Ten Rules of Housekeeping
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I stole this from the Upstate list here in SC. I got a chuckle or two.
~Kelly
Finally, rules that support my method?.:)
The Ten Rules of Housekeeping
1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious
face,
and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
2. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against
harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it
alone.
3. Dust bunnies should never be disturbed. Rename the area under the couch
"The
Galápagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb,
thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the
light fixtures need
dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread
magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui
aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when
you
say it, as though EVERYONE knowsthis.
6. If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
coffee
table and insist, "This is where Aunt Hazel wanted us to scatter her ashes."
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room
and
close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the
door
knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but
Fluffy
hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."
8. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming
you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for
underprivileged children
9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with
an
assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Little
Joey did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the
heart to clean it."
10. Mix one quarter cup pine-scented household cleanser with four cups of
water
in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous
locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and
sigh,
"I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
~Kelly
Finally, rules that support my method?.:)
The Ten Rules of Housekeeping
1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious
face,
and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
2. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against
harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it
alone.
3. Dust bunnies should never be disturbed. Rename the area under the couch
"The
Galápagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb,
thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the
light fixtures need
dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread
magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui
aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when
you
say it, as though EVERYONE knowsthis.
6. If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
coffee
table and insist, "This is where Aunt Hazel wanted us to scatter her ashes."
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room
and
close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the
door
knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but
Fluffy
hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."
8. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming
you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for
underprivileged children
9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with
an
assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Little
Joey did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the
heart to clean it."
10. Mix one quarter cup pine-scented household cleanser with four cups of
water
in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous
locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and
sigh,
"I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]