heather mclean

< I'll let you know what I think after I read it....
"The gentle art of Verbal Self Defense" by Suzette
Haden Elgin>

Ok, I'm about 1/3 of the way through the book (pg
108). I really like it. But I'm afraid I'm not going
to master it by Saturday (when my parents arrive) LOL.
I've done a google on the author & found she has
written several more books on verbal self-defense (as
well as science fiction, and more) so I'll have more
study materials :)

Here is "Why You Need to Master Verbal Self-Defense"
and the first lesson:

http://www.adrr.com/aa/whymastervsd.html

Now why wasn't this taught to me in school? Something
I could have REALLY used LOL.
The examples in the book hit a little too close to
home for me.

She writes: "Worst of all, verbal violence all too
often goes unrecognized, except at a level that you
cannot even understand yourself. You know that you
are suffering, and you vaguely know where the pain is
coming from; but because the aggression is so well
hidden, you are likely to blame yourself instead of
the aggressor, and to add to your own misery,like
this: 'I can't understand why I feel so stupid when
I'm with her. She's always so considerate and she's
such a nice person! There must be something the
matter with me.' There probably is something the
matter with you, yes. Your problem is that you are
the victim of verbal violence and you don't have the
least idea how to defend yourself against it." p.2

and on p. 16, "A major reason why people do not
realize that verbal violence is being used against
them is that they have never been taught about
presuppositions. They know about them, of course,
below the level of conscious awareness. That's why
they feel hurt or insulted in response to something
that sounds, on the surface, like a nice thing to say.
But they have never been taught to watch out for
presuppositions, or to pay attention to them instead
of the words that form the surface sequence. As a
result, they cannot express WHY they feel hurt or
insulted."

She has lots of info on her website. enjoy.


heather m in tucson az


__________________________________________________
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Heather, maybe you could ask your mom to put her concerns in writing so you
can really think about them, later on.

Probably she never will.

If she does, just the act of writing them down will help her clarify her own
thinking.

If she refuses, you could claim if it's not important enough to put in
writing, it must not be very important.

Sandra

Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema

My son wanted to play baseball when he was 10 (or so), so I signed him up
for the local little league team, bought the uniform and went to the parent
meeting/etc. He tried really hard to enjoy it, and the coach was really
pretty nice, but he never really loved it (although he did have some good
times.) The other kids on the team teased him for his long hair and gentle
manner, the other parents were really stand-off-ish (as in, you're
different/strange and we don't want to know you) and it was all so
commercial-feeling. Like they wanted to get the most money out of you they
could. There was also a lot of talk about how this kid might get recruited
for the 'majors', but not that kid - and then they'd dissect WHY the kid
wasn't as good, etc. We live in a fairly well-educated, diverse locale,
but it seems that little league pulls from a very different mindset. Very
dis-illusioning.

Anyway, ds chose to not return the following year and has never asked to
play on another team. (although we do toss a ball now and then, and have
gone to the batting cages.)

If the kids wanted to go, take them to a little league game. If they want
to play for a season, there's a good chance that the season would be their
last.
Baseball is fun. Little league wasn't.
HeidiWD



"I prefer a person who will burn the flag and wrap themselves in the
constitution to a person who will burn the constitution and wrap themselves
in the flag" --- Molly Ivins

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/10/2003 4:57:50 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

> <I'll let you know what I think after I read it....
> "The gentle art of Verbal Self Defense" by Suzette
> Haden Elgin>
>
> Ok, I'm about 1/3 of the way through the book (pg
> 108). I really like it. But I'm afraid I'm not going
> to master it by Saturday (when my parents arrive) LOL.
> I've done a google on the author &found she has
> written several more books on verbal self-defense (as
> well as science fiction, and more) so I'll have more
> study materials :)
>

Oh, I love her!!!! And her science fiction is incredible, with linguistics as
a major theme, often.
Kathryn


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

BADOLBILZ

Again, thank you, Heather. I'm going to read it and then give it to my
sister and my sil. Might make us all feel a little better at those
dreaded family dinners! Heidi Case

heather mclean wrote:

>< I'll let you know what I think after I read it....
>"The gentle art of Verbal Self Defense" by Suzette
>Haden Elgin>
>
>Ok, I'm about 1/3 of the way through the book (pg
>108). I really like it. But I'm afraid I'm not going
>to master it by Saturday (when my parents arrive) LOL.
> I've done a google on the author & found she has
>written several more books on verbal self-defense (as
>well as science fiction, and more) so I'll have more
>study materials :)
>
>Here is "Why You Need to Master Verbal Self-Defense"
>and the first lesson:
>
>http://www.adrr.com/aa/whymastervsd.html
>
>Now why wasn't this taught to me in school? Something
>I could have REALLY used LOL.
>The examples in the book hit a little too close to
>home for me.
>
>She writes: "Worst of all, verbal violence all too
>often goes unrecognized, except at a level that you
>cannot even understand yourself. You know that you
>are suffering, and you vaguely know where the pain is
>coming from; but because the aggression is so well
>hidden, you are likely to blame yourself instead of
>the aggressor, and to add to your own misery,like
>this: 'I can't understand why I feel so stupid when
>I'm with her. She's always so considerate and she's
>such a nice person! There must be something the
>matter with me.' There probably is something the
>matter with you, yes. Your problem is that you are
>the victim of verbal violence and you don't have the
>least idea how to defend yourself against it." p.2
>
>and on p. 16, "A major reason why people do not
>realize that verbal violence is being used against
>them is that they have never been taught about
>presuppositions. They know about them, of course,
>below the level of conscious awareness. That's why
>they feel hurt or insulted in response to something
>that sounds, on the surface, like a nice thing to say.
> But they have never been taught to watch out for
>presuppositions, or to pay attention to them instead
>of the words that form the surface sequence. As a
>result, they cannot express WHY they feel hurt or
>insulted."
>
>She has lots of info on her website. enjoy.
>
>
>heather m in tucson az
>
>
>__________________________________________________
>Do you Yahoo!?
>Yahoo! Tax Center - File online, calculators, forms, and more
>http://tax.yahoo.com
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>

BADOLBILZ

This would NEVER work with my mom, because she's not aware there is a
problem. With some people you have to honestly admit no amout of
confrontation, in any way shape or form, will get them to change because
they don't want to. They are ALWAYS right. I love the idea of my
learning how to not let her get to me anymore. The only method I've
found to work so far was to repeat continuously under my breath while in
her presence..."like water off a duck's back, like water off a duck's
back, like water off a duck's back..." Heidi Case

SandraDodd@... wrote:

>Heather, maybe you could ask your mom to put her concerns in writing so you
>can really think about them, later on.
>
>Probably she never will.
>
>If she does, just the act of writing them down will help her clarify her own
>thinking.
>
>If she refuses, you could claim if it's not important enough to put in
>writing, it must not be very important.
>
>Sandra
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>

Nancy Wooton

on 4/9/03 11:46 PM, heather mclean at heather_200115@... wrote:

> < I'll let you know what I think after I read it....
> "The gentle art of Verbal Self Defense" by Suzette
> Haden Elgin>
>
> Ok, I'm about 1/3 of the way through the book (pg
> 108). I really like it. But I'm afraid I'm not going
> to master it by Saturday (when my parents arrive) LOL.


Another great book is the old classic of assertiveness training, called
"When I Say No, I Feel Guilty."

Nancy

;-)
--
"Well it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on
the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad
feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees until you're
almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to
parties, and boys will like you, and happiness will follow."
--Marge Simpson

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/10/03 12:54:54 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
heidi@... writes:

> If the kids wanted to go, take them to a little league game. If they want
> to play for a season, there's a good chance that the season would be their
> last.
> Baseball is fun. Little league wasn't.
>

My boys love to go watch baseball. We have a team here. They love to go and
cheer as loud as they want and no one looks at them funny. LOL. But they
have never expressed any interest in playing.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

On Thu, 10 Apr 2003 05:32:38 -0700 Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
<heidi@...> writes:
> If the kids wanted to go, take them to a little league game. If
> they want
> to play for a season, there's a good chance that the season would be
> their
> last.
> Baseball is fun. Little league wasn't.

In a town near us the YMCA does "Y-ball", which is their own version of
baseball or softball for kids around 9-12. Everyone plays the whole game,
all psitions are rotated evenly, each team pitchs to their own teammates
(you get 5 pitches from a teammate and then 3 from a coach), the inning
ends after everyone has batted or 3 outs, and it's just a really low-key
game. Maybe your local Y does the same?

Dar

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/10/2003 9:35:25 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
ynxn96@... writes:
> The only method I've
> found to work so far was to repeat continuously under my breath while in
> her presence..."like water off a duck's back, like water off a duck's
> back, like water off a duck's back..." Heidi Case
>

My husband tells me, "Be Zen. Do Zen. Be Zen, Do Zen.... " <G>

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Peggy

Date: Wed, 9 Apr 2003 23:46:27 -0700 (PDT)
From: heather mclean <heather_200115@...>

>
> < I'll let you know what I think after I read it....
> "The gentle art of Verbal Self Defense" by Suzette
> Haden Elgin>
>
> Ok, I'm about 1/3 of the way through the book (pg
> 108). I really like it. But I'm afraid I'm not going
> to master it by Saturday (when my parents arrive) LOL.
> I've done a google on the author & found she has
> written several more books on verbal self-defense (as
> well as science fiction, and more) so I'll have more
> study materials :)

Looked at the web page, looks very interesting. Reminds me a bit about
something Alice Miller wrote once. She was talking about how the people
in Germany related to Hitler in a way that the outside world didn't
comprehend; to outsiders he appeared a hysterical and comic figure but
to a majority of Germans his ranting and posturing hit an internal chord
that was tied into the highly coercive and judgmental early childhood
experiences many of them had in common. They literally could not "see"
him because what they saw was how he was packaged, how the message was
delivered in ways that they had been taught as children to see as how
loving authorities acted and to deny their own internal truth.

And, I think this happens in all cultures. Whenever we teach our
children to deny their own inner truth or tell them something that isn't
good for them is, or manipulate them to gain something at the cost of
their inner feelings, we breakdown that inner wall of protection and
make them vulnerable to exploitation from someone with that same sort of
"face": The smiling face of loving kindness hiding lies and hurt. Child
Molesters exploit this when they "prep" their victims, sometimes with
the parents in unknowing partnership, the child feels something wrong
and resists, the parents tell them to "be nice" to Uncle Johnny and the
child denies the sense of danger or unease that his gut is telling him
and obeys.

And it seems darn near impossible to change that in one's own self. The
lessons are taught so young that I think we always remain a bit
vulnerable to the picture of that smiling face no matter how hard we try
to overlay that early emotional training with logic and calm truth. We
remain particularly vulnerable to it with members of our own families
since we've been indoctrinated into it for so long.

From the website:

"You are a native speaker of English; you know when you are under verbal
attack because you feel it, in exactly the same way that you feel it
when somebody hits you. Don't be confused: Know that you are under attack."

That is SO true. You feel it. But you've spent years learning to deny it
and when it comes with the face of love and all that you depend on for
survival as a young child it is pretty hard to ignore.


Peggy




______________________________

Tia Leschke

> If the kids wanted to go, take them to a little league game. If they want
> to play for a season, there's a good chance that the season would be their
> last.
> Baseball is fun. Little league wasn't.

Probably varies a lot from place to place too. I have a friend whose boys
are *really* into Little League, and I don't think they've run into the same
kind of attitudes. We don't have Little League here, and my son plays
fastball (softball to some). I guess since there *is* no recruiting for the
majors in fastball, that issue wouldn't come up. We do still have some of
the pushy parents issues, though it isn't huge like in some sports.
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/10/2003 2:34:51 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

> >The only method I've
> >found to work so far was to repeat continuously under my breath while in
> >her presence..."like water off a duck's back, like water off a duck's
> >back, like water off a duck's back..." Heidi Case
> >
>
> My husband tells me, "Be Zen. Do Zen. Be Zen, Do Zen.... " <G>
>

Kelly, the military must be VERY challenging for him. LOL

Kathryn


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/10/2003 4:30:35 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
KathrynJB@... writes:
> Kelly, the military must be VERY challenging for him. LOL
>
> Kathryn

He's a Citadel grad, no less! <G>

~Kelly



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/10/2003 11:54:55 AM Central Daylight Time,
heidi@... writes:

> If the kids wanted to go, take them to a little league game. If they want
> to play for a season, there's a good chance that the season would be their
> last.
> Baseball is fun. Little league wasn't.
>

Little League is an actual organization with a set of rules and standards.
Not all youth baseball organizations are Little League. Around here, aside
from YMCA or church leagues, it's the least competitive, most inclusive
league. The players are evaluated at the beginning of the season and each
team has the same number of kids in each playing ability. This gives every
team a chance to win some and lose some.

Of course, you can't do anything about the types of people who bring their
kids to play baseball. But if you live in even a medium sized city, and your
son would like to try baseball again, you might want to check around and find
another type of league. Almost any Baptist church with a ball field out back
has a league. There's even a league here that uses only different colored
jerseys and doesn't keep score.

This is my 15th spring at the ballpark, watching one or the other of my sons
play ball. Each of my 3 have had different reasons for playing, different
abilities and different ambitions--plus we move a lot--so we've been a part
of all types of leagues. If your son really wants to play baseball, there
should be a way.

Tuck


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Alan & Brenda Leonard

4/10/03 20:32:

> This would NEVER work with my mom, because she's not aware there is a
> problem. With some people you have to honestly admit no amout of
> confrontation, in any way shape or form, will get them to change because
> they don't want to. They are ALWAYS right. I love the idea of my
> learning how to not let her get to me anymore.

Heidi,

Your mom sounds a lot like mine. It's not that mom isn't aware that there
is a problem. She knows darn well there's a problem; I'M the problem.
Lately, I've been using the disconnect act. This is only on the phone; I
haven't been home in a while. Ask me in August how the week at home went.
But basically I've been staying calm and never answering her criticisms. I
figure we've been playing her games for years, so now we're playing mine.
At least I control this one.

She starts in about curriculum, and I reply about how happy I am with his
violin playing and how exciting it is for us to make music together. She
carries on about how much he's missing at school, and I talk about the
delightful trips we've taken lately. When she repeats herself and asks if I
heard her, I've been saying, "Oh, yes, of course I did" and breezing off to
another topic.

The trick for me is to not defend myself (I never win anyway) and to not
stay on her topic. I do NOT mention that Tim does go to school for 45
minutes a week when she's on the school discourse, I talk about something
totally different. The 45 minutes at school will be a lovely reply to the
food conversation, etc.

brenda
P.S. to anyone who was around unschoolingdotcom last year: remember my
mother and the "your son is missing so much without the book discussions at
school" problem last year? That's become her big concern again. It didn't
bother me this time, but I think I'll have to keep track and see if it's an
annual "April" problem. ;)

Betsy

**P.S. to anyone who was around unschoolingdotcom last year: remember my
mother and the "your son is missing so much without the book discussions at
school" problem last year? That's become her big concern again. It didn't
bother me this time, but I think I'll have to keep track and see if it's an
annual "April" problem. ;)**


Hi, Brenda -

I remember! I'm not sure why she thinks he can have a great book
discussion in school when many of the students won't have read the
"assigned" book. (My dh teaches 9th grade English in public school, so
I'm cynical in my belief that the students are mostly cynical.)

Book groups for kids are also sponsored by libraries and bookstores. I
don't read the kid discussions on unschooling.com, but they are very
active and it's possible that they sometimes talk about books. There
are lots of options for anyone who wants to talk about books.

Honestly, isn't she aware that there are kids in school who sneer at
other kids who confess to liking books?

I'm off to visit *my* mom now, and I'm gonna take the prior advice to
"be Zen". (If I fail, I'll come back tomorrow with a brief report.)

Betsy

Pamela Sorooshian

On Sunday, April 13, 2003, at 07:56 AM, Betsy wrote:

> Honestly, isn't she aware that there are kids in school who sneer at
> other kids who confess to liking books?

Oh YES. Roya (now 18) went to school through 4th grade. The LAST day of
school the class was having a party (I was room mom, of course, so I
was there in the classroom a LOT). They were playing a form of bingo -
using the overhead projector the teacher had the kids call out things
they planned to do during school break and filling the spaces on the
bingo card with those things. They were saying: go to Disneyland, go to
the beach, go to my grandma's, go to the mall, go skateboarding, and so
on. Roya gleefully shouted out: GO TO THE LIBRARY!!! There was a groan,
in unison, from half the class - and one girl said, "You WOULD actually
want go to the library during vacation, wouldn't you?" very
sarcastically. These kids were only 9 and 10 years old!!!! We'd
already decided to homeschool - I felt like we were just barely dodging
a bullet.

-pam

BADOLBILZ

Thanks, Brenda. I'm going to try that with my my mom. Usually she's so
self-involved anyway that she might not even notice that I've changed
the topic. HeidiC.

Alan & Brenda Leonard wrote:

>4/10/03 20:32:
>
>
>
>>This would NEVER work with my mom, because she's not aware there is a
>>problem. With some people you have to honestly admit no amout of
>>confrontation, in any way shape or form, will get them to change because
>>they don't want to. They are ALWAYS right. I love the idea of my
>>learning how to not let her get to me anymore.
>>
>>
>
>Heidi,
>
>Your mom sounds a lot like mine. It's not that mom isn't aware that there
>is a problem. She knows darn well there's a problem; I'M the problem.
>Lately, I've been using the disconnect act. This is only on the phone; I
>haven't been home in a while. Ask me in August how the week at home went.
>But basically I've been staying calm and never answering her criticisms. I
>figure we've been playing her games for years, so now we're playing mine.
>At least I control this one.
>
>She starts in about curriculum, and I reply about how happy I am with his
>violin playing and how exciting it is for us to make music together. She
>carries on about how much he's missing at school, and I talk about the
>delightful trips we've taken lately. When she repeats herself and asks if I
>heard her, I've been saying, "Oh, yes, of course I did" and breezing off to
>another topic.
>
>The trick for me is to not defend myself (I never win anyway) and to not
>stay on her topic. I do NOT mention that Tim does go to school for 45
>minutes a week when she's on the school discourse, I talk about something
>totally different. The 45 minutes at school will be a lovely reply to the
>food conversation, etc.
>
>brenda
>P.S. to anyone who was around unschoolingdotcom last year: remember my
>mother and the "your son is missing so much without the book discussions at
>school" problem last year? That's become her big concern again. It didn't
>bother me this time, but I think I'll have to keep track and see if it's an
>annual "April" problem. ;)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

I want to respond to this issue also, I hope this message comes through OK, on another list I'm on, I havn't been able to get the enter button to put breaks in between the paragraphs. We'll see.... In regards to my mom, she doesn't bring up the schooling much. She says she trusts me. But when she does, she tends to take things I say as a personal attack on her own parenting skills. I try and say, I know you did what you thought was best, but that doesn't always help. I also have to be zenlike. I take lots of breathes and calm myself. This week I was over there, at her house, and she thought the kids needed more 'guidance'. In other words, needing me to tell them what to do. I said they were doing quite well in finding lots to do and finding new things that they hadn't done before. They also are so happy and self assured. They get to do what they want! She also can't get over the unregulated TV/ gaming stuff. I brought up, "I sure am glad Steven Spielberg's mom didn't limit his use of a video camera! " Or " I'm glad Bill Gate's mom didin't say to him, honey, you've been on the computer too much!". She thinks my son has become more reclusive, like he doesn't talk to people as much anymore. Well, when she was last at our house he had just gotten a gameboy advance from a friend. Hmmmmm, I wonder why he didn't talk much. Plus she doesn't talk to him about anything he's interested in. I also said maybe he doesn't have anything to say. Maybe he isn't going to be a talkative person, isn't that OK? That's a huge point, if my kids don't talk with adults about what the adults think is 'interesting' or of 'importance', well, then they aren't learning anything! Sigh... And of course, video games can't be of importance. I told my Mom if she would ask him about what he was doing she wouldn't be able to get a word in edge wise, but she doesn't do that. I think she would rather he sat down and showed her how nice his handwriting is...how to multiply..and etc...bleck..that would impress her. Different priorities, I'd say. I just stay confident in my decision to unschool. And show the doubters how wonderful it all is!! Kelli


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

Sorry about that post. I can't figure out why my enter button won't put in spaces between my paragraphs. Although I e-mailed a message to my other address and it worked! Anyone have any ideas? It seems to have something to do with yahoogroups, maybe? I just put 4 spaces in,,,,, Kelli

Kelli Traaseth <kellitraas@...> wrote:I want to respond to this issue also, I hope this message comes through OK, on another list I'm on, I havn't been able to get the enter button to put breaks in between the paragraphs. We'll see.... In regards to my mom, she doesn't bring up the schooling much. She says she trusts me. But when she does, she tends to take things I say as a personal attack on her own parenting skills. I try and say, I know you did what you thought was best, but that doesn't always help. I also have to be zenlike. I take lots of breathes and calm myself. This week I was over there, at her house, and she thought the kids needed more 'guidance'. In other words, needing me to tell them what to do. I said they were doing quite well in finding lots to do and finding new things that they hadn't done before. They also are so happy and self assured. They get to do what they want! She also can't get over the unregulated TV/ gaming stuff. I brought up, "I sure am glad Steven Spielberg's mom didn't limit his use of a video camera! " Or " I'm glad Bill Gate's mom didin't say to him, honey, you've been on the computer too much!". She thinks my son has become more reclusive, like he doesn't talk to people as much anymore. Well, when she was last at our house he had just gotten a gameboy advance from a friend. Hmmmmm, I wonder why he didn't talk much. Plus she doesn't talk to him about anything he's interested in. I also said maybe he doesn't have anything to say. Maybe he isn't going to be a talkative person, isn't that OK? That's a huge point, if my kids don't talk with adults about what the adults think is 'interesting' or of 'importance', well, then they aren't learning anything! Sigh... And of course, video games can't be of importance. I told my Mom if she would ask him about what he was doing she wouldn't be able to get a word in edge wise, but she doesn't do that. I think she would rather he sat down and showed her how nice his handwriting is...how to multiply..and etc...bleck..that would impress her. Different priorities, I'd say. I just stay confident in my decision to unschool. And show the doubters how wonderful it all is!! Kelli


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In a message dated 4/13/03 8:37:32 AM, abtleo@... writes:

<< It's not that mom isn't aware that there
is a problem. She knows darn well there's a problem; I'M the problem. >>

That was cute and funny.
Funny because it's not me (that kind of funny).

<< I do NOT mention that Tim does go to school for 45
minutes a week when she's on the school discourse, I talk about something
totally different. The 45 minutes at school will be a lovely reply to the
food conversation, etc.>>

You ARE a problem!! <g>

<<That's become her big concern again. It didn't
bother me this time, but I think I'll have to keep track and see if it's an
annual "April" problem. ;)>>

You could do a whole scientific study of her. Map sightings. Note
migrations. Chart behaviors. Very educational! Report it to her after you
have a couple of years of data, maybe!

Sandra

Alan & Brenda Leonard

4/14/03 00:28:

> You could do a whole scientific study of her. Map sightings. Note
> migrations. Chart behaviors. Very educational! Report it to her after you
> have a couple of years of data, maybe!

And you tell me *I'm* a problem! <bwg>

brenda
my computer works today!!! yay!