring for
ME, and means absolutely nothing whatsoever to the kids present (once Holly
and her friend in the car, and once Holly and Marty at the dinner table) so
they're completely shut out of the conversation and end up zoning out their
individual ways or wandering off.
I don't think parents' "along time" should come when the kids are there.
I had a male friend who had a girlfriend who had a little girl. He broke up
with her after a while, because when he would come over, she would make her
little girl stay in her room the whole time, and he couldn't relax or feel good
knowing that he was the catalyst for their separation and that little girl's
unhappiness. And would the girl EVER have liked Bob? She probably hated him
passionately because she was banished from his presence (by her mom).
We traded babysitting with other families when the kids were little, and so
it was not like being sent to a babysitter, it was just like going to play with
their friends, so we were able to get dinner-date opportunities or boring
shopping opportunities that way, and the kids didn't feel shunted off at all.
Sandra
knock me RIGHT out,but after a few hours when I woke up I would go and wake my
husband up in a way that he didn't mind, and we'd have some alone time and that
would knock me right out, and so I got two short yet deep sleeps, and he
preferred a 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. visitation to none at all.
That doesn't cover movies and conversation, though. That we did in the car,
or by watching movies we could watch with the kids.
Now that the kids are older, we've had two "disagreements" where I made a
suggestion (complained <g>) and he got angry. Both were the same thing, and both
recent.
With kids there, where we're all in one place and could potentially be having
fun, he has started on some long story about someone at work whose job
involves this or that project management and... and it's too removed and boring for
ME, and means absolutely nothing whatsoever to the kids present (once Holly
and her friend in the car, and once Holly and Marty at the dinner table) so
they're completely shut out of the conversation and end up zoning out their
individual ways or wandering off.
I don't think parents' "along time" should come when the kids are there.
I had a male friend who had a girlfriend who had a little girl. He broke up
with her after a while, because when he would come over, she would make her
little girl stay in her room the whole time, and he couldn't relax or feel good
knowing that he was the catalyst for their separation and that little girl's
unhappiness. And would the girl EVER have liked Bob? She probably hated him
passionately because she was banished from his presence (by her mom).
We traded babysitting with other families when the kids were little, and so
it was not like being sent to a babysitter, it was just like going to play with
their friends, so we were able to get dinner-date opportunities or boring
shopping opportunities that way, and the kids didn't feel shunted off at all.
Sandra