Retta Fontana

"When my son gets loud and swears because he is being cool or gets
angry, the following process takes place:
- fear
- shame
- anger
then:
- I want to control him so I won't feel what I'm feeling"


Thanks for the share, Tony. I can relate. The only problem is that the feeling is still there irregardless. The key is to interrupt the Pavlovian response between the feeling and the thinking because thinking doesn't fix it. I try to keep my awareness in my body where I can feel the tension and not on my thinking. I treat my thoughts in those situations as word bubbles, like from cartoons. I don't grab them as they float by.

Thinking is addictive. "Just one more thought, then I'll have the answer, I'll solve the problem." "Just one more" is the battle cry of the addict (I know from whence I speak, of course!) It has never worked. The only way out is right straight on through.

If I concentrate on fully experiencing the emotion, it evaporates. It's that simple. It's difficult to accept the process because it's so simple. It's much easier intellectually to make it someone else's fault and keep doing what we've always done. When it becomes painful enough then we become willing to try some other way.

Retta




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Betsy

**If I concentrate on fully experiencing the emotion, it evaporates.
It's that simple. It's difficult to accept the process because it's so
simple.**

Actually, I've had this work for me when I've experienced emotional
triggers that made me feel like eating. If I can just tolerate feeling
the emotion, which often doesn't last much more than a minute, the
desire to stuff food in my mouth goes away. (Not if I'm actually
hungry, but when I'm only upset.)

Betsy