I'm not handling this well
Ren
"He's made his bed...let him lie in it.
You gave him a reasonable request, for his own safety, and not just to boss him
around. He ignored it. He did what he wanted. You laid down the law. Now
stick to your guns! "
How long have you been unschooling Holly, to give this kind of advice?
I must say, some of the posts lately are rather shocking, considering the list they're at. One would think folks had come to this site without even knowing what radical unschooling entails! Which is fine, we all learned in our own way/time...but I guess I expect the advice to be in line with the philosophies we all hold dear.
Unschooling is about respect and trust and gentleness, not just the freedom to learn what one chooses. Getting to the root of these issues is far more important than "sticking to your guns".
I believe in finding solutions that benefit the entire family, not pitting yourself as an adversary against your child.
Ren
You gave him a reasonable request, for his own safety, and not just to boss him
around. He ignored it. He did what he wanted. You laid down the law. Now
stick to your guns! "
How long have you been unschooling Holly, to give this kind of advice?
I must say, some of the posts lately are rather shocking, considering the list they're at. One would think folks had come to this site without even knowing what radical unschooling entails! Which is fine, we all learned in our own way/time...but I guess I expect the advice to be in line with the philosophies we all hold dear.
Unschooling is about respect and trust and gentleness, not just the freedom to learn what one chooses. Getting to the root of these issues is far more important than "sticking to your guns".
I believe in finding solutions that benefit the entire family, not pitting yourself as an adversary against your child.
Ren
Ren
"He's made his bed...let him lie in it.
You gave him a reasonable request, for his own safety, and not just to boss him
around. He ignored it. He did what he wanted. You laid down the law. Now
stick to your guns! "
How long have you been unschooling Holly, to give this kind of advice?
I must say, some of the posts lately are rather shocking, considering the list they're at. One would think folks had come to this site without even knowing what radical unschooling entails! Which is fine, we all learned in our own way/time...but I guess I expect the advice to be in line with the philosophies we all hold dear.
Unschooling is about respect and trust and gentleness, not just the freedom to learn what one chooses. Getting to the root of these issues is far more important than "sticking to your guns".
I believe in finding solutions that benefit the entire family, not pitting yourself as an adversary against your child.
Ren
You gave him a reasonable request, for his own safety, and not just to boss him
around. He ignored it. He did what he wanted. You laid down the law. Now
stick to your guns! "
How long have you been unschooling Holly, to give this kind of advice?
I must say, some of the posts lately are rather shocking, considering the list they're at. One would think folks had come to this site without even knowing what radical unschooling entails! Which is fine, we all learned in our own way/time...but I guess I expect the advice to be in line with the philosophies we all hold dear.
Unschooling is about respect and trust and gentleness, not just the freedom to learn what one chooses. Getting to the root of these issues is far more important than "sticking to your guns".
I believe in finding solutions that benefit the entire family, not pitting yourself as an adversary against your child.
Ren
J. Stauffer
We used to live on a very busy street in Houston. Now we live out in a
semi-rural area. I spent years working with pedophiles (rehab) and got to
where I saw a perpetrator behind every tree. I have 5 kids and the only
time they are asked to stay in the house is if I am in the shower (because
if there was a problem I wouldn't hear it). We keep windows open a lot. If
I can't be outside with the kids, I make sure that every so often I look out
the window and make sure where they are. If I don't see them, I make a tour
around the house until I see everybody.
I learned this from my grandmother. I always thought we had complete
freedom at her house, but I learned as an adult that those trips to check
the water in the garden, etc. were her way of making sure we were safe
without us feeling stifled.
I would say your son is telling you very loudly that he feels stifled. It
is terrifying to let your children out from under your protection at all
times. How in the world would you live with yourself if something were to
happen to them? But I do believe that it is better for a child to test the
waters of independence with our full knowledge and consent rather than to
sneak it behind our backs. If he is having to sneak and something goes
wrong, you wouldn't even know where to look for him.
Julie S.
semi-rural area. I spent years working with pedophiles (rehab) and got to
where I saw a perpetrator behind every tree. I have 5 kids and the only
time they are asked to stay in the house is if I am in the shower (because
if there was a problem I wouldn't hear it). We keep windows open a lot. If
I can't be outside with the kids, I make sure that every so often I look out
the window and make sure where they are. If I don't see them, I make a tour
around the house until I see everybody.
I learned this from my grandmother. I always thought we had complete
freedom at her house, but I learned as an adult that those trips to check
the water in the garden, etc. were her way of making sure we were safe
without us feeling stifled.
I would say your son is telling you very loudly that he feels stifled. It
is terrifying to let your children out from under your protection at all
times. How in the world would you live with yourself if something were to
happen to them? But I do believe that it is better for a child to test the
waters of independence with our full knowledge and consent rather than to
sneak it behind our backs. If he is having to sneak and something goes
wrong, you wouldn't even know where to look for him.
Julie S.
Dawn Bennink
I agree that kids need to learn independence. I definitely give my
children that. But I do feel that as their parent I need to give them
protection as well. I don't see a pedophile behind every tree, but I do
see the one that lives only 5 blocks away and walks the streets of this
neighborhood, which is filled with children. I have seen him speaking
to the kids across the street when their mother and father are nowhere
to be found. I worry about that, but have been told to mind my own
business by those parents, even after I rescued their 2 year old
daughter from a hit and run accident and gave shelter and protection to
their 7 year old son who was beaten to bloody by two older bullies. If
we lived in a more rural area, I would allow my children much more
freedom outside. But we live where there are multiple dangers that are a
reality, not just a potentiality.
My grandmother taught me something quite wise once as well. "Never
leave your children where you wouldn't leave a million dollars in cash."
I like to live that adage. If that makes me an excessively sheltering
parent, I can live with that and I think my boys can as well.
Dawn
J. Stauffer wrote:
children that. But I do feel that as their parent I need to give them
protection as well. I don't see a pedophile behind every tree, but I do
see the one that lives only 5 blocks away and walks the streets of this
neighborhood, which is filled with children. I have seen him speaking
to the kids across the street when their mother and father are nowhere
to be found. I worry about that, but have been told to mind my own
business by those parents, even after I rescued their 2 year old
daughter from a hit and run accident and gave shelter and protection to
their 7 year old son who was beaten to bloody by two older bullies. If
we lived in a more rural area, I would allow my children much more
freedom outside. But we live where there are multiple dangers that are a
reality, not just a potentiality.
My grandmother taught me something quite wise once as well. "Never
leave your children where you wouldn't leave a million dollars in cash."
I like to live that adage. If that makes me an excessively sheltering
parent, I can live with that and I think my boys can as well.
Dawn
J. Stauffer wrote:
> We used to live on a very busy street in Houston. Now we live out in a[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> semi-rural area. I spent years working with pedophiles (rehab) and got to
> where I saw a perpetrator behind every tree. I have 5 kids and the only
> time they are asked to stay in the house is if I am in the shower (because
> if there was a problem I wouldn't hear it). We keep windows open a
> lot. If
> I can't be outside with the kids, I make sure that every so often I
> look out
> the window and make sure where they are. If I don't see them, I make
> a tour
> around the house until I see everybody.
>
> I learned this from my grandmother. I always thought we had complete
> freedom at her house, but I learned as an adult that those trips to check
> the water in the garden, etc. were her way of making sure we were safe
> without us feeling stifled.
>
> I would say your son is telling you very loudly that he feels stifled. It
> is terrifying to let your children out from under your protection at all
> times. How in the world would you live with yourself if something were to
> happen to them? But I do believe that it is better for a child to
> test the
> waters of independence with our full knowledge and consent rather than to
> sneak it behind our backs. If he is having to sneak and something goes
> wrong, you wouldn't even know where to look for him.
>
> Julie S.
>
>
>
>
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Angela Lofton
have been told to mind my own
the people to commit crimes against children.
> business by those parents, even after I rescued their 2 year oldI think more parents should be like this. Then maybe it would be harder for
> daughter from a hit and run accident and gave shelter and protection to
> their 7 year old son who was beaten to bloody by two older bullies.
the people to commit crimes against children.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Dawn Bennink" <dbennink@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, October 23, 2003 1:16 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: I'm not handling this well
> > [email protected]
> >
> >
> >
> > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service
> > <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/>.
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
Tia Leschke
>Nothing wrong with that when they're little. I just hope you realize that
>
>My grandmother taught me something quite wise once as well. "Never
>leave your children where you wouldn't leave a million dollars in cash."
> I like to live that adage. If that makes me an excessively sheltering
>parent, I can live with that and I think my boys can as well.
you *will* have to let them out of your sight, probably sooner rather than
later. I've actually been pretty lucky with my kids. They've let me know
when *they* are comfortable with more freedom, and that's usually coincided
with when I was ready (more or less) to let go a bit. Obviously we can't go
back to the way it was when I walked 6 blocks to school by myself, or all
over the neighbourhood when I was in kindergarten. But as a parent of a
teen, I've gradually learned to grit my teeth and *not* always know exactly
where he is. And that didn't start when he was 13. He had gradually been
making forays farther away from me for some time. Much as we want to
protect them and keep them absolutely safe, it isn't possible. Life is full
of risks. It's good to help kids know just how much risk they're taking
when they want to do things, because we can't forbid them forever. If we
try, they'll just go anyway.
Tia
Dawn Bennink
Completely understood
Dawn
Tia Leschke wrote:
Dawn
Tia Leschke wrote:
>
> >
> >
> >My grandmother taught me something quite wise once as well. "Never
> >leave your children where you wouldn't leave a million dollars in cash."
> > I like to live that adage. If that makes me an excessively sheltering
> >parent, I can live with that and I think my boys can as well.
>
> Nothing wrong with that when they're little. I just hope you realize that
> you *will* have to let them out of your sight, probably sooner rather
> than
> later. I've actually been pretty lucky with my kids. They've let me know
> when *they* are comfortable with more freedom, and that's usually
> coincided
> with when I was ready (more or less) to let go a bit. Obviously we
> can't go
> back to the way it was when I walked 6 blocks to school by myself, or all
> over the neighbourhood when I was in kindergarten. But as a parent of a
> teen, I've gradually learned to grit my teeth and *not* always know
> exactly
> where he is. And that didn't start when he was 13. He had gradually been
> making forays farther away from me for some time. Much as we want to
> protect them and keep them absolutely safe, it isn't possible. Life is
> full
> of risks. It's good to help kids know just how much risk they're taking
> when they want to do things, because we can't forbid them forever. If we
> try, they'll just go anyway.
> Tia
coyote's corner
Wow - that's what I believe - If I can't/won't leave a million in twenties - I can't leave my daughter.
Heck, I won't leave my dog or my stock (in trade).
Wise woman - that grandma of yours!
Janis
'The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crises, maintain their neutrality.' Dante
Heck, I won't leave my dog or my stock (in trade).
Wise woman - that grandma of yours!
Janis
'The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crises, maintain their neutrality.' Dante
----- Original Message -----
From: Tia Leschke
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, October 23, 2003 6:14 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: I'm not handling this well
>
>
>My grandmother taught me something quite wise once as well. "Never
>leave your children where you wouldn't leave a million dollars in cash."
> I like to live that adage. If that makes me an excessively sheltering
>parent, I can live with that and I think my boys can as well.
Nothing wrong with that when they're little. I just hope you realize that
you *will* have to let them out of your sight, probably sooner rather than
later. I've actually been pretty lucky with my kids. They've let me know
when *they* are comfortable with more freedom, and that's usually coincided
with when I was ready (more or less) to let go a bit. Obviously we can't go
back to the way it was when I walked 6 blocks to school by myself, or all
over the neighbourhood when I was in kindergarten. But as a parent of a
teen, I've gradually learned to grit my teeth and *not* always know exactly
where he is. And that didn't start when he was 13. He had gradually been
making forays farther away from me for some time. Much as we want to
protect them and keep them absolutely safe, it isn't possible. Life is full
of risks. It's good to help kids know just how much risk they're taking
when they want to do things, because we can't forbid them forever. If we
try, they'll just go anyway.
Tia
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dawn Bennink
Angela Lofton wrote:
to help don't want you to help! Certainly I would call the police and
keep watch over the kids if some danger was imminent, but their
unsupervised neighborhood wanderings (and I'm mostly talking about the
littlest ones, now just 3 and 18 months) continue on a daily basis. I
called the police this past summer when the same child who had been hit
by a car was sitting in the middle of the street. (I had taken her home
when she was doing this before, and the mother screamed at me to leave
her kids and her alone.) The police came, took her home and supposedly
spoke to the parents, but nothing has changed. I know it isn't really
my business, but I absolutely cannot help but worry for the kids who
were unfortunately enough to be born to parents who aren't willing to
get up off the couch, turn off Jerry Springer and go out and deal with
their kids.
Rant over,
Dawn
> I think more parents should be like this. Then maybe it would beI agree. But what do you do when the parents of the kids you are trying
> harder for
> the people to commit crimes against children.
to help don't want you to help! Certainly I would call the police and
keep watch over the kids if some danger was imminent, but their
unsupervised neighborhood wanderings (and I'm mostly talking about the
littlest ones, now just 3 and 18 months) continue on a daily basis. I
called the police this past summer when the same child who had been hit
by a car was sitting in the middle of the street. (I had taken her home
when she was doing this before, and the mother screamed at me to leave
her kids and her alone.) The police came, took her home and supposedly
spoke to the parents, but nothing has changed. I know it isn't really
my business, but I absolutely cannot help but worry for the kids who
were unfortunately enough to be born to parents who aren't willing to
get up off the couch, turn off Jerry Springer and go out and deal with
their kids.
Rant over,
Dawn
Angela Lofton
I would just continue doing what you are doing. Some one has to watch over
the kids and apparently it's not the mother. Just keep calling the police
and letting them know of what is going on. Maybe even offer to babysit the
kids for her, she could be over whelmed with something or depressed and need
some time alone to sort things out. Remember if something does happen to
the kids wuoldn't you fell better if you knew you ha done all you could if
something did happen in the future.
As far as the pedophile goes my husband would like to take care of him.
(Ex semi - pro football line backer. 6'8" and 350lbs all muscle).
the kids and apparently it's not the mother. Just keep calling the police
and letting them know of what is going on. Maybe even offer to babysit the
kids for her, she could be over whelmed with something or depressed and need
some time alone to sort things out. Remember if something does happen to
the kids wuoldn't you fell better if you knew you ha done all you could if
something did happen in the future.
As far as the pedophile goes my husband would like to take care of him.
(Ex semi - pro football line backer. 6'8" and 350lbs all muscle).
----- Original Message -----
From: "Dawn Bennink" <dbennink@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, October 24, 2003 8:43 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: I'm not handling this well
>
>
> Angela Lofton wrote:
>
> > I think more parents should be like this. Then maybe it would be
> > harder for
> > the people to commit crimes against children.
>
> I agree. But what do you do when the parents of the kids you are trying
> to help don't want you to help! Certainly I would call the police and
> keep watch over the kids if some danger was imminent, but their
> unsupervised neighborhood wanderings (and I'm mostly talking about the
> littlest ones, now just 3 and 18 months) continue on a daily basis. I
> called the police this past summer when the same child who had been hit
> by a car was sitting in the middle of the street. (I had taken her home
> when she was doing this before, and the mother screamed at me to leave
> her kids and her alone.) The police came, took her home and supposedly
> spoke to the parents, but nothing has changed. I know it isn't really
> my business, but I absolutely cannot help but worry for the kids who
> were unfortunately enough to be born to parents who aren't willing to
> get up off the couch, turn off Jerry Springer and go out and deal with
> their kids.
>
> Rant over,
>
> Dawn
>
>
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
Alan & Brenda Leonard
10/24/03 10:18:
comfortable with it. Expect your comfort level to take time. Part of me
wants my son where I can see him all the time. But he's 7, not 3. And
having him trying out school right now has made it worse, because it feels
like he's NEVER around for me to watch.
Have you considered investing in a cheap set of walkie talkies? The way our
buildings are set up in this complex, I can't see him if he's not right on
the playground outside. But what seven year old wants to be confined to a
little playground, especially with a bike? His limits are still probably
only a couple blocks in any direction, but he feels like he has freedom, and
I know that if he wipes out on his bike (again), he can call me and I can be
there fast.
And all his friends want walkie talkies now, too...
Brenda
> Nothing wrong with that when they're little. I just hope you realize thatWe just hit this stage, and it took me several months to get reasonably
> you *will* have to let them out of your sight, probably sooner rather than
> later.
comfortable with it. Expect your comfort level to take time. Part of me
wants my son where I can see him all the time. But he's 7, not 3. And
having him trying out school right now has made it worse, because it feels
like he's NEVER around for me to watch.
Have you considered investing in a cheap set of walkie talkies? The way our
buildings are set up in this complex, I can't see him if he's not right on
the playground outside. But what seven year old wants to be confined to a
little playground, especially with a bike? His limits are still probably
only a couple blocks in any direction, but he feels like he has freedom, and
I know that if he wipes out on his bike (again), he can call me and I can be
there fast.
And all his friends want walkie talkies now, too...
Brenda
[email protected]
Really, Janis? My daughter is about the same age, and I leave her sitting
at a cafe while I go down the street to buy a book, and I let her walk 2
blocks in downtown Davis to go to the toy store, and walk to the pool
with a friend and stay and swim for a couple of hours... all places I
wouldn't leave a million bucks. But, see, she's smarter than a million
bucks, and there are a lot more people out there who would take a million
bucks than who want to hurt my kid... there are some, but I'm not going
to run my life based on a few evil people and what they might do, I'm not
going to give them that kind of control over me.
Dar
On Fri, 24 Oct 2003 08:42:33 -0400 "coyote's corner"
<janis@...> writes:
at a cafe while I go down the street to buy a book, and I let her walk 2
blocks in downtown Davis to go to the toy store, and walk to the pool
with a friend and stay and swim for a couple of hours... all places I
wouldn't leave a million bucks. But, see, she's smarter than a million
bucks, and there are a lot more people out there who would take a million
bucks than who want to hurt my kid... there are some, but I'm not going
to run my life based on a few evil people and what they might do, I'm not
going to give them that kind of control over me.
Dar
On Fri, 24 Oct 2003 08:42:33 -0400 "coyote's corner"
<janis@...> writes:
> Wow - that's what I believe - If I can't/won't leave a million in
> twenties - I can't leave my daughter.
> Heck, I won't leave my dog or my stock (in trade).
>
> Wise woman - that grandma of yours!
> Janis
> 'The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of
> great moral crises, maintain their neutrality.' Dante
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Tia Leschke
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Thursday, October 23, 2003 6:14 PM
> Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: I'm not handling this well
>
>
>
> >
> >
> >My grandmother taught me something quite wise once as well.
> "Never
> >leave your children where you wouldn't leave a million dollars in
> cash."
> > I like to live that adage. If that makes me an excessively
> sheltering
> >parent, I can live with that and I think my boys can as well.
>
> Nothing wrong with that when they're little. I just hope you
> realize that
> you *will* have to let them out of your sight, probably sooner
> rather than
> later. I've actually been pretty lucky with my kids. They've let
> me know
> when *they* are comfortable with more freedom, and that's usually
> coincided
> with when I was ready (more or less) to let go a bit. Obviously we
> can't go
> back to the way it was when I walked 6 blocks to school by myself,
> or all
> over the neighbourhood when I was in kindergarten. But as a parent
> of a
> teen, I've gradually learned to grit my teeth and *not* always
> know exactly
> where he is. And that didn't start when he was 13. He had
> gradually been
> making forays farther away from me for some time. Much as we want
> to
> protect them and keep them absolutely safe, it isn't possible.
> Life is full
> of risks. It's good to help kids know just how much risk they're
> taking
> when they want to do things, because we can't forbid them forever.
> If we
> try, they'll just go anyway.
> Tia
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
> ADVERTISEMENT
>
>
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
> Service.
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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coyote's corner
When I was walking down the street - way back in the late '50's - a man exposed himself to me and Jeannette - (my friend). He tried to get us to touch him. We were both traumatized.
We live in East Providence, RI....maybe you live in a nicer place.
What would your child do if someone tried to grab her? Would she know how to get away?
Does she know what to do if she were grabbed and she ended up in a car?
Do you really trust all those people you don't know?
Brianna & I are two females - alone
we work in the public with the public - too many people can 'see' us and follow us....
Brianna goes a few places on her own - but she does have a cell phone.
Maybe I'm over protective...and I'm okay w/ that.
Brianna will be able to travel on her own when she can defend herself. Look at the statistics.
Elizabeth Smart was one of the lucky ones.
Janis
We live in East Providence, RI....maybe you live in a nicer place.
What would your child do if someone tried to grab her? Would she know how to get away?
Does she know what to do if she were grabbed and she ended up in a car?
Do you really trust all those people you don't know?
Brianna & I are two females - alone
we work in the public with the public - too many people can 'see' us and follow us....
Brianna goes a few places on her own - but she does have a cell phone.
Maybe I'm over protective...and I'm okay w/ that.
Brianna will be able to travel on her own when she can defend herself. Look at the statistics.
Elizabeth Smart was one of the lucky ones.
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: freeform@...
To: [email protected]
Cc: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, October 24, 2003 2:46 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: I'm not handling this well
Really, Janis? My daughter is about the same age, and I leave her sitting
at a cafe while I go down the street to buy a book, and I let her walk 2
blocks in downtown Davis to go to the toy store, and walk to the pool
with a friend and stay and swim for a couple of hours... all places I
wouldn't leave a million bucks. But, see, she's smarter than a million
bucks, and there are a lot more people out there who would take a million
bucks than who want to hurt my kid... there are some, but I'm not going
to run my life based on a few evil people and what they might do, I'm not
going to give them that kind of control over me.
Dar
On Fri, 24 Oct 2003 08:42:33 -0400 "coyote's corner"
<janis@...> writes:
> Wow - that's what I believe - If I can't/won't leave a million in
> twenties - I can't leave my daughter.
> Heck, I won't leave my dog or my stock (in trade).
>
> Wise woman - that grandma of yours!
> Janis
> 'The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of
> great moral crises, maintain their neutrality.' Dante
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Tia Leschke
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Thursday, October 23, 2003 6:14 PM
> Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: I'm not handling this well
>
>
>
> >
> >
> >My grandmother taught me something quite wise once as well.
> "Never
> >leave your children where you wouldn't leave a million dollars in
> cash."
> > I like to live that adage. If that makes me an excessively
> sheltering
> >parent, I can live with that and I think my boys can as well.
>
> Nothing wrong with that when they're little. I just hope you
> realize that
> you *will* have to let them out of your sight, probably sooner
> rather than
> later. I've actually been pretty lucky with my kids. They've let
> me know
> when *they* are comfortable with more freedom, and that's usually
> coincided
> with when I was ready (more or less) to let go a bit. Obviously we
> can't go
> back to the way it was when I walked 6 blocks to school by myself,
> or all
> over the neighbourhood when I was in kindergarten. But as a parent
> of a
> teen, I've gradually learned to grit my teeth and *not* always
> know exactly
> where he is. And that didn't start when he was 13. He had
> gradually been
> making forays farther away from me for some time. Much as we want
> to
> protect them and keep them absolutely safe, it isn't possible.
> Life is full
> of risks. It's good to help kids know just how much risk they're
> taking
> when they want to do things, because we can't forbid them forever.
> If we
> try, they'll just go anyway.
> Tia
>
>
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Shyrley
coyote's corner wrote:
waving at me, the next when I was 16. he took off when I chased him with
a bicycle pump and the last at 23 while drunk and 8 months pregnant.
much use it would be to be honest but its pretty nasty to think about.
Shyrley
>When I was walking down the street - way back in the late '50's - a man exposed himself to me and Jeannette - (my friend). He tried to get us to touch him. We were both traumatized.How old were you? I saw my first flasher at 8. Had no idea what he was
>
waving at me, the next when I was 16. he took off when I chased him with
a bicycle pump and the last at 23 while drunk and 8 months pregnant.
>We live in East Providence, RI....maybe you live in a nicer place.I have been giving my lot tips from 'the Gift of Fear'. Don' know how
>What would your child do if someone tried to grab her? Would she know how to get away?
>Does she know what to do if she were grabbed and she ended up in a car?
>
much use it would be to be honest but its pretty nasty to think about.
Shyrley
>
>
coyote's corner
We were around 8 - 9 ..so this was maybe - 1957-1958? He chased us with his car ....we ran through the quad of Brown university - thinking he wouldn't chase us - he was on the other side when we got there!
Jeannette & I were truly horrified and so very scared. We ended up eluding him by running to a Sisters of Mercy convent.
The book I picked up was, I think called
"Street Smarts"
Some of it is because I have figured out how to get out of situations.
I've been brutally raped once and not so brutally raped once and date raped at least twice.
I've been molested (age 5 - female babysitter)
I've been grabbed, fondled, hovered over and around...how about when someone invades your space - gets way too close? Trying to intimidate you? Last guy that did that to me ended up on his knees...and when he was on his knees - and because he touched my shoulder....I kicked him in the face when he was down there.
I see him every so often...he doesn't bother me any more.
The sad part is - that I'm almost the norm. So many kids are fondles, grabbed, felt up. verbally accosted....I'd rather be safe than sorry.
When Brianna was 6, I left her with our first web designer. We had known him for almost two years. I knew next to nothing about web sites. I had met his mom and I knew some of the same folks as both he and his mom.
He was working on the computer/web site in our kitchen. Brianna was working on a puzzle.
I left them for less than 20 minutes.
He committed 2nd degree molestation.
Now let me tell you, I've been around.
I've met many, many people.
I can usually 'read' people. I didn't 'read' this in Kevin Soucy (he did serve time for it - I can say his name)
Gotta' run....
Janis
Jeannette & I were truly horrified and so very scared. We ended up eluding him by running to a Sisters of Mercy convent.
The book I picked up was, I think called
"Street Smarts"
Some of it is because I have figured out how to get out of situations.
I've been brutally raped once and not so brutally raped once and date raped at least twice.
I've been molested (age 5 - female babysitter)
I've been grabbed, fondled, hovered over and around...how about when someone invades your space - gets way too close? Trying to intimidate you? Last guy that did that to me ended up on his knees...and when he was on his knees - and because he touched my shoulder....I kicked him in the face when he was down there.
I see him every so often...he doesn't bother me any more.
The sad part is - that I'm almost the norm. So many kids are fondles, grabbed, felt up. verbally accosted....I'd rather be safe than sorry.
When Brianna was 6, I left her with our first web designer. We had known him for almost two years. I knew next to nothing about web sites. I had met his mom and I knew some of the same folks as both he and his mom.
He was working on the computer/web site in our kitchen. Brianna was working on a puzzle.
I left them for less than 20 minutes.
He committed 2nd degree molestation.
Now let me tell you, I've been around.
I've met many, many people.
I can usually 'read' people. I didn't 'read' this in Kevin Soucy (he did serve time for it - I can say his name)
Gotta' run....
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: Shyrley
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, October 24, 2003 6:34 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: I'm not handling this well
coyote's corner wrote:
>When I was walking down the street - way back in the late '50's - a man exposed himself to me and Jeannette - (my friend). He tried to get us to touch him. We were both traumatized.
>
How old were you? I saw my first flasher at 8. Had no idea what he was
waving at me, the next when I was 16. he took off when I chased him with
a bicycle pump and the last at 23 while drunk and 8 months pregnant.
>We live in East Providence, RI....maybe you live in a nicer place.
>What would your child do if someone tried to grab her? Would she know how to get away?
>Does she know what to do if she were grabbed and she ended up in a car?
>
I have been giving my lot tips from 'the Gift of Fear'. Don' know how
much use it would be to be honest but its pretty nasty to think about.
Shyrley
>
>
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Dawn Bennink
Dar,
How old is your daughter? What is the size of the town in which you live?
Dawn
freeform@... wrote:
How old is your daughter? What is the size of the town in which you live?
Dawn
freeform@... wrote:
> Really, Janis? My daughter is about the same age, and I leave her sitting
> at a cafe while I go down the street to buy a book, and I let her walk 2
> blocks in downtown Davis to go to the toy store, and walk to the pool
> with a friend and stay and swim for a couple of hours... all places I
> wouldn't leave a million bucks. But, see, she's smarter than a million
> bucks, and there are a lot more people out there who would take a million
> bucks than who want to hurt my kid... there are some, but I'm not going
> to run my life based on a few evil people and what they might do, I'm not
> going to give them that kind of control over me.
>
> Dar
Dawn Bennink
coyote's corner wrote:
cautiously than ever have to live through something like that.
Dawn
>I know Danielle Van Dam's grandmother. What a horror. I'd rather live
> Elizabeth Smart was one of the lucky ones.
> Janis
cautiously than ever have to live through something like that.
Dawn
Tia Leschke
>Wow! I'm 54 and don't think I could defend myself. But I learned many years
>
>Brianna will be able to travel on her own when she can defend herself.
>Look at the statistics.
ago not to look like a victim. Predators know what a victim looks like.
Tia
Tia Leschke
>I was already in such a bad mood when I got flashed a 17 that the guy
>How old were you? I saw my first flasher at 8. Had no idea what he was
>waving at me, the next when I was 16. he took off when I chased him with
>a bicycle pump and the last at 23 while drunk and 8 months pregnant.
almost got my cigarette stubbed out on his showpiece.
Tia
[email protected]
On Fri, 24 Oct 2003 19:56:41 -0400 Dawn Bennink <dbennink@...>
writes:
nowhere, where of course she's free to go anywhere, but we spent a lot of
time in Davis (college town, maybe 70K) and Woodland (more ag, maybe
50K). When we lived in the bay area (Alameda) and she was 7 or 8, she'd
walk a block to the coffee shop by herself. In Tucson... well, when it's
110 degrees, walking anywhere isn't something you really want to do, at
least 8 months out of the year, but she'd mall-wander with a friend.
I know things can happen. Midsi Sanchez lived in Vallejo, maybe 30 miles
from Davis (she was the 8 yr old taken on her way home from school who
escaped when her abductor went to get a black garbage bag by taking his
keys, unlocking her chain, and flagging down a truck). OTOH, other girls
are taken from their bedrooms at night. There are 150 stranger abductions
of children every year in the US (according to the Elizabeth Smart show
we're watching right now) and that's really, really rare.
I was raped as a kid. I know that can happen, too. But my life was very
different than Rain's is - I exuded "victim" and "good girl" and
"Catholic, prone to guilt" vibes. Rain walks with confidence, she doesn't
put up with crap like I did, because I was worried about hurting the
other person's feelings. I don't think seeing some guys dick would scare
her. She did have some guys offer her pot once, and handled it fine -
she said "No" in sort of a "Duh!" tone and walked on. I also like the
author Tia mentioned, Gavin DeBecker...
I know there are no guarantees in life, and everyone has to weigh the
risks and make their own decisions. Still, I think people tend to
overestimate some risks (like that of abduction or assault by a stranger)
and underestimate others (like sexual assault by a family member).
And speaking of no guarantees in life... a woman I knew killed herself
yesterday. She had three daughters, the youngest is Rain's age. They'd
all done shows with Rain at one time or another. She was the last person
I ever would have thought would kill herself....
Dar
writes:
> Dar,She's 10, she'll be 11 in January. We live on a farm in the middle of
>
> How old is your daughter? What is the size of the town in which you
> live?
nowhere, where of course she's free to go anywhere, but we spent a lot of
time in Davis (college town, maybe 70K) and Woodland (more ag, maybe
50K). When we lived in the bay area (Alameda) and she was 7 or 8, she'd
walk a block to the coffee shop by herself. In Tucson... well, when it's
110 degrees, walking anywhere isn't something you really want to do, at
least 8 months out of the year, but she'd mall-wander with a friend.
I know things can happen. Midsi Sanchez lived in Vallejo, maybe 30 miles
from Davis (she was the 8 yr old taken on her way home from school who
escaped when her abductor went to get a black garbage bag by taking his
keys, unlocking her chain, and flagging down a truck). OTOH, other girls
are taken from their bedrooms at night. There are 150 stranger abductions
of children every year in the US (according to the Elizabeth Smart show
we're watching right now) and that's really, really rare.
I was raped as a kid. I know that can happen, too. But my life was very
different than Rain's is - I exuded "victim" and "good girl" and
"Catholic, prone to guilt" vibes. Rain walks with confidence, she doesn't
put up with crap like I did, because I was worried about hurting the
other person's feelings. I don't think seeing some guys dick would scare
her. She did have some guys offer her pot once, and handled it fine -
she said "No" in sort of a "Duh!" tone and walked on. I also like the
author Tia mentioned, Gavin DeBecker...
I know there are no guarantees in life, and everyone has to weigh the
risks and make their own decisions. Still, I think people tend to
overestimate some risks (like that of abduction or assault by a stranger)
and underestimate others (like sexual assault by a family member).
And speaking of no guarantees in life... a woman I knew killed herself
yesterday. She had three daughters, the youngest is Rain's age. They'd
all done shows with Rain at one time or another. She was the last person
I ever would have thought would kill herself....
Dar
joylyn
freeform@... wrote:
let her go over to the club house or across the complex by herself. She
also walks people out to their car, at night, alone, or with Janene, and
they are fine. I have begun to think I need to let her handle more
things alone, llike going into a store and buying a few items, with me
waiting. We've sorta done that a few times, but it's been small stores
and I've been wary a lot. Lexie is very self sufficient and is like
Rain, not a victim at all.
know stuff is all the time. We talk about this on a regular basis.
I want to raise strong girls who respect themselves, are strong enough
to say no under difficult situations, can handle themselves in many
different situations, and know how to protect themselves.
We have a condo and there is a courtyard area with grass and trees in
front of the condo, surrounded by other condos, no access by cars. The
girls play there all the time, no adult out front. I often sit at my
computer and watch/listen to them, and they call up to me "Oh Wise
Talking Window, we're thirsty/hungry can you bring us something to
eat." "Oh Wise Talking Window, when will dinner be ready." But
sometimes I'm in the bath or in the backyard, and that's OK cause they
know their boundries. Up until last year I wouldn't let Janene go out
alone, she had to have Lexie with her. Now Janene can go out alone, as
can, of course, Lexie. Janene and Lexie also can go from our garage,
through the alleyway, to the courtyard, with bikes or ride toys or
whatever, alone. They do have boundries, but Lexie's are larger than
Janene's.
At the park where we go on Wed, they often get out of site. I don't
mind cause they are usually with a group of kids or at least a buddy.
If they don't reappear in 10-15 minutes I find them visually. Janene I
watch more closely but she sticks closer.
Kids need freedom to grow and learn. I used to know kids who were never
out of their parent's eyesight until they were 10-12 years old, and then
wow, did those kids misbehave! They had never made their own decision,
had any responsibility or dealt with anything strange or upsetting so
they had no basis for making good decisions.
joylyn
>I don't think I'd let Lexie, at 8, go down to the corner store, but I do
> On Fri, 24 Oct 2003 19:56:41 -0400 Dawn Bennink <dbennink@...>
> writes:
> > Dar,
> >
> > How old is your daughter? What is the size of the town in which you
> > live?
>
> She's 10, she'll be 11 in January. We live on a farm in the middle of
> nowhere, where of course she's free to go anywhere, but we spent a lot of
> time in Davis (college town, maybe 70K) and Woodland (more ag, maybe
> 50K). When we lived in the bay area (Alameda) and she was 7 or 8, she'd
> walk a block to the coffee shop by herself. In Tucson... well, when it's
> 110 degrees, walking anywhere isn't something you really want to do, at
> least 8 months out of the year, but she'd mall-wander with a friend.
let her go over to the club house or across the complex by herself. She
also walks people out to their car, at night, alone, or with Janene, and
they are fine. I have begun to think I need to let her handle more
things alone, llike going into a store and buying a few items, with me
waiting. We've sorta done that a few times, but it's been small stores
and I've been wary a lot. Lexie is very self sufficient and is like
Rain, not a victim at all.
>I am very aware of that. Stranger stuff is almost nothing, people you
> I know things can happen. Midsi Sanchez lived in Vallejo, maybe 30 miles
> from Davis (she was the 8 yr old taken on her way home from school who
> escaped when her abductor went to get a black garbage bag by taking his
> keys, unlocking her chain, and flagging down a truck). OTOH, other girls
> are taken from their bedrooms at night. There are 150 stranger abductions
> of children every year in the US (according to the Elizabeth Smart show
> we're watching right now) and that's really, really rare.
know stuff is all the time. We talk about this on a regular basis.
I want to raise strong girls who respect themselves, are strong enough
to say no under difficult situations, can handle themselves in many
different situations, and know how to protect themselves.
We have a condo and there is a courtyard area with grass and trees in
front of the condo, surrounded by other condos, no access by cars. The
girls play there all the time, no adult out front. I often sit at my
computer and watch/listen to them, and they call up to me "Oh Wise
Talking Window, we're thirsty/hungry can you bring us something to
eat." "Oh Wise Talking Window, when will dinner be ready." But
sometimes I'm in the bath or in the backyard, and that's OK cause they
know their boundries. Up until last year I wouldn't let Janene go out
alone, she had to have Lexie with her. Now Janene can go out alone, as
can, of course, Lexie. Janene and Lexie also can go from our garage,
through the alleyway, to the courtyard, with bikes or ride toys or
whatever, alone. They do have boundries, but Lexie's are larger than
Janene's.
At the park where we go on Wed, they often get out of site. I don't
mind cause they are usually with a group of kids or at least a buddy.
If they don't reappear in 10-15 minutes I find them visually. Janene I
watch more closely but she sticks closer.
Kids need freedom to grow and learn. I used to know kids who were never
out of their parent's eyesight until they were 10-12 years old, and then
wow, did those kids misbehave! They had never made their own decision,
had any responsibility or dealt with anything strange or upsetting so
they had no basis for making good decisions.
>I'm sorry Dar, that's rough. How is Rain taking it?
>
> I was raped as a kid. I know that can happen, too. But my life was very
> different than Rain's is - I exuded "victim" and "good girl" and
> "Catholic, prone to guilt" vibes. Rain walks with confidence, she doesn't
> put up with crap like I did, because I was worried about hurting the
> other person's feelings. I don't think seeing some guys dick would scare
> her. She did have some guys offer her pot once, and handled it fine -
> she said "No" in sort of a "Duh!" tone and walked on. I also like the
> author Tia mentioned, Gavin DeBecker...
>
> I know there are no guarantees in life, and everyone has to weigh the
> risks and make their own decisions. Still, I think people tend to
> overestimate some risks (like that of abduction or assault by a stranger)
> and underestimate others (like sexual assault by a family member).
>
> And speaking of no guarantees in life... a woman I knew killed herself
> yesterday. She had three daughters, the youngest is Rain's age. They'd
> all done shows with Rain at one time or another. She was the last person
> I ever would have thought would kill herself....
joylyn
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> Dar
>
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coyote's corner
I agree...I definitely do not look like a victim ....now. It took me awhile to catch on.
Attitude is very important, Brianna has this confidence that I so admire. She isn't frightened, she's cautious; she's observant.
BTW;
Brianna & I are celebrating my "public" birthday this day ...even though,my real birthday is Monday...and it's my 54th!!
Brianna made me a fabulously wonderful ice cream cake w/ unsalted nuts; Hagan Daz coffee ice cream w/ a chocolate sauce ( she also made the sauce.)
She also whipped up a great batch of toll house cookies.
On Monday, she and I are celebrating "alone" - hiking, movie and lunch. She planned everything - including today's events...she coordinated w/ my friends. I really had no idea that she even had all these ingredients!...
Life is so good!
Janis
Attitude is very important, Brianna has this confidence that I so admire. She isn't frightened, she's cautious; she's observant.
BTW;
Brianna & I are celebrating my "public" birthday this day ...even though,my real birthday is Monday...and it's my 54th!!
Brianna made me a fabulously wonderful ice cream cake w/ unsalted nuts; Hagan Daz coffee ice cream w/ a chocolate sauce ( she also made the sauce.)
She also whipped up a great batch of toll house cookies.
On Monday, she and I are celebrating "alone" - hiking, movie and lunch. She planned everything - including today's events...she coordinated w/ my friends. I really had no idea that she even had all these ingredients!...
Life is so good!
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: Tia Leschke
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, October 24, 2003 10:55 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: I'm not handling this well
>
>
>Brianna will be able to travel on her own when she can defend herself.
>Look at the statistics.
Wow! I'm 54 and don't think I could defend myself. But I learned many years
ago not to look like a victim. Predators know what a victim looks like.
Tia
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crystal.pina
Dawn, it sounds to me like this mom really does need help, but she's looking
at you like you are harmful, not helpful. It sounds like she may see you as
judging her. Like your life is easy and perfect and you are looking down on
her because her's isn't. Of course, this is only from what I read here. I
think she needs to see that you are trying to help, not judge.
I think that if you are really serious about helping these kids, you have to
help the mom become a better mom first. You have to dig down and find out
what the reason for her neglect is, then try to offer her solutions. This
is not an easy task.
You need to know why she doesn't watch her kids. Is she vegging during the
day because she works a night job or stays up all night partying or fighting
with an abusive man? Is she sitting around her house watching Jerry
Springer because she doesn't know how to interact with the kids? Is she
really watching Jerry Springer or is she just too busy doing things that
have somehow become too important to keep her eye on the kids (like
housework)? Maybe she just can't handle the stress of two little ones. Or,
maybe she never had any good parenting role models and just doesn't know
what to do. It's hard to know from down the street what is really going on.
Are you willing to put yourself out there for this family? Once you've made
contact with a needy person it's hard for them to let go. I don't envy your
position right now.
Crystal
**********************************
I agree. But what do you do when the parents of the kids you are trying to
help don't want you to help! Certainly I would call the police and keep
watch over the kids if some danger was imminent, but their unsupervised
neighborhood wanderings (and I'm mostly talking about the littlest ones, now
just 3 and 18 months) continue on a daily basis. I called the police this
past summer when the same child who had been hit by a car was sitting in the
middle of the street. (I had taken her home when she was doing this before,
and the mother screamed at me to leave her kids and her alone.) The police
came, took her home and supposedly spoke to the parents, but nothing has
changed. I know it isn't really my business, but I absolutely cannot help
but worry for the kids who
were unfortunately enough to be born to parents who aren't willing to get up
off the couch, turn off Jerry Springer and go out and deal with their kids.
at you like you are harmful, not helpful. It sounds like she may see you as
judging her. Like your life is easy and perfect and you are looking down on
her because her's isn't. Of course, this is only from what I read here. I
think she needs to see that you are trying to help, not judge.
I think that if you are really serious about helping these kids, you have to
help the mom become a better mom first. You have to dig down and find out
what the reason for her neglect is, then try to offer her solutions. This
is not an easy task.
You need to know why she doesn't watch her kids. Is she vegging during the
day because she works a night job or stays up all night partying or fighting
with an abusive man? Is she sitting around her house watching Jerry
Springer because she doesn't know how to interact with the kids? Is she
really watching Jerry Springer or is she just too busy doing things that
have somehow become too important to keep her eye on the kids (like
housework)? Maybe she just can't handle the stress of two little ones. Or,
maybe she never had any good parenting role models and just doesn't know
what to do. It's hard to know from down the street what is really going on.
Are you willing to put yourself out there for this family? Once you've made
contact with a needy person it's hard for them to let go. I don't envy your
position right now.
Crystal
**********************************
I agree. But what do you do when the parents of the kids you are trying to
help don't want you to help! Certainly I would call the police and keep
watch over the kids if some danger was imminent, but their unsupervised
neighborhood wanderings (and I'm mostly talking about the littlest ones, now
just 3 and 18 months) continue on a daily basis. I called the police this
past summer when the same child who had been hit by a car was sitting in the
middle of the street. (I had taken her home when she was doing this before,
and the mother screamed at me to leave her kids and her alone.) The police
came, took her home and supposedly spoke to the parents, but nothing has
changed. I know it isn't really my business, but I absolutely cannot help
but worry for the kids who
were unfortunately enough to be born to parents who aren't willing to get up
off the couch, turn off Jerry Springer and go out and deal with their kids.
Tia Leschke
>Happy Birthday Janis! For almost a month we'll be the same age. <G>
>Brianna & I are celebrating my "public" birthday this day ...even
>though,my real birthday is Monday...and it's my 54th!!
>Brianna made me a fabulously wonderful ice cream cake w/ unsalted nuts;From all you've said about Brianna, I think I'd like her.
>Hagan Daz coffee ice cream w/ a chocolate sauce ( she also made the sauce.)
>She also whipped up a great batch of toll house cookies.
>
>On Monday, she and I are celebrating "alone" - hiking, movie and lunch.
>She planned everything - including today's events...she coordinated w/ my
>friends. I really had no idea that she even had all these ingredients!...
Tia
coyote's corner
Thanks so much for saying that about Brianna.
We're having a wonderful day!
Janis
Happy Birthday Janis! For almost a month we'll be the same age. <G>
!...
From all you've said about Brianna, I think I'd like her.
Tia
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We're having a wonderful day!
Janis
Happy Birthday Janis! For almost a month we'll be the same age. <G>
!...
From all you've said about Brianna, I think I'd like her.
Tia
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Ren
"I've been brutally raped once and not so brutally raped once and date raped at
least twice.
I've been molested (age 5 - female babysitter)"
The above experiences are very telling...that would cause you to see the world with no trust, understandable. But safety is merely an illusion at best. Just because you're trying to be protective is no guarantee of anything. I'm sure you know that.
Raising children that are aware, not fearful is important to me.
I've read (from a psychologist) that women that get raped more than once are typically carrying abuse of some kind with them. That fear and the way they carry themselves screams "victim" at rapists. Until you heal from the abuse, those types of situations are likely to continue.
It's horrid that rapists will hone in on vulnerable people, but that's what happens.
I had a friend raped multiple times over the very same issue. It wasn't until she got help and realized how she was waving a "victim" sign before it stopped happening and she was able to protect herself.
She became quite deadly in the martial arts also...which was very cool.
I don't think acting fearfully overprotective is a helpful tool in keeping our children safe.
Ren
least twice.
I've been molested (age 5 - female babysitter)"
The above experiences are very telling...that would cause you to see the world with no trust, understandable. But safety is merely an illusion at best. Just because you're trying to be protective is no guarantee of anything. I'm sure you know that.
Raising children that are aware, not fearful is important to me.
I've read (from a psychologist) that women that get raped more than once are typically carrying abuse of some kind with them. That fear and the way they carry themselves screams "victim" at rapists. Until you heal from the abuse, those types of situations are likely to continue.
It's horrid that rapists will hone in on vulnerable people, but that's what happens.
I had a friend raped multiple times over the very same issue. It wasn't until she got help and realized how she was waving a "victim" sign before it stopped happening and she was able to protect herself.
She became quite deadly in the martial arts also...which was very cool.
I don't think acting fearfully overprotective is a helpful tool in keeping our children safe.
Ren
coyote's corner
I don't think I'm fearfully over-protective - we do travel off to a new place almost every weekend where we set up a 10' X 20' tent - that's our store and we carry lots and lots of stock - thousands of dollars worth. And there are crowds. We don't know if someone is watching us; we don't know if someone is planning on robbing us. It's just the two of us.
We travel other ways, also. My son lives in Texas - we go there, we travel to NYC; we travel to Florida.
I do not 'scream' victim.
I am very good at self-defense.
No one victimizes me anymore
I won't let anyone victimize Brianna...if I can help it.
She was the victim of 2nd degree molestation already. Yes, it was someone we knew.
So what? Does that mean that being very careful w/ her is meaningless? All it means is that it can happen again. That's a reality. She's pretty good at defending herself now - she isn't good enough to walk a mile or so alone.
Brianna isn't fearful - she's aware. She pays attention.
I don't think you really read my post.
I have weapons, rather good self-defensive skills and no mercy.
Janis
We travel other ways, also. My son lives in Texas - we go there, we travel to NYC; we travel to Florida.
I do not 'scream' victim.
I am very good at self-defense.
No one victimizes me anymore
I won't let anyone victimize Brianna...if I can help it.
She was the victim of 2nd degree molestation already. Yes, it was someone we knew.
So what? Does that mean that being very careful w/ her is meaningless? All it means is that it can happen again. That's a reality. She's pretty good at defending herself now - she isn't good enough to walk a mile or so alone.
Brianna isn't fearful - she's aware. She pays attention.
I don't think you really read my post.
I have weapons, rather good self-defensive skills and no mercy.
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: Ren
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, October 25, 2003 2:42 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] I'm not handling this well
"I've been brutally raped once and not so brutally raped once and date raped at
least twice.
I've been molested (age 5 - female babysitter)"
The above experiences are very telling...that would cause you to see the world with no trust, understandable. But safety is merely an illusion at best. Just because you're trying to be protective is no guarantee of anything. I'm sure you know that.
Raising children that are aware, not fearful is important to me.
I've read (from a psychologist) that women that get raped more than once are typically carrying abuse of some kind with them. That fear and the way they carry themselves screams "victim" at rapists. Until you heal from the abuse, those types of situations are likely to continue.
It's horrid that rapists will hone in on vulnerable people, but that's what happens.
I had a friend raped multiple times over the very same issue. It wasn't until she got help and realized how she was waving a "victim" sign before it stopped happening and she was able to protect herself.
She became quite deadly in the martial arts also...which was very cool.
I don't think acting fearfully overprotective is a helpful tool in keeping our children safe.
Ren
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]