Kelli Traaseth

Hi everyone! I know this has been probably hashed out a million times but I really need some wise words on how to deal with grandparents who feel my children are 'missing out' on opportunities. This last week we, me and my 3 kids, were visiting grandparents. There were several things that came up that they wanted my kids to go to, but my kids chose other things. Their cousins also live in the same town, so they wanted to play with them the majority of their time. Which I can understand. But.....grandpa and grandma think we should just say to our kids, "we are going to this concert, we are going to this function, your are going to eat this meal....and so on". They believe our kids will thank us in the long run, for the great opportunites. We said it was up to the kids. Grandparents didn't say much to that. Now, days later, I hear that they are disgusted with us. Grandma's feelings are hurt. What can I say to this? And should I be making my kids do some things that I think they would enjoy. Everyone else in my family, siblings and such, thinks yes, that the kids don't know. I really feel like our lives are so much more at peace and things are going so well since we've been living this unschooling life. And I feel in my heart that I'm doing the right thing. But, I still need some more ideas in responding to this type of criticism. What do you guys think? Sorry about the formatting, something is wrong with my yahoo e-mail. Thanks, Kelli


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Tia Leschke

>>Hi everyone! I know this has been probably hashed out a
million times but I really need some wise words on how to deal with
grandparents who feel my children are 'missing out' on opportunities.
This last week we, me and my 3 kids, were visiting grandparents. There
were several things that came up that they wanted my kids to go to, but my
kids chose other things. Their cousins also live in the same town,
so they wanted to play with them the majority of their time. Which I can
understand. But.....grandpa and grandma think we should
just say to our kids, "we are going to this concert, we are going to this
function, your are going to eat this meal....and so on".
They believe our kids will thank us in the long run, for the great
opportunites. We said it was up to the kids.
Grandparents didn't say much to that. Now, days
later, I hear that the>>


Oh I hate it when posts are cut off like that. You were saying?
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

Kelli Traaseth

Thanks Tia, I really don't understand what's going on with my e-mail. The whole message came through to me. Do you see the whole thing now? Kelli

Kelli Traaseth <kellitraas@...> wrote:Hi everyone! I know this has been probably hashed out a million times but I really need some wise words on how to deal with grandparents who feel my children are 'missing out' on opportunities. This last week we, me and my 3 kids, were visiting grandparents. There were several things that came up that they wanted my kids to go to, but my kids chose other things. Their cousins also live in the same town, so they wanted to play with them the majority of their time. Which I can understand. But.....grandpa and grandma think we should just say to our kids, "we are going to this concert, we are going to this function, your are going to eat this meal....and so on". They believe our kids will thank us in the long run, for the great opportunites. We said it was up to the kids. Grandparents didn't say much to that. Now, days later, I hear that they are disgusted with us. Grandma's feelings are hurt. What can I say to this? And should I be making my kids do some things that I think they would enjoy. Everyone else in my family, siblings and such, thinks yes, that the kids don't know. I really feel like our lives are so much more at peace and things are going so well since we've been living this unschooling life. And I feel in my heart that I'm doing the right thing. But, I still need some more ideas in responding to this type of criticism. What do you guys think? Sorry about the formatting, something is wrong with my yahoo e-mail. Thanks, Kelli


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Kelli Traaseth

Was I the only one who got my whole message? Gee alot of help that will do for me,,,<g> Kelli

Tia Leschke <leschke@...> wrote:


>>Hi everyone! I know this has been probably hashed out a
million times but I really need some wise words on how to deal with
grandparents who feel my children are 'missing out' on opportunities.
This last week we, me and my 3 kids, were visiting grandparents. There
were several things that came up that they wanted my kids to go to, but my
kids chose other things. Their cousins also live in the same town,
so they wanted to play with them the majority of their time. Which I can
understand. But.....grandpa and grandma think we should
just say to our kids, "we are going to this concert, we are going to this
function, your are going to eat this meal....and so on".
They believe our kids will thank us in the long run, for the great
opportunites. We said it was up to the kids.
Grandparents didn't say much to that. Now, days
later, I hear that the>>


Oh I hate it when posts are cut off like that. You were saying?
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...




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[email protected]

In a message dated 4/14/03 7:18:26 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
kellitraas@... writes:

> Thanks Tia, I really don't understand what's going on with my e-mail.
> The whole message came through to me. Do you see the whole thing now?
> Kelli
>
>

Kelly,

I got your whole message the first time but Yahoo has been having problems
the last four days. I wish I had advice for you but all my family lives
nearby and support us in our endeavor, Besides which if they didn't they
would never dare say so. I'm a cut and dry kind of girl, only child until I
was 9, first born grandchild, total type A personality and I march to the
beat of whichever drum sounds good at the time. I will wish happiness for you
and yours and may the sound of the drum you are following drown out those
whiners who do not control you.

Hugs to all of you,
Rhonda


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

Thanks Rhonda, I guess I am just feeling quite alone right now. I need August to be here, right now! Kelli

rjhill241@... wrote:In a message dated 4/14/03 7:18:26 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
kellitraas@... writes:

> Thanks Tia, I really don't understand what's going on with my e-mail.
> The whole message came through to me. Do you see the whole thing now?
> Kelli
>
>

Kelly,

I got your whole message the first time but Yahoo has been having problems
the last four days. I wish I had advice for you but all my family lives
nearby and support us in our endeavor, Besides which if they didn't they
would never dare say so. I'm a cut and dry kind of girl, only child until I
was 9, first born grandchild, total type A personality and I march to the
beat of whichever drum sounds good at the time. I will wish happiness for you
and yours and may the sound of the drum you are following drown out those
whiners who do not control you.

Hugs to all of you,
Rhonda


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[email protected]

In a message dated 4/14/2003 6:58:54 PM Central Daylight Time,
kellitraas@... writes:

> We said it was up to the kids. Grandparents didn't say much to that.
> Now, days later, I hear that they are disgusted with us.
> Grandma's feelings are hurt. What can I say to this? And should I
> be making my kids do some things that I think they would enjoy. Everyone
> else in my family, siblings and such, thinks yes, that the kids don't
> know.

I think kids should be able to distinguish between a regular old every day
spur of the moment idea and a special trip to do something with someone you
don't see regularly. If tickets are purchased ahead of time, I think kids
should be coerced to comply, if they seem indifferent. If they're strongly
opposed and would be no matter what, then someone else should be offered the
tickets, I guess. I also think that if tickets weren't purchased in advance,
then I would probably have gone, after making arrangements for the ones who
didn't want to go, just to grease the wheel of the relationship.

It would have been nice if G&G had spoken to the kids in advance and given
them some options.

Tuck


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

I'm reminded to say, after I sent that, "go along to get along". It's a
useful skill.

Tuck


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/14/03 8:12:10 PM, kellitraas@... writes:

<< Now, days later, I hear that they are disgusted with us. Grandma's
feelings are hurt. >>

I think there's a difference.

Are her feelings hurt? That is a wound turned inward.

Is she digusted? That's more fury turned outward and left to lie there and
fester.

Her feelings shouldn't be a part of it, though, so to lure you closer with
even third hand rumor of "feelings hurt sounds like a trap to me.

I think you should just play "la la la" like you don't know anything's wrong
and see if they feel different before the next encounter.

Sandra

Kelli Traaseth

This concert that the kids didn't want to go to was a free concert and Grandma had already been turned down by another grandson. I think that might have been something to do with how she was feeling about the whole weekend. In turn she probably thought my kids would just go along with her. Playing with their cousins was more of a pull. They don't get to see them very much. My kids have started to say that they don't want to stay at this Grandparents house. And I asked why....my dd (8) said because Grandpa wouldn't let her talk to me on the phone one time when they were talking care of them. He didn't think she needed to talk to me. Thought it would cause problems, make her sad. Well, not letting her talk to me made the sadness, and us leaving her there. It won't be happening again. They are in the mind set that "everything is just fine! You're OK, stop that crying." <Big Sigh> I will also, probably make our stays alot shorter from now on. I guess I'm beginning to figure out why some of my dh's siblings don't want to get together with G & G. Kelli



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Kelli Traaseth

SandraDodd@... wrote: **I think you should just play "la la la" like you don't know anything's wrong
and see if they feel different before the next encounter.**


Yeah, I think that's what I'll do. I think there were alot of issues going on last weekend. More than just us.



Kelli










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[email protected]

In a message dated 4/14/03 8:50:23 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
kellitraas@... writes:

> My kids have started to say that they don't want to stay at this
> Grandparents house.

Kelli (sorry I spelled your name with a "y" last time)

This is so terribly sad to me. My kids are forever begging to see their
grandparents and we live near them about a half an hour away, which in
southern California, that's pretty close. My Grandma's treasure the time they
see their Great-grandaughters because that alone is something to be
treasured. To have four living generations is quite awesome. Until just a few
years ago my great grandma was alive so there were five generations. I always
bring that up when all the grandmas are around. There will come a day that
this is not so, so I gently remind them how lucky we all are to even be
together.

The funny thing is though, my paternal grandmother always has a fit that my
kids don't get summer vacation like all those schooled kids do. My aunts go
round and round with her, trying to explain about how they don't go to
school, so it's a non-issue, but she insists that it's just not fair to my
kids to have to learn all the time. The way I see it, she actually gets it.
Everyone walks around rolling their eyes, and I just wink at her. She tells
everyone within earshot, that I don't send my kids to school because they
mean too much. Older people are often like small children, they say what they
mean and they mean what they say. She's not of feeble mind at all, she just
figures everyone should do it because I do. As the first born grandchild, I
gave birth to the first born great-grandchildren, and 2 at a time just like
grandma. The cousins who have started families are already dreading what they
are going to do about school because I raged against the machine and
grandma's on my side. One cousing said thanx a lot, now we'll have to
homeschool or grandma will say we don't love our kids as much as you do. LOL

Wow did I fall off topic or what?

Peace to you and yours,
Rhonda

P.S. Our twins are the first born only grandchildren on both sides, and so
far none coming up, so who knows what they will have accomplished by the time
someone else has kids.

P.S.S. Kelli, you can borrow either of my grandmas, whenever you need to.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/14/03 8:50:23 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
kellitraas@... writes:

> My kids have started to say that they don't want to stay at this
> Grandparents house.

Kelli (sorry I spelled your name with a "y" last time)

This is so terribly sad to me. My kids are forever begging to see their
grandparents and we live near them about a half an hour away, which in
southern California, that's pretty close. My Grandma's treasure the time they
see their Great-grandaughters because that alone is something to be
treasured. To have four living generations is quite awesome. Until just a few
years ago my great grandma was alive so there were five generations. I always
bring that up when all the grandmas are around. There will come a day that
this is not so, so I gently remind them how lucky we all are to even be
together.

The funny thing is though, my paternal grandmother always has a fit that my
kids don't get summer vacation like all those schooled kids do. My aunts go
round and round with her, trying to explain about how they don't go to
school, so it's a non-issue, but she insists that it's just not fair to my
kids to have to learn all the time. The way I see it, she actually gets it.
Everyone walks around rolling their eyes, and I just wink at her. She tells
everyone within earshot, that I don't send my kids to school because they
mean too much. Older people are often like small children, they say what they
mean and they mean what they say. She's not of feeble mind at all, she just
figures everyone should do it because I do. As the first born grandchild, I
gave birth to the first born great-grandchildren, and 2 at a time just like
grandma. The cousins who have started families are already dreading what they
are going to do about school because I raged against the machine and
grandma's on my side. One cousing said thanx a lot, now we'll have to
homeschool or grandma will say we don't love our kids as much as you do. LOL

Wow did I fall off topic or what?

Peace to you and yours,
Rhonda

P.S. Our twins are the first born only grandchildren on both sides, and so
far none coming up, so who knows what they will have accomplished by the time
someone else has kids.

P.S.S. Kelli, you can borrow either of my grandmas, whenever you need to.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Sorry for the double post, my e-mail is on the blink.

Rhonda


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

Thanks Tia, I really don't understand what's going on with my e-mail.
The whole message came through to me. Do you see the whole thing now? Kelli

Nope. This one stops sooner. The one I saw said something about what you'd
heard from someone else. Weird.
Tia

Kelli Traaseth <kellitraas@...> wrote:Hi everyone! I
know this has been probably hashed out a million times but I really need
some wise words on how to deal with grandparents who feel my children are
'missing out' on opportunities.
This last week we, me and my 3 kids, were visiting grandparents. There
were several things that came up that they wanted my kids to go to, but my
kids chose other things. Their cousins also live in the same town,
so they wanted to play with them the majority of their time. Which I can
understand. But.....grandpa and grandma think we should
just say to our kids, "we are going to this concert, we are going to this
function, your are going to eat this meal....and so on".
They believe our kids will thank us in the long run, for the great
opportunites. We said it was up to the kids.
Grandparents didn't say much to that.

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/14/03 10:17:14 PM, rjhill241@... writes:

<< One cousing said thanx a lot, now we'll have to
homeschool or grandma will say we don't love our kids as much as you do. LOL

<<Wow did I fall off topic or what? >>

Sometimes the trails you didn't know you were going to end up on are the best
ones!!

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/15/03 12:35:24 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> Sometimes the trails you didn't know you were going to end up on are the
> best
> ones!!
>

Oh yes Sandra, you are so right. But enjoying the journey wherever it may
take us is what I look forward too. Yesterday I found my first gray hair, a
little tiny one in my bangs. I was so excited, I yelled for my dh to come and
look. He exclaimed, "you better pull it out!!!" I looked at him like he was
nuts. I said, "no it is my first hair of wisdom and I plan on keeping it." He
says I feel that way now because it's one little hair, but I won't be
thrilled when there are hundreds. I don't know, I think there is beauty in
gray.I have long black hair down to my butt, so I told him I hope I get all
the grays at one spot and then I'll look like Morticia.LOL

Rhonda


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

**Kelli, you can borrow either of my grandmas, whenever you need to.**


OK send them over, Minnesota isn't too far is it? <g>

That's great Rhonda that you have such open minded grandparents and relatives in your life! I keep hoping that if I keep talking about things with them, they'll come around. At least I've learned to not get defensive about things, that has helped. I do wish my own grandma was around, she was great. I remember when she was alive. My mom her daughter, would come to her complaining about this or that, someone living with someone or something like that. Grandma Dee would just say, " ahhh, it will be OK, it could be worse." I'm hoping my mom will turn into her, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. Aren't people supposed to mellow with age? Although I know some people just intensify. peace~Kelli



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BADOLBILZ

This is a good segue...The older girls and I are going to see Spririted
Away at the movie theatre today and I'm leaving the younger two with my
sister. The older girls and I are planning to wear our newest
project...we've been drawing on our jeans. They look awesome and we've
had a blast expressing ourselves on such visable canvases. But I just
know there will be repercussions from my sister (who has a 2 yr old) and
from my friends with young kids. I'm going to bet they don't want their
kids to draw on their pants. Oh well. The girls are so proud of their
new fashions and I am too. I can't wait to see what comments we get!
Wish us luck, HeidiC.

SandraDodd@... wrote:

>In a message dated 4/14/03 10:17:14 PM, rjhill241@... writes:
>
><< One cousing said thanx a lot, now we'll have to
>homeschool or grandma will say we don't love our kids as much as you do. LOL
>
><<Wow did I fall off topic or what? >>
>
>Sometimes the trails you didn't know you were going to end up on are the best
>ones!!
>
>Sandra
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/15/03 9:05:28 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
ynxn96@... writes:

> The older girls and I are going to see Spririted
> Away at the movie theatre today

We loved that movie. Have a great time, jeans and all.

Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nancy Wooton

on 4/15/03 6:22 AM, BADOLBILZ at ynxn96@... wrote:

> The older girls and I are going to see Spririted
> Away at the movie theatre today

That is an *awesome* movie. We saw it for my big 'ol son's 13th birthday,
with his two big 'ol 14ish best friends in tow; they loved it.

Nancy

BADOLBILZ

I'm so sad! Due to poor planning on my part, we missed the movie by 30
min. and had to settle for the Piglet movie. But we're going to get back
to see it somehow. It sounds like the kind of movie that can be better
appreciated on a big screen. Just got to find a sitter for the 2 smaller
kids. Hell, I want to see it so bad, maybe I'll just take them with us.
Anyway, it was a disappointment. Sometimes, following schedules is a
good idea, I guess. I'm just not very good at it. HeidiC.


Nancy Wooton wrote:

>on 4/15/03 6:22 AM, BADOLBILZ at ynxn96@... wrote:
>
>
>
>>The older girls and I are going to see Spririted
>>Away at the movie theatre today
>>
>>
>
>That is an *awesome* movie. We saw it for my big 'ol son's 13th birthday,
>with his two big 'ol 14ish best friends in tow; they loved it.
>
>Nancy
>
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>



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Dawn Falbe

Ahh so much to say on this topic and so little of it would be new <g> I
have found that saying nothing to my mother is working out quite well. As
soon as she makes any snippy comments such as "Zak needs to go to school
he's bored playing with Max, he needs kids of his own age" (that's when she
watched both of them for 2 hours when in that week alone Zak had 4 different
playdate, plus soccer and soccer practice, plus a homeschooling meeting,
plus a trip with daddy to Peter Piper Pizza to play games, plus pottery
class with other homeschoolers - one of our busier weeks). That was the
time for me to grab the kids and go home. Which was exactly what I did. I
have decided that if she mentions anything again I'm going to suggest to
read some homeschooling books (I already have a couple to suggest to her)
and that if she would like to discuss homeschooling after she's read those
books or aquainted herself with unschooling, I'd be more than happy to
discuss it. I know for a fact that she won't read any books. She's already
told me that even though she knows nothing about homeschooling she knows
Steve and I shouldn't be doing it and that it's going to harm our children
and we are wrong blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!!!!



I was saddened to read Connie's post the other day that after 20 years her
mother she didn't get it. I guess I was clinging to the hope that
eventually they all get it, but then I realized there are those that just
don't. I'm afraid I have one of those.



Of well thank goodness for the support of others that do what we do and
those that don't that admire us.



Dawn F.

Tucson, AZ



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]