a sad problem, appreciating good husbands!
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In a message dated 1/11/03 11:11:28 AM, dan@... writes:
<< Do the kids see the mom sticking up for them? That seems to be the most
important thing to establish before any moves are made. >>
Yes, but they don't see it going well.
The dad's main tactic is "We'll talk about this later," or "I need to think
about that" (if she asks a direct question like "What are your priorities?")
But he never gets back to her on any of it. Later doesn't come.
<< If it is clear to
him that what ever ill-conceived power struggle he is having with the kids
will cost him the family he will either change because he values them (wife
and kids) or he won't and she will know what little value she and the kids
are to him and hopefully move on to doing whatever is necessary to protect
them. It has to come to this or it will only get worse.>>
They talked last night. She called me to say they were done and she was fine
and she'd tell me how it went later. It was 12:30. I'd told her I would be
up late, but by that point I was asleep, so I'll learn more today.
I feel really sorry for the stress. Her plan was to start off talking about
his health and saying she was worried, and depending how that went decide
which route to go. So she had no good clear plan, because she doesn't know
whether to take the "for better or worse" route if he IS having physical or
mental or emotional problems, or whether to do the "I will protect my
children" route if he's hostile.
Sure makes me appreciate Keith!!!
Our project today is making orc balls for Marty, for his birthday.
His birthday party is from noon on on Tuesday, his 14-on-the-14th birthday.
His plan is to play orc ball, with boffers, and he asked for an orc ball.
What he wanted was a fake-fur covered ball.
I got four playground balls at Toys'R Us and we are decorating them all.
One will be "Wilson goes Hawaiian" (even though it's not really a "Wilson"
ball, but a yellow foursquare ball) with a Wilson face and a green wig and a
plastic little-kid hula skirt.
For one I bought a full-head angry golf-ball mask. Keith's gluing that to a
ball, and we're going to glue on Holly's long black witch wig. That will get
messed up in no time from dirt and sticks and parts of tumbleweed, but the
important thing is it will look marvelous when he first pulls it out of the
box.
One has a curly rainbow clown wig which fit exactly on half, on a green ball,
and we put it so the red logo was like a clown nose.
The fourth will have the fake fur he had hoped for. That will be the "real"
one, but they'll all have grabbable parts.
The game involves some hitting the ball (along the ground) and some grabbing
it and taking off rugby-style until you're hit with padded swords until
you're "dead" and have to drop it.
Marty made two new boffer swords yesterday and might make two more this
weekend. He'll lend all the kids boffers, and three SCA guys (adults,
knights) have also been invited, one of whom is his godfather (and grew up
Catholic, so he actually cares), one of whom has been to at least half of
Marty's birthdays and was Keith's squire years ago, and another who was one
of my students and knows Marty really well. He'll need enough boffers to
lend them if they're here for the orc ball games too.
We were using contact cement in the bedroom. BAD PLAN. I opened the one
window we have and put a fan in it, turned off the heater, and went away.
I'm going to get a low-temp glue gun to finish my Wilson ball, because I was
getting sick and felt the brain damage happening.
Keith seems impervious to old meat or brain damage by killer glue. If food
doesn't smell exactly wonderful, I can't eat it at all. And after that
glue today all our food smelled horrible.
So anyway summary:
Keith's nice, it's fun to dress balls up as people's cartoonish severed
heads with him, and I hope my friend's marital emergency doesn't go too
horribly.
Sandra
<< Do the kids see the mom sticking up for them? That seems to be the most
important thing to establish before any moves are made. >>
Yes, but they don't see it going well.
The dad's main tactic is "We'll talk about this later," or "I need to think
about that" (if she asks a direct question like "What are your priorities?")
But he never gets back to her on any of it. Later doesn't come.
<< If it is clear to
him that what ever ill-conceived power struggle he is having with the kids
will cost him the family he will either change because he values them (wife
and kids) or he won't and she will know what little value she and the kids
are to him and hopefully move on to doing whatever is necessary to protect
them. It has to come to this or it will only get worse.>>
They talked last night. She called me to say they were done and she was fine
and she'd tell me how it went later. It was 12:30. I'd told her I would be
up late, but by that point I was asleep, so I'll learn more today.
I feel really sorry for the stress. Her plan was to start off talking about
his health and saying she was worried, and depending how that went decide
which route to go. So she had no good clear plan, because she doesn't know
whether to take the "for better or worse" route if he IS having physical or
mental or emotional problems, or whether to do the "I will protect my
children" route if he's hostile.
Sure makes me appreciate Keith!!!
Our project today is making orc balls for Marty, for his birthday.
His birthday party is from noon on on Tuesday, his 14-on-the-14th birthday.
His plan is to play orc ball, with boffers, and he asked for an orc ball.
What he wanted was a fake-fur covered ball.
I got four playground balls at Toys'R Us and we are decorating them all.
One will be "Wilson goes Hawaiian" (even though it's not really a "Wilson"
ball, but a yellow foursquare ball) with a Wilson face and a green wig and a
plastic little-kid hula skirt.
For one I bought a full-head angry golf-ball mask. Keith's gluing that to a
ball, and we're going to glue on Holly's long black witch wig. That will get
messed up in no time from dirt and sticks and parts of tumbleweed, but the
important thing is it will look marvelous when he first pulls it out of the
box.
One has a curly rainbow clown wig which fit exactly on half, on a green ball,
and we put it so the red logo was like a clown nose.
The fourth will have the fake fur he had hoped for. That will be the "real"
one, but they'll all have grabbable parts.
The game involves some hitting the ball (along the ground) and some grabbing
it and taking off rugby-style until you're hit with padded swords until
you're "dead" and have to drop it.
Marty made two new boffer swords yesterday and might make two more this
weekend. He'll lend all the kids boffers, and three SCA guys (adults,
knights) have also been invited, one of whom is his godfather (and grew up
Catholic, so he actually cares), one of whom has been to at least half of
Marty's birthdays and was Keith's squire years ago, and another who was one
of my students and knows Marty really well. He'll need enough boffers to
lend them if they're here for the orc ball games too.
We were using contact cement in the bedroom. BAD PLAN. I opened the one
window we have and put a fan in it, turned off the heater, and went away.
I'm going to get a low-temp glue gun to finish my Wilson ball, because I was
getting sick and felt the brain damage happening.
Keith seems impervious to old meat or brain damage by killer glue. If food
doesn't smell exactly wonderful, I can't eat it at all. And after that
glue today all our food smelled horrible.
So anyway summary:
Keith's nice, it's fun to dress balls up as people's cartoonish severed
heads with him, and I hope my friend's marital emergency doesn't go too
horribly.
Sandra