RE: child's eating
Retta
Dear Julie S.,
Was the child small and thin as an infant? In other words does he fall into the same category he's been in historically? Are there any relatives who have the appearance you described in your son? As the problem started when he came off the bottle, I think I'd offer him a bottle; go back to when it started.
I think I'd drop the rule about "if you take it please eat it." That can create pressure that prevents experimenting. I abhor wasting food too, and the kids understand that is a problem for me, but if someone takes a bite of something and doesn't like it, I'll eat it myself if I want to or my son will if he's interested, or else it gets tossed. No one would force a baby to eat past the point where they indicate they're through. We trust the baby to know her own body. Why do we try to start torturous regimens after they're past babyhood? If I thought I had to eat a lot of anything I took a bite of, I would only go for foods I already know I like and want, which, for your son, is junk food. Gaging ourselves is a later skill, but still not a rule.
If your son is addicted to highly processed carbs, then no, I wouldn't keep them in the house. I'd keep lots of fresh fruit though, and offer to cut them up and put them in a bag. (Most recovering alcoholics don't keep alcohol in the house or hang out in bars if they really want to be free. I'm not saying your son is addicted, just drawing a parallel.) You'll save money not buying expensive processed foods, making throwing away half-eaten foods more tolerable to the budget. I have to ask myself, really, am I going to be homeless if 2 or 5% of food is wasted? We're on a tight budget too, but when friends come over hungry I don't think twice about what the food costs.
I was short and thin and had veins popping out when I was a kid. (Some of my sibs are tall, some short. I'm no longer thin!) I was sick all the time too. We had plenty of sugar/white flour products in my house when I was a kid. I'll bet some people can handle that, but my family was so dysfunctional I became a sugar junkie. The "sweetness" was missing in our relationships, so I craved it. I still like sweets, but I use them more normally now because I've spent years in therapy learning to be "sweet" to myself in other ways.
Are you unconsciously doing things that you know are bad for you? Did you experience any pressure around eating when you were young? I find this kind of parallel is consistently the source of difficulty for me. I hold this metaphysical belief that my children have come as beings of light to set me free, and they'll go to any length to do it.
When I'm uncomfortable with what my kids do, I know it's just the "fire" and I move towards the burning of the situation rather than away. If I can tolerate the heat inside myself without trying to get them to change to make me comfortable and without 'running away' from the situation or thinking about what it all means, I fall into a place of clarity and obtain a mysterious knowing of how to proceed. Like when I see the kids waste food - I really go inside and feel what I don't want to feel, because there's information for me, intelligence in it for me. Our culture is not accustomed to emotional information, only intellectual.
It sounds like you're not about to 'run away' or try to avoid this problem. And you're already in the fire, so just go into your heart and check out what's there. It might break your heart, but it just breaks open, and that's the only way to deal with children, from an open heart.
Please let us know how you progress.
Retta
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Was the child small and thin as an infant? In other words does he fall into the same category he's been in historically? Are there any relatives who have the appearance you described in your son? As the problem started when he came off the bottle, I think I'd offer him a bottle; go back to when it started.
I think I'd drop the rule about "if you take it please eat it." That can create pressure that prevents experimenting. I abhor wasting food too, and the kids understand that is a problem for me, but if someone takes a bite of something and doesn't like it, I'll eat it myself if I want to or my son will if he's interested, or else it gets tossed. No one would force a baby to eat past the point where they indicate they're through. We trust the baby to know her own body. Why do we try to start torturous regimens after they're past babyhood? If I thought I had to eat a lot of anything I took a bite of, I would only go for foods I already know I like and want, which, for your son, is junk food. Gaging ourselves is a later skill, but still not a rule.
If your son is addicted to highly processed carbs, then no, I wouldn't keep them in the house. I'd keep lots of fresh fruit though, and offer to cut them up and put them in a bag. (Most recovering alcoholics don't keep alcohol in the house or hang out in bars if they really want to be free. I'm not saying your son is addicted, just drawing a parallel.) You'll save money not buying expensive processed foods, making throwing away half-eaten foods more tolerable to the budget. I have to ask myself, really, am I going to be homeless if 2 or 5% of food is wasted? We're on a tight budget too, but when friends come over hungry I don't think twice about what the food costs.
I was short and thin and had veins popping out when I was a kid. (Some of my sibs are tall, some short. I'm no longer thin!) I was sick all the time too. We had plenty of sugar/white flour products in my house when I was a kid. I'll bet some people can handle that, but my family was so dysfunctional I became a sugar junkie. The "sweetness" was missing in our relationships, so I craved it. I still like sweets, but I use them more normally now because I've spent years in therapy learning to be "sweet" to myself in other ways.
Are you unconsciously doing things that you know are bad for you? Did you experience any pressure around eating when you were young? I find this kind of parallel is consistently the source of difficulty for me. I hold this metaphysical belief that my children have come as beings of light to set me free, and they'll go to any length to do it.
When I'm uncomfortable with what my kids do, I know it's just the "fire" and I move towards the burning of the situation rather than away. If I can tolerate the heat inside myself without trying to get them to change to make me comfortable and without 'running away' from the situation or thinking about what it all means, I fall into a place of clarity and obtain a mysterious knowing of how to proceed. Like when I see the kids waste food - I really go inside and feel what I don't want to feel, because there's information for me, intelligence in it for me. Our culture is not accustomed to emotional information, only intellectual.
It sounds like you're not about to 'run away' or try to avoid this problem. And you're already in the fire, so just go into your heart and check out what's there. It might break your heart, but it just breaks open, and that's the only way to deal with children, from an open heart.
Please let us know how you progress.
Retta
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joylyn
Retta wrote:
bite--that gives a message I don't wanna give.
Joylyn
> Dear Julie S.,I agree with this. Forcing kids to finish the plate, or take that last
>
> Was the child small and thin as an infant? In other words does he
> fall into the same category he's been in historically? Are there any
> relatives who have the appearance you described in your son? As the
> problem started when he came off the bottle, I think I'd offer him a
> bottle; go back to when it started.
>
> I think I'd drop the rule about "if you take it please eat it." That
> can create pressure that prevents experimenting.
bite--that gives a message I don't wanna give.
Joylyn
> I abhor wasting food too, and the kids understand that is a problem[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> for me, but if someone takes a bite of something and doesn't like it,
> I'll eat it myself if I want to or my son will if he's interested, or
> else it gets tossed. No one would force a baby to eat past the point
> where they indicate they're through. We trust the baby to know her
> own body. Why do we try to start torturous regimens after they're
> past babyhood? If I thought I had to eat a lot of anything I took a
> bite of, I would only go for foods I already know I like and want,
> which, for your son, is junk food. Gaging ourselves is a later skill,
> but still not a rule.
>
> If your son is addicted to highly processed carbs, then no, I wouldn't
> keep them in the house. I'd keep lots of fresh fruit though, and
> offer to cut them up and put them in a bag. (Most recovering
> alcoholics don't keep alcohol in the house or hang out in bars if they
> really want to be free. I'm not saying your son is addicted, just
> drawing a parallel.) You'll save money not buying expensive processed
> foods, making throwing away half-eaten foods more tolerable to the
> budget. I have to ask myself, really, am I going to be homeless if 2
> or 5% of food is wasted? We're on a tight budget too, but when
> friends come over hungry I don't think twice about what the food costs.
>
> I was short and thin and had veins popping out when I was a kid.
> (Some of my sibs are tall, some short. I'm no longer thin!) I was
> sick all the time too. We had plenty of sugar/white flour products in
> my house when I was a kid. I'll bet some people can handle that, but
> my family was so dysfunctional I became a sugar junkie. The
> "sweetness" was missing in our relationships, so I craved it. I still
> like sweets, but I use them more normally now because I've spent years
> in therapy learning to be "sweet" to myself in other ways.
>
> Are you unconsciously doing things that you know are bad for you? Did
> you experience any pressure around eating when you were young? I find
> this kind of parallel is consistently the source of difficulty for
> me. I hold this metaphysical belief that my children have come as
> beings of light to set me free, and they'll go to any length to do it.
>
> When I'm uncomfortable with what my kids do, I know it's just the
> "fire" and I move towards the burning of the situation rather than
> away. If I can tolerate the heat inside myself without trying to get
> them to change to make me comfortable and without 'running away' from
> the situation or thinking about what it all means, I fall into a place
> of clarity and obtain a mysterious knowing of how to proceed. Like
> when I see the kids waste food - I really go inside and feel what I
> don't want to feel, because there's information for me, intelligence
> in it for me. Our culture is not accustomed to emotional information,
> only intellectual.
>
> It sounds like you're not about to 'run away' or try to avoid this
> problem. And you're already in the fire, so just go into your heart
> and check out what's there. It might break your heart, but it just
> breaks open, and that's the only way to deal with children, from an
> open heart.
>
> Please let us know how you progress.
>
> Retta
>
>
>
>
>
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