Re:respecting parents wishes, was: New Beginnings/Making It Work Help
Alicia Bayer
> <<I would be furious if they let them near guns or took them hunting.>>Yes. While at a friend's house, her 8 year old got out a loaded rifle and told my 4 year
>
> Has that ever happened?
> Because the examples I gave were not hypotheticals.
old she'd show her how to shoot birds. Around here that's not out of the ordinary, but
it's not okay with me. Sorry if that makes me small and controlling.
I don't limit the stuff in my examples but I do not tell other parents how to parent
either, and I respect their wishes. Apparently we differ in this.
> They really happened.Um, no.
> The example the first poster gave was a true story, but you're defending a
> hypothetical.
> I wouldn't be happy if someone let one of my kids drive a truck on mountainMy aunt was killed with the gun she owned for her own protection. In the next town over
> roads, but how likely is that? And if I had left my child with my dad...my dad would
> have
> said "Okay," and he would have sat with him and let him hold an unloaded gun,
> and it would have been safe and a good learning experience for my child....
from us, a 4 y/o was killed last summer because she found a gun at her grandfather's
house. Your late father sounds like a sensible man with guns, but I was not talking about
him. Please do not lecture me on my small-mindedness with regards to decisions I make
about my small children and their safety.
Parents very rarely agree on everything when it comes to rearing children. I try to be
respectful of the differences between myself and other parents and still be supportive of
them. Just because someone's values are not my own does not make them insignificant or
stupid.
When I was a vegetarian, I did not keep my children from meat. You seem to be assuming a
lot of things about me just because I stood up for this mother. I try to see other
perspectives besides my own and honor them. This apparently is not the forum for that and
I won't do it again.
Alicia
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/16/03 7:19:37 PM, abayer@... writes:
<< I don't limit the stuff in my examples but I do not tell other parents how
to parent
either, and I respect their wishes. >>
Holly and I talked about this this afternoon. She has a friend whose
religion keeps her from celebrating most holidays, and she doesn't want to even HEAR
about Harry Potter. So Holly is just careful to find other things to talk
about when her friend is here. It's not a big idea. The girl has stayed here
overnight several times, and so have her brothers sometimes. At their house
(Holly has stayed there too) they have Bible readings at night. They have
prayers. They pray before meals, always, even here or at fast food restaurants. I
don't ask them to change anything because Holly will be there, and though I
know they do Bible readings, I don't do Bible readings when they're here. I
don't lead prayers at meals when they're here. If the parents asked me to,
that would be an imposition on MY family's life.
Holly won't watch Harry Potter while they're here, and she won't talk about
Harry Potter cards or books. Not because her parents told Holly not to, but
because Holly is courteous.
So I think the question is where one family's rights end and another family's
rights start.
<< Please do not lecture me on my small-mindedness with regards to decisions
I make
about my small children and their safety.>>
If they're very small, I expect that you might loosen up as time goes on.
<<Parents very rarely agree on everything when it comes to rearing children.
I try to be
respectful of the differences between myself and other parents and still be
supportive of them. >>
"Supportive" in what way?
Are you support my children from meat. You seem to be assuming a
lot of things about me just because I stood up for this mother. >>
No, I was talking about any vegetarians. I used to be vegetarian, but it was
before I had kids. We have vegetarian and vegan friends we deal with
regularly.
<<I try to see other
perspectives besides my own and honor them. >>
If you honor everything equally, the "honor" has no value.
Sandra
<< I don't limit the stuff in my examples but I do not tell other parents how
to parent
either, and I respect their wishes. >>
Holly and I talked about this this afternoon. She has a friend whose
religion keeps her from celebrating most holidays, and she doesn't want to even HEAR
about Harry Potter. So Holly is just careful to find other things to talk
about when her friend is here. It's not a big idea. The girl has stayed here
overnight several times, and so have her brothers sometimes. At their house
(Holly has stayed there too) they have Bible readings at night. They have
prayers. They pray before meals, always, even here or at fast food restaurants. I
don't ask them to change anything because Holly will be there, and though I
know they do Bible readings, I don't do Bible readings when they're here. I
don't lead prayers at meals when they're here. If the parents asked me to,
that would be an imposition on MY family's life.
Holly won't watch Harry Potter while they're here, and she won't talk about
Harry Potter cards or books. Not because her parents told Holly not to, but
because Holly is courteous.
So I think the question is where one family's rights end and another family's
rights start.
<< Please do not lecture me on my small-mindedness with regards to decisions
I make
about my small children and their safety.>>
If they're very small, I expect that you might loosen up as time goes on.
<<Parents very rarely agree on everything when it comes to rearing children.
I try to be
respectful of the differences between myself and other parents and still be
supportive of them. >>
"Supportive" in what way?
Are you support my children from meat. You seem to be assuming a
lot of things about me just because I stood up for this mother. >>
No, I was talking about any vegetarians. I used to be vegetarian, but it was
before I had kids. We have vegetarian and vegan friends we deal with
regularly.
<<I try to see other
perspectives besides my own and honor them. >>
If you honor everything equally, the "honor" has no value.
Sandra
[email protected]
That last post glitched badly:
This is the wrong version:
-=-Are you support my children from meat. You seem to be assuming a
lot of things about me just because I stood up for this mother. >>-=-
I think I wrote "are you supportive of my TV beliefs? Did you read them?"
and then I began a quote about vegetarianism. About three lines were missing
from the post as I received it. Sorry.
<< Holly and I talked about this this afternoon. >>
Another story she told was about visiting a home (family A) where another
regular-visiting family (B) was present and their son is almost always grounded.
This day, the B parents were going to leave him with the family and the
parents were going to go and do something. The A mom made a comment about it
being nice that the boy wasn't grounded for a change (or some such, lightly, as
Holly quoted it). The mom said actually he WAS grounded, and couldn't play
video games or watch TV. So Mom A said they were all going to the science
museum (family A was doing volunteer work) and there was no TV or video there.
[Imax theatre, various videos around the museum, she didn't think of.)
While the parents were still chit-chatting instead of leaving, boy-at-home A
turned on a video game to play while the adults were preventing family A from
leaving to the museum. Boy B was in the room and saw the video game in
progress. Parents saw him, got angry, and he said "I wasn't playing it, I was
watching boy-A play it."
Holly said a thing that made me laugh so hard she had to save the story a
while.
"His parents looked at each other the way parents do when they want to make
up a new rule."
So they said that he wasn't going to get to go to the museum after all, he
had to go with them.
I don't respect that. A boy who is perpetually grounded is proof that the
parents' methods are not working.
I have never grounded any of my children, and they are very responsible about
letting me know where they are, who they're with, and when they'll be back.
It's not fear, it's just returning the courtesy and respect they've received
all their lives.
Kirby just returned from a meeting he had at work. There are four
guest-teens upstairs, talking about the arrival of a fifth. They're going to see a
midnight Lord of the Rings showing. They won't be back until after 4:00. Kirby
has to be at work at 10:30 in the morning. He'll make it. He taught karate
earlier this afternoon, and then attended a karate class of his own. Never
been grounded. Doesn't have a bedtime. Can watch all the TV and play all the
video games he wants. Yet today he hasn't touched any. And he probably won't
tomorrow.
Sandra
Sandra
This is the wrong version:
-=-Are you support my children from meat. You seem to be assuming a
lot of things about me just because I stood up for this mother. >>-=-
I think I wrote "are you supportive of my TV beliefs? Did you read them?"
and then I began a quote about vegetarianism. About three lines were missing
from the post as I received it. Sorry.
<< Holly and I talked about this this afternoon. >>
Another story she told was about visiting a home (family A) where another
regular-visiting family (B) was present and their son is almost always grounded.
This day, the B parents were going to leave him with the family and the
parents were going to go and do something. The A mom made a comment about it
being nice that the boy wasn't grounded for a change (or some such, lightly, as
Holly quoted it). The mom said actually he WAS grounded, and couldn't play
video games or watch TV. So Mom A said they were all going to the science
museum (family A was doing volunteer work) and there was no TV or video there.
[Imax theatre, various videos around the museum, she didn't think of.)
While the parents were still chit-chatting instead of leaving, boy-at-home A
turned on a video game to play while the adults were preventing family A from
leaving to the museum. Boy B was in the room and saw the video game in
progress. Parents saw him, got angry, and he said "I wasn't playing it, I was
watching boy-A play it."
Holly said a thing that made me laugh so hard she had to save the story a
while.
"His parents looked at each other the way parents do when they want to make
up a new rule."
So they said that he wasn't going to get to go to the museum after all, he
had to go with them.
I don't respect that. A boy who is perpetually grounded is proof that the
parents' methods are not working.
I have never grounded any of my children, and they are very responsible about
letting me know where they are, who they're with, and when they'll be back.
It's not fear, it's just returning the courtesy and respect they've received
all their lives.
Kirby just returned from a meeting he had at work. There are four
guest-teens upstairs, talking about the arrival of a fifth. They're going to see a
midnight Lord of the Rings showing. They won't be back until after 4:00. Kirby
has to be at work at 10:30 in the morning. He'll make it. He taught karate
earlier this afternoon, and then attended a karate class of his own. Never
been grounded. Doesn't have a bedtime. Can watch all the TV and play all the
video games he wants. Yet today he hasn't touched any. And he probably won't
tomorrow.
Sandra
Sandra
J. Stauffer
<<<<Can watch all the TV and play all the
This is so true in our family as well. And I used to be very controlling
about many, many things. The TV had to be turned off at 9am and not turned
back on until 5pm (what made those hours magical I don't know). The kids
would sit glued to it when it was on.
For about 3 years now, there have been no restrictions. With 5 kids, the TV
is usually on but most times nobody is even in the room with it. We have
several TVs, computer games, gameboys, PS2.....yesterday, the kids spent
most of the day sharing their Yu-Gi-Oh cards with the little kids and
helping them learn to play. Go figure.
Julie S.
> video games he wants. Yet today he hasn't touched any. And he probablywon't
> tomorrow.>>>>>********************************************
This is so true in our family as well. And I used to be very controlling
about many, many things. The TV had to be turned off at 9am and not turned
back on until 5pm (what made those hours magical I don't know). The kids
would sit glued to it when it was on.
For about 3 years now, there have been no restrictions. With 5 kids, the TV
is usually on but most times nobody is even in the room with it. We have
several TVs, computer games, gameboys, PS2.....yesterday, the kids spent
most of the day sharing their Yu-Gi-Oh cards with the little kids and
helping them learn to play. Go figure.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: <SandraDodd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 11:18 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re:respecting parents wishes, was: New
Beginnings/Making It Work Help
> That last post glitched badly:
>
> This is the wrong version:
> -=-Are you support my children from meat. You seem to be assuming a
> lot of things about me just because I stood up for this mother. >>-=-
>
> I think I wrote "are you supportive of my TV beliefs? Did you read them?"
> and then I began a quote about vegetarianism. About three lines were
missing
> from the post as I received it. Sorry.
>
> << Holly and I talked about this this afternoon. >>
>
> Another story she told was about visiting a home (family A) where another
> regular-visiting family (B) was present and their son is almost always
grounded.
> This day, the B parents were going to leave him with the family and the
> parents were going to go and do something. The A mom made a comment about
it
> being nice that the boy wasn't grounded for a change (or some such,
lightly, as
> Holly quoted it). The mom said actually he WAS grounded, and couldn't
play
> video games or watch TV. So Mom A said they were all going to the
science
> museum (family A was doing volunteer work) and there was no TV or video
there.
> [Imax theatre, various videos around the museum, she didn't think of.)
>
> While the parents were still chit-chatting instead of leaving, boy-at-home
A
> turned on a video game to play while the adults were preventing family A
from
> leaving to the museum. Boy B was in the room and saw the video game in
> progress. Parents saw him, got angry, and he said "I wasn't playing it, I
was
> watching boy-A play it."
>
> Holly said a thing that made me laugh so hard she had to save the story a
> while.
>
> "His parents looked at each other the way parents do when they want to
make
> up a new rule."
>
> So they said that he wasn't going to get to go to the museum after all, he
> had to go with them.
>
> I don't respect that. A boy who is perpetually grounded is proof that the
> parents' methods are not working.
>
> I have never grounded any of my children, and they are very responsible
about
> letting me know where they are, who they're with, and when they'll be
back.
> It's not fear, it's just returning the courtesy and respect they've
received
> all their lives.
>
> Kirby just returned from a meeting he had at work. There are four
> guest-teens upstairs, talking about the arrival of a fifth. They're going
to see a
> midnight Lord of the Rings showing. They won't be back until after 4:00.
Kirby
> has to be at work at 10:30 in the morning. He'll make it. He taught
karate
> earlier this afternoon, and then attended a karate class of his own.
Never
> been grounded. Doesn't have a bedtime. >
> Sandra
>
> Sandra
>
>
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Alicia-
Sometimes it's assumed that because something could never happen in
our reality, that it can't in someone elses.
I hope you continue to share.
Taunya
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sometimes it's assumed that because something could never happen in
our reality, that it can't in someone elses.
I hope you continue to share.
Taunya
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]