Middle of the Night
Dawn Falbe
I woke up in the middle of the night last night and spent an hour
worrying about if I'm doing the "right thing" by taking him out of
school. All the what ifs come up. While there are no guarantees in life
I still think I want one. One that says "yes you are absolutely doing
the right thing" But who would this person be to say "everything is
going to be all right"? I guess that person would be me.
Definitely limiting my time with my mother, who has an extremely
negative view of not only homeschooling but me is probably the first
step towards second guessing myself and what I know intuitively is right
for us.
Just wanted to ramble as I listen to Zak and Max alternating between
playing soccer in the back garden and digging for treasure. I think
they are going to be ok.
Dawn (nervous, unsure of herself)
Tucson, AZ
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
worrying about if I'm doing the "right thing" by taking him out of
school. All the what ifs come up. While there are no guarantees in life
I still think I want one. One that says "yes you are absolutely doing
the right thing" But who would this person be to say "everything is
going to be all right"? I guess that person would be me.
Definitely limiting my time with my mother, who has an extremely
negative view of not only homeschooling but me is probably the first
step towards second guessing myself and what I know intuitively is right
for us.
Just wanted to ramble as I listen to Zak and Max alternating between
playing soccer in the back garden and digging for treasure. I think
they are going to be ok.
Dawn (nervous, unsure of herself)
Tucson, AZ
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/25/2003 2:33:46 PM Eastern Standard Time,
astrologerdawn@... writes:
One that says "yes you are absolutely doing
You are absolutely doing the right thing! <G>
But who would this person be to say "everything is
2)schooling him at home, or 3) allowing him to live in freedom and follow HIS
interests and Be himSELF, then I vote for number 3. How can THAT NOT be
right? Really? Isn't THAT what we are all here for?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
astrologerdawn@... writes:
> I woke up in the middle of the night last night and spent an hourWell, Dawn if you find THAT magic pill, I want TWO!
> worrying about if I'm doing the "right thing" by taking him out of
> school. All the what ifs come up. While there are no guarantees in life
> I still think I want one.
One that says "yes you are absolutely doing
> the right thing"Well, I can say THAT!
You are absolutely doing the right thing! <G>
But who would this person be to say "everything is
> going to be all right"? I guess that person would be me.What are your options? If your options are 1)sending him to school,
>
2)schooling him at home, or 3) allowing him to live in freedom and follow HIS
interests and Be himSELF, then I vote for number 3. How can THAT NOT be
right? Really? Isn't THAT what we are all here for?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angie <[email protected]>
Dawn, I get those nagging "middle of the night" fears, too. I think
it's just part of the process of freeing ourselves, and deschooling.
Unschooling "feels" right, to me, but when Zena says, "I'm so bored"
or when she does nothing but sleep all day, waking up in time to do
her paper route and watch Yu-Gi-Oh, followed by hours of video games
or online role playing, those fears creep back in. I know we are
still deschooling, as it has only been 6 months since I pulled her
out. Part of me (the schooled part) just expects her to 'magically'
wake up one morning and ask me how to do 'this' or tell me she wants
to know 'that', but the unschooling part of me knows that she is
finding her own way, and when she needs help, she'll ask for it.
Part of me (the schooled part) thinks "How in the world is she ever
going to make it through? No dances? No band? No teachers to inspire
her? What the heck am I thinking? It's too much responsibility to
put on a child, to be responsible for their own education.." But
then I read these boards, and read some more, and think about how
liberated she is and will be, and I know that she will grow and she
will learn...without school, without imposed limitations on her
precious time, her precious mind. If only my mother had known of
unschooling. Then that awful, nagging voice in my head wouldn't even
be bothering me, and my life will have been led out of pure interest
and joy...Wow..it's an awesome concept. I'm just glad that I found
it in time, thanks to Sandra and the others here and on "the other
list" that give me the confidence to pull this off. I know that I am
not the only one experiencing this uncertainty, and, along with you
and thousands of others, I can handle these little annoying voices.
I know this is right for my kids, even if not everyone else sees
that. WE CAN DO THIS!
Angie
*sending you strength to ignore those midnight voices*
it's just part of the process of freeing ourselves, and deschooling.
Unschooling "feels" right, to me, but when Zena says, "I'm so bored"
or when she does nothing but sleep all day, waking up in time to do
her paper route and watch Yu-Gi-Oh, followed by hours of video games
or online role playing, those fears creep back in. I know we are
still deschooling, as it has only been 6 months since I pulled her
out. Part of me (the schooled part) just expects her to 'magically'
wake up one morning and ask me how to do 'this' or tell me she wants
to know 'that', but the unschooling part of me knows that she is
finding her own way, and when she needs help, she'll ask for it.
Part of me (the schooled part) thinks "How in the world is she ever
going to make it through? No dances? No band? No teachers to inspire
her? What the heck am I thinking? It's too much responsibility to
put on a child, to be responsible for their own education.." But
then I read these boards, and read some more, and think about how
liberated she is and will be, and I know that she will grow and she
will learn...without school, without imposed limitations on her
precious time, her precious mind. If only my mother had known of
unschooling. Then that awful, nagging voice in my head wouldn't even
be bothering me, and my life will have been led out of pure interest
and joy...Wow..it's an awesome concept. I'm just glad that I found
it in time, thanks to Sandra and the others here and on "the other
list" that give me the confidence to pull this off. I know that I am
not the only one experiencing this uncertainty, and, along with you
and thousands of others, I can handle these little annoying voices.
I know this is right for my kids, even if not everyone else sees
that. WE CAN DO THIS!
Angie
*sending you strength to ignore those midnight voices*
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@a... wrote:
> In a message dated 1/25/2003 2:33:46 PM Eastern Standard Time,
> astrologerdawn@e... writes:
> > I woke up in the middle of the night last night and spent an hour
> > worrying about if I'm doing the "right thing" by taking him out of
> > school. All the what ifs come up. While there are no guarantees
in life
> > I still think I want one.
>
>
> Well, Dawn if you find THAT magic pill, I want TWO!
>
> One that says "yes you are absolutely doing
> > the right thing"
>
>
> Well, I can say THAT!
> You are absolutely doing the right thing! <G>
>
> But who would this person be to say "everything is
> > going to be all right"? I guess that person would be me.
> >
> What are your options? If your options are 1)sending him to school,
> 2)schooling him at home, or 3) allowing him to live in freedom and
follow HIS
> interests and Be himSELF, then I vote for number 3. How can THAT
NOT be
> right? Really? Isn't THAT what we are all here for?
>
> ~Kelly
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/25/03 2:17:23 PM, angiehewerdine@... writes:
<< Unschooling "feels" right, to me, but when Zena says, "I'm so bored"
or when she does nothing but sleep all day, waking up in time to do
her paper route and watch Yu-Gi-Oh, followed by hours of video games
or online role playing, those fears creep back in. >>
Give yourself 185 days of that every year!
School has kids a small part of 180 days. You don't have to justify learning
every day.
Once you get past the panicky nervousness, you will see learning every day,
but until that time, allow yourself 185 "off" per year. And it's okay if you
take them all in one lump up front!
Another trick is to try to go a week in which nobody at your house learns
anything. If something looks like learning might be imminent, just casually
switch back to something from which nobody could possibly learn anything.
Good luck with THAT one! <g>
Sandra
<< Unschooling "feels" right, to me, but when Zena says, "I'm so bored"
or when she does nothing but sleep all day, waking up in time to do
her paper route and watch Yu-Gi-Oh, followed by hours of video games
or online role playing, those fears creep back in. >>
Give yourself 185 days of that every year!
School has kids a small part of 180 days. You don't have to justify learning
every day.
Once you get past the panicky nervousness, you will see learning every day,
but until that time, allow yourself 185 "off" per year. And it's okay if you
take them all in one lump up front!
Another trick is to try to go a week in which nobody at your house learns
anything. If something looks like learning might be imminent, just casually
switch back to something from which nobody could possibly learn anything.
Good luck with THAT one! <g>
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/25/2003 4:51:23 PM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> Give yourself 185 days of that every year!Wow! did I ever need to hear that!! Thanks Sandra.
> School has kids a small part of 180 days. You don't have to justify
> learning
> every day.
>
> Once you get past the panicky nervousness, you will see learning every day,
> but until that time, allow yourself 185 "off" per year. And it's okay if
> you
> take them all in one lump up front!
>
> Another trick is to try to go a week in which nobody at your house learns
> anything. If something looks like learning might be imminent, just
> casually
> switch back to something from which nobody could possibly learn anything.
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/26/03 2:46:39 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Dawn, I get those nagging "middle of the night" fears, too. I think
it's just part of the process of freeing ourselves, and deschooling.
Unschooling "feels" right, to me, but when Zena says, "I'm so bored"
or when she does nothing but sleep all day, waking up in time to do
her paper route and watch Yu-Gi-Oh, followed by hours of video games
or online role playing, those fears creep back in. >>
I'm glad you can recognize that the fears are part of the brainwashing we
recieved at the hands of an institution that did not have the individuals
needs as a priority.
Drown those fears!! Or at least send them packing by listening to your heart,
reading stories of happy unschoolers and following your passions.
We have been unschooling for 2+ years now, I was what I'd consider and
eclectic/relaxed school at homer prior to total unschooling. (the math fears
thing would surface here and there)
It is only in the last couple of months that Trevor (now 13) has begun to
really blossom as far as interests. He has always had strong interests in tv
and video games, but my fears would surface every now and again when he
seemed to not be interested in anything else.
I took the advice here and go into his world. I watched his shows and learned
about them. I played some of his games with him, took him to Yugio leagues
etc....
He wanted an electric guitar for Christmas, got one and has bugged the heck
out of me for lessons. He starts Wed. and is very excited. He's also been
begging for some type of martial arts training, so we're planning to start
that soon too.
Yesterday, I was working all day and dh was lost in pre-Superbowl land.
Trevor not only watched two of his younger siblings (ages 5 and 2) he also
got ambitious and cleaned the entire kitchen (we have no dishwasher, so it's
a major feat in my opinion) did laundry including folding his brothers
laundry (he's over at a friends house) organized his dresser and straightened
the living room.
He had to ask his Dad what temperature to set the load of laundry on, since
he couldn't remember. Other than that, he had NO outside input and was never
asked to do one of the things he did.
I'm not trying to say that all children will do this type of thing when you
embrace unschooling. But I believe that you let their natural abilities shine.
When Trevor was being coerced, he had no reason to be inspired or to take
ownership of anything. Once I backed off, his true nature could shine so much
better.
I believe he has always craved order and cleanliness, but was certainly not
going to take ownership of his needs when I was being pushy and controlling.
I think that's true in many areas of life.
Give them ownership and they blossom.
All in a different way, all in their own time, but it DOES happen. Trust that
it does.
On those days that they seem to be vegging on tv and video games, join them.
Be a part of their world and they'll be more willing to be part of yours.....
Ren
"The world's much smaller than you think. Made up of two kinds of
people--simple and complicated.....The simple ones are contented. The
complicated ones aren't."
"Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
[email protected] writes:
<< Dawn, I get those nagging "middle of the night" fears, too. I think
it's just part of the process of freeing ourselves, and deschooling.
Unschooling "feels" right, to me, but when Zena says, "I'm so bored"
or when she does nothing but sleep all day, waking up in time to do
her paper route and watch Yu-Gi-Oh, followed by hours of video games
or online role playing, those fears creep back in. >>
I'm glad you can recognize that the fears are part of the brainwashing we
recieved at the hands of an institution that did not have the individuals
needs as a priority.
Drown those fears!! Or at least send them packing by listening to your heart,
reading stories of happy unschoolers and following your passions.
We have been unschooling for 2+ years now, I was what I'd consider and
eclectic/relaxed school at homer prior to total unschooling. (the math fears
thing would surface here and there)
It is only in the last couple of months that Trevor (now 13) has begun to
really blossom as far as interests. He has always had strong interests in tv
and video games, but my fears would surface every now and again when he
seemed to not be interested in anything else.
I took the advice here and go into his world. I watched his shows and learned
about them. I played some of his games with him, took him to Yugio leagues
etc....
He wanted an electric guitar for Christmas, got one and has bugged the heck
out of me for lessons. He starts Wed. and is very excited. He's also been
begging for some type of martial arts training, so we're planning to start
that soon too.
Yesterday, I was working all day and dh was lost in pre-Superbowl land.
Trevor not only watched two of his younger siblings (ages 5 and 2) he also
got ambitious and cleaned the entire kitchen (we have no dishwasher, so it's
a major feat in my opinion) did laundry including folding his brothers
laundry (he's over at a friends house) organized his dresser and straightened
the living room.
He had to ask his Dad what temperature to set the load of laundry on, since
he couldn't remember. Other than that, he had NO outside input and was never
asked to do one of the things he did.
I'm not trying to say that all children will do this type of thing when you
embrace unschooling. But I believe that you let their natural abilities shine.
When Trevor was being coerced, he had no reason to be inspired or to take
ownership of anything. Once I backed off, his true nature could shine so much
better.
I believe he has always craved order and cleanliness, but was certainly not
going to take ownership of his needs when I was being pushy and controlling.
I think that's true in many areas of life.
Give them ownership and they blossom.
All in a different way, all in their own time, but it DOES happen. Trust that
it does.
On those days that they seem to be vegging on tv and video games, join them.
Be a part of their world and they'll be more willing to be part of yours.....
Ren
"The world's much smaller than you think. Made up of two kinds of
people--simple and complicated.....The simple ones are contented. The
complicated ones aren't."
"Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
Nancy Wooton
on 1/26/03 8:19 AM, starsuncloud@... at starsuncloud@... wrote:
parental unit suggests a board game.
The video games are another story; I am *so* lame at them I can't even begin
to participate. They tried to teach me to play Super Monkey Ball, once. (I
dont' even play computer games with moving objects, as I'm
Tetris-challenged; I can do Solitaire and Scrabble.) Dear son thinks it's
funny to make fun of mommy. I use this as a teachable moment for
Unschooling Philosophy: I ask him if he'd like to try riding a horse over a
jump or two. He'll say something like, "I'm not interested in horses. Oh.
You're not interested in video games so you haven't learned how to play
them?"
Point to Mom.
Nancy
--
I WILL FINISH WHAT I STA
--Bart Simpson
> On those days that they seem to be vegging on tv and video games, join them.I've pointed out to dh that the Vegetots will turn off the TV instantly if a
> Be a part of their world and they'll be more willing to be part of yours.....
parental unit suggests a board game.
The video games are another story; I am *so* lame at them I can't even begin
to participate. They tried to teach me to play Super Monkey Ball, once. (I
dont' even play computer games with moving objects, as I'm
Tetris-challenged; I can do Solitaire and Scrabble.) Dear son thinks it's
funny to make fun of mommy. I use this as a teachable moment for
Unschooling Philosophy: I ask him if he'd like to try riding a horse over a
jump or two. He'll say something like, "I'm not interested in horses. Oh.
You're not interested in video games so you haven't learned how to play
them?"
Point to Mom.
Nancy
--
I WILL FINISH WHAT I STA
--Bart Simpson
Kerrin or Ralph Taylor
Ren, this is so true and very nice to read. I have also been letting go of coercion and embracing autonomy. It has been a long road, and I don't think my 2 adult daughters would recognise my parenting!
We began Home educating almost 3 years ago. As soon as I found out about unschooling I knew that was what was best for my family. I read John Holt and bought my daughter Grace Lilly's "Teenage Liberation handbook". She never read much of it, but I got heaps out of it! My husband was less convinced, but having little time to *teach* the *basics* he considered important, things were left mostly to me. He has since changed his mind, thank goodness!
As time has gone by, I have gained confidence and don't suffer from many HE related fears. I was absolutely terrified when we were notified of our first ERO (Educational Review Office) visit. In New Zealand one of these govt review officers comes to make sure your children are "being taught as regularly and as well as in a registered school". This is the only legal requirement for home educating here. My children had been doing *nothing* for 2 years by most people's standards. It sounds scary, but once armed with information, a sound educational philosophy and confidence, it is OK. That doesn't make it any less intrusive or offensive, but there is no need to fear it. On this first occasion though I had not reached that point and I coerced my children into producing some *work* for the reviewer. I will never ever do this again.
My children have also blossomed. My boys are still more interested in playing strategy games on the computer that anything else, but I have come to accept this and no longer place judgements on their interests. (Jan Fortune-Wood in her book "Doing it their way" really helped here). As you say, Ren, they really enjoy it when I join in and have a game. It's more fun than I thought, and I am amazed at the skill my boys have developed.
Something has happened that I thought impossible....I have stopped trying to force my kids to do chores (almost all the time, not perfect yet <g>) and have cheerfully done these things myself instead. Now I have a tidier house, I seem to have more time now that I am not nagging anyone else to do things that *I* want done and, wonder of wonders, the children have started helping spontaneously and happily agreeing to polite requests for help (I am willing to accept a "no" when I ask). Now that I am treating them with true respect, I am getting it back.
Kerrin.
It is only in the last couple of months that Trevor (now 13) has begun to
really blossom as far as interests................. When Trevor was being coerced, he had no reason to be inspired or to take
ownership of anything. Once I backed off, his true nature could shine so much
better.
...........Give them ownership and they blossom.
All in a different way, all in their own time, but it DOES happen. Trust that
it does.......................
Be a part of their world and they'll be more willing to be part of yours.....
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.445 / Virus Database: 250 - Release Date: 21/01/03
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We began Home educating almost 3 years ago. As soon as I found out about unschooling I knew that was what was best for my family. I read John Holt and bought my daughter Grace Lilly's "Teenage Liberation handbook". She never read much of it, but I got heaps out of it! My husband was less convinced, but having little time to *teach* the *basics* he considered important, things were left mostly to me. He has since changed his mind, thank goodness!
As time has gone by, I have gained confidence and don't suffer from many HE related fears. I was absolutely terrified when we were notified of our first ERO (Educational Review Office) visit. In New Zealand one of these govt review officers comes to make sure your children are "being taught as regularly and as well as in a registered school". This is the only legal requirement for home educating here. My children had been doing *nothing* for 2 years by most people's standards. It sounds scary, but once armed with information, a sound educational philosophy and confidence, it is OK. That doesn't make it any less intrusive or offensive, but there is no need to fear it. On this first occasion though I had not reached that point and I coerced my children into producing some *work* for the reviewer. I will never ever do this again.
My children have also blossomed. My boys are still more interested in playing strategy games on the computer that anything else, but I have come to accept this and no longer place judgements on their interests. (Jan Fortune-Wood in her book "Doing it their way" really helped here). As you say, Ren, they really enjoy it when I join in and have a game. It's more fun than I thought, and I am amazed at the skill my boys have developed.
Something has happened that I thought impossible....I have stopped trying to force my kids to do chores (almost all the time, not perfect yet <g>) and have cheerfully done these things myself instead. Now I have a tidier house, I seem to have more time now that I am not nagging anyone else to do things that *I* want done and, wonder of wonders, the children have started helping spontaneously and happily agreeing to polite requests for help (I am willing to accept a "no" when I ask). Now that I am treating them with true respect, I am getting it back.
Kerrin.
It is only in the last couple of months that Trevor (now 13) has begun to
really blossom as far as interests................. When Trevor was being coerced, he had no reason to be inspired or to take
ownership of anything. Once I backed off, his true nature could shine so much
better.
...........Give them ownership and they blossom.
All in a different way, all in their own time, but it DOES happen. Trust that
it does.......................
Be a part of their world and they'll be more willing to be part of yours.....
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.445 / Virus Database: 250 - Release Date: 21/01/03
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dan Vilter
on 1/25/03 1:16 PM, Angie <angiehewerdine@...> at angiehewerdine@...
wrote:
Please keep in mind that at least some of us feel that plentiful sleep is
essential to the healthy growth of a young person. And that watching TV,
playing video games and role playing games are great learning opportunities
that should be supported like any other activity. Being bored is not a crime
nor is it indicative of some failure on your part. Saying "I'm so bored" is
an expression of being uneasy and is a way of asking for advice.
Here are links to articles written on the subjects you mention. Some are
even written by members of this list.
First is a link to one of Sandra's article on boredom.
http://sandradodd.com/BoredNoMore.html
Here are also links on video games
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hollow/1093/tvandvideogames.html
http://sandradodd.com/games/nintendogold
http://www.creativeteachingsite.com/videogames.htm
-Dan Vilter
wrote:
> Unschooling "feels" right, to me, but when Zena says, "I'm so bored"I see nothing to fear.
> or when she does nothing but sleep all day, waking up in time to do
> her paper route and watch Yu-Gi-Oh, followed by hours of video games
> or online role playing, those fears creep back in.
Please keep in mind that at least some of us feel that plentiful sleep is
essential to the healthy growth of a young person. And that watching TV,
playing video games and role playing games are great learning opportunities
that should be supported like any other activity. Being bored is not a crime
nor is it indicative of some failure on your part. Saying "I'm so bored" is
an expression of being uneasy and is a way of asking for advice.
Here are links to articles written on the subjects you mention. Some are
even written by members of this list.
First is a link to one of Sandra's article on boredom.
http://sandradodd.com/BoredNoMore.html
Here are also links on video games
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hollow/1093/tvandvideogames.html
http://sandradodd.com/games/nintendogold
http://www.creativeteachingsite.com/videogames.htm
-Dan Vilter