Re: [AlwaysLearning] frustrated child discussion
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/24/2003 4:02:27 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
I would love to hear more about how you've cultivated this
relationship. Has it always been this way, or did you have rough
patches?<<<<<
Always been this way. We've always "clicked". I know I'm lucky---especially
to have it with my first-born. I've always tried to treat him the way I wish
someone would treat me. I remember what it was like to be five and nine and
thirteen and....
He's very agreeable and compliant---and so am I, to a degree. And we're both
risk-takers: at his age, I was jumping five foot fences on my horses
(sometimes what parents don't know won't hurt them! <G>). Cameron likes jumping off
buildings and out of windows. I've taken a few pictures of his doing this (at his
request)----but most times I'd rather not know it's happening. The skating
can be dangerous too---and it doesn't help that he likes to watch clips of those
NASTY falls the skaters take!-----EEEEW! But the difference is: he knows I
won't "forbid" it; he knows I used to do it too (not the skating and
jumping----but dangerous stuff, and I hated to wear my helmet too, when riding!); he
knows that, if it REALLY disturbs me and if I ask him to stop or back off, he's
gone too far for MY comfort level and he respects that. He'll quit---for the
moment. He also understands that Duncan is still little (7), and some common
sense is good around littl'uns.
We don't have any "rules" about what he can do or not do. Most of his friends
do though. I think that helps a lot---seeing the silly rules that other
parents put on their kids. That beach scene you were talking about----he would have
known how uncomfortable it made me (because I would tell him! <g>) and come
in--- I think, because he knows that under "normal" circumstances, it's OK by
me. I would never arbitrarily say that he must come in. He would do it because
I would be afraid for him. I don't know, Patti---I guess it's just a genuine
concern for each other? We've somehow "agreed" not to hurt each other?
I liked Sandra's example of Kirby's driving. Cameron has his license too. I
have NO problem with his driving: he's very responsible and safe. When it DOES
bother me is when he's picking up friends (not very responsible friends who
seem to like to take advantage of him...and US, because we're so "permissive"!).
I worry that they'll talk him into stupid stuff or whatever. He's getting
less and less naive---and less trusting of them. That makes me feel good! <G>
Nothing stops the worry, though!
I don't know that there's a secret formula. I think we just "click". I KNOW
that he would have been crushed had I been a more authoritative parent----he
just can't handle that. He has a "soft temperament" (to use dog-trainer-speak!
<g>). I think it helps that I LIKE him. I'm genuinely DELIGHTED to share a
house with him----not to mention our lives!
My other son is more of a challenge for me. He's more like his dad. I have to
work a little harder with that relationship. But I've gained a bit of
confidence the first time 'round, so that helps! <g> And if you want it bad
enough,..... <BWG>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
I would love to hear more about how you've cultivated this
relationship. Has it always been this way, or did you have rough
patches?<<<<<
Always been this way. We've always "clicked". I know I'm lucky---especially
to have it with my first-born. I've always tried to treat him the way I wish
someone would treat me. I remember what it was like to be five and nine and
thirteen and....
He's very agreeable and compliant---and so am I, to a degree. And we're both
risk-takers: at his age, I was jumping five foot fences on my horses
(sometimes what parents don't know won't hurt them! <G>). Cameron likes jumping off
buildings and out of windows. I've taken a few pictures of his doing this (at his
request)----but most times I'd rather not know it's happening. The skating
can be dangerous too---and it doesn't help that he likes to watch clips of those
NASTY falls the skaters take!-----EEEEW! But the difference is: he knows I
won't "forbid" it; he knows I used to do it too (not the skating and
jumping----but dangerous stuff, and I hated to wear my helmet too, when riding!); he
knows that, if it REALLY disturbs me and if I ask him to stop or back off, he's
gone too far for MY comfort level and he respects that. He'll quit---for the
moment. He also understands that Duncan is still little (7), and some common
sense is good around littl'uns.
We don't have any "rules" about what he can do or not do. Most of his friends
do though. I think that helps a lot---seeing the silly rules that other
parents put on their kids. That beach scene you were talking about----he would have
known how uncomfortable it made me (because I would tell him! <g>) and come
in--- I think, because he knows that under "normal" circumstances, it's OK by
me. I would never arbitrarily say that he must come in. He would do it because
I would be afraid for him. I don't know, Patti---I guess it's just a genuine
concern for each other? We've somehow "agreed" not to hurt each other?
I liked Sandra's example of Kirby's driving. Cameron has his license too. I
have NO problem with his driving: he's very responsible and safe. When it DOES
bother me is when he's picking up friends (not very responsible friends who
seem to like to take advantage of him...and US, because we're so "permissive"!).
I worry that they'll talk him into stupid stuff or whatever. He's getting
less and less naive---and less trusting of them. That makes me feel good! <G>
Nothing stops the worry, though!
I don't know that there's a secret formula. I think we just "click". I KNOW
that he would have been crushed had I been a more authoritative parent----he
just can't handle that. He has a "soft temperament" (to use dog-trainer-speak!
<g>). I think it helps that I LIKE him. I'm genuinely DELIGHTED to share a
house with him----not to mention our lives!
My other son is more of a challenge for me. He's more like his dad. I have to
work a little harder with that relationship. But I've gained a bit of
confidence the first time 'round, so that helps! <g> And if you want it bad
enough,..... <BWG>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/24/03 5:31:28 AM, kbcdlovejo@... writes:
<< I've always tried to treat him the way I wish
someone would treat me. I remember what it was like to be five and nine and
thirteen and.... >>
That's how my best moments have come, from remembering, from giving, from
treating my kids as the most important thing, even if just for a moment or an
hour.
When I see parents who want to live their lives as though they hadn't had
kids, who relegate their children to a small part of life/time/house/thought, I
see the children BEING small, or finding their bigness elsewhere, getting their
attention from others outside their family, and then their relationship to
their parent becomes one of landlord/caretaker/adversary. Hostility can't help
but be there. Resentment both ways.
Sandra
<< I've always tried to treat him the way I wish
someone would treat me. I remember what it was like to be five and nine and
thirteen and.... >>
That's how my best moments have come, from remembering, from giving, from
treating my kids as the most important thing, even if just for a moment or an
hour.
When I see parents who want to live their lives as though they hadn't had
kids, who relegate their children to a small part of life/time/house/thought, I
see the children BEING small, or finding their bigness elsewhere, getting their
attention from others outside their family, and then their relationship to
their parent becomes one of landlord/caretaker/adversary. Hostility can't help
but be there. Resentment both ways.
Sandra
Danny Arsenault
Hi,
My wife called me and told me our daughter said, this morning, "I want daddy to work at night while I'm sleeping."
I work and my wife stays home with her, and we are going to let her direct her own shooling. That said, I would like to be more available to her during the day. I wonder how others have handled this. What kinds of jobs have more flexible schedules. What kinds of jobs can be done at home, at night, etc? Any thoughts on this? I have experience as a web developer but there is no money in that (contrary to common opinion) and by the time I am a sulf-sifficient freelance writer, she will have moved out. Ha.
Thanks,
Danny
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My wife called me and told me our daughter said, this morning, "I want daddy to work at night while I'm sleeping."
I work and my wife stays home with her, and we are going to let her direct her own shooling. That said, I would like to be more available to her during the day. I wonder how others have handled this. What kinds of jobs have more flexible schedules. What kinds of jobs can be done at home, at night, etc? Any thoughts on this? I have experience as a web developer but there is no money in that (contrary to common opinion) and by the time I am a sulf-sifficient freelance writer, she will have moved out. Ha.
Thanks,
Danny
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lisa Freese
Danny,
Is there a Kinko's near where you live? Before you
laugh, I used to work at a Kinko's and found the
experience wonderful. The company is great, the work
is fun, and, most important, they're open 24 hours and
they are always looking for people to do all the
shifts (there's 8am-4pm, 4pm-12pm, and 12am-8am).
Best of all, they have a wonderful benefits package
that kicks in after you've been there three months
(health, dental, VISION, retirement, stock options,
the whole shebang.) With your background in web
design, you'd be a shoo-in. I'm considering going
back to Kinko's after I leave my government job (11
years is long enough...) and I would love to work the
4-12 shift. And be there with my kids during the day!
Good luck, and don't give up.
Lisa
=====
Lisa Freese
"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." --Thomas Edison
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Shopping - with improved product search
http://shopping.yahoo.com
Is there a Kinko's near where you live? Before you
laugh, I used to work at a Kinko's and found the
experience wonderful. The company is great, the work
is fun, and, most important, they're open 24 hours and
they are always looking for people to do all the
shifts (there's 8am-4pm, 4pm-12pm, and 12am-8am).
Best of all, they have a wonderful benefits package
that kicks in after you've been there three months
(health, dental, VISION, retirement, stock options,
the whole shebang.) With your background in web
design, you'd be a shoo-in. I'm considering going
back to Kinko's after I leave my government job (11
years is long enough...) and I would love to work the
4-12 shift. And be there with my kids during the day!
Good luck, and don't give up.
Lisa
=====
Lisa Freese
"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." --Thomas Edison
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Shopping - with improved product search
http://shopping.yahoo.com
Bill & Diane
I *loved* working at Kinko's (except for the money). Great job, great
coworkers, great customers, and I learned so much while I was there.
:-) Diane
Lisa Freese wrote:
coworkers, great customers, and I learned so much while I was there.
:-) Diane
Lisa Freese wrote:
>Danny,
>
>Is there a Kinko's near where you live? Before you
>laugh, I used to work at a Kinko's and found the
>experience wonderful. The company is great, the work
>is fun, and, most important, they're open 24 hours and
>they are always looking for people to do all the
>shifts (there's 8am-4pm, 4pm-12pm, and 12am-8am).
>Best of all, they have a wonderful benefits package
>that kicks in after you've been there three months
>(health, dental, VISION, retirement, stock options,
>the whole shebang.) With your background in web
>design, you'd be a shoo-in. I'm considering going
>back to Kinko's after I leave my government job (11
>years is long enough...) and I would love to work the
>4-12 shift. And be there with my kids during the day!
>
>Good luck, and don't give up.
>
>Lisa
>