Food/self image problems
joanna514
My dd is 12 almost 13. She has never been skinny, but I don't think
anyone would say she was fat either. She has been getting "chunkier"
lately though, and it is really bothering her . She wants to wear
bikinis and feel good about herself in them, but she doesn't.
I don't know really how to handle it because I was raised with a very
weight conscious father, and have struggled all my life to keep my
weight down. It's always been a part of my self image, and I'm not
sure I'm a great role model. In the past year I have gained some
control through a change in diet and exercising. I try to encourage
my dd to eat better and get exercise, but it's a hard line to walk.
I don't want her to feel I would value her more if she were thin, but
i don't want her to be unhappy with herself, so I'll remind her about
eating better, or getting more exercise. We go back and forth on me
telling her she needs to make better choices(because she is
complaining about being fat) and me just letting it go entirely,
because I do know it has to come from her,not me.
My problem is the back and forth issue. When I let it go, I feel
like I'm not being a good mother. When I bring up that maybe she
shouldn't have that 3rd cupcake, i feel like I'm harping. (because I
am!)
We discuss it, and she knows she needs to eat better and get more
exercise, but she never follows through. When I offer to do active
things with her, or fix healthy foods instead of the things she fixes
for herself, she feels like I'm trying to control her, and balks, so
I give up. Asking her if she wants to go for a bike ride can become
a huge drama. She'll say "no" then she'll say she feels guilty cause
she knows she should, and that she knows I want her to, to get the
exercise, then she'll come and whine the whole time. So i stop
asking cause it gets old really quick.
I also know she is grieving Sam, and is also in the midst of puberty
and that doesn't help the situation. But she has always had a sweet
tooth and tends to like to fill up on that stuff.
I feel I should be helping her, but I don't know how.
Any suggestions at all would be greatly appreciated.
Joanna
anyone would say she was fat either. She has been getting "chunkier"
lately though, and it is really bothering her . She wants to wear
bikinis and feel good about herself in them, but she doesn't.
I don't know really how to handle it because I was raised with a very
weight conscious father, and have struggled all my life to keep my
weight down. It's always been a part of my self image, and I'm not
sure I'm a great role model. In the past year I have gained some
control through a change in diet and exercising. I try to encourage
my dd to eat better and get exercise, but it's a hard line to walk.
I don't want her to feel I would value her more if she were thin, but
i don't want her to be unhappy with herself, so I'll remind her about
eating better, or getting more exercise. We go back and forth on me
telling her she needs to make better choices(because she is
complaining about being fat) and me just letting it go entirely,
because I do know it has to come from her,not me.
My problem is the back and forth issue. When I let it go, I feel
like I'm not being a good mother. When I bring up that maybe she
shouldn't have that 3rd cupcake, i feel like I'm harping. (because I
am!)
We discuss it, and she knows she needs to eat better and get more
exercise, but she never follows through. When I offer to do active
things with her, or fix healthy foods instead of the things she fixes
for herself, she feels like I'm trying to control her, and balks, so
I give up. Asking her if she wants to go for a bike ride can become
a huge drama. She'll say "no" then she'll say she feels guilty cause
she knows she should, and that she knows I want her to, to get the
exercise, then she'll come and whine the whole time. So i stop
asking cause it gets old really quick.
I also know she is grieving Sam, and is also in the midst of puberty
and that doesn't help the situation. But she has always had a sweet
tooth and tends to like to fill up on that stuff.
I feel I should be helping her, but I don't know how.
Any suggestions at all would be greatly appreciated.
Joanna
Deborah Lewis
Grief and hormones and genetics all working on your little girl sounds
rough.
If you were to just focus on things she really loves to do and things
she's good at, I wonder if that would improve her self image? Maybe
she's forgotten some good things about herself, some talents and passions
and you can help her find those again. After my dad died, it took me
awhile to remember there were paints in the cupboard and flowers in the
garden and art galleries to visit and ponds full of ducks.
If she becomes naturally happier with herself and her accomplishments her
self image maybe won't be based on how she fits into a bathing suit. I
don't know, Joanna. If she finds things about herself to really like
and be happy with, the rest might fall into place naturally.
If you go for walks and bike rides and talk about what you saw and what a
nice time you had, she may be encouraged to go along with you sometimes.
Do you live where you can hike and explore?
I'm sure you'll get some good ideas, and I'll keep thinking about it.
Deb L
rough.
If you were to just focus on things she really loves to do and things
she's good at, I wonder if that would improve her self image? Maybe
she's forgotten some good things about herself, some talents and passions
and you can help her find those again. After my dad died, it took me
awhile to remember there were paints in the cupboard and flowers in the
garden and art galleries to visit and ponds full of ducks.
If she becomes naturally happier with herself and her accomplishments her
self image maybe won't be based on how she fits into a bathing suit. I
don't know, Joanna. If she finds things about herself to really like
and be happy with, the rest might fall into place naturally.
If you go for walks and bike rides and talk about what you saw and what a
nice time you had, she may be encouraged to go along with you sometimes.
Do you live where you can hike and explore?
I'm sure you'll get some good ideas, and I'll keep thinking about it.
Deb L
R. Porter
I highly recommend that BOTH you and your dd read "Reviving Ophelia".
It may help you both to understand society, the parent-female teen
relationship, and teen experience more--- as well as get past so much of
the garbage our culture places on our young girls.
Here's a link to Amazon where you can buy used copies cheap:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0345392825/qid=1056477657/
sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/102-7428417-5936902?v=glance
<http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0345392825/qid=1056477657
/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/102-7428417-5936902?v=glance&s=books&n=507846>
&s=books&n=507846
~Rachael
___________________________________________
Rachael A. Porter, Executive Director and Co-Founder
Nurture by Nature Network
Mama to Eliza (5.5y), Benjamin (almost 4y) and Harrison (just 2y)
~*~
Pregnancy, Natural Birth and Parenting Information and Support, Internet
Community, Playgroups, and More!
Visit the Nurture by Nature Network: <http://www.nurturebynature.org>
http://www.nurturebynature.org
-----Original Message-----
From: joanna514 [mailto:Wilkinson6@...]
Sent: Monday, June 23, 2003 10:34 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Food/self image problems
My dd is 12 almost 13. She has never been skinny, but I don't think
anyone would say she was fat either. She has been getting "chunkier"
lately though, and it is really bothering her . She wants to wear
bikinis and feel good about herself in them, but she doesn't.
I don't know really how to handle it because I was raised with a very
weight conscious father, and have struggled all my life to keep my
weight down. It's always been a part of my self image, and I'm not
sure I'm a great role model. In the past year I have gained some
control through a change in diet and exercising. I try to encourage
my dd to eat better and get exercise, but it's a hard line to walk.
I don't want her to feel I would value her more if she were thin, but
i don't want her to be unhappy with herself, so I'll remind her about
eating better, or getting more exercise. We go back and forth on me
telling her she needs to make better choices(because she is
complaining about being fat) and me just letting it go entirely,
because I do know it has to come from her,not me.
My problem is the back and forth issue. When I let it go, I feel
like I'm not being a good mother. When I bring up that maybe she
shouldn't have that 3rd cupcake, i feel like I'm harping. (because I
am!)
We discuss it, and she knows she needs to eat better and get more
exercise, but she never follows through. When I offer to do active
things with her, or fix healthy foods instead of the things she fixes
for herself, she feels like I'm trying to control her, and balks, so
I give up. Asking her if she wants to go for a bike ride can become
a huge drama. She'll say "no" then she'll say she feels guilty cause
she knows she should, and that she knows I want her to, to get the
exercise, then she'll come and whine the whole time. So i stop
asking cause it gets old really quick.
I also know she is grieving Sam, and is also in the midst of puberty
and that doesn't help the situation. But she has always had a sweet
tooth and tends to like to fill up on that stuff.
I feel I should be helping her, but I don't know how.
Any suggestions at all would be greatly appreciated.
Joanna
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
<http://rd.yahoo.com/M=251812.3170658.4537139.1261774/D=egroupweb/S=1705
542111:HM/A=1564415/R=0/SIG=11t6t7kdo/*http:/www.netflix.com/Default?mqs
o=60164784&partid=3170658>
<http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=251812.3170658.4537139.1261774/D=egrou
pmail/S=:HM/A=1564415/rand=612051887>
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It may help you both to understand society, the parent-female teen
relationship, and teen experience more--- as well as get past so much of
the garbage our culture places on our young girls.
Here's a link to Amazon where you can buy used copies cheap:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0345392825/qid=1056477657/
sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/102-7428417-5936902?v=glance
<http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0345392825/qid=1056477657
/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/102-7428417-5936902?v=glance&s=books&n=507846>
&s=books&n=507846
~Rachael
___________________________________________
Rachael A. Porter, Executive Director and Co-Founder
Nurture by Nature Network
Mama to Eliza (5.5y), Benjamin (almost 4y) and Harrison (just 2y)
~*~
Pregnancy, Natural Birth and Parenting Information and Support, Internet
Community, Playgroups, and More!
Visit the Nurture by Nature Network: <http://www.nurturebynature.org>
http://www.nurturebynature.org
-----Original Message-----
From: joanna514 [mailto:Wilkinson6@...]
Sent: Monday, June 23, 2003 10:34 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Food/self image problems
My dd is 12 almost 13. She has never been skinny, but I don't think
anyone would say she was fat either. She has been getting "chunkier"
lately though, and it is really bothering her . She wants to wear
bikinis and feel good about herself in them, but she doesn't.
I don't know really how to handle it because I was raised with a very
weight conscious father, and have struggled all my life to keep my
weight down. It's always been a part of my self image, and I'm not
sure I'm a great role model. In the past year I have gained some
control through a change in diet and exercising. I try to encourage
my dd to eat better and get exercise, but it's a hard line to walk.
I don't want her to feel I would value her more if she were thin, but
i don't want her to be unhappy with herself, so I'll remind her about
eating better, or getting more exercise. We go back and forth on me
telling her she needs to make better choices(because she is
complaining about being fat) and me just letting it go entirely,
because I do know it has to come from her,not me.
My problem is the back and forth issue. When I let it go, I feel
like I'm not being a good mother. When I bring up that maybe she
shouldn't have that 3rd cupcake, i feel like I'm harping. (because I
am!)
We discuss it, and she knows she needs to eat better and get more
exercise, but she never follows through. When I offer to do active
things with her, or fix healthy foods instead of the things she fixes
for herself, she feels like I'm trying to control her, and balks, so
I give up. Asking her if she wants to go for a bike ride can become
a huge drama. She'll say "no" then she'll say she feels guilty cause
she knows she should, and that she knows I want her to, to get the
exercise, then she'll come and whine the whole time. So i stop
asking cause it gets old really quick.
I also know she is grieving Sam, and is also in the midst of puberty
and that doesn't help the situation. But she has always had a sweet
tooth and tends to like to fill up on that stuff.
I feel I should be helping her, but I don't know how.
Any suggestions at all would be greatly appreciated.
Joanna
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
<http://rd.yahoo.com/M=251812.3170658.4537139.1261774/D=egroupweb/S=1705
542111:HM/A=1564415/R=0/SIG=11t6t7kdo/*http:/www.netflix.com/Default?mqs
o=60164784&partid=3170658>
<http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=251812.3170658.4537139.1261774/D=egrou
pmail/S=:HM/A=1564415/rand=612051887>
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]