Karen

Retta, this is one of the very few posts I'm printing and keeping. May I
have permission to forward it? And is there a book that talks about this or
is it your own realization. Either way, it's priceless!

Karen

> The mistake I've often made, is that I assume that people who's bodies
> are
grown are adults. Actually, most people walking around are little kids
acting as if they are adults. The only way I've found to remain at peace in
the midst of such "sleeping" people is to adopt the same attitude with them
that I do with my children. I strive to offer them the full welcome.
>
> The "welcoming response" is the one most people give their children
> when
they are learning to walk and talk:
>
> FULL ENCOURAGEMENT
> MUTUAL ENJOYMENT
> NO MISTAKES - Falling down is part of the process
> NO JUDGMENT - As they learn to walk we don't say, "You walk funny"
> or
label them as "clumsy."
>
> INNER MOTIVATION - They want to learn. They have a strong innate
desire to grow in skill.
>
> WE ARE NOT DELIBERATELY TEACHING THEM - They learn from our model.
>
> WE TAKE CUES FROM THE CHILD - We don't try to force them to walk
> before
they are ready.
>
> NO EXTERNAL REWARDS ARE NECESSARY - Learning and accomplishing are
their own reward.
>
> SUPPORT AND COMFORT ARE READILY AVAILABLE
>
> FULL EXPECTATION OF SUCCESS - Barring disability, we have no doubt
> that
they will learn to walk and talk.
>
> BELIEF THAT CHILDREN ARE SELF CORRECTING - If a child says a word
incorrectly, we have no doubt that they will eventually learn the correct
work. We even enjoy the mispronouncing and think it is cute.
>
> My dd's creations have lived on: "floaty delvation" (flotation
> device),
"kitty chasm" (catechism). Don't you all remember your children's?
>
> Anyway, this welcoming is quite irresistible. I'm convinced that it's
what everyone is looking for in life. Almost everyone loses their full
welcome before age 5, half at toilet training "time."
>
> But what it is, it's an open heart that trusts life. Anyone who
> unschools
already does this, we just need to extend it to all those "grown ups" in
disguise. Since I began doing that, I've witnessed really hard core people
change before my eyes. For instance, my mom, the know-it-all kill-joy of
the 20th century, starting saying really tender things to me like, "I really
like the way you look at me" because I was radiating the tenderness that I
always wanted from her. It's also what she always wanted. Neither of us
experienced it as long as I was trying to get it from her. Once I
discovered my own capacity to give it under any circumstances, she began to
reflect it back to me. I'm so happy - she's 83 and I don't know if she'll
make it another year.
>
> Trying to convince anyone of anything is usually futile, because it's
> a
natural law of physics that any force creates its own counterforce. But an
open, tender invitation is irresistable.
>
> Fondly,
>
> Retta

M. Dalrymple-Lepore

Hear hear! I printed it out, too . . .


On Wednesday, October 1, 2003, at 08:53 AM, Karen wrote:

> Retta, this is one of the very few posts I'm printing and keeping. May
> I
> have permission to forward it? And is there a book that talks about
> this or
> is it your own realization. Either way, it's priceless!
>
> Karen
>
>> The mistake I've often made, is that I assume that people who's bodies
>> are
> grown are adults. Actually, most people walking around are little kids
> acting as if they are adults. The only way I've found to remain at
> peace in
> the midst of such "sleeping" people is to adopt the same attitude with
> them
> that I do with my children. I strive to offer them the full welcome.
>>
>> The "welcoming response" is the one most people give their children
>> when
> they are learning to walk and talk:
>>
>> FULL ENCOURAGEMENT
>> MUTUAL ENJOYMENT
>> NO MISTAKES - Falling down is part of the process
>> NO JUDGMENT - As they learn to walk we don't say, "You walk funny"
>> or
> label them as "clumsy."
>>
>> INNER MOTIVATION - They want to learn. They have a strong innate
> desire to grow in skill.
>>
>> WE ARE NOT DELIBERATELY TEACHING THEM - They learn from our model.
>>
>> WE TAKE CUES FROM THE CHILD - We don't try to force them to walk
>> before
> they are ready.
>>
>> NO EXTERNAL REWARDS ARE NECESSARY - Learning and accomplishing are
> their own reward.
>>
>> SUPPORT AND COMFORT ARE READILY AVAILABLE
>>
>> FULL EXPECTATION OF SUCCESS - Barring disability, we have no doubt
>> that
> they will learn to walk and talk.
>>
>> BELIEF THAT CHILDREN ARE SELF CORRECTING - If a child says a word
> incorrectly, we have no doubt that they will eventually learn the
> correct
> work. We even enjoy the mispronouncing and think it is cute.
>>
>> My dd's creations have lived on: "floaty delvation" (flotation
>> device),
> "kitty chasm" (catechism). Don't you all remember your children's?
>>
>> Anyway, this welcoming is quite irresistible. I'm convinced that it's
> what everyone is looking for in life. Almost everyone loses their full
> welcome before age 5, half at toilet training "time."
>>
>> But what it is, it's an open heart that trusts life. Anyone who
>> unschools
> already does this, we just need to extend it to all those "grown ups"
> in
> disguise. Since I began doing that, I've witnessed really hard core
> people
> change before my eyes. For instance, my mom, the know-it-all kill-joy
> of
> the 20th century, starting saying really tender things to me like, "I
> really
> like the way you look at me" because I was radiating the tenderness
> that I
> always wanted from her. It's also what she always wanted. Neither of
> us
> experienced it as long as I was trying to get it from her. Once I
> discovered my own capacity to give it under any circumstances, she
> began to
> reflect it back to me. I'm so happy - she's 83 and I don't know if
> she'll
> make it another year.
>>
>> Trying to convince anyone of anything is usually futile, because it's
>> a
> natural law of physics that any force creates its own counterforce.
> But an
> open, tender invitation is irresistable.
>>
>> Fondly,
>>
>> Retta
>
>
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___________________________________________
. . .Adjusting one's sensibilities to allow for diversity of thought,
lifestyle and political persuasion can be a real hassle. . .
JOHN YOUNG, Waco Tribune-Herald