Re: [AlwaysLearning] when parents disagree
Paula Sjogerman
on 4/8/03 6:04 PM, Dana at hoffmanwilson@... wrote:
have some relatives like this. Now that my kids are old enough to get it, I
sometimes ask them to hold off on things like candy before dinner at
grandma's house because I don't want my poor restricted nieces and nephews
to feel bad. It's not their fault that their parents have those rules and
it's often not worth the family hassle to make them go crying to their
parents "But Quinn gets to!" My kids can understand this and it's usually
no big deal.
Paula
> PUH-LEASE don't worry about what your parentsThough I agree philosophically with all the responses, I'll just add this: I
> and relatives want....it's YOUR life and your CHILDREN'S lives....just live
> to make you all happy, and forget the rest.
have some relatives like this. Now that my kids are old enough to get it, I
sometimes ask them to hold off on things like candy before dinner at
grandma's house because I don't want my poor restricted nieces and nephews
to feel bad. It's not their fault that their parents have those rules and
it's often not worth the family hassle to make them go crying to their
parents "But Quinn gets to!" My kids can understand this and it's usually
no big deal.
Paula
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/03 6:47:02 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< As far as food issues and food freedom, I myself feel that young
children need to be guided and encouraged with what they eat. I try to
not have much "junk" food in the house but if it is here (thanks to dh)
the girls would choose a bag of Cheetos over dinner. >>
Of course they will. You limit them.
My kids would have chosen the junk over the good stuff every time while I was
controlling their diet.
Now, after a couple years of de-fooding, they will eat everything and
anything without all the hang ups.
Sierra will beg for tofu and brocolli! They ask me to make up platters of
carrots and celery to dip in ranch dressing. They also like their "junk"
food, but by letting go of control over their food choices, they can now KNOW
their own bodies and be balanced individuals.
Demonizing certain foods only makes the problem worse.
Your kids will continue to be obsessed with the less healthy food choices
until you decide to trust them.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected] writes:
<< As far as food issues and food freedom, I myself feel that young
children need to be guided and encouraged with what they eat. I try to
not have much "junk" food in the house but if it is here (thanks to dh)
the girls would choose a bag of Cheetos over dinner. >>
Of course they will. You limit them.
My kids would have chosen the junk over the good stuff every time while I was
controlling their diet.
Now, after a couple years of de-fooding, they will eat everything and
anything without all the hang ups.
Sierra will beg for tofu and brocolli! They ask me to make up platters of
carrots and celery to dip in ranch dressing. They also like their "junk"
food, but by letting go of control over their food choices, they can now KNOW
their own bodies and be balanced individuals.
Demonizing certain foods only makes the problem worse.
Your kids will continue to be obsessed with the less healthy food choices
until you decide to trust them.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
BADOLBILZ
But I don't intend to stock the house with "junk" foods. When I shop, I
buy healthy, natural foods because they are good for us. I don't eat
the junk and dh does (he buys his own and rarely consumes them in the
house). I realize placing sweet and salty snacks up on a pedestal can
make them more appealing,but what if they end up on a pedestal simple
because they are rarely around?
BTW, I brought all this up with dh last night and he said when he was
growing up, they always had free access to all the junk food they
wanted. He said he never went for the healthy stuff if the junk was
there. And he was never limited or withheld in any way from the junk.
And to this day he still chooses to eat terribly...2Lo of Pepsi/day and
candy bars for lunch. He does not eat vegetables.
Heidi Case
starsuncloud@... wrote:
buy healthy, natural foods because they are good for us. I don't eat
the junk and dh does (he buys his own and rarely consumes them in the
house). I realize placing sweet and salty snacks up on a pedestal can
make them more appealing,but what if they end up on a pedestal simple
because they are rarely around?
BTW, I brought all this up with dh last night and he said when he was
growing up, they always had free access to all the junk food they
wanted. He said he never went for the healthy stuff if the junk was
there. And he was never limited or withheld in any way from the junk.
And to this day he still chooses to eat terribly...2Lo of Pepsi/day and
candy bars for lunch. He does not eat vegetables.
Heidi Case
starsuncloud@... wrote:
>In a message dated 4/8/03 6:47:02 AM Central Daylight Time,
>[email protected] writes:
>
><< As far as food issues and food freedom, I myself feel that young
> children need to be guided and encouraged with what they eat. I try to
> not have much "junk" food in the house but if it is here (thanks to dh)
> the girls would choose a bag of Cheetos over dinner. >>
>
>Of course they will. You limit them.
>My kids would have chosen the junk over the good stuff every time while I was
>controlling their diet.
>Now, after a couple years of de-fooding, they will eat everything and
>anything without all the hang ups.
>Sierra will beg for tofu and brocolli! They ask me to make up platters of
>carrots and celery to dip in ranch dressing. They also like their "junk"
>food, but by letting go of control over their food choices, they can now KNOW
>their own bodies and be balanced individuals.
>Demonizing certain foods only makes the problem worse.
>Your kids will continue to be obsessed with the less healthy food choices
>until you decide to trust them.
>
>Ren
>"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
>growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
>magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
>me....It's in every one of us."
>
> ----Frances Hodgson Burnett
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>
Pamela Sorooshian
There is a natural desire for sugar and fat that may be stronger in
some people, innately, than in others.
My 12 yo will almost always choose salad over any other food. She'd
rather nibble on a bag of lettuce than a bag of chips almost any time.
We'll stop at a coffeeshop for desert - everyone else will order pie or
cheesecake and she'll order a small dinner salad. And -she doesn't soak
it in dressing either - it is the lettuce and cucumbers she likes.
My 15 yo will always order cheesecake. Often would ask for a chicken
fried steak and gravy to go along with it <G>.
My 18 yo will go for chips every time. When she goes to the grocery
store, that's what she comes home with - bags of tortilla chips. Nobody
else usually touches them.
My point is that their eating interests are REALLY different - raised
in the same house with no food restrictions and they are not all
equally healthy in their choices. Sometimes it sounds like people here
think that kids left on their own will always make only perfectly
healthy food choices, but that isn't my observation for most kids. So -
if a parent wants them to ONLY eat healthy foods -no sweets, no high
fat foods, no salty snacks, then I think you'd have to restrict what is
available.
What IS true, though, is that kids won't ONLY eat those less nutritious
foods....given freedom to choose - they will also eat lots of good
healthy foods.
When people say they gave their kids freedom to choose and it didn't
work - I think maybe their expectations are too high - they think the
kids are going to pass up the cookies, candy, salty snacks, and sodas
all the time - always choosing the spinach and broccoli instead.
Some kids will. My 12 yo eats incredibly healthy - really always
chooses fruits and vegetables over anything else. What is more likely
is that they'll choose a diet that is slightly higher in junk foods
than their parents might have chosen for them if they'd restricted
them. BUT - no food battles and no creating food "issues" in the kids
as they grow up! How cool is that!!
-pam
some people, innately, than in others.
My 12 yo will almost always choose salad over any other food. She'd
rather nibble on a bag of lettuce than a bag of chips almost any time.
We'll stop at a coffeeshop for desert - everyone else will order pie or
cheesecake and she'll order a small dinner salad. And -she doesn't soak
it in dressing either - it is the lettuce and cucumbers she likes.
My 15 yo will always order cheesecake. Often would ask for a chicken
fried steak and gravy to go along with it <G>.
My 18 yo will go for chips every time. When she goes to the grocery
store, that's what she comes home with - bags of tortilla chips. Nobody
else usually touches them.
My point is that their eating interests are REALLY different - raised
in the same house with no food restrictions and they are not all
equally healthy in their choices. Sometimes it sounds like people here
think that kids left on their own will always make only perfectly
healthy food choices, but that isn't my observation for most kids. So -
if a parent wants them to ONLY eat healthy foods -no sweets, no high
fat foods, no salty snacks, then I think you'd have to restrict what is
available.
What IS true, though, is that kids won't ONLY eat those less nutritious
foods....given freedom to choose - they will also eat lots of good
healthy foods.
When people say they gave their kids freedom to choose and it didn't
work - I think maybe their expectations are too high - they think the
kids are going to pass up the cookies, candy, salty snacks, and sodas
all the time - always choosing the spinach and broccoli instead.
Some kids will. My 12 yo eats incredibly healthy - really always
chooses fruits and vegetables over anything else. What is more likely
is that they'll choose a diet that is slightly higher in junk foods
than their parents might have chosen for them if they'd restricted
them. BUT - no food battles and no creating food "issues" in the kids
as they grow up! How cool is that!!
-pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/03 11:59:43 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
ynxn96@... writes:
with me. So we have a well balanced cart. LOL
the junk was around. The "IF" leads me to believe that it was not always
around.
I can say that for me junk was a reward for good grades or "good" behavior as
defined by my mother. And for me food has always been a BIG issue. I vowed
never to saddle my boys with that baggage. We talked about it before we had
children and the first time I tried to feed my oldest babyfood in a spoon and
he clamped his mouth shut, that was it. He never had anyone else choosing
his food for him. I provide a variety of food for my boys. They choose some
and I choose some.
When we go shopping they will say they are out of those cheese rice cake
things and they are out of yogurt, they are out of pudding snack things and
out of carrots. They know what they like to have available and they keep
track of it. They pick their own juice, and they like these Cherry drink
things that Jackson makes for them so they keep track of how much ginger ale
is on hand. They are so much better then I am at regulating their diet.
I also never tell them when to eat. I do cook supper. I like to eat with
Jackson as I don't see him all day. But they rarely eat with us. Sometimes
during the day they will say "I'm hungry Mom" and that means I don't know
what I want to eat. So I go through the cupboards with them and make
suggestions.
Anyway enough about food for me.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ynxn96@... writes:
> ). I realize placing sweet and salty snacks up on a pedestal canI let my boys choose foods when we go to the grocery store. They always come
> make them more appealing,but what if they end up on a pedestal simple
> because they are rarely around?
with me. So we have a well balanced cart. LOL
>He says he wasn't limited but then he says he never chose healthy stuff IF
> BTW, I brought all this up with dh last night and he said when he was
> growing up, they always had free access to all the junk food they
> wanted. He said he never went for the healthy stuff if the junk was
> there.
the junk was around. The "IF" leads me to believe that it was not always
around.
I can say that for me junk was a reward for good grades or "good" behavior as
defined by my mother. And for me food has always been a BIG issue. I vowed
never to saddle my boys with that baggage. We talked about it before we had
children and the first time I tried to feed my oldest babyfood in a spoon and
he clamped his mouth shut, that was it. He never had anyone else choosing
his food for him. I provide a variety of food for my boys. They choose some
and I choose some.
When we go shopping they will say they are out of those cheese rice cake
things and they are out of yogurt, they are out of pudding snack things and
out of carrots. They know what they like to have available and they keep
track of it. They pick their own juice, and they like these Cherry drink
things that Jackson makes for them so they keep track of how much ginger ale
is on hand. They are so much better then I am at regulating their diet.
I also never tell them when to eat. I do cook supper. I like to eat with
Jackson as I don't see him all day. But they rarely eat with us. Sometimes
during the day they will say "I'm hungry Mom" and that means I don't know
what I want to eat. So I go through the cupboards with them and make
suggestions.
Anyway enough about food for me.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/03 11:59:43 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
ynxn96@... writes:
with me. So we have a well balanced cart. LOL
the junk was around. The "IF" leads me to believe that it was not always
around.
I can say that for me junk was a reward for good grades or "good" behavior as
defined by my mother. And for me food has always been a BIG issue. I vowed
never to saddle my boys with that baggage. We talked about it before we had
children and the first time I tried to feed my oldest babyfood in a spoon and
he clamped his mouth shut, that was it. He never had anyone else choosing
his food for him. I provide a variety of food for my boys. They choose some
and I choose some.
When we go shopping they will say they are out of those cheese rice cake
things and they are out of yogurt, they are out of pudding snack things and
out of carrots. They know what they like to have available and they keep
track of it. They pick their own juice, and they like these Cherry drink
things that Jackson makes for them so they keep track of how much ginger ale
is on hand. They are so much better then I am at regulating their diet.
I also never tell them when to eat. I do cook supper. I like to eat with
Jackson as I don't see him all day. But they rarely eat with us. Sometimes
during the day they will say "I'm hungry Mom" and that means I don't know
what I want to eat. So I go through the cupboards with them and make
suggestions.
Anyway enough about food for me.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ynxn96@... writes:
> ). I realize placing sweet and salty snacks up on a pedestal canI let my boys choose foods when we go to the grocery store. They always come
> make them more appealing,but what if they end up on a pedestal simple
> because they are rarely around?
with me. So we have a well balanced cart. LOL
>He says he wasn't limited but then he says he never chose healthy stuff IF
> BTW, I brought all this up with dh last night and he said when he was
> growing up, they always had free access to all the junk food they
> wanted. He said he never went for the healthy stuff if the junk was
> there.
the junk was around. The "IF" leads me to believe that it was not always
around.
I can say that for me junk was a reward for good grades or "good" behavior as
defined by my mother. And for me food has always been a BIG issue. I vowed
never to saddle my boys with that baggage. We talked about it before we had
children and the first time I tried to feed my oldest babyfood in a spoon and
he clamped his mouth shut, that was it. He never had anyone else choosing
his food for him. I provide a variety of food for my boys. They choose some
and I choose some.
When we go shopping they will say they are out of those cheese rice cake
things and they are out of yogurt, they are out of pudding snack things and
out of carrots. They know what they like to have available and they keep
track of it. They pick their own juice, and they like these Cherry drink
things that Jackson makes for them so they keep track of how much ginger ale
is on hand. They are so much better then I am at regulating their diet.
I also never tell them when to eat. I do cook supper. I like to eat with
Jackson as I don't see him all day. But they rarely eat with us. Sometimes
during the day they will say "I'm hungry Mom" and that means I don't know
what I want to eat. So I go through the cupboards with them and make
suggestions.
Anyway enough about food for me.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Hartley
> When people say they gave their kids freedom to choose and it didn'tCouldn't agree more, and this is my family's experience as well.
> work - I think maybe their expectations are too high - they think the
> kids are going to pass up the cookies, candy, salty snacks, and sodas
> all the time - always choosing the spinach and broccoli instead.
>
> Some kids will. My 12 yo eats incredibly healthy - really always
> chooses fruits and vegetables over anything else. What is more likely
> is that they'll choose a diet that is slightly higher in junk foods
> than their parents might have chosen for them if they'd restricted
> them. BUT - no food battles and no creating food "issues" in the kids
> as they grow up! How cool is that!!
>
> -pam
If I were to sit down and write out my ideal of what a person would eat
every day, that's not my daughters (or me or my husband, for that matter).
Just as an unschooled child will not at all necessarily start spontaneously
"doing school" an undietregulated <g> child will not at all necessarily
start spontaneously ignoring all or most or many sweets and fats.
The rewards of not controlling someone else's very personal eating wants and
needs are, in my opinion, well worth seeing a child eating ice cream for
breakfast.
Pam
Pamela Sorooshian
On Tuesday, April 8, 2003, at 09:13 AM, BADOLBILZ wrote:
You won't get that choice forever - my kids do our grocery shopping
some of the time, these days. Do you never take the kids shopping with
you? Do they not ask for anything? Do you just say no to their
requests? Anybody who goes to the grocery store here will always ask as
they're walking out the door if anybody wants anything in particular.
(When I'm in the grocery store, my cell phone sometimes rings 2 or 3
times - someone with a request they just thought of.) Two out of three
times it'll be: "Get grapes" or "Get good tomatoes" or "Don't forget
cucumbers." But - last time it was a chorus of "GET ICE CREAM!!"
That's because I never do - I'm allergic to milk and I tend to forget
to get any dairy products <G>.
-pam
> But I don't intend to stock the house with "junk" foods. When I shop,You must have pretty young children.
> I
> buy healthy, natural foods because they are good for us. I don't eat
> the junk and dh does (he buys his own and rarely consumes them in the
> house). I realize placing sweet and salty snacks up on a pedestal can
> make them more appealing,but what if they end up on a pedestal simple
> because they are rarely around?
You won't get that choice forever - my kids do our grocery shopping
some of the time, these days. Do you never take the kids shopping with
you? Do they not ask for anything? Do you just say no to their
requests? Anybody who goes to the grocery store here will always ask as
they're walking out the door if anybody wants anything in particular.
(When I'm in the grocery store, my cell phone sometimes rings 2 or 3
times - someone with a request they just thought of.) Two out of three
times it'll be: "Get grapes" or "Get good tomatoes" or "Don't forget
cucumbers." But - last time it was a chorus of "GET ICE CREAM!!"
That's because I never do - I'm allergic to milk and I tend to forget
to get any dairy products <G>.
-pam
BADOLBILZ
My 4 girls are all under 6 1/2. They always go shopping with me and I
always buy something they've picked out. They want all the junk and
what we buy gets eaten w/in the day. I truly
understand the overall concept of "free-range" children. I'm just
trying to picture it in our lives. Are we supposed to go through a
transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
comment from me? What if budget is a factor? I can't afford to buy
everything they say they have to have at the grocery store and I would
like to put some of the money into good food. At home, when they want
food that needs to be prepared, do you just drop whatever your doing to
rush into the kitchen to make what they want?
Please know I'm not being judgmental or condescending. If I felt that
way, I would just continue what I'm doing now. I'm just trying to
figure out how to implement this change in our lifestyle.
Heidi Case
Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
always buy something they've picked out. They want all the junk and
what we buy gets eaten w/in the day. I truly
understand the overall concept of "free-range" children. I'm just
trying to picture it in our lives. Are we supposed to go through a
transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
comment from me? What if budget is a factor? I can't afford to buy
everything they say they have to have at the grocery store and I would
like to put some of the money into good food. At home, when they want
food that needs to be prepared, do you just drop whatever your doing to
rush into the kitchen to make what they want?
Please know I'm not being judgmental or condescending. If I felt that
way, I would just continue what I'm doing now. I'm just trying to
figure out how to implement this change in our lifestyle.
Heidi Case
Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
>On Tuesday, April 8, 2003, at 09:13 AM, BADOLBILZ wrote:[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>>But I don't intend to stock the house with "junk" foods. When I shop,
>>I
>>buy healthy, natural foods because they are good for us. I don't eat
>>the junk and dh does (he buys his own and rarely consumes them in the
>>house). I realize placing sweet and salty snacks up on a pedestal can
>>make them more appealing,but what if they end up on a pedestal simple
>>because they are rarely around?
>>
>>
>
>You must have pretty young children.
>
>You won't get that choice forever - my kids do our grocery shopping
>some of the time, these days. Do you never take the kids shopping with
>you? Do they not ask for anything? Do you just say no to their
>requests? Anybody who goes to the grocery store here will always ask as
>they're walking out the door if anybody wants anything in particular.
>(When I'm in the grocery store, my cell phone sometimes rings 2 or 3
>times - someone with a request they just thought of.) Two out of three
>times it'll be: "Get grapes" or "Get good tomatoes" or "Don't forget
>cucumbers." But - last time it was a chorus of "GET ICE CREAM!!"
>That's because I never do - I'm allergic to milk and I tend to forget
>to get any dairy products <G>.
>
>-pam
>
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>
Dana
Just for example, we probably spend way too much on food, even though some
meals are really cheap, like beans and rice. We do about 1/2 the shopping
at costco and get chips in gross. (and the other 1/2 at the co-op, which
seems at odds, but works for us!) The kids (at 5 and 10) have a lot of
things they can make for themselves. They can get yogurts from the fridge,
they can make a plate of chips and salsa, they can get cut-up veggies and
dip....They know where they cookies and the nutella and the bread are....but
when they say "Mom, I'd like shrimp scampi, or ribs (my 5 yo is such a
carnivore!), or coffee cake, " I just cook it for them, or teach them
how.....When DH is home, he cooks for them as well.....
As far as "unfooding", I imagine it would be the same as an unschooling
period....of course you would have to let them have a period where they just
got everything out of their systems, so to speak. And they may go crazy
until they realize it's not going anywhere....and it may drive you
crazy....so, take a chill pill and good luck! ;)
Dana
meals are really cheap, like beans and rice. We do about 1/2 the shopping
at costco and get chips in gross. (and the other 1/2 at the co-op, which
seems at odds, but works for us!) The kids (at 5 and 10) have a lot of
things they can make for themselves. They can get yogurts from the fridge,
they can make a plate of chips and salsa, they can get cut-up veggies and
dip....They know where they cookies and the nutella and the bread are....but
when they say "Mom, I'd like shrimp scampi, or ribs (my 5 yo is such a
carnivore!), or coffee cake, " I just cook it for them, or teach them
how.....When DH is home, he cooks for them as well.....
As far as "unfooding", I imagine it would be the same as an unschooling
period....of course you would have to let them have a period where they just
got everything out of their systems, so to speak. And they may go crazy
until they realize it's not going anywhere....and it may drive you
crazy....so, take a chill pill and good luck! ;)
Dana
----- Original Message -----
From: "BADOLBILZ" <ynxn96@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 12:22 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] when parents disagree
> My 4 girls are all under 6 1/2. They always go shopping with me and I
> always buy something they've picked out. They want all the junk and
> what we buy gets eaten w/in the day. I truly
> understand the overall concept of "free-range" children. I'm just
> trying to picture it in our lives. Are we supposed to go through a
> transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
> comment from me? What if budget is a factor? I can't afford to buy
> everything they say they have to have at the grocery store and I would
> like to put some of the money into good food. At home, when they want
> food that needs to be prepared, do you just drop whatever your doing to
> rush into the kitchen to make what they want?
>
> Please know I'm not being judgmental or condescending. If I felt that
> way, I would just continue what I'm doing now. I'm just trying to
> figure out how to implement this change in our lifestyle.
>
> Heidi Case
>
> Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
>
> >On Tuesday, April 8, 2003, at 09:13 AM, BADOLBILZ wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> >>But I don't intend to stock the house with "junk" foods. When I shop,
> >>I
> >>buy healthy, natural foods because they are good for us. I don't eat
> >>the junk and dh does (he buys his own and rarely consumes them in the
> >>house). I realize placing sweet and salty snacks up on a pedestal can
> >>make them more appealing,but what if they end up on a pedestal simple
> >>because they are rarely around?
> >>
> >>
> >
> >You must have pretty young children.
> >
> >You won't get that choice forever - my kids do our grocery shopping
> >some of the time, these days. Do you never take the kids shopping with
> >you? Do they not ask for anything? Do you just say no to their
> >requests? Anybody who goes to the grocery store here will always ask as
> >they're walking out the door if anybody wants anything in particular.
> >(When I'm in the grocery store, my cell phone sometimes rings 2 or 3
> >times - someone with a request they just thought of.) Two out of three
> >times it'll be: "Get grapes" or "Get good tomatoes" or "Don't forget
> >cucumbers." But - last time it was a chorus of "GET ICE CREAM!!"
> >That's because I never do - I'm allergic to milk and I tend to forget
> >to get any dairy products <G>.
> >
> >-pam
> >
> >
> >
> >To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> >[email protected]
> >
> >
> >
> >Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
> >
> >
> >
> >
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In a message dated 4/8/03 12:15:52 PM, ynxn96@... writes:
<< Are we supposed to go through a
transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
comment from me? What if budget is a factor? >>
Budget is always a factor.
They can't eat what you don't buy.
<< I can't afford to buy
everything they say they have to have at the grocery store>>
Yeah. Why say that?
When we tell people we'll let kids play all the video games they want,
someone seems invariably to say "I can't afford to buy every video game that
comes out."
WHAT? How can it follow from "we don't limit them" that they own every video
game in the whole world?
<< At home, when they want
food that needs to be prepared, do you just drop whatever your doing to
rush into the kitchen to make what they want? >>
The tone of the question already seems to show that you think we're dopes,
but I'm having a bad few days with questions on another list, so I'll admit
the sensitivity is likely on my end.
I very rarely "drop whatever I'm doing and rush into the kitchen."
I very frequently make or help them make something special if they want it.
More frequently, they decide to want what they can eat without much
preparation or what they can make themselves.
It's not a matter of offering every food on earth at all times. It's not
shaming them or measuring food or forcing food or saying "THIS food is good
for you, and THAT food is worthless crap that will turn you into a garbage
bin."
Very often parents who give those messages are wrong anyway, and just
reacting to internal shaming they themselves got in years past.
The cycle doesn't end until someone ends it consciously.
-=-Please know I'm not being judgmental or condescending. -=-
I don't think you meant to be, but the phrases you chose did seem to indicate
you don't think much of the idea.
-=-I truly
understand the overall concept of "free-range" children. I'm just
trying to picture it in our lives. Are we supposed to go through a
transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
comment from me? -=-
No. You're supposed to go through the rest of your life where the girls can
eat whatever they want with no comment from you. And when that starts to
happen, they will stop "wanting all the junk." They won't stop wanting ANY
sweets or whatever you are now calling "junk." Most of the change happens in
you, not in them. Don't define some foods as "junk." It says way too much
you don't want to say.
Sandra
<< Are we supposed to go through a
transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
comment from me? What if budget is a factor? >>
Budget is always a factor.
They can't eat what you don't buy.
<< I can't afford to buy
everything they say they have to have at the grocery store>>
Yeah. Why say that?
When we tell people we'll let kids play all the video games they want,
someone seems invariably to say "I can't afford to buy every video game that
comes out."
WHAT? How can it follow from "we don't limit them" that they own every video
game in the whole world?
<< At home, when they want
food that needs to be prepared, do you just drop whatever your doing to
rush into the kitchen to make what they want? >>
The tone of the question already seems to show that you think we're dopes,
but I'm having a bad few days with questions on another list, so I'll admit
the sensitivity is likely on my end.
I very rarely "drop whatever I'm doing and rush into the kitchen."
I very frequently make or help them make something special if they want it.
More frequently, they decide to want what they can eat without much
preparation or what they can make themselves.
It's not a matter of offering every food on earth at all times. It's not
shaming them or measuring food or forcing food or saying "THIS food is good
for you, and THAT food is worthless crap that will turn you into a garbage
bin."
Very often parents who give those messages are wrong anyway, and just
reacting to internal shaming they themselves got in years past.
The cycle doesn't end until someone ends it consciously.
-=-Please know I'm not being judgmental or condescending. -=-
I don't think you meant to be, but the phrases you chose did seem to indicate
you don't think much of the idea.
-=-I truly
understand the overall concept of "free-range" children. I'm just
trying to picture it in our lives. Are we supposed to go through a
transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
comment from me? -=-
No. You're supposed to go through the rest of your life where the girls can
eat whatever they want with no comment from you. And when that starts to
happen, they will stop "wanting all the junk." They won't stop wanting ANY
sweets or whatever you are now calling "junk." Most of the change happens in
you, not in them. Don't define some foods as "junk." It says way too much
you don't want to say.
Sandra
Nancy Wooton
on 4/8/03 11:46 AM, Dana at hoffmanwilson@... wrote:
your children eat - The pediatrician's guide to safe and healthy food and
growth_ I've pretty much allowed my kids to eat the way they learn. My
son, now 13, eats "beige." I don't think he's ever eaten a vegetable. He's
taller than I am now, about 5'4"+, and 122 lbs. According to the growth
charts, he's holding steady at the 95th percentile, pretty much where he's
been since birth. My daughter, currently 15, eats a somewhat more varied
diet, and, at 5'3" and 108, holds steady near the 25th percentile.
My very cool pediatrician told me, back when Laura was a toddler, that, if
it made ME feel better, I could slip some spinach into a lasagna once in
awhile, but a big battle over food would create more problems than not
eating veggies. I, of course, hate vegetable lasagna and never make any
kind but the meaty Stouffers anyway <g> My dh doesn't like fruit except
apples and oranges, I dislike almost all cooked green vegetables and so
never serve them. We're all average weight, no health problems, rarely get
sick, never take vitamins, eat ice cream nearly every day... So far, they
haven't chosen to learn much in the way of math, either, but we now have 22
pets <g>
In our family, food just isn't very important. We eat what we like, we
don't think about food much, and no one really likes to cook.
Nancy
> As far as "unfooding", I imagine it would be the same as an unschoolingThere's a book called _Let Them Eat Cake! The case against controlling what
> period....of course you would have to let them have a period where they just
> got everything out of their systems, so to speak. And they may go crazy
> until they realize it's not going anywhere....and it may drive you
> crazy....so, take a chill pill and good luck! ;)
your children eat - The pediatrician's guide to safe and healthy food and
growth_ I've pretty much allowed my kids to eat the way they learn. My
son, now 13, eats "beige." I don't think he's ever eaten a vegetable. He's
taller than I am now, about 5'4"+, and 122 lbs. According to the growth
charts, he's holding steady at the 95th percentile, pretty much where he's
been since birth. My daughter, currently 15, eats a somewhat more varied
diet, and, at 5'3" and 108, holds steady near the 25th percentile.
My very cool pediatrician told me, back when Laura was a toddler, that, if
it made ME feel better, I could slip some spinach into a lasagna once in
awhile, but a big battle over food would create more problems than not
eating veggies. I, of course, hate vegetable lasagna and never make any
kind but the meaty Stouffers anyway <g> My dh doesn't like fruit except
apples and oranges, I dislike almost all cooked green vegetables and so
never serve them. We're all average weight, no health problems, rarely get
sick, never take vitamins, eat ice cream nearly every day... So far, they
haven't chosen to learn much in the way of math, either, but we now have 22
pets <g>
In our family, food just isn't very important. We eat what we like, we
don't think about food much, and no one really likes to cook.
Nancy
Pamela Sorooshian
On Tuesday, April 8, 2003, at 11:22 AM, BADOLBILZ wrote:
Yes they'd probably go through a transition period where they test the
limits - just to figure out where those limits went. Be ready for them
to eat nothing but cheetos for a few days, maybe. It is okay to gently
point out that they might not be feeling really well - if they do stuff
themselves.
I comment. I mean - my kids expect me to give them information and if
they are filling up on tortilla chips and I think they might not
realize that they have almost no protein and that maybe they need some
protein, they'll hear from me. Not in a restrictive shaming way - but
in a, "Do you want an egg salad sandwich or maybe just a hardboiled egg
to go with that? You can probably use the protein."
Budget is always a factor. I can't get the kids everything they want
all the time. BUT - be sure it really is that. If a kid is asking for a
bag of chips at the checkstand, something that costs under a dollar, I
doubt it is really budget that prevents you from buying it. But - just
like with everything else, you have little kids and you can ask: "Would
you rather have a peach pie or popsicles?" No reason not to just say
straight out that you don't feel like you can afford both. You probably
also couldn't afford both artichokes AND asparagus in the same shopping
trip.
With little kids like yours, I think you're going to do a lot of
dropping what you're doing and preparing food, yes. But - you can also
have stuff chopped up and ready and just say that that is there if they
can't wait. There are so many easy finger foods - not having
restrictions doesn't mean you have to be a short-order cook every
minute of the day.
I remember that for a while I used to put all kinds of things in little
baggies in the morning - those snack size baggies. A few pitted dates,
some raisins, some peanut butter crackers, cheerios, little cheese
chunks, etc. All KINDS of things. They were in the refrigerator - even
the things that didn't need refrigeration, in a big bowl - and the kids
could just grab a baggie anytime and there was a little snack. I kept
baggies of frozen grapes in the freezer during the summer.
Not having restrictions doesn't mean you don't actually have a fairly
large amount of control when the kids are little like yours. It means
you don't dole out cookies, though, saying, "Here are you two cookies
for the day and don't ask for more because you KNOW you're only allowed
two cookies per day."
The only time things get "doled out" like that around here is when we
need to make sure some gets saved for somebody who isn't home but we
know will really like it. Then we divvy it up.
My daughter's girl scout leader doles out snack in a really restrictive
way. Last week the person bringing snack brought a package of cookies
and some pretzels. The leader put them out and said the girls could
have all the pretzels they wanted but only two cookies per girl. That
only used up about 1/4 of the cookies in the package, but when girls
went back for more she very sharply said, "Two cookies is enough for
you." (She's very nice - i don't mean she said it meanly - but very
strongly.) Her daughter asks for food ALL the time. We were at a girl
scout event and she wanted stuff from the snack bar - just candy,
chips, etc. My daughter wasn't hungry because she'd eaten a tangerine,
a cheese sandwich, half a cucumber, and some carrots. Yesterday at the
stables there were cans of soda in the refrigerator and my daughter got
off her horse and was really hot and thirsty - I offered her the soda
but she turned it down and said she needed water. The soda and junk
food don't hold any special attraction for her at all - she evaluates
whether she feels like having it based on whether she really FEELS like
having it. There are no other deeper motives, no extra feelings - she
doesn't evaluate whether she feels like having a cookie any different
than if she feels like having an apple. I'm amazed and happy.
-pam
> Are we supposed to go through aGood questions!
> transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
> comment from me? What if budget is a factor? I can't afford to buy
> everything they say they have to have at the grocery store and I would
> like to put some of the money into good food. At home, when they want
> food that needs to be prepared, do you just drop whatever your doing to
> rush into the kitchen to make what they want?
Yes they'd probably go through a transition period where they test the
limits - just to figure out where those limits went. Be ready for them
to eat nothing but cheetos for a few days, maybe. It is okay to gently
point out that they might not be feeling really well - if they do stuff
themselves.
I comment. I mean - my kids expect me to give them information and if
they are filling up on tortilla chips and I think they might not
realize that they have almost no protein and that maybe they need some
protein, they'll hear from me. Not in a restrictive shaming way - but
in a, "Do you want an egg salad sandwich or maybe just a hardboiled egg
to go with that? You can probably use the protein."
Budget is always a factor. I can't get the kids everything they want
all the time. BUT - be sure it really is that. If a kid is asking for a
bag of chips at the checkstand, something that costs under a dollar, I
doubt it is really budget that prevents you from buying it. But - just
like with everything else, you have little kids and you can ask: "Would
you rather have a peach pie or popsicles?" No reason not to just say
straight out that you don't feel like you can afford both. You probably
also couldn't afford both artichokes AND asparagus in the same shopping
trip.
With little kids like yours, I think you're going to do a lot of
dropping what you're doing and preparing food, yes. But - you can also
have stuff chopped up and ready and just say that that is there if they
can't wait. There are so many easy finger foods - not having
restrictions doesn't mean you have to be a short-order cook every
minute of the day.
I remember that for a while I used to put all kinds of things in little
baggies in the morning - those snack size baggies. A few pitted dates,
some raisins, some peanut butter crackers, cheerios, little cheese
chunks, etc. All KINDS of things. They were in the refrigerator - even
the things that didn't need refrigeration, in a big bowl - and the kids
could just grab a baggie anytime and there was a little snack. I kept
baggies of frozen grapes in the freezer during the summer.
Not having restrictions doesn't mean you don't actually have a fairly
large amount of control when the kids are little like yours. It means
you don't dole out cookies, though, saying, "Here are you two cookies
for the day and don't ask for more because you KNOW you're only allowed
two cookies per day."
The only time things get "doled out" like that around here is when we
need to make sure some gets saved for somebody who isn't home but we
know will really like it. Then we divvy it up.
My daughter's girl scout leader doles out snack in a really restrictive
way. Last week the person bringing snack brought a package of cookies
and some pretzels. The leader put them out and said the girls could
have all the pretzels they wanted but only two cookies per girl. That
only used up about 1/4 of the cookies in the package, but when girls
went back for more she very sharply said, "Two cookies is enough for
you." (She's very nice - i don't mean she said it meanly - but very
strongly.) Her daughter asks for food ALL the time. We were at a girl
scout event and she wanted stuff from the snack bar - just candy,
chips, etc. My daughter wasn't hungry because she'd eaten a tangerine,
a cheese sandwich, half a cucumber, and some carrots. Yesterday at the
stables there were cans of soda in the refrigerator and my daughter got
off her horse and was really hot and thirsty - I offered her the soda
but she turned it down and said she needed water. The soda and junk
food don't hold any special attraction for her at all - she evaluates
whether she feels like having it based on whether she really FEELS like
having it. There are no other deeper motives, no extra feelings - she
doesn't evaluate whether she feels like having a cookie any different
than if she feels like having an apple. I'm amazed and happy.
-pam
Pamela Sorooshian
On Tuesday, April 8, 2003, at 02:30 PM, BADOLBILZ wrote:
play out at somebody else's house. My kids just tend to eat what they
are given if they're not at home, I think. Or - if it is a family
get-together, we usually have stuff out on the table - cookies or
whatever - and they eat what they want.
are into it.
surprised and say, "Oh, this is a special day because YOU are here!" <G>
-pam
>Tell me what might happen? I'm not really sure how these things would
> How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food is
> "managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand
> the
> mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
play out at somebody else's house. My kids just tend to eat what they
are given if they're not at home, I think. Or - if it is a family
get-together, we usually have stuff out on the table - cookies or
whatever - and they eat what they want.
> Also, how to handle the pressure and responses from grandparents, etc.Let them see the results first - don't tell them in advance, before you
> I've been gently mentioning the unschooling philosophies to my family
> and in-laws.
are into it.
> I can see the consternation and confusion, but they let itDon't tell them. Just live. Act natural. If they say something, look
> slide. However, I know that when they find out what I'm attempting
> with
> the eating, no words will be spared. Can you help me prepare my
> defense
> ahead of time? Thanks. Heidi Case
surprised and say, "Oh, this is a special day because YOU are here!" <G>
-pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/2003 11:45:28 AM Central Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
donuts...that doesn't mean he won't eat donuts, now. He just eats donuts
with FULL KNOWLEDGE of what it does to him. He's making an informed choice.
And for me, THAT'S the goal.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
> When people say they gave their kids freedom to choose and it didn'tYeah, and when I said my son experimented with the way he felt after eating
> work - I think maybe their expectations are too high - they think the
> kids are going to pass up the cookies, candy, salty snacks, and sodas
> all the time - always choosing the spinach and broccoli instead.
>
donuts...that doesn't mean he won't eat donuts, now. He just eats donuts
with FULL KNOWLEDGE of what it does to him. He's making an informed choice.
And for me, THAT'S the goal.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BADOLBILZ
Pam, thank you for taking your time to help me. Today my children have
chosen nothing but chocolate chip cookies and cups full of chocolate
chips. All I said was "just pay attention to how your tummies feel. If
they start to hurt, they're telling you they don't want anymore chips,
even if they taste good." But, jeesh! It's so hard to not say anything
else.
For awhile now I've had the breakfast cereals down where they can help
themselves. I'm going to do the little baggies and put them low down in
the fridge.
How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food is
"managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand the
mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
Also, how to handle the pressure and responses from grandparents, etc.
I've been gently mentioning the unschooling philosophies to my family
and in-laws. I can see the consternation and confusion, but they let it
slide. However, I know that when they find out what I'm attempting with
the eating, no words will be spared. Can you help me prepare my defense
ahead of time? Thanks. Heidi Case
Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
chosen nothing but chocolate chip cookies and cups full of chocolate
chips. All I said was "just pay attention to how your tummies feel. If
they start to hurt, they're telling you they don't want anymore chips,
even if they taste good." But, jeesh! It's so hard to not say anything
else.
For awhile now I've had the breakfast cereals down where they can help
themselves. I'm going to do the little baggies and put them low down in
the fridge.
How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food is
"managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand the
mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
Also, how to handle the pressure and responses from grandparents, etc.
I've been gently mentioning the unschooling philosophies to my family
and in-laws. I can see the consternation and confusion, but they let it
slide. However, I know that when they find out what I'm attempting with
the eating, no words will be spared. Can you help me prepare my defense
ahead of time? Thanks. Heidi Case
Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
>On Tuesday, April 8, 2003, at 11:22 AM, BADOLBILZ wrote:[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>>Are we supposed to go through a
>>transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
>>comment from me? What if budget is a factor? I can't afford to buy
>>everything they say they have to have at the grocery store and I would
>>like to put some of the money into good food. At home, when they want
>>food that needs to be prepared, do you just drop whatever your doing to
>>rush into the kitchen to make what they want?
>>
>>
>
>Good questions!
>
>Yes they'd probably go through a transition period where they test the
>limits - just to figure out where those limits went. Be ready for them
>to eat nothing but cheetos for a few days, maybe. It is okay to gently
>point out that they might not be feeling really well - if they do stuff
>themselves.
>
>I comment. I mean - my kids expect me to give them information and if
>they are filling up on tortilla chips and I think they might not
>realize that they have almost no protein and that maybe they need some
>protein, they'll hear from me. Not in a restrictive shaming way - but
>in a, "Do you want an egg salad sandwich or maybe just a hardboiled egg
>to go with that? You can probably use the protein."
>
>Budget is always a factor. I can't get the kids everything they want
>all the time. BUT - be sure it really is that. If a kid is asking for a
>bag of chips at the checkstand, something that costs under a dollar, I
>doubt it is really budget that prevents you from buying it. But - just
>like with everything else, you have little kids and you can ask: "Would
>you rather have a peach pie or popsicles?" No reason not to just say
>straight out that you don't feel like you can afford both. You probably
>also couldn't afford both artichokes AND asparagus in the same shopping
>trip.
>
>With little kids like yours, I think you're going to do a lot of
>dropping what you're doing and preparing food, yes. But - you can also
>have stuff chopped up and ready and just say that that is there if they
>can't wait. There are so many easy finger foods - not having
>restrictions doesn't mean you have to be a short-order cook every
>minute of the day.
>
>I remember that for a while I used to put all kinds of things in little
>baggies in the morning - those snack size baggies. A few pitted dates,
>some raisins, some peanut butter crackers, cheerios, little cheese
>chunks, etc. All KINDS of things. They were in the refrigerator - even
>the things that didn't need refrigeration, in a big bowl - and the kids
>could just grab a baggie anytime and there was a little snack. I kept
>baggies of frozen grapes in the freezer during the summer.
>
>Not having restrictions doesn't mean you don't actually have a fairly
>large amount of control when the kids are little like yours. It means
>you don't dole out cookies, though, saying, "Here are you two cookies
>for the day and don't ask for more because you KNOW you're only allowed
>two cookies per day."
>
>The only time things get "doled out" like that around here is when we
>need to make sure some gets saved for somebody who isn't home but we
>know will really like it. Then we divvy it up.
>
>My daughter's girl scout leader doles out snack in a really restrictive
>way. Last week the person bringing snack brought a package of cookies
>and some pretzels. The leader put them out and said the girls could
>have all the pretzels they wanted but only two cookies per girl. That
>only used up about 1/4 of the cookies in the package, but when girls
>went back for more she very sharply said, "Two cookies is enough for
>you." (She's very nice - i don't mean she said it meanly - but very
>strongly.) Her daughter asks for food ALL the time. We were at a girl
>scout event and she wanted stuff from the snack bar - just candy,
>chips, etc. My daughter wasn't hungry because she'd eaten a tangerine,
>a cheese sandwich, half a cucumber, and some carrots. Yesterday at the
>stables there were cans of soda in the refrigerator and my daughter got
>off her horse and was really hot and thirsty - I offered her the soda
>but she turned it down and said she needed water. The soda and junk
>food don't hold any special attraction for her at all - she evaluates
>whether she feels like having it based on whether she really FEELS like
>having it. There are no other deeper motives, no extra feelings - she
>doesn't evaluate whether she feels like having a cookie any different
>than if she feels like having an apple. I'm amazed and happy.
>
>-pam
>
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/2003 4:15:17 PM Central Daylight Time,
ynxn96@... writes:
As for the relatives, don't tell them. Avoid confrontation on the issue,
change the subject, whatever. Put them off if they bring it up. It's none
of their business.
Tuck
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ynxn96@... writes:
> How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food isBring your own, unrestricted food.
> "managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand the
> mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
>
As for the relatives, don't tell them. Avoid confrontation on the issue,
change the subject, whatever. Put them off if they bring it up. It's none
of their business.
Tuck
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jon and Rue Kream
" How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food is >
"managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand >
the mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
Tell me what might happen? I'm not really sure how these things would
play out at somebody else's house"
We've run into this a few times. In one case, Dagny was visiting at my
sister's house. When she got hungry she asked for some food and was
told that it was not snack time. At their house they eat at certain
times of the day and that's it. She came home pretty confused about why
they wouldn't just eat if they were hungry. I think she was about four.
We talked about what we could do about it, and the next time she went
for a sleepover I told my sister that it was important to me that Dagny
eat when she was hungry, and we'd be happy to pack some snacks. My
sister decided it was better just not to enforce her rules on my kids.
She thinks it's nuts, but she's never denied Dagny food again.
Often, when we have big family dinners, I get asked what my kids 'want'
(meaning what I want them to have). You'd think after 10 years of me
answering, "I don't know, I'll have to go ask them", my family would get
the message. No such luck :0). ~Rue
"managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand >
the mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
Tell me what might happen? I'm not really sure how these things would
play out at somebody else's house"
We've run into this a few times. In one case, Dagny was visiting at my
sister's house. When she got hungry she asked for some food and was
told that it was not snack time. At their house they eat at certain
times of the day and that's it. She came home pretty confused about why
they wouldn't just eat if they were hungry. I think she was about four.
We talked about what we could do about it, and the next time she went
for a sleepover I told my sister that it was important to me that Dagny
eat when she was hungry, and we'd be happy to pack some snacks. My
sister decided it was better just not to enforce her rules on my kids.
She thinks it's nuts, but she's never denied Dagny food again.
Often, when we have big family dinners, I get asked what my kids 'want'
(meaning what I want them to have). You'd think after 10 years of me
answering, "I don't know, I'll have to go ask them", my family would get
the message. No such luck :0). ~Rue
Jon and Rue Kream
While lots of my relatives think *I* should be in charge of my kids'
eating, none of them think *they* should! I feel very strongly that no
one should control my children, and I protect them from anyone who
tries. We often bring a box of mac and cheese or something to family
dinners so that the kids know there will be something there that they
like. In your situation,when dessert time came around I would just say,
____ will have some dessert too, thanks (assuming she does want some).
If your mil wants to discuss it tell her you'd like to do that
privately, and then privately tell her that you are their parents and
she'll need to respect your decisions, and that you'd hate for this
issue to make your family dinners so unenjoyable that no one wants to
come anymore. Maybe not so smooth, but effective. ~Rue
"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."
-----Original Message-----
From: BADOLBILZ [mailto:ynxn96@...]
Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 6:07 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] when parents disagree
I'm picturing a meal at my parents or in-laws where there's no dessert
if you don't eat all your dinner. The girls usually hate what my mil
prepares and she very forceful about their eating. She'll make them eat
the pork tenderloin with peppercorns or no dessert, then serve dessert
to the cousins (kids) who did eat it. The truth will come out when the
girls say, "but we get to eat what we want at home." I live in a small
town with both families living nearby. We eat together quite a lot.
They'll know the change in our eating ways pretty quick, way before the
girls learn to regulate themselves.
I was just wondering if you had any smooth ways to handle this. I
always think up my best responses after-the-fact, but this time I want
to be prepared. Heidi Case
eating, none of them think *they* should! I feel very strongly that no
one should control my children, and I protect them from anyone who
tries. We often bring a box of mac and cheese or something to family
dinners so that the kids know there will be something there that they
like. In your situation,when dessert time came around I would just say,
____ will have some dessert too, thanks (assuming she does want some).
If your mil wants to discuss it tell her you'd like to do that
privately, and then privately tell her that you are their parents and
she'll need to respect your decisions, and that you'd hate for this
issue to make your family dinners so unenjoyable that no one wants to
come anymore. Maybe not so smooth, but effective. ~Rue
"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."
-----Original Message-----
From: BADOLBILZ [mailto:ynxn96@...]
Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 6:07 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] when parents disagree
I'm picturing a meal at my parents or in-laws where there's no dessert
if you don't eat all your dinner. The girls usually hate what my mil
prepares and she very forceful about their eating. She'll make them eat
the pork tenderloin with peppercorns or no dessert, then serve dessert
to the cousins (kids) who did eat it. The truth will come out when the
girls say, "but we get to eat what we want at home." I live in a small
town with both families living nearby. We eat together quite a lot.
They'll know the change in our eating ways pretty quick, way before the
girls learn to regulate themselves.
I was just wondering if you had any smooth ways to handle this. I
always think up my best responses after-the-fact, but this time I want
to be prepared. Heidi Case
BADOLBILZ
I'm picturing a meal at my parents or in-laws where there's no dessert
if you don't eat all your dinner. The girls usually hate what my mil
prepares and she very forceful about their eating. She'll make them eat
the pork tenderloin with peppercorns or no dessert, then serve dessert
to the cousins (kids) who did eat it. The truth will come out when the
girls say, "but we get to eat what we want at home." I live in a small
town with both families living nearby. We eat together quite a lot.
They'll know the change in our eating ways pretty quick, way before the
girls learn to regulate themselves.
I was just wondering if you had any smooth ways to handle this. I
always think up my best responses after-the-fact, but this time I want
to be prepared. Heidi Case
Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
if you don't eat all your dinner. The girls usually hate what my mil
prepares and she very forceful about their eating. She'll make them eat
the pork tenderloin with peppercorns or no dessert, then serve dessert
to the cousins (kids) who did eat it. The truth will come out when the
girls say, "but we get to eat what we want at home." I live in a small
town with both families living nearby. We eat together quite a lot.
They'll know the change in our eating ways pretty quick, way before the
girls learn to regulate themselves.
I was just wondering if you had any smooth ways to handle this. I
always think up my best responses after-the-fact, but this time I want
to be prepared. Heidi Case
Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
>On Tuesday, April 8, 2003, at 02:30 PM, BADOLBILZ wrote:[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>>How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food is
>>"managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand
>>the
>>mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
>>
>>
>
>Tell me what might happen? I'm not really sure how these things would
>play out at somebody else's house. My kids just tend to eat what they
>are given if they're not at home, I think. Or - if it is a family
>get-together, we usually have stuff out on the table - cookies or
>whatever - and they eat what they want.
>
>
>
>>Also, how to handle the pressure and responses from grandparents, etc.
>> I've been gently mentioning the unschooling philosophies to my family
>>and in-laws.
>>
>>
>
>Let them see the results first - don't tell them in advance, before you
>are into it.
>
>
>
>> I can see the consternation and confusion, but they let it
>>slide. However, I know that when they find out what I'm attempting
>>with
>>the eating, no words will be spared. Can you help me prepare my
>>defense
>>ahead of time? Thanks. Heidi Case
>>
>>
>
>Don't tell them. Just live. Act natural. If they say something, look
>surprised and say, "Oh, this is a special day because YOU are here!" <G>
>
>-pam
>
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/03 5:14:31 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
ynxn96@... writes:
but they will say I'm hungry and usually the Mom will say how about______.
And they will find something the boys like. Have no family here so it is
usually another mother.
I find it interesting to watch the other children when they come here. If
the child gets hungry or just wants something to eat they will either ask
Dallen, 8YO, or me. When I say help yourself, for the first time, and then
show them what we have their eyes get wide and they ask if they can have
anything. They are so amazed that they don't have to ask for food here.
They know where the frig is and the cabinet where the boys food is (low for
them to reach). Of course their Mom freaks out when she sees her son getting
into my cabinets. LOL. A learning experience. After the first couple of
times the children just make themselves at home. I think that is one of the
reasons they always call me "the cool Mom." LOL.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ynxn96@... writes:
> How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food isI guess when my boys go somewhere they don't just go help themselves to food
> "managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand the
> mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
>
but they will say I'm hungry and usually the Mom will say how about______.
And they will find something the boys like. Have no family here so it is
usually another mother.
I find it interesting to watch the other children when they come here. If
the child gets hungry or just wants something to eat they will either ask
Dallen, 8YO, or me. When I say help yourself, for the first time, and then
show them what we have their eyes get wide and they ask if they can have
anything. They are so amazed that they don't have to ask for food here.
They know where the frig is and the cabinet where the boys food is (low for
them to reach). Of course their Mom freaks out when she sees her son getting
into my cabinets. LOL. A learning experience. After the first couple of
times the children just make themselves at home. I think that is one of the
reasons they always call me "the cool Mom." LOL.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/03 5:26:06 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
Tuckervill@... writes:
horrible reflux, that doesn't stop me from drinking wine. LOL.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tuckervill@... writes:
> Yeah, and when I said my son experimented with the way he felt after eatingI do that too. I know that if I drink a couple of glasses of wine I will get
> donuts...that doesn't mean he won't eat donuts, now. He just eats donuts
> with FULL KNOWLEDGE of what it does to him. He's making an informed
> choice.
> And for me, THAT'S the goal.
>
>
horrible reflux, that doesn't stop me from drinking wine. LOL.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Hartley
Heidi, you're going to have to stand up for your girls, because you're the
only one who can do it. Your relatives will get used to the idea that these
are your children and your decisions, you just need to be firm and calm with
them. And if they CAN'T get used to that, it is a very good idea for you to
see a lot less of them.
How to handle it is up to you -- some options are to bring food for the
girls yourself and offer that as a choice if they don't like what's on the
table, to tell the families ahead of time, "We've decided that we're not
going to make the girls eat anything they don't want to, just wanted to warn
you up front so you're not surprised the next time we come over", etc. If
your parents or in-laws want to make some kind of "no dessert" rule, bring a
dessert and give it to the girls, or leave when dessert is served with a
cheerful, "Well, we're off to Baskin Robbins!"
You're an adult and these are your children. You're not being mean or
disrespectful or rude to act like it. :) It's your duty to protect them and
to raise them as you see fit, and if you see fit to be nice to them and try
to make their lives as pleasant as you can, your relatives are just going to
have to learn to live with it, or live with not being around your family
much.
Best wishes,
Pam
----------
only one who can do it. Your relatives will get used to the idea that these
are your children and your decisions, you just need to be firm and calm with
them. And if they CAN'T get used to that, it is a very good idea for you to
see a lot less of them.
How to handle it is up to you -- some options are to bring food for the
girls yourself and offer that as a choice if they don't like what's on the
table, to tell the families ahead of time, "We've decided that we're not
going to make the girls eat anything they don't want to, just wanted to warn
you up front so you're not surprised the next time we come over", etc. If
your parents or in-laws want to make some kind of "no dessert" rule, bring a
dessert and give it to the girls, or leave when dessert is served with a
cheerful, "Well, we're off to Baskin Robbins!"
You're an adult and these are your children. You're not being mean or
disrespectful or rude to act like it. :) It's your duty to protect them and
to raise them as you see fit, and if you see fit to be nice to them and try
to make their lives as pleasant as you can, your relatives are just going to
have to learn to live with it, or live with not being around your family
much.
Best wishes,
Pam
----------
>From: BADOLBILZ <ynxn96@...>
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] when parents disagree
>Date: Tue, Apr 8, 2003, 3:06 PM
>
> I'm picturing a meal at my parents or in-laws where there's no dessert
> if you don't eat all your dinner. The girls usually hate what my mil
> prepares and she very forceful about their eating. She'll make them eat
> the pork tenderloin with peppercorns or no dessert, then serve dessert
> to the cousins (kids) who did eat it. The truth will come out when the
> girls say, "but we get to eat what we want at home." I live in a small
> town with both families living nearby. We eat together quite a lot.
> They'll know the change in our eating ways pretty quick, way before the
> girls learn to regulate themselves.
>
> I was just wondering if you had any smooth ways to handle this. I
> always think up my best responses after-the-fact, but this time I want
> to be prepared. Heidi Case
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/2003 5:26:38 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
Ben spends his vacation weeks with the Guard---but the boys wanted to play
with the cousins, so...
We sent chips and salsa, a pound cake, a turkey, and some other snack foods
as well as chocolate milk (for Duncan) and cases of cokes (which they said
to---because they're so expensive).
The boys were MADE to drink plain milk---neither really care for it except
occasionally---at every meal. They weren't allowed to drink but one coke per
day (The sisters- & brothers-in-law drank them all!) even though we sent four
cases for our boys (so they could share).
We also sent $100 for them to go out to eat seafood one night---again they
were made to order milk. And the aunt & uncles & grands wouldn't allow
Cameron (who was 13 at the time) to order for himself---he wanted steak, not
seafood; he got flounder.
They also had strict bedtimes for the kids, so the adults could play games.
No adult would go down to the beach to be with the children when Wimbeldon
was on, so the kids had to stay in the house most of the day---even the "big"
kids.
The boys complained LOUDLY about the whole experience. They won't go
back---and I don't blame them. They never want to be alone with their aunts &
uncles again.
So, I guess it depends on the restrictions and the adults' attitudes towards
the kids. I don't "do" Lovejoy outings anymore. I guess my boys don't either!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
> Tell me what might happen? I'm not really sure how these things wouldMy boys went to the beach with Ben's family for a week. I refuse to go, and
> play out at somebody else's house. My kids just tend to eat what they
> are given if they're not at home, I think. Or - if it is a family
> get-together, we usually have stuff out on the table - cookies or
> whatever - and they eat what they want.
Ben spends his vacation weeks with the Guard---but the boys wanted to play
with the cousins, so...
We sent chips and salsa, a pound cake, a turkey, and some other snack foods
as well as chocolate milk (for Duncan) and cases of cokes (which they said
to---because they're so expensive).
The boys were MADE to drink plain milk---neither really care for it except
occasionally---at every meal. They weren't allowed to drink but one coke per
day (The sisters- & brothers-in-law drank them all!) even though we sent four
cases for our boys (so they could share).
We also sent $100 for them to go out to eat seafood one night---again they
were made to order milk. And the aunt & uncles & grands wouldn't allow
Cameron (who was 13 at the time) to order for himself---he wanted steak, not
seafood; he got flounder.
They also had strict bedtimes for the kids, so the adults could play games.
No adult would go down to the beach to be with the children when Wimbeldon
was on, so the kids had to stay in the house most of the day---even the "big"
kids.
The boys complained LOUDLY about the whole experience. They won't go
back---and I don't blame them. They never want to be alone with their aunts &
uncles again.
So, I guess it depends on the restrictions and the adults' attitudes towards
the kids. I don't "do" Lovejoy outings anymore. I guess my boys don't either!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Peggy
> << Are we supposed to go through aBudget is always a factor for everyone to some extent. How do you handle
> transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
> comment from me? What if budget is a factor? >>
other budgets within the family?
My children, who have always eaten what they want when they want, make
way better food choices than I do. There is a little child inside of me
who is greedy for love and has it all mixed up with food. I didn't want
that for them. So, we have good food around and they eat it when they
want it and they don't have issues with it.
What they just had for lunch:
Girl age 11:
1 hard cooked egg cut in half in a cute zig zag pattern that she likes
and served with a side of spices to dip it in.
Red Bliss Terra potato chips.
Edame
Hard roll with turkey and mayo
Coke
Girl age 8:
prunes
1 slice bacon
1 hard cooked egg sliced in egg slicer (so much fun) served with sea
salt on the side.
Red Bliss Terra potato chips
apple juice
They wish they could eat more of the Red Bliss chips because they are so
tasty but they are expensive so they only get a few each and will save
the rest of the bag for later.
They are at the point in their life where they know quality snacks,
whether rich in fat and salt and sugar or not. We talk about getting a
few good things rather than a more of something that isn't good. They
know good things come in small packages and cost more. ;)
It is about control -- letting go of it and letting one's own children
pick up their own power and run with it. If your children really trust
that you are not buying something because you really can't afford it
they will respect it. They will not have that trust if it is lie. By the
time they are 11 or 12 I think most kids know just about everything
about their parents: when they lie, when they tell the truth, when they
are bending it to make a point, what territory a child shouldn't venture
into because mom or dad has an issue with it. They KNOW. And they didn't
learn it at age 11 or 12 they learned it at 2 and 3 and 6.
And since you are all probably annoyed with an anti food thread on This
List, I will post a fairly funny url, too many pop ups but:
http://www.uspoliticsforum.com/emergency/
Dana
Since you can't force grandma to share, I would make sure and bring lots of
snacks to grandma's house. Bring a whole duffel bag full of chips and candy
and veggies and whatnot, and when they ask grandma and grandma says "Not
now, it's almost dinner!", Just pull out that bag and say "I have snacks,
guys, what would you like!" PUH-LEASE don't worry about what your parents
and relatives want....it's YOUR life and your CHILDREN'S lives....just live
to make you all happy, and forget the rest.
Dana
snacks to grandma's house. Bring a whole duffel bag full of chips and candy
and veggies and whatnot, and when they ask grandma and grandma says "Not
now, it's almost dinner!", Just pull out that bag and say "I have snacks,
guys, what would you like!" PUH-LEASE don't worry about what your parents
and relatives want....it's YOUR life and your CHILDREN'S lives....just live
to make you all happy, and forget the rest.
Dana
----- Original Message -----
From: "BADOLBILZ" <ynxn96@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 3:30 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] when parents disagree
> Pam, thank you for taking your time to help me. Today my children have
> chosen nothing but chocolate chip cookies and cups full of chocolate
> chips. All I said was "just pay attention to how your tummies feel. If
> they start to hurt, they're telling you they don't want anymore chips,
> even if they taste good." But, jeesh! It's so hard to not say anything
> else.
>
> For awhile now I've had the breakfast cereals down where they can help
> themselves. I'm going to do the little baggies and put them low down in
> the fridge.
>
> How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food is
> "managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand the
> mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
> Also, how to handle the pressure and responses from grandparents, etc.
> I've been gently mentioning the unschooling philosophies to my family
> and in-laws. I can see the consternation and confusion, but they let it
> slide. However, I know that when they find out what I'm attempting with
> the eating, no words will be spared. Can you help me prepare my defense
> ahead of time? Thanks. Heidi Case
>
> Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
>
> >On Tuesday, April 8, 2003, at 11:22 AM, BADOLBILZ wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> >>Are we supposed to go through a
> >>transitional period where the girls can eat whatever they want with no
> >>comment from me? What if budget is a factor? I can't afford to buy
> >>everything they say they have to have at the grocery store and I would
> >>like to put some of the money into good food. At home, when they want
> >>food that needs to be prepared, do you just drop whatever your doing to
> >>rush into the kitchen to make what they want?
> >>
> >>
> >
> >Good questions!
> >
> >Yes they'd probably go through a transition period where they test the
> >limits - just to figure out where those limits went. Be ready for them
> >to eat nothing but cheetos for a few days, maybe. It is okay to gently
> >point out that they might not be feeling really well - if they do stuff
> >themselves.
> >
> >I comment. I mean - my kids expect me to give them information and if
> >they are filling up on tortilla chips and I think they might not
> >realize that they have almost no protein and that maybe they need some
> >protein, they'll hear from me. Not in a restrictive shaming way - but
> >in a, "Do you want an egg salad sandwich or maybe just a hardboiled egg
> >to go with that? You can probably use the protein."
> >
> >Budget is always a factor. I can't get the kids everything they want
> >all the time. BUT - be sure it really is that. If a kid is asking for a
> >bag of chips at the checkstand, something that costs under a dollar, I
> >doubt it is really budget that prevents you from buying it. But - just
> >like with everything else, you have little kids and you can ask: "Would
> >you rather have a peach pie or popsicles?" No reason not to just say
> >straight out that you don't feel like you can afford both. You probably
> >also couldn't afford both artichokes AND asparagus in the same shopping
> >trip.
> >
> >With little kids like yours, I think you're going to do a lot of
> >dropping what you're doing and preparing food, yes. But - you can also
> >have stuff chopped up and ready and just say that that is there if they
> >can't wait. There are so many easy finger foods - not having
> >restrictions doesn't mean you have to be a short-order cook every
> >minute of the day.
> >
> >I remember that for a while I used to put all kinds of things in little
> >baggies in the morning - those snack size baggies. A few pitted dates,
> >some raisins, some peanut butter crackers, cheerios, little cheese
> >chunks, etc. All KINDS of things. They were in the refrigerator - even
> >the things that didn't need refrigeration, in a big bowl - and the kids
> >could just grab a baggie anytime and there was a little snack. I kept
> >baggies of frozen grapes in the freezer during the summer.
> >
> >Not having restrictions doesn't mean you don't actually have a fairly
> >large amount of control when the kids are little like yours. It means
> >you don't dole out cookies, though, saying, "Here are you two cookies
> >for the day and don't ask for more because you KNOW you're only allowed
> >two cookies per day."
> >
> >The only time things get "doled out" like that around here is when we
> >need to make sure some gets saved for somebody who isn't home but we
> >know will really like it. Then we divvy it up.
> >
> >My daughter's girl scout leader doles out snack in a really restrictive
> >way. Last week the person bringing snack brought a package of cookies
> >and some pretzels. The leader put them out and said the girls could
> >have all the pretzels they wanted but only two cookies per girl. That
> >only used up about 1/4 of the cookies in the package, but when girls
> >went back for more she very sharply said, "Two cookies is enough for
> >you." (She's very nice - i don't mean she said it meanly - but very
> >strongly.) Her daughter asks for food ALL the time. We were at a girl
> >scout event and she wanted stuff from the snack bar - just candy,
> >chips, etc. My daughter wasn't hungry because she'd eaten a tangerine,
> >a cheese sandwich, half a cucumber, and some carrots. Yesterday at the
> >stables there were cans of soda in the refrigerator and my daughter got
> >off her horse and was really hot and thirsty - I offered her the soda
> >but she turned it down and said she needed water. The soda and junk
> >food don't hold any special attraction for her at all - she evaluates
> >whether she feels like having it based on whether she really FEELS like
> >having it. There are no other deeper motives, no extra feelings - she
> >doesn't evaluate whether she feels like having a cookie any different
> >than if she feels like having an apple. I'm amazed and happy.
> >
> >-pam
> >
> >
> >
> >To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> >[email protected]
> >
> >
> >
> >Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/03 6:56:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
But I do notice that children who have never been able to order for
themselves are at a loss when we go out to eat. I ask "what do you want" and
they look like a deer caught in the headlights. The servers always ask us
what the boys want as well and the boys will pipe up and order for
themselves.
Funny.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
> We also sent $100 for them to go out to eat seafood one night---again theyThat is just so disrespectful.
> were made to order milk. And the aunt &uncles &grands wouldn't allow
> Cameron (who was 13 at the time) to order for himself---he wanted steak,
> not
> seafood; he got flounder.
>
>
But I do notice that children who have never been able to order for
themselves are at a loss when we go out to eat. I ask "what do you want" and
they look like a deer caught in the headlights. The servers always ask us
what the boys want as well and the boys will pipe up and order for
themselves.
Funny.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dana
How about "Well, *I'm* your mom, honey, and I say you don't have to eat what
you don't want to", said loudly, in front of Grandma. If she (grandma)
causes a fuss, say "OK, then, we're off to the ice cream store. Buh-BYE!"
Or, if you give a shit about what grandma thinks, have a conversation with
her before hand, and tell her what you're doing, and ask her to respect your
decision, and that it's not open to discussion.
Dana
you don't want to", said loudly, in front of Grandma. If she (grandma)
causes a fuss, say "OK, then, we're off to the ice cream store. Buh-BYE!"
Or, if you give a shit about what grandma thinks, have a conversation with
her before hand, and tell her what you're doing, and ask her to respect your
decision, and that it's not open to discussion.
Dana
----- Original Message -----
From: "BADOLBILZ" <ynxn96@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 4:06 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] when parents disagree
> I'm picturing a meal at my parents or in-laws where there's no dessert
> if you don't eat all your dinner. The girls usually hate what my mil
> prepares and she very forceful about their eating. She'll make them eat
> the pork tenderloin with peppercorns or no dessert, then serve dessert
> to the cousins (kids) who did eat it. The truth will come out when the
> girls say, "but we get to eat what we want at home." I live in a small
> town with both families living nearby. We eat together quite a lot.
> They'll know the change in our eating ways pretty quick, way before the
> girls learn to regulate themselves.
>
> I was just wondering if you had any smooth ways to handle this. I
> always think up my best responses after-the-fact, but this time I want
> to be prepared. Heidi Case
>
> Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
>
> >On Tuesday, April 8, 2003, at 02:30 PM, BADOLBILZ wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> >>How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food is
> >>"managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand
> >>the
> >>mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house.
> >>
> >>
> >
> >Tell me what might happen? I'm not really sure how these things would
> >play out at somebody else's house. My kids just tend to eat what they
> >are given if they're not at home, I think. Or - if it is a family
> >get-together, we usually have stuff out on the table - cookies or
> >whatever - and they eat what they want.
> >
> >
> >
> >>Also, how to handle the pressure and responses from grandparents, etc.
> >> I've been gently mentioning the unschooling philosophies to my family
> >>and in-laws.
> >>
> >>
> >
> >Let them see the results first - don't tell them in advance, before you
> >are into it.
> >
> >
> >
> >> I can see the consternation and confusion, but they let it
> >>slide. However, I know that when they find out what I'm attempting
> >>with
> >>the eating, no words will be spared. Can you help me prepare my
> >>defense
> >>ahead of time? Thanks. Heidi Case
> >>
> >>
> >
> >Don't tell them. Just live. Act natural. If they say something, look
> >surprised and say, "Oh, this is a special day because YOU are here!" <G>
> >
> >-pam
> >
> >
> >
> >To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> >[email protected]
> >
> >
> >
> >Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/03 3:15:20 PM, ynxn96@... writes:
<< How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food is
"managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand the
mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house. >>
When my kids were really little, we were in a babysitting co-op, and they
figured out very early that the rules are different at different houses.
There are no mixed signals at their grandma's house. She expects them to eat
whatever beef-tongue crap she gives them and then have dessert. She honestly
has served beef tongue. And once the dessert was a very small portion of
cooked raisins with something, kind of a raisin-cobbler looking thing.
Marty was four or so, and was interested in that raisin stuff, but didn't
want to finish whatever else she had served (not beef tI shoved mine over
toward Marty and said, "Here, you can have mine."
I broke her rules, but screw her; I was nearly 40 years old, too.
By a technicality, I had earned the raisin and breading stuff because I ate
my plate.
I realize HER technicality was that I had earned the privilege of eating her
little raisin cup.
Generally, if we stay there more than a day, we do what Keith and his
brothers always did. On some pretense we leave the house, and we go where
food is for sale and we EAT.
Keith's mom seems never to have figured out that she trained her kids to
gorge and horde and sneak food. From HER point of view, she "kept them
healthy" by not giving them too much, and the bad effects of anything they
ate away from her table are not HER fault, that's what they deserve for being
sneaky and hungry, since there was "no reason" for them to eat more than she
gave them.
Too many people think that way.
Sandra
<< How do your kids handle going to relative's houses where food is
"managed?" I think it must be hard on little children to understand the
mixed signals between home and, say, grandma's house. >>
When my kids were really little, we were in a babysitting co-op, and they
figured out very early that the rules are different at different houses.
There are no mixed signals at their grandma's house. She expects them to eat
whatever beef-tongue crap she gives them and then have dessert. She honestly
has served beef tongue. And once the dessert was a very small portion of
cooked raisins with something, kind of a raisin-cobbler looking thing.
Marty was four or so, and was interested in that raisin stuff, but didn't
want to finish whatever else she had served (not beef tI shoved mine over
toward Marty and said, "Here, you can have mine."
I broke her rules, but screw her; I was nearly 40 years old, too.
By a technicality, I had earned the raisin and breading stuff because I ate
my plate.
I realize HER technicality was that I had earned the privilege of eating her
little raisin cup.
Generally, if we stay there more than a day, we do what Keith and his
brothers always did. On some pretense we leave the house, and we go where
food is for sale and we EAT.
Keith's mom seems never to have figured out that she trained her kids to
gorge and horde and sneak food. From HER point of view, she "kept them
healthy" by not giving them too much, and the bad effects of anything they
ate away from her table are not HER fault, that's what they deserve for being
sneaky and hungry, since there was "no reason" for them to eat more than she
gave them.
Too many people think that way.
Sandra
Tia Leschke
>eat
> There are no mixed signals at their grandma's house. She expects them to
> whatever beef-tongue crap she gives them and then have dessert. Shehonestly
> has served beef tongue.One of my faves, but I'd *never* serve it to anyone who didn't like it.
>ate
> By a technicality, I had earned the raisin and breading stuff because I
> my plate.I hope you didn't get indigestion. Talk about a hard way to get dessert.
<g>
Tia
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...