[AlwaysLearning] more blessed to give than receive or is it?
carolyn
Yesterday we had Christmas with my mother. Her response to my
daughter's gift, "Oh I don't need this." Turning to me, "You take it,
you can use it more than me. What am I going to do with it?" As my 11
year old daughter fought to keep back the tears, my mother smiled at
her, expectantly, with an expression on her face that I don't
understand.
To my gift, eight books in a series, "Couldn't you find any MORE of
these? I doubt I'll have them read by this time next year."
Then she told us about my sister's gift to her from the day before, "It
was a CD of somebody or other but I just gave it right back to her and
told her to take it home. I don't have a CD player! What was I going
to do with that!?" And the look on her face, joyful. A glint in her
eye like she'd won that battle.
After all these years, I've come to expect this behavior from her but it
was hard to see her do it to my daughter. And I don't think I'd ever
seen the happiness on her face before. I always try to understand
things before I can let go of them. Why would someone be like that?
Any ideas?
At any rate, it will be different next year. Merry Christmas.
Carolyn
daughter's gift, "Oh I don't need this." Turning to me, "You take it,
you can use it more than me. What am I going to do with it?" As my 11
year old daughter fought to keep back the tears, my mother smiled at
her, expectantly, with an expression on her face that I don't
understand.
To my gift, eight books in a series, "Couldn't you find any MORE of
these? I doubt I'll have them read by this time next year."
Then she told us about my sister's gift to her from the day before, "It
was a CD of somebody or other but I just gave it right back to her and
told her to take it home. I don't have a CD player! What was I going
to do with that!?" And the look on her face, joyful. A glint in her
eye like she'd won that battle.
After all these years, I've come to expect this behavior from her but it
was hard to see her do it to my daughter. And I don't think I'd ever
seen the happiness on her face before. I always try to understand
things before I can let go of them. Why would someone be like that?
Any ideas?
At any rate, it will be different next year. Merry Christmas.
Carolyn
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/24/2001 1:17:55 PM Eastern Standard Time,
nielsonc@... writes:
. . a simple answer to a probably complex situation. If it were me, I think I
would either forgo the gifts, or make a donation to a charity in her name (my
sister does this and I think it is wonderful!!). . . something like an abused
womens shelter maybe. . . or whatever you feel you want to give to.
My mom always says don't get us anything, so I started doing that a few years
back, but I really don't think she meant it, and no one else listened to her
but me. Oh well. :)
living in abundance
lovemary
I cannot judge my own path and SELF, having the knowledge that I have chosen
to come here to experience these specific issues and grow, learn, and
Remember Who I Am.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nielsonc@... writes:
> Why would someone be like that?Very unhappy with their own life and so finding fault with everything else .
> Any ideas?
>
. . a simple answer to a probably complex situation. If it were me, I think I
would either forgo the gifts, or make a donation to a charity in her name (my
sister does this and I think it is wonderful!!). . . something like an abused
womens shelter maybe. . . or whatever you feel you want to give to.
My mom always says don't get us anything, so I started doing that a few years
back, but I really don't think she meant it, and no one else listened to her
but me. Oh well. :)
living in abundance
lovemary
I cannot judge my own path and SELF, having the knowledge that I have chosen
to come here to experience these specific issues and grow, learn, and
Remember Who I Am.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/24/01 11:17:55 AM, nielsonc@... writes:
<< Turning to me, "You take it,
you can use it more than me. What am I going to do with it?" >>
I'm building up the courage to call Keith's mom and say "Hi, Merry Christmas,
sorry we didn't send a card or anything, but here's what the kids are up to."
I've been at her house for Christmas twice. They've returned gifts.
Christmas and birthdays. They've said gifts were unnecessary. I saw her
open stuff from my brother in law who wasn't there and laugh at what he sent.
It's awful and evil.
So I don't feel bad that we didn't send gifts, but we had planned to send a
card with thank-you notes writte in it for the gifts they sent.
Same gift as last year, and the year before... a $25 check for me, Keith, and
each of the kids. That doesn't suck, y'know--$25 apiece. But it's not sweet
and personal and special. And so although it totally deserves
acknolwedgement, what are we supposed to do on our end? Send them each $25??
We gave my father-in-law one of the two copies of the Homeschool Book of
Answers we had, because there's a photo of Kirby and Marty in there, and
quotes. *I* thought if I were a grandparent I would LOVE to have a book
with a photo and quote from a grandchild of mine.
Keith's brother came up to see us a few weeks later, after having visited the
parents, and brought the regular thing--a plastic grocery bag with the past
several month's worth of New Mexico Magazine, National Geographic and the
National Parks magazine. It's cool that they give us their used magazines;
I don't mind. But in with the magazines was that book.
I cried.
Then I loaned it to some new homeschooler who never returned it (well,t phone
call. <<joy>>
Sandra
<< Turning to me, "You take it,
you can use it more than me. What am I going to do with it?" >>
I'm building up the courage to call Keith's mom and say "Hi, Merry Christmas,
sorry we didn't send a card or anything, but here's what the kids are up to."
I've been at her house for Christmas twice. They've returned gifts.
Christmas and birthdays. They've said gifts were unnecessary. I saw her
open stuff from my brother in law who wasn't there and laugh at what he sent.
It's awful and evil.
So I don't feel bad that we didn't send gifts, but we had planned to send a
card with thank-you notes writte in it for the gifts they sent.
Same gift as last year, and the year before... a $25 check for me, Keith, and
each of the kids. That doesn't suck, y'know--$25 apiece. But it's not sweet
and personal and special. And so although it totally deserves
acknolwedgement, what are we supposed to do on our end? Send them each $25??
We gave my father-in-law one of the two copies of the Homeschool Book of
Answers we had, because there's a photo of Kirby and Marty in there, and
quotes. *I* thought if I were a grandparent I would LOVE to have a book
with a photo and quote from a grandchild of mine.
Keith's brother came up to see us a few weeks later, after having visited the
parents, and brought the regular thing--a plastic grocery bag with the past
several month's worth of New Mexico Magazine, National Geographic and the
National Parks magazine. It's cool that they give us their used magazines;
I don't mind. But in with the magazines was that book.
I cried.
Then I loaned it to some new homeschooler who never returned it (well,t phone
call. <<joy>>
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/24/01 11:34:21 AM, lite2yu@... writes:
<< My mom always says don't get us anything, so I started doing that a few
years
back, but I really don't think she meant it, and no one else listened to her
but me. Oh well. :) >>
I gave my mom a calendar and a box of chocolates. Expendable stuff.
Sandra
<< My mom always says don't get us anything, so I started doing that a few
years
back, but I really don't think she meant it, and no one else listened to her
but me. Oh well. :) >>
I gave my mom a calendar and a box of chocolates. Expendable stuff.
Sandra
zenmomma *
>>Why would someone be like that?No ideas that are very positive. :-/ That's pretty toxic behavior and I'm so
>Any ideas?<<
sorry that you've had to endure it for so long. (Not to mention the ache I'm
feeling for your sweet daughter.) Maybe your Mom has some negative
associations with Christmas? Maybe she doesn't feel worthy of gifts and is
then trying to bring everyone else down to her level? Maybe no one ever
taught her manners!?
You'll probably never figure it out completely. My best advice, not that you
asked for it, would be to find another way to celebrate the holidays with
your mother. It doesn't have to be about gift giving at all. I can imagine
future holidays with a lovely card for mom (maybe) and a peaceful
celebration with friends and immediate family. It can be whatever you choose
to make it. From your post, though, it sounds like you've already reached
that conclusion.
Best wishes for a happier rest of the holiday.
~Mary
_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp.
Sharon Rudd
Keith lucked out to end up with someone as warm as you
after that cold bunch to grow up with!! Maybe all
their love went into making him?
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!
Sharon of the Swamp
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Send your FREE holiday greetings online!
http://greetings.yahoo.com
after that cold bunch to grow up with!! Maybe all
their love went into making him?
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!
Sharon of the Swamp
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Send your FREE holiday greetings online!
http://greetings.yahoo.com
zenmomma *
>>It's awful and evil.<<I never understand making fun of a gift. (Although, I did receive an Elvis
marionette from my dear sil that had me in tears today. It's a bit of a
bizarre gift, but I do truly appreciate the thought behind it.)
Are Keith's parents usually the evil type? Could it maybe just be a complete
and total lack of "getting it"? Obviously I'm just trying to find the silver
linig since I don't know these people at all and you do. It's just so hard
to acknowledge evil behavior for its' own sake.
>>So I don't feel bad that we didn't send gifts, but we had planned to sendSame gift as last year, and the year before... a $25 check for me, Keith,
>>a card with thank-you notes writte in it for the gifts they sent.
and each of the kids. That doesn't suck, y'know--$25 apiece. But it's not
sweet and personal and special.<<
Hey, Keith's mom must confer with Jon's mom! That's the same gift we get for
every Hanukah and birthday. I know what you mean about it not being very
personal. I've gotten past that for the most part. They really don't want
gifts in return and are usually thrilled with the thank you notes and
pictures we send. Those always come several weeks later, though.
>>And so although it totally deserves acknolwedgement, what are we supposedDoes your mil like flowers? That's what I always send my mom and she seems
>>to do on our end? Send them each $25??<<
to appreciate it as it's something she'd never get for herself. And you'll
end up ahead since it would be hard to spend $125 on a small arrangement.
;-)
>>*I* thought if I were a grandparent I would LOVE to have a bookwith a photo and quote from a grandchild of mine.<<
I keep a mental list of "things I must remember when I'm a grandparent". Not
returning sentimental gifts would be right up there on the list.
>>I cried.<<I'm sorry, but I sure do understand. :-/
<<joy>>
I wish you much joy and release from all family bulls**t.
~Mary
>_________________________________________________________________
MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos:
http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/24/01 5:22:23 PM, zenmomma@... writes:
<< Although, I did receive an Elvis
marionette from my dear sil that had me in tears today. >>
Holly is BIG into marionettes this year. If when you move you want to sell
it...
<<Are Keith's parents usually the evil type? >>
His mom is. Just cold and clinical.
His dad is businesslike, but never mean.
<<Does your mil like flowers? That's what I always send my mom and she seems
to appreciate it as it's something she'd never get for herself. And you'll
end up ahead since it would be hard to spend $125 on a small arrangement.
;-)>>
That's a good idea. Once we sent flowers.
If she laughs at that, it will be to the closing door behind the delivery
boy, and I won't have to know.
She likes photos of the kids. We sent the family photo for her birthday in
the fall. She seemed truly happy.
I should try to upload the family photo to this site. Education I might save
for tomorrow or Wednesday.
Sandra
<< Although, I did receive an Elvis
marionette from my dear sil that had me in tears today. >>
Holly is BIG into marionettes this year. If when you move you want to sell
it...
<<Are Keith's parents usually the evil type? >>
His mom is. Just cold and clinical.
His dad is businesslike, but never mean.
<<Does your mil like flowers? That's what I always send my mom and she seems
to appreciate it as it's something she'd never get for herself. And you'll
end up ahead since it would be hard to spend $125 on a small arrangement.
;-)>>
That's a good idea. Once we sent flowers.
If she laughs at that, it will be to the closing door behind the delivery
boy, and I won't have to know.
She likes photos of the kids. We sent the family photo for her birthday in
the fall. She seemed truly happy.
I should try to upload the family photo to this site. Education I might save
for tomorrow or Wednesday.
Sandra
zenmomma *
><< Although, I did receive an ElvisI think it needs to be here when my sil comes to visit. She's one of the few
>marionette from my dear sil that had me in tears today. >>
>
>Holly is BIG into marionettes this year. If when you move you want to sell
>it...>>
who will actually come out here to Utah. Maybe I could lend it to Holly
sometime?
<<Are Keith's parents usually the evil type? >>
<<His mom is. Just cold and clinical.
His dad is businesslike, but never mean.>>
If that's the way they truly are, I personally would never bother with
another gift. It's lost on them. They just don't get the value or sentiment
behind it. I'd stick with cards and photos. That way you haven't forgotten,
you've just scaled it way back. And you'd let your kids know you don't have
to open yourself up to possible hurt to play the game with people like that.
JMO Don't think you really asked. :-D
~Mary
_________________________________________________________________
MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos:
http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/26/01 7:12:52 AM, zenmomma@... writes:
<< If that's the way they truly are, I personally would never bother with
another gift. It's lost on them. They just don't get the value or sentiment
behind it. I'd stick with cards and photos. That way you haven't forgotten,
you've just scaled it way back. And you'd let your kids know you don't have
to open yourself up to possible hurt to play the game with people like that.
JMO Don't think you really asked. :-D >>
No, I do appreciate the ideas and feedback!
Sometimes I think I'm just imaginging that Keith's mom is that
prickly/hostile/impervious.
Sandra
<< If that's the way they truly are, I personally would never bother with
another gift. It's lost on them. They just don't get the value or sentiment
behind it. I'd stick with cards and photos. That way you haven't forgotten,
you've just scaled it way back. And you'd let your kids know you don't have
to open yourself up to possible hurt to play the game with people like that.
JMO Don't think you really asked. :-D >>
No, I do appreciate the ideas and feedback!
Sometimes I think I'm just imaginging that Keith's mom is that
prickly/hostile/impervious.
Sandra
Elizabeth Hill
SandraDodd@... wrote:
much convinced me! (That it's not your imagination.)
Betsy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>The story about her serving tongue when you came over for dinner pretty
> Sometimes I think I'm just imaginging that Keith's mom is that
> prickly/hostile/impervious.
>
much convinced me! (That it's not your imagination.)
Betsy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joseph Fuerst
> > Why would someone be like that?Ever read The Celestine Prophesy? There's some part of that which
> > Any ideas?
> >
>
describes people who "suck" away energy/personal power from others. This
tale reminded me of that. I used to have a supervisor at a place I worked.
She was good at this..... I do not understand why someone would enjoy living
this way, or even if they enjoy it. As my former supervisor continues to
drive talented people away from her....she gets the benefit of being "the
best" in her eyes.
What a lonely way to be.
S
Joseph Fuerst
My 'hurt' for the holidays involved my dad. This year he bought nice, and
rather expensive gifts for my 2 s-i-ls. My sister and I got nothing. I
allowed myself to hurt, and then let it go. I guess he's giving in the way
he's capable. Maybe if you don't have the baggage of 'history' with
him....?
We are both adults now....and the fact is, I'd rather receive nothing
from him than something he felt forced or obligated to do.
I do try to give 'consumables' more...especially to other adults,
unless I know for certain about a "thing" that they'd love.
S
rather expensive gifts for my 2 s-i-ls. My sister and I got nothing. I
allowed myself to hurt, and then let it go. I guess he's giving in the way
he's capable. Maybe if you don't have the baggage of 'history' with
him....?
We are both adults now....and the fact is, I'd rather receive nothing
from him than something he felt forced or obligated to do.
I do try to give 'consumables' more...especially to other adults,
unless I know for certain about a "thing" that they'd love.
S
>her
> << My mom always says don't get us anything, so I started doing that a few
> years
> back, but I really don't think she meant it, and no one else listened to
> but me. Oh well. :) >>
>
> I gave my mom a calendar and a box of chocolates. Expendable stuff.
>
> Sandra
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
Sharon Rudd
I have encountered people (some were my
teachers...especially in high school, some family
members) like this.....sort of like
black-holes......there do seem to be a
disproportionate number of them in the public school
systems. Alcoholics have this characteristic.
Sharon of the Swamp
Do You Yahoo!?
Send your FREE holiday greetings online!
http://greetings.yahoo.com
teachers...especially in high school, some family
members) like this.....sort of like
black-holes......there do seem to be a
disproportionate number of them in the public school
systems. Alcoholics have this characteristic.
Sharon of the Swamp
> Ever read The Celestine Prophesy? There's some__________________________________________________
> part of that which
> describes people who "suck" away energy/personal
> power from others>
Do You Yahoo!?
Send your FREE holiday greetings online!
http://greetings.yahoo.com