Kids at Parkday
[email protected]
Hi Everyone,
I think in terms of posts now, weird. Anyhow, I'm having some difficulty again, or I should say Riley is fighting with kids again when he does not get his way. Rememeber he didn't get invited to a party and spent hours bellowing how unfair things are.
Riley is 6. When he gets frustrated he grabs, kicks, screams, pouts. He is sensitive and can get his feelings hurt or think people are rude or mean. Riley is extremely coordinated plays with big kids really well. For example, at a group activity yesterday there were 5 5-6 year olds playing and 1 12 year old. Riley played with the 12 year old the whole time and asked to come over to play again.
We went to a park for lunch and a friend met us there with her 3 1/3 year old girl who loves Riley. They played for 2 hours without a squabble.
We then went to an afternoon park day of homeschoolers, mostly unschoolers and we had an ok time. Except.. Riley had a toy grabbed from him, asked for it back and then not getting his way shreiked and grabbed something from the girl who grabbed from him. Her little brother had given Riley the toy walkie-talkie to play with. Riley never got back what was grabbed. The mom put it away. Later Riley asked a boy also 6 if he could have a turn with the 1 piece of chalk the kid had. The kid was not finished and told Riley he was using it. It was now time for us to go, so I told Riley we need ed to leave. Riley then grabbed the chalk. I helped him give it back, picked him up and left. Now my son is in a rage. I can see it coming.
Both issues were sharing issues. Handled differently by the parents. The first issue a grab was rewarded, the toy put away and the child who was grabbed from not supported. The second issue, Riley was the grabber, I helped him give back the item. He did not get a turn with either thing. What my problem is is that my son is talked about away from us and is getting labelled a problem, mean, bully. I tend to play/hang out with the kids and I see hear alot of what is going on. So many other moms are watching the play from the picnic benches and do not really know all the sides of the issue. My loud son is what is heard. Some options :
Stop going to this play group
Bring really fun cooperative activities and games
talk to the moms in the group about how to handle conflict
Try again next week
Any thoughts on handling social situations at parkdays?
Mary H.
PS Riley is recovering from oral surgery. He had an extra front tooth removed and his front baby tooth. He has 3 stitches and a new, 2 missing front teeth, smile.
I think in terms of posts now, weird. Anyhow, I'm having some difficulty again, or I should say Riley is fighting with kids again when he does not get his way. Rememeber he didn't get invited to a party and spent hours bellowing how unfair things are.
Riley is 6. When he gets frustrated he grabs, kicks, screams, pouts. He is sensitive and can get his feelings hurt or think people are rude or mean. Riley is extremely coordinated plays with big kids really well. For example, at a group activity yesterday there were 5 5-6 year olds playing and 1 12 year old. Riley played with the 12 year old the whole time and asked to come over to play again.
We went to a park for lunch and a friend met us there with her 3 1/3 year old girl who loves Riley. They played for 2 hours without a squabble.
We then went to an afternoon park day of homeschoolers, mostly unschoolers and we had an ok time. Except.. Riley had a toy grabbed from him, asked for it back and then not getting his way shreiked and grabbed something from the girl who grabbed from him. Her little brother had given Riley the toy walkie-talkie to play with. Riley never got back what was grabbed. The mom put it away. Later Riley asked a boy also 6 if he could have a turn with the 1 piece of chalk the kid had. The kid was not finished and told Riley he was using it. It was now time for us to go, so I told Riley we need ed to leave. Riley then grabbed the chalk. I helped him give it back, picked him up and left. Now my son is in a rage. I can see it coming.
Both issues were sharing issues. Handled differently by the parents. The first issue a grab was rewarded, the toy put away and the child who was grabbed from not supported. The second issue, Riley was the grabber, I helped him give back the item. He did not get a turn with either thing. What my problem is is that my son is talked about away from us and is getting labelled a problem, mean, bully. I tend to play/hang out with the kids and I see hear alot of what is going on. So many other moms are watching the play from the picnic benches and do not really know all the sides of the issue. My loud son is what is heard. Some options :
Stop going to this play group
Bring really fun cooperative activities and games
talk to the moms in the group about how to handle conflict
Try again next week
Any thoughts on handling social situations at parkdays?
Mary H.
PS Riley is recovering from oral surgery. He had an extra front tooth removed and his front baby tooth. He has 3 stitches and a new, 2 missing front teeth, smile.
Dana
Ideas?
Playing with my child, rather than sitting with the grown-ups, helps a lot.
Treating all of your child's requests as if it were *your* request, like
"Oh, Suzy, can Riley and I play with that?" Many times children and adults
will take the request more seriously from you.
Being the one who brings the most cool toys, for yourself or to trade.
Being in the thick of things with the kids, rather than waiting on the
sidelines for the explosions and hurt feelings to come out, and then having
to deal with them.
Remembering that a child's toys are a child's toys, and don't have to be
shared. Forced "sharing" isn't sharing.
If another child has some chalk, and your child doesn't, offer to buy a
piece from the child. Or half a piece. And don't forget to buy a box
before next play day.
Make your child happy, and don't worry what the hell the other mothers
think.
Dana
Playing with my child, rather than sitting with the grown-ups, helps a lot.
Treating all of your child's requests as if it were *your* request, like
"Oh, Suzy, can Riley and I play with that?" Many times children and adults
will take the request more seriously from you.
Being the one who brings the most cool toys, for yourself or to trade.
Being in the thick of things with the kids, rather than waiting on the
sidelines for the explosions and hurt feelings to come out, and then having
to deal with them.
Remembering that a child's toys are a child's toys, and don't have to be
shared. Forced "sharing" isn't sharing.
If another child has some chalk, and your child doesn't, offer to buy a
piece from the child. Or half a piece. And don't forget to buy a box
before next play day.
Make your child happy, and don't worry what the hell the other mothers
think.
Dana
----- Original Message -----
From: <maryfhickman@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, February 28, 2003 2:36 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Kids at Parkday
> Hi Everyone,
>
> I think in terms of posts now, weird. Anyhow, I'm having some difficulty
again, or I should say Riley is fighting with kids again when he does not
get his way. Rememeber he didn't get invited to a party and spent hours
bellowing how unfair things are.
>
> Riley is 6. When he gets frustrated he grabs, kicks, screams, pouts. He is
sensitive and can get his feelings hurt or think people are rude or mean.
Riley is extremely coordinated plays with big kids really well. For example,
at a group activity yesterday there were 5 5-6 year olds playing and 1 12
year old. Riley played with the 12 year old the whole time and asked to come
over to play again.
>
> We went to a park for lunch and a friend met us there with her 3 1/3 year
old girl who loves Riley. They played for 2 hours without a squabble.
>
> We then went to an afternoon park day of homeschoolers, mostly unschoolers
and we had an ok time. Except.. Riley had a toy grabbed from him, asked for
it back and then not getting his way shreiked and grabbed something from the
girl who grabbed from him. Her little brother had given Riley the toy
walkie-talkie to play with. Riley never got back what was grabbed. The mom
put it away. Later Riley asked a boy also 6 if he could have a turn with the
1 piece of chalk the kid had. The kid was not finished and told Riley he was
using it. It was now time for us to go, so I told Riley we need ed to leave.
Riley then grabbed the chalk. I helped him give it back, picked him up and
left. Now my son is in a rage. I can see it coming.
>
> Both issues were sharing issues. Handled differently by the parents. The
first issue a grab was rewarded, the toy put away and the child who was
grabbed from not supported. The second issue, Riley was the grabber, I
helped him give back the item. He did not get a turn with either thing. What
my problem is is that my son is talked about away from us and is getting
labelled a problem, mean, bully. I tend to play/hang out with the kids and I
see hear alot of what is going on. So many other moms are watching the play
from the picnic benches and do not really know all the sides of the issue.
My loud son is what is heard. Some options :
>
> Stop going to this play group
> Bring really fun cooperative activities and games
> talk to the moms in the group about how to handle conflict
> Try again next week
>
> Any thoughts on handling social situations at parkdays?
>
> Mary H.
>
> PS Riley is recovering from oral surgery. He had an extra front tooth
removed and his front baby tooth. He has 3 stitches and a new, 2 missing
front teeth, smile.
>
>
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/28/03 6:04:57 PM Eastern Standard Time,
hoffmanwilson@... writes:
Such great advice.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hoffmanwilson@... writes:
> Make your child happy, and don't worry what the hell the other mothersDana,
> think.
>
> Dana
>
Such great advice.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
My first of the top of my head reaction is that neither I nor two of my four
children could handle well that much varied socialization in one day. :) Was
I reading right, a group in the morning, a friend for lunch, another group
for the afternoon? Two of my kids would love that, two of them would have
been melting down sometime in the afternoon. I'd have been kicking myself
later for stupid things said. :-\ Is it possible that Riley also was socially
overstimulated? Or would he have been as likely to rage when presented with
the same frustrations at an earlier point in the day?
Deborah in IL
children could handle well that much varied socialization in one day. :) Was
I reading right, a group in the morning, a friend for lunch, another group
for the afternoon? Two of my kids would love that, two of them would have
been melting down sometime in the afternoon. I'd have been kicking myself
later for stupid things said. :-\ Is it possible that Riley also was socially
overstimulated? Or would he have been as likely to rage when presented with
the same frustrations at an earlier point in the day?
Deborah in IL
Nanci Kuykendall
>I hope it's slightly reassuring to know that your sonSounds perfectly normal to this mom of 2 boys (5 and
>sounds perfectly normal to me!
>brenda
6) also. They were getting downright managable in
restaurants last summer, then this year they both went
bonkers and I can't take them anywhere. I figure they
are doing some internal growing that takes up so much
energy that there is just not enough left to be polite
and patient and civil all the time. It leaves them
kind of manic and with attention jack-knifing from one
thing to another, and grumpy often. Particularly my 6
year old.
I also agree that your schedule sounds really
demanding. My boys and I stay home most of the time
and just enjoy each other, play outside (or play
around me while I work on our land.) When we go into
town to go grocery shopping once a week, we also go to
the park or the beach for an hour or two and maybe get
a bite to eat. We are not in a hurry and don't rush
from engagement to engagement. (yech) Sometimes
we'll just stay home by the fire and not do much. I
imagine that as they get older they will have more
interests outside of home and desires to go and do
things. But right now they are content to stay home a
lot, so we do. I don't think many kids this age need
a passle of friends (except the exceptionally
gregarious.) One or three good pals is probably more
than enough, and likely not all at once either.
Friends come out here to stay for a day or a week,
with their unschooling kids, once or twice a month.
We might go to the library, but we spend their max 20
minutes inside, and then spend an hour or more
wrestling on the lawn outside with some other boys,
like they did recently.
I would try easing up on both your expectations of
Riley (hey even adults backslide on PCness when they
are mentally or emotionally preoccupied) and your
schedule. He may be going through a developmental
stage that requires less social interaction.
Nanci K.
[email protected]
Hi,
Deb you are right on when you mention Riley was overstimulated, which I can help with. We had 1 more spot to go, pick up his big sis at dance class. We could have gone home, or the library. I gave Riley the choice. Next time I'll encourage something less stimulating. He had just had surgery and I think he wanted to show his friends his stitchey smile. Really these are small deals in a wonderful day. I'm at a frustration level, though, cuz my kid blows up. He doesn't always have impulse control and has hit/kicked/stepped on other people. And I can sense he is being labelled, throw aside as a valuable person because of his temper. I'm probably helping label him because I ask my friends for ways to cope/handle his outbursts. So I'm aslo keeping in mind ways I can talk great about him. Also remebering that what other people think does not matter. Riley does matter.
Riley saved $100.00 and bought a gameboy and a game. Had I never found this list I bet I would have forbid him such an evil devise. He bought it, he owns it, and is saving again for his next purchase. He asked how many pennies it would cost to buy a $70.00 item. We told him 7000. He said he would save dollars then because it will only be 70 dollars.
Deb you are right on when you mention Riley was overstimulated, which I can help with. We had 1 more spot to go, pick up his big sis at dance class. We could have gone home, or the library. I gave Riley the choice. Next time I'll encourage something less stimulating. He had just had surgery and I think he wanted to show his friends his stitchey smile. Really these are small deals in a wonderful day. I'm at a frustration level, though, cuz my kid blows up. He doesn't always have impulse control and has hit/kicked/stepped on other people. And I can sense he is being labelled, throw aside as a valuable person because of his temper. I'm probably helping label him because I ask my friends for ways to cope/handle his outbursts. So I'm aslo keeping in mind ways I can talk great about him. Also remebering that what other people think does not matter. Riley does matter.
Riley saved $100.00 and bought a gameboy and a game. Had I never found this list I bet I would have forbid him such an evil devise. He bought it, he owns it, and is saving again for his next purchase. He asked how many pennies it would cost to buy a $70.00 item. We told him 7000. He said he would save dollars then because it will only be 70 dollars.
Pamela Sorooshian
Mary,
Have you read "The Explosive Child" yet? I really think it'll give you
some ways to work with Riley and YOU will not be so frustrated when you
have a little more clarity and a "plan" in mind for what to do to help
him.
Another thing is that you sound like you're on the road to accepting
him as he is - which is a good thing because you're probably NOT going
to change his personality and he is probably always going to be an
explosive type of person. What you want to do is not "change" his
personality, but help him develop self-control and self-direction for
his intensity.
-pam
Have you read "The Explosive Child" yet? I really think it'll give you
some ways to work with Riley and YOU will not be so frustrated when you
have a little more clarity and a "plan" in mind for what to do to help
him.
Another thing is that you sound like you're on the road to accepting
him as he is - which is a good thing because you're probably NOT going
to change his personality and he is probably always going to be an
explosive type of person. What you want to do is not "change" his
personality, but help him develop self-control and self-direction for
his intensity.
-pam
On Sunday, March 2, 2003, at 06:50 AM, maryfhickman@... wrote:
> I'm at a frustration level, though, cuz my kid blows up. He doesn't
> always have impulse control and has hit/kicked/stepped on other
> people. And I can sense he is being labelled, throw aside as a
> valuable person because of his temper. I'm probably helping label him
> because I ask my friends for ways to cope/handle his outbursts. So I'm
> aslo keeping in mind ways I can talk great about him. Also remebering
> that what other people think does not matter. Riley does matter.