Re: [AlwaysLearning] I am so frustrated with family.... anyone out there will...
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/27/2003 11:41:54 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
cshagedorn@... writes:
I just said to my husband last night... you know ... it is just a matter of
time before we are going to get blasted with "questions" Because it is the
fall ... my daughter would be in the first grade... They really are wanting to
"talk" about everything... I believe it is so they can give us the"answers"
and "save our children" after discussing their concerns.....
I would physically buy and deliver to her a book or two on homeschooling.
The Homeschool Book of Ansers is great bdcause the name is general, but it's
pretty unschoolish.
Maybe "How Children Fail" or anotherschool-focussed John Holt book?
Tell her that after she's finished reading them you'll be glad to discuss it
with her. If she starts in at all you can just say "Did you finish the
books?" If no, say (again, in review <g>), "When you've read those books, you'll
understand." And remind her that until she's read about it, she's not really
qualified to discuss it with you.
-=-She urgently asked,,, WELL.. what DO you DO on a typical day? She went on
and said...-=-
There are typical days collected here:
http://sandradodd.com/typical
If she dosn't have internet access, you can make "tsk tsk" noises about how
CRUCIALLY important it is to have that, and how all the information one could
want is right there.
If she does have internet, you don't have to discuss it until she's read some.
-=-I said... Kim... gotta go... before I could say anything else.. SHE said,,
GOOD BYE and hung up on me.-=-
Well GOOD! From your subject line, I thought you were frustrated with your
OWN family, not your parents' family. Priorities! They can be faily-like by
being supportive, or they can be hostile-stranger like and find themselves on
the outside. You don't have to answer to your sister.
-=-ahhhhhhhhhhhh Do I come from a freakishly narrow minded family? Has
anyone ever encountered this?-=-
My sister used to tell me her problems just about every single day. When
she'd say "Well kids have to..." or "they have no choice..." I'd say "they don't
HAVE to" or "My kids don't."
I wrote that up. It's been awhile. Her oldest is grown now, and the boys
are 16 and 17.
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice
-=-What in the heck do I say to my daughter??? I don;t want her to be nasty,
but I don;t want her to feel walked on either???!!=-
Tell her the truth in small bits. They're mystified. They're jealous.
They don't know HOW to talk to people ift hey can't talk about school.
Holly made up a hard addition question and memorized the answer. It was
something like 57 + 38 (i don't remember) so if they would say "what's 5+5?" she
would either give the answer or say I don't know, and then ask them HER
question.<g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
cshagedorn@... writes:
I just said to my husband last night... you know ... it is just a matter of
time before we are going to get blasted with "questions" Because it is the
fall ... my daughter would be in the first grade... They really are wanting to
"talk" about everything... I believe it is so they can give us the"answers"
and "save our children" after discussing their concerns.....
I would physically buy and deliver to her a book or two on homeschooling.
The Homeschool Book of Ansers is great bdcause the name is general, but it's
pretty unschoolish.
Maybe "How Children Fail" or anotherschool-focussed John Holt book?
Tell her that after she's finished reading them you'll be glad to discuss it
with her. If she starts in at all you can just say "Did you finish the
books?" If no, say (again, in review <g>), "When you've read those books, you'll
understand." And remind her that until she's read about it, she's not really
qualified to discuss it with you.
-=-She urgently asked,,, WELL.. what DO you DO on a typical day? She went on
and said...-=-
There are typical days collected here:
http://sandradodd.com/typical
If she dosn't have internet access, you can make "tsk tsk" noises about how
CRUCIALLY important it is to have that, and how all the information one could
want is right there.
If she does have internet, you don't have to discuss it until she's read some.
-=-I said... Kim... gotta go... before I could say anything else.. SHE said,,
GOOD BYE and hung up on me.-=-
Well GOOD! From your subject line, I thought you were frustrated with your
OWN family, not your parents' family. Priorities! They can be faily-like by
being supportive, or they can be hostile-stranger like and find themselves on
the outside. You don't have to answer to your sister.
-=-ahhhhhhhhhhhh Do I come from a freakishly narrow minded family? Has
anyone ever encountered this?-=-
My sister used to tell me her problems just about every single day. When
she'd say "Well kids have to..." or "they have no choice..." I'd say "they don't
HAVE to" or "My kids don't."
I wrote that up. It's been awhile. Her oldest is grown now, and the boys
are 16 and 17.
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice
-=-What in the heck do I say to my daughter??? I don;t want her to be nasty,
but I don;t want her to feel walked on either???!!=-
Tell her the truth in small bits. They're mystified. They're jealous.
They don't know HOW to talk to people ift hey can't talk about school.
Holly made up a hard addition question and memorized the answer. It was
something like 57 + 38 (i don't remember) so if they would say "what's 5+5?" she
would either give the answer or say I don't know, and then ask them HER
question.<g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nancy Wooton
on 9/27/03 11:04 PM, SandraDodd@... at SandraDodd@... wrote:
Happened to Recess and Why Are Our Children Struggling in Kindergarten?" by
Susan Ohanian. It's about those great tests your sister is so worked up
about.
Nancy
--
In times of change, learners inherit the Earth, while the learned find
themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.
- Eric Hoffer
> I would physically buy and deliver to her a book or two on homeschooling.How about one about school? I just read the eye-opening, appalling "What
Happened to Recess and Why Are Our Children Struggling in Kindergarten?" by
Susan Ohanian. It's about those great tests your sister is so worked up
about.
Nancy
--
In times of change, learners inherit the Earth, while the learned find
themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.
- Eric Hoffer
[email protected]
Cynthia I feel for you! My bestfriend and I are at odds with the whole
homeschooling, attachment parenting life styles. We can talk about our extended
families; parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. We can talk about her work, and
our husbands, and other friends. But we absolutely cannot talk about my
homeschooling or anything that has to do with attachment parenting. She of the
bottle-feeding because she just can't bear to think about anyone at her breast. Let
the baby cry it out, because they will never learn to sleep or be independent
otherwise. They have to do homework, go to school, or they will never learn how
to socialize, do tests, or any other canned response you choose to insert
here. I just love her, she is like my sister. BUT we just can't talk about some
of the most important things in my life and as you know, that just plain hurts.
The other day we were talking about her cousin (also a friend of mine), who
is about to have a baby. We were talking about how anal the cousin is about her
babies, and my friend told me that she doesn't understand why she is that way
because, (quoting here) "babies have immunities from their mother that last
for months" I said yes that is true if the baby is being breastfed... insert
longgggg heated discussion here... we ended up getting off the phone angry with
each other.
So I don't know how this helps you. But I do understand, as I am sure most
here do too. I wish there were easy answers. I would suggest giving your sister
some books on the subject and referring her to some of the articles on
Sandra's site and telling her you are happy to discuss any questions she may have
AFTER she reads some. Although, to me, that sounds like assigning her homework,
but if it works... I've tried this tactic with my bestfriend, my MIL, and my
own sister, so far they all insist on knowing what they know and being closed
minded about the whole thing. My MIL said that for every book or article I could
produce on homeschooling, she could produce one that proved it would never
work. While I don't doubt she could go article to article with me, I wonder that
she could ever find as many anti-homeschooling books as homeschooling books.
I hate to be negative about it, and I hope it works for you. I did finally
tell my bestfriend that I just couldn't listen to her complaining about her kids
school, homework, teachers, and class mates because she knows how I feel about
all of that. And when she asks me what I would do in such and such situation,
I remind her that I am living example of what I think she should do. I guess
that would be my best advice, always be a living example.
~Nancy
People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have.
Anne Tyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
homeschooling, attachment parenting life styles. We can talk about our extended
families; parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. We can talk about her work, and
our husbands, and other friends. But we absolutely cannot talk about my
homeschooling or anything that has to do with attachment parenting. She of the
bottle-feeding because she just can't bear to think about anyone at her breast. Let
the baby cry it out, because they will never learn to sleep or be independent
otherwise. They have to do homework, go to school, or they will never learn how
to socialize, do tests, or any other canned response you choose to insert
here. I just love her, she is like my sister. BUT we just can't talk about some
of the most important things in my life and as you know, that just plain hurts.
The other day we were talking about her cousin (also a friend of mine), who
is about to have a baby. We were talking about how anal the cousin is about her
babies, and my friend told me that she doesn't understand why she is that way
because, (quoting here) "babies have immunities from their mother that last
for months" I said yes that is true if the baby is being breastfed... insert
longgggg heated discussion here... we ended up getting off the phone angry with
each other.
So I don't know how this helps you. But I do understand, as I am sure most
here do too. I wish there were easy answers. I would suggest giving your sister
some books on the subject and referring her to some of the articles on
Sandra's site and telling her you are happy to discuss any questions she may have
AFTER she reads some. Although, to me, that sounds like assigning her homework,
but if it works... I've tried this tactic with my bestfriend, my MIL, and my
own sister, so far they all insist on knowing what they know and being closed
minded about the whole thing. My MIL said that for every book or article I could
produce on homeschooling, she could produce one that proved it would never
work. While I don't doubt she could go article to article with me, I wonder that
she could ever find as many anti-homeschooling books as homeschooling books.
I hate to be negative about it, and I hope it works for you. I did finally
tell my bestfriend that I just couldn't listen to her complaining about her kids
school, homework, teachers, and class mates because she knows how I feel about
all of that. And when she asks me what I would do in such and such situation,
I remind her that I am living example of what I think she should do. I guess
that would be my best advice, always be a living example.
~Nancy
People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have.
Anne Tyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/28/2003 2:16:49 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
Dnowens@... writes:
-=-Although, to me, that sounds like assigning her homework, -=-
But she seems to believe homework is COOL, even for little kids.
Objecting to homeswork would go against her own position.<g>
-=-My MIL said that for every book or article I could
produce on homeschooling, she could produce one that proved it would never
work. While I don't doubt she could go article to article with me, I wonder
that
she could ever find as many anti-homeschooling books as homeschooling books.
-=-
You could challenge her to try.
While she's out there looking she'll find LOTS of pro-homeschooling stuff.
I'd let her do the legwork to find it herself.
-=-And when she asks me what I would do in such and such situation,
I remind her that I am living example of what I think she should do. I guess
that would be my best advice, always be a living example.
-=-
That is beautiful.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dnowens@... writes:
-=-Although, to me, that sounds like assigning her homework, -=-
But she seems to believe homework is COOL, even for little kids.
Objecting to homeswork would go against her own position.<g>
-=-My MIL said that for every book or article I could
produce on homeschooling, she could produce one that proved it would never
work. While I don't doubt she could go article to article with me, I wonder
that
she could ever find as many anti-homeschooling books as homeschooling books.
-=-
You could challenge her to try.
While she's out there looking she'll find LOTS of pro-homeschooling stuff.
I'd let her do the legwork to find it herself.
-=-And when she asks me what I would do in such and such situation,
I remind her that I am living example of what I think she should do. I guess
that would be my best advice, always be a living example.
-=-
That is beautiful.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Cynthia, I'm sorry you had to fight with your sister. So far, I have been
able to duck these confrontations, but I know they will be coming.
I think your sister is mad that her precious school is assigning so much
homework and she is mad that you've found a way out. At this point, she has put
all her eggs in the school basket and can't admit that maybe you are right...or
at least make sense.
I have noticed that anytime I say that I homeschool, the person I am talking
too gives me unending complaints about school. It's strange. Mostly I just
sit and listen. I did make a friend mad when she was going on and on about
something with her schooled child and I finally made the comment that I was glad
I would never have to deal with that crap. People are so invested in school
and maybe they are afraid to try homeschooling themselves, so they take it out
on us.
I would quit calling your sister. I don't mean stop talking to her, I just
noticed that you said you called her. I had to take that advice once myself,
everytime I called my family I got my feelings hurt. A wise friend said "then
why are you calling them?". I greatly reduced my calls and I started feeling
better.
Leslie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
able to duck these confrontations, but I know they will be coming.
I think your sister is mad that her precious school is assigning so much
homework and she is mad that you've found a way out. At this point, she has put
all her eggs in the school basket and can't admit that maybe you are right...or
at least make sense.
I have noticed that anytime I say that I homeschool, the person I am talking
too gives me unending complaints about school. It's strange. Mostly I just
sit and listen. I did make a friend mad when she was going on and on about
something with her schooled child and I finally made the comment that I was glad
I would never have to deal with that crap. People are so invested in school
and maybe they are afraid to try homeschooling themselves, so they take it out
on us.
I would quit calling your sister. I don't mean stop talking to her, I just
noticed that you said you called her. I had to take that advice once myself,
everytime I called my family I got my feelings hurt. A wise friend said "then
why are you calling them?". I greatly reduced my calls and I started feeling
better.
Leslie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/28/03 1:40:52 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
cshagedorn@... writes:
I think you did so well on trying to get off the school subject and also
remain calm. Give yourself a pat on the back for that. I have no advice. We live
so far away from family that it is a non-issue. They really have no concrete
idea what we do and we only see each other every couple of years and talk on
the phone about once a month. But I do feel for ya.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
cshagedorn@... writes:
> HELP~!Oh Cynthia,
>
>
I think you did so well on trying to get off the school subject and also
remain calm. Give yourself a pat on the back for that. I have no advice. We live
so far away from family that it is a non-issue. They really have no concrete
idea what we do and we only see each other every couple of years and talk on
the phone about once a month. But I do feel for ya.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]