Nanci Kuykendall

I am following this conversation about keeping kids in
when it's unsafe to go out alone with interest.
However, we have the opposite problem, if anyone has
any helpful suggestions.

We live in a small home (under 1000 sq. feet) and we
live way out in the country. It's almost a mile down
our driveway to the mailbox. Because of all the
forests, hills and mountains, we cannot see any
neighbors, except one house, with binoculars, vaguely,
across the lake, from between two certain trees, while
standing on a chair in the kitchen.

Anyhow, my point is, it's very safe for my children to
go exploring, go look for frogs in the ankle high
creek, climb trees and run around, even late at night,
on our acerage. Being young, their comfort zone for
distance they go alone is about what I am comfortable
with for them as their mom. In good weather, they may
go as far as the meadow down the hill from our house,
maybe 600 yards away. Most times they stay closer to
the house. I have a military whistle I blow on when I
can't hear or see them for more than a little bit at a
time and they let me know where they are when they
hear it, so I won't worry.

Now here's MY problem. I can't get them outside this
fall! In fall and winter it rains a fair amount here.
When the weather is more mild, I like the kids to go
outside to play for several reasons:
1) They go a bit stir crazy if they don't get to run
around outside for a few days in a row if there is
nasty weather.
2) They are ACTIVE, rowdy boys, and WE go a bit crazy
after being cooped up with them for a few days.
They're wrestling, screaming, furniture jumping kinda
rowdy. There are not many sedentary activities which
can get them relatively quiet for more than 10 minutes
at a time.
3) I use fair weather time to sweep out and air the
house, beat and air rugs, clean muddy floors, etc and
so forth. It's hard to do this in our small home when
they are underfoot.

So when it's mild out I ask the boys to go play
outside, I try to make it sound really fun, I make
sure they are dressed to stay a comfortable
temperature and not get cold in 10 minutes (although
it's not THAT cold here.) I suggest things they might
play or investigate. I explain why I need them out of
the way to mop, or sweep, or change bed linens. I
make them "picnics" to take outside in their tin
pails. We emptied a wooden shed and converted it to a
playhouse for them.

I have not been able to get them outside to play for
more than 20 minutes at a time, MAYBE twice a day, if
I'm lucky, for the last two months. They want to be
where we are all the time, every minute. This is
nothing new, they have always wanted to be where we
are all the time. But lately it's been worse. The
only way to get them outside for any length of time is
if we are doing chores outdoors. If we have things to
take care of indoors, they are there, running around,
being rowdy, making things difficult. I can ask them
to go play in their room (they have the biggest room
in the house and we built them a loft and play space
so they have even more room in it) but that only lasts
so long, AND it prevents me from cleaning floors,
beds, etc in there, which usually needs it most.

Asking them to help clean is like asking them to help
pull their own fingernails out by the roots, or at
least that's how they act. Hey I had a
thought...maybe I could say only people cleaning can
be in the house until we are done. hmmmmm. Well they
would not darken the door long if I did, but then that
only takes care of time when we have chores and still
leaves the problem of time when THEY really need to
get out and run around outside and WE are going stir
crazy and have things to do inside and would REALLY
love for them to play outside and run off some steam
for a while.

Any Ideas?

Nanci K.

Kelli Traaseth

----- Original Message -----
From: "Nanci Kuykendall" <aisliin@...>

**I have not been able to get them outside to play for
> more than 20 minutes at a time, MAYBE twice a day, if
> I'm lucky, for the last two months. They want to be
> where we are all the time, every minute. This is
> nothing new, they have always wanted to be where we
> are all the time. **

My kids are the same way. They want to be where I am. I know this may not
be what you want to hear, but can you look at it from the point of view that
they like being with you.

I've learned to see the good in the fact that they are here with me. I see
now how lucky I am to have them here. I didn't always feel this way, I
had to learn it from some other wise Moms.

I might not be able to clean right when I want or get things done right
when I want, but I'm glad they're here. I try and accomplish these things
around them. A clean house isn't a big priority right now. I know there
will be a time in my life, when they are grown, my house will possibly be
in order and clean (maybe),,,,and very quiet, :( and then I will miss
them.

How old are your kids? Are they quite young? My two oldest 10 and 9, are
less inclined to wanting me with them now. But, they also don't like to be
outside much. I used to sit and fret about it, thinking, "oh the weather
is so nice, they should be outside". Well, I wasn't out there, I was
sitting inside. I was doing stuff inside and they want to also.

If I really want to enjoy the outside I go out and ask them if they want to
go out with me. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. I'm OK with that.
It all depends on what they are doing.


**But lately it's been worse**

Have you been more busy with house stuff? More busy with stuff other than
them? I know this is what happens at our house when there is alot going
on, if people are coming to visit and I try and clean or something like
this. Maybe they need a little mom time?

Breathe......
This will pass and soon they'll be grown.

Kelli~

nellebelle

Sometimes my kids will "ice skate" on the kitchen floor with a couple of wet rags for skates. It doesn't get the floor as clean as I'd like, but it's always better than it was.

Mary Ellen

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nanci Kuykendall

>Oh Nanci K.

>I'm so jealous of you. I would love to move farther
>out.

Well, I always say, don't waste energy being jealous,
change your reality if you don't like where you are.

>It sounds like you have a lot of work to do. Is it
>possible the kids feel like they are getting the
>short end of the stick on attention?

My husband has been out of work for 7 months, so right
now our schedule looks like this. Every morning hubby
gets up with older son and plays computer games with
him for a couple of hours. Then they cook breakfast
for everyone together. Our younger son and I are
later night/later sleepers, he climbs in bed with me
when the other two get up and we talk and cuddle
sleepily and read or tell stories to each other till
breakfast. Then we take care of the dishes together.
He likes to rinse.

Usually after that the boys go off to get dressed and
play something together. Hubby and I take care of
chores, talk, read together, or we all go to town if
we need to or there is something happening that we
want to go do/see, or we go to the beach, or take a
walk in the woods. If we have things to do outside we
do them then. The kids like to help stack split wood
as hubby cuts it, or help out in the garden, but
generally they run around and play together while we
are working. Various times in the day we pause to
read stories or play games with the kids as they
request.

In the afternoon hubby shuts himself in our room with
our computer and does internet and telephone job
searching stuff. After dinner we might play a board
game together, watch a movie together, or hubby and I
do something while the kids play on the computer or
elsewhere. After that, when he says he's tired and
ready for bed, I climb in bed with our older son and
read him some chapters of whatever chapter books we
are reading now for an hour or so. Then I trade
places with his dad, whom he likes to go to sleep
with, and I go hang out with our younger son, who
stays up late. We either do something together, or we
do our own things there with each other, keeping
company and chatting. When he's ready to go to sleep,
I tuck him in and hit the hay myself.

That doesn't strike me as the schedule of a couple of
attention starved little boys. My kids are 5 and 6,
for someone who asked that.

Anyway, I CAN do chores around them and I often have
to. Mainly they need to go play outside because they
NEED to go play outside. Particularly it becomes an
issue when they are doing outdoor things in the house
and clearly need to go do them outside (making mud
pies in the bathroom sink, running, screaming, playing
ball, etc. They are VERY active. They also sometimes
stay in even when we are outside doing chores, and I
often find them up to something they should not be
when I come in the house to check on them (ie:
wrestling on our bed, throwing all the bedding on the
floor; OR climbing on furniture to get things of ours
that we have put up because they abuse them; OR making
a huge mess in the kitchen playing with food they do
not intend to eat; OR teasing a cat; OR etc, you get
the picture.

They're great kids, just very active and need to go
out and play hard some evey day if possible. What
about days when they want to just do quiet things, you
may ask? When those days ever occur in my lifetime, I
will say a prayer of thanks. Times when they are
doing something relatively quiet, briefly, I don't
care if they are painting in the middle of the kitchen
floor while I cook dinner and have to step over them
(like last night) because it's such a relief not to
have the screaming and the running in the house.

Nanci K.