Re: Kid intensity
[email protected]
Hi,
It's raining today.
As for my intensity, I'm the mellow parent. Tim however is intense. He is
working on this. We have Raising your Spirited Child. I'll reread it again.
Riley looks 7-8. He'll be 6 in January. He's 60 lbs and can run with the big
kids. He does not sit well when mad. Never has. He needs outdoor space and to
be alone. Dar knows him a little. I also have Tessa, 3. She does need to be
carried. As for rehashing the party, the kids talk about it. It gets brought
up casually on the block. Writing here has kept me from talking to my hubby
about it as much. So this year we have talked less. This year Riley has not
shed as many tears. What I mean by scarred is Riley will still cry about being
left out from last year's party. This is his reaction. This is his reality.
I'm asking for help to comfort him. And to help him cope with dissapointments
in general. I'm seeing a trend in his behavior.
I like the idea of 2 wolves. I feed my kids love and nurish them. I show
kindness. My neighbor is not showing him kindness.
It's raining today.
As for my intensity, I'm the mellow parent. Tim however is intense. He is
working on this. We have Raising your Spirited Child. I'll reread it again.
Riley looks 7-8. He'll be 6 in January. He's 60 lbs and can run with the big
kids. He does not sit well when mad. Never has. He needs outdoor space and to
be alone. Dar knows him a little. I also have Tessa, 3. She does need to be
carried. As for rehashing the party, the kids talk about it. It gets brought
up casually on the block. Writing here has kept me from talking to my hubby
about it as much. So this year we have talked less. This year Riley has not
shed as many tears. What I mean by scarred is Riley will still cry about being
left out from last year's party. This is his reaction. This is his reality.
I'm asking for help to comfort him. And to help him cope with dissapointments
in general. I'm seeing a trend in his behavior.
I like the idea of 2 wolves. I feed my kids love and nurish them. I show
kindness. My neighbor is not showing him kindness.
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/10/02 11:46:58 AM, maryfhickman@... writes:
<< I like the idea of 2 wolves. I feed my kids love and nurish them. I show
kindness. My neighbor is not showing him kindness. >>
That's not her job, though. And when he's matured some and gained tools to
help him cope with glitches, they might like him better than anyone. He
might marry their daughter.
Holly still remembers that a little girl at McDonald's once made fun of her
name. She remember little slights from years back, but because she reminds
herself, and collects them. So I figure my job is to say something that will
advance her thinking. So if she says "Remember that girl who made fun of my
name?" I say something like, "I'm sorry you still remember," or "I wonder if
people had made fun of her name," or "I hope she remembers and she felt bad
and never did it again."
Sandra
<< I like the idea of 2 wolves. I feed my kids love and nurish them. I show
kindness. My neighbor is not showing him kindness. >>
That's not her job, though. And when he's matured some and gained tools to
help him cope with glitches, they might like him better than anyone. He
might marry their daughter.
Holly still remembers that a little girl at McDonald's once made fun of her
name. She remember little slights from years back, but because she reminds
herself, and collects them. So I figure my job is to say something that will
advance her thinking. So if she says "Remember that girl who made fun of my
name?" I say something like, "I'm sorry you still remember," or "I wonder if
people had made fun of her name," or "I hope she remembers and she felt bad
and never did it again."
Sandra
[email protected]
On Tue, 10 Dec 2002 10:44:56 -0800 <maryfhickman@...> writes:
hard for kids. No one ever thinks Rain is 9, and ever since she was a
baby she's looked older than she is - and often people have inappropriate
expectations because of it.
Rain had a really hard time dealing with life from about 5 1/2 to 6 1/2.
She kicked me, she hit me, she spit at me. She also drew pictures of
people she was mad at (usually me) being burned at the stake, impaled by
arrows, shat upon, and so on - I actually preferred this to being
attacked. It was a really frustrating time, and I really appreciated the
people in my life who could cut her a little slack, and I was really
frustrated by people who would say things like "Well, I just wouldn't
permit that kind of behavior" - like I had told her sure, go ahead and
kick me.
I just kept trudging on, removing her from the situation if she got
violent, agreeing that something was unkind (although she'd sometimes get
mad because I wasn't as intense as she was when I talked about things -
yelling helped, not at her but at whatever situation she was upset about,
in private). I made mistakes, most notably when I'd get really frustrated
and say, "Well, that's life, *deal* with it", since she was clearly
telling me that she couldn't deal with it by herself then. It began to
get better at around 6 1/2 and now she's amazingly even-keeled at almost
10, although she threw pennies at me a couple of weeks ago when she was
mad at me. I'm still amazed, though, at how much easier life is for her
now.
And Riley's been perfectly fine and kind when we've seen him at the park
or tennis - not that I doubt what you've said, but he doesn't strike me
as the kind of kid you wouldn't want to invite over because you thought
he'd trash the house. Y'all are welcome to come up here anytime...
Dar
> Riley looks 7-8. He'll be 6 in January. He's 60 lbs and can run withthe big
> kids. He does not sit well when mad. Never has. He needs outdoorI really think looking older than their biological age can make things
> space and to be alone. Dar knows him a little.
hard for kids. No one ever thinks Rain is 9, and ever since she was a
baby she's looked older than she is - and often people have inappropriate
expectations because of it.
Rain had a really hard time dealing with life from about 5 1/2 to 6 1/2.
She kicked me, she hit me, she spit at me. She also drew pictures of
people she was mad at (usually me) being burned at the stake, impaled by
arrows, shat upon, and so on - I actually preferred this to being
attacked. It was a really frustrating time, and I really appreciated the
people in my life who could cut her a little slack, and I was really
frustrated by people who would say things like "Well, I just wouldn't
permit that kind of behavior" - like I had told her sure, go ahead and
kick me.
I just kept trudging on, removing her from the situation if she got
violent, agreeing that something was unkind (although she'd sometimes get
mad because I wasn't as intense as she was when I talked about things -
yelling helped, not at her but at whatever situation she was upset about,
in private). I made mistakes, most notably when I'd get really frustrated
and say, "Well, that's life, *deal* with it", since she was clearly
telling me that she couldn't deal with it by herself then. It began to
get better at around 6 1/2 and now she's amazingly even-keeled at almost
10, although she threw pennies at me a couple of weeks ago when she was
mad at me. I'm still amazed, though, at how much easier life is for her
now.
And Riley's been perfectly fine and kind when we've seen him at the park
or tennis - not that I doubt what you've said, but he doesn't strike me
as the kind of kid you wouldn't want to invite over because you thought
he'd trash the house. Y'all are welcome to come up here anytime...
Dar
Betsy
**And Riley's been perfectly fine and kind when we've seen him at the park
or tennis - not that I doubt what you've said, but he doesn't strike me
as the kind of kid you wouldn't want to invite over because you thought
he'd trash the house. Y'all are welcome to come up here anytime...**
It might not be the host mom or the birthday girl that is the motivating
force behind the exclusion. It might be one of the other guests holding
a grudge and pulling some kind of a queen bee stunt. I think many of us
have met girls in school who would insist that their friends not be
friends with someone.
Betsy
or tennis - not that I doubt what you've said, but he doesn't strike me
as the kind of kid you wouldn't want to invite over because you thought
he'd trash the house. Y'all are welcome to come up here anytime...**
It might not be the host mom or the birthday girl that is the motivating
force behind the exclusion. It might be one of the other guests holding
a grudge and pulling some kind of a queen bee stunt. I think many of us
have met girls in school who would insist that their friends not be
friends with someone.
Betsy
[email protected]
Thank you Dar,
yup, Riley is a kid who when losses it is very intense. I can not carry him.
What seems trivial to you and me, like being the only kid on the block not
invited to a party, sends him into rages. I look back to his 2nd year. He
threw 2-4 big tantrums a day for 18 days in a row. I wrote about them to get
perspective, to see what may be triggering them. Now at almost 6 he has a few
a week. Yesterday was a bummer day for him. The rain cancelled our activity
with friends. He was a bit stir crazy and flipped out because he wanted to
make 6 baskets in a row. He pounded the wall, wanted to hit me, slammed doors.
Later, he wanted more turns at jump rope. Everyone else was finished playing.
I had the others give him more time, but still he wailed for more. I can not
spin both sides of the rope to satisfy his needs.
Mostly I think I'm just venting. It gets tiring and I lose my love of
parenting when I have to deal with being hit and I feel a bit helpless. I do
not want to yell, punish, or otherwise make the situation more negative. Yet I
want him to gain control of his actions. I do not want a 10-12 year old who
thinks it's ok to strike his mother because he can not do what he expects. I
really do not want a 6 year old striking out at me. It puts me in an
uncomfortable situation. Is there anyone out there who deals with a kid like
this. What do you do when they start lashing out?
Mary H.
yup, Riley is a kid who when losses it is very intense. I can not carry him.
What seems trivial to you and me, like being the only kid on the block not
invited to a party, sends him into rages. I look back to his 2nd year. He
threw 2-4 big tantrums a day for 18 days in a row. I wrote about them to get
perspective, to see what may be triggering them. Now at almost 6 he has a few
a week. Yesterday was a bummer day for him. The rain cancelled our activity
with friends. He was a bit stir crazy and flipped out because he wanted to
make 6 baskets in a row. He pounded the wall, wanted to hit me, slammed doors.
Later, he wanted more turns at jump rope. Everyone else was finished playing.
I had the others give him more time, but still he wailed for more. I can not
spin both sides of the rope to satisfy his needs.
Mostly I think I'm just venting. It gets tiring and I lose my love of
parenting when I have to deal with being hit and I feel a bit helpless. I do
not want to yell, punish, or otherwise make the situation more negative. Yet I
want him to gain control of his actions. I do not want a 10-12 year old who
thinks it's ok to strike his mother because he can not do what he expects. I
really do not want a 6 year old striking out at me. It puts me in an
uncomfortable situation. Is there anyone out there who deals with a kid like
this. What do you do when they start lashing out?
Mary H.
Betsy
**I can not
spin both sides of the rope to satisfy his needs. **
I seem to remember, as a kid, sometimes tying one end of a handless rope
loosely around a door knob and then only one "turner" is required, at
the other end.
Betsy
spin both sides of the rope to satisfy his needs. **
I seem to remember, as a kid, sometimes tying one end of a handless rope
loosely around a door knob and then only one "turner" is required, at
the other end.
Betsy
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/11/02 9:08:43 AM, maryfhickman@... writes:
<< I had the others give him more time, but still he wailed for more. I can
not
spin both sides of the rope to satisfy his needs. >>
You can tie the rope to something (even if you have to get a longer rope) and
turn one end. We did that lots when I was little.
<< I do not want a 10-12 year old who
thinks it's ok to strike his mother because he can not do what he expects. >>
Ten year olds aren't like six year olds. Kids grow out of stuff.
<<I really do not want a 6 year old striking out at me. It puts me in an
uncomfortable situation. >>
Maybe you should talk to your neighbor one day when you've built up enough
calm and patience to get through the conversation, and ask her if it's
because of his behavior, and give her a chance to tell you stories if she
wants to. I can't help but think if he hits his mother he hits other people
too. If she has stories to tell, just hear them, don't defend him.
<<I look back to his 2nd year. He
threw 2-4 big tantrums a day for 18 days in a row. >>
I have a nephew who cried almost constantly when he was little and they
discovered one of his testicles growing in a spiral way, tightening up all
the time, hurting him all the time.
Have you had him checked to see if there's something physical keeping him in
pain? He wouldn't know it was pain if it had been a constant in his life.
What about allergies? Is he hypoglycemic and needs more protein? Some kids
like carbohydrates and not protein, but maybe you can find something he will
eat--peanut butter or boiled eggs or SOMEthing, if it might be that. Eating
more protein doesn't take a doctor's visit to initiate.
Are the tags in his clothes bothering him? Are his socks bothering him?
Would he do better with all cotton than polyester?
Sandra
<< I had the others give him more time, but still he wailed for more. I can
not
spin both sides of the rope to satisfy his needs. >>
You can tie the rope to something (even if you have to get a longer rope) and
turn one end. We did that lots when I was little.
<< I do not want a 10-12 year old who
thinks it's ok to strike his mother because he can not do what he expects. >>
Ten year olds aren't like six year olds. Kids grow out of stuff.
<<I really do not want a 6 year old striking out at me. It puts me in an
uncomfortable situation. >>
Maybe you should talk to your neighbor one day when you've built up enough
calm and patience to get through the conversation, and ask her if it's
because of his behavior, and give her a chance to tell you stories if she
wants to. I can't help but think if he hits his mother he hits other people
too. If she has stories to tell, just hear them, don't defend him.
<<I look back to his 2nd year. He
threw 2-4 big tantrums a day for 18 days in a row. >>
I have a nephew who cried almost constantly when he was little and they
discovered one of his testicles growing in a spiral way, tightening up all
the time, hurting him all the time.
Have you had him checked to see if there's something physical keeping him in
pain? He wouldn't know it was pain if it had been a constant in his life.
What about allergies? Is he hypoglycemic and needs more protein? Some kids
like carbohydrates and not protein, but maybe you can find something he will
eat--peanut butter or boiled eggs or SOMEthing, if it might be that. Eating
more protein doesn't take a doctor's visit to initiate.
Are the tags in his clothes bothering him? Are his socks bothering him?
Would he do better with all cotton than polyester?
Sandra
Pam Sorooshian
Mary --
Seems to me you're asking several things at once.
ONE is just for some understanding - it helps to know that there are other
people out there with very intense, easily agitated, explosive kids -- it
especially helps to know that there are those of us out here whose kids
were VERY much like that when they were young and they've grown up into
wonderful teens and young adults. I think it is very very scary when your 6
yo can't handle the day-to-day normal frustrations that other kids seem to
shake off so easily - partly because you imagine them as teenagers or
adults and behaving the same way. There ARE people who are like that - road
rage is real, for example. But it isn't a foregone conclusion. Roxana is
now 15 and a delightful person who goes to college and functions perfectly
well - better than most people in the world, imho. When she was 6, she was
in school and her teachers' goal for the SCHOOL YEAR was for Roxana to be
able to go for one full school day and not have a complete meltdown. I'm
telling you this so that you know that I really DO know what you're dealing
with - I've really been there - and everything turned out just fine for us.
Second - you want help/advice etc on how to handle him. You'll get lots -
I'd do just what you are doing - listen and sort through it and try out
what seems like it might be useful and ignore the rest. Read and read -
read all those books people have suggested - The Explosive Child, etc. Take
what you can from them - don't follow ANY of them slavishly (I know you
wouldn't).
Third - this is hard for me to say but I earned the right to say it since I
dealt with it too -- don't blame OTHER people for not wanting your son
around. YOU find him difficult and you love him as nobody else ever will.
They don't want him around (even with you there) because they are worried
about the possibility of him being disruptive. Don't blame them. In fact,
you ought to appreciate that this is really important feedback for you and
your son to have. He may be a bit young now, but I would not hide it from
him that his explosive behavior is likely to result in him being excluded.
Its a choice he needs to learn to make and a reality he needs to know about.
Fourth - DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE his intense nature. It is hopeless anyway and
why would you want to do that? He's going to be an intense person. Help him
find ways to BE intense - for example, help him take that anger and direct
it to the real injustices of the world and give him something productive to
DO about them. Not just occasionally - but a lot of time spent on this. He
needs it. He's intense. He probably needs to do a lot more of this kind of
thing than most other kids. Don't think he's too young. Intensity can be
expressed in athletics, arts, etc. Help him find LOTS of ways to be extreme
and explosive and intense - ways that people might even ADMIRE!!!!
Fifth -- his relationship with his older sister probably stinks. It is
really really hard for these kids to deal with the kid who is slightly
older and always slightly ahead - getting to do more things, able to do
more things. They hate it and react badly and seem irrational to the
sibling who responds by not caring as much about them as they should. You
REALLY have to bring his sister on board in recognizing the specialness of
your son and vice versa. They have to learn to appreciate each other. You
can help both of them understand each other better.
At 08:48 AM 12/11/2002, you wrote:
National Home Education Network
www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Seems to me you're asking several things at once.
ONE is just for some understanding - it helps to know that there are other
people out there with very intense, easily agitated, explosive kids -- it
especially helps to know that there are those of us out here whose kids
were VERY much like that when they were young and they've grown up into
wonderful teens and young adults. I think it is very very scary when your 6
yo can't handle the day-to-day normal frustrations that other kids seem to
shake off so easily - partly because you imagine them as teenagers or
adults and behaving the same way. There ARE people who are like that - road
rage is real, for example. But it isn't a foregone conclusion. Roxana is
now 15 and a delightful person who goes to college and functions perfectly
well - better than most people in the world, imho. When she was 6, she was
in school and her teachers' goal for the SCHOOL YEAR was for Roxana to be
able to go for one full school day and not have a complete meltdown. I'm
telling you this so that you know that I really DO know what you're dealing
with - I've really been there - and everything turned out just fine for us.
Second - you want help/advice etc on how to handle him. You'll get lots -
I'd do just what you are doing - listen and sort through it and try out
what seems like it might be useful and ignore the rest. Read and read -
read all those books people have suggested - The Explosive Child, etc. Take
what you can from them - don't follow ANY of them slavishly (I know you
wouldn't).
Third - this is hard for me to say but I earned the right to say it since I
dealt with it too -- don't blame OTHER people for not wanting your son
around. YOU find him difficult and you love him as nobody else ever will.
They don't want him around (even with you there) because they are worried
about the possibility of him being disruptive. Don't blame them. In fact,
you ought to appreciate that this is really important feedback for you and
your son to have. He may be a bit young now, but I would not hide it from
him that his explosive behavior is likely to result in him being excluded.
Its a choice he needs to learn to make and a reality he needs to know about.
Fourth - DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE his intense nature. It is hopeless anyway and
why would you want to do that? He's going to be an intense person. Help him
find ways to BE intense - for example, help him take that anger and direct
it to the real injustices of the world and give him something productive to
DO about them. Not just occasionally - but a lot of time spent on this. He
needs it. He's intense. He probably needs to do a lot more of this kind of
thing than most other kids. Don't think he's too young. Intensity can be
expressed in athletics, arts, etc. Help him find LOTS of ways to be extreme
and explosive and intense - ways that people might even ADMIRE!!!!
Fifth -- his relationship with his older sister probably stinks. It is
really really hard for these kids to deal with the kid who is slightly
older and always slightly ahead - getting to do more things, able to do
more things. They hate it and react badly and seem irrational to the
sibling who responds by not caring as much about them as they should. You
REALLY have to bring his sister on board in recognizing the specialness of
your son and vice versa. They have to learn to appreciate each other. You
can help both of them understand each other better.
At 08:48 AM 12/11/2002, you wrote:
>**I can notPam Sorooshian
>spin both sides of the rope to satisfy his needs. **
>
>I seem to remember, as a kid, sometimes tying one end of a handless rope
>loosely around a door knob and then only one "turner" is required, at
>the other end.
>
>Betsy
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
National Home Education Network
www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/11/02 12:07:30 PM, SandraDodd@... writes:
<< Is he hypoglycemic and needs more protein? Some kids
like carbohydrates and not protein, but maybe you can find something he will
eat--peanut butter or boiled eggs or SOMEthing, if it might be that. >>
This really helped my intense son. He eats LOTS of eggs and meat. It's a
pretty easy thing to implement and we saw a change fast.
Paula
<< Is he hypoglycemic and needs more protein? Some kids
like carbohydrates and not protein, but maybe you can find something he will
eat--peanut butter or boiled eggs or SOMEthing, if it might be that. >>
This really helped my intense son. He eats LOTS of eggs and meat. It's a
pretty easy thing to implement and we saw a change fast.
Paula
[email protected]
-=-When she was 6, she was
in school and her teachers' goal for the SCHOOL YEAR was for Roxana to be
able to go for one full school day and not have a complete meltdown. I'm
telling you this so that you know that I really DO know what you're dealing
with - I've really been there - and everything turned out just fine for us.-=-
I was just thinking last night about how totally calm and patient Kirby is
now. His plans for a weekend in Denver are falling through, and he just
calmly told me "I'll be disappointed if I don't get to go." He spilled
chocolate milk in his computer keyboard a week ago. Washing it didn't help.
He's calm. He's not whimpering for a new one (a friend is going to get him
one, he said; if not we can take him to get a used one, and if he doesn't go
to Denver he can afford a new one).
Years ago, he would go ballistic over a broken video game controller, even if
it was an extra, even if he had just broken it himself by dashing it on the
floor in frustration. And I would try to arrange for him not to break OTHER
things, try to distract him into something soothing (food, water-play,
shower, car trip...) and I would get another controller SOON. Same day maybe.
Did that spoil him? Not a bit. Had I added deprivation to deprivation, he
would probably not be nearly as patient as a sixteen year old.
Sandra
in school and her teachers' goal for the SCHOOL YEAR was for Roxana to be
able to go for one full school day and not have a complete meltdown. I'm
telling you this so that you know that I really DO know what you're dealing
with - I've really been there - and everything turned out just fine for us.-=-
I was just thinking last night about how totally calm and patient Kirby is
now. His plans for a weekend in Denver are falling through, and he just
calmly told me "I'll be disappointed if I don't get to go." He spilled
chocolate milk in his computer keyboard a week ago. Washing it didn't help.
He's calm. He's not whimpering for a new one (a friend is going to get him
one, he said; if not we can take him to get a used one, and if he doesn't go
to Denver he can afford a new one).
Years ago, he would go ballistic over a broken video game controller, even if
it was an extra, even if he had just broken it himself by dashing it on the
floor in frustration. And I would try to arrange for him not to break OTHER
things, try to distract him into something soothing (food, water-play,
shower, car trip...) and I would get another controller SOON. Same day maybe.
Did that spoil him? Not a bit. Had I added deprivation to deprivation, he
would probably not be nearly as patient as a sixteen year old.
Sandra
[email protected]
On Wed, 11 Dec 2002 13:04:02 EST SandraDodd@... writes:
everywhere else at that age, including kindergarten, and she only ever
physically attacked me. In my experience working with
emotionally/behaviorally disturbed children, I also got this - they
didn't feel safe exploding at home, but they felt safe exploding at
school because they knew we would be there and listen and not hit them.
So the year Rain was in kindergarten and I taught E/BD kids I got
exploded at all day long and drank wine in a box every evening...
Dar
> I can't help but think if he hits his mother he hitsJust FWIW, this wasn't my experience. Rain was always beautifully behaved
> other people
> too.
everywhere else at that age, including kindergarten, and she only ever
physically attacked me. In my experience working with
emotionally/behaviorally disturbed children, I also got this - they
didn't feel safe exploding at home, but they felt safe exploding at
school because they knew we would be there and listen and not hit them.
So the year Rain was in kindergarten and I taught E/BD kids I got
exploded at all day long and drank wine in a box every evening...
Dar
[email protected]
Mary,
When my older kids were little and I was going through a divorce, we had
some times where my son repeatedly tried to hit or kick me when he was
angry. I believe he was five then. I would hold him firmly to myself in
a type of bear hug where he could not get any momentum in his swings and
tell him that I was NOT going to let him hurt me. I told him that I knew
he was angry but he did not have the right to hurt me when expressing his
anger. Sometimes it would take quite a while for him to calm down but I
knew I could wait him out. I tried to let him know that I loved him no
matter how he was feeling but I absolutely would not tolerate hurting the
people we care about. It also seemed to help me from wanting to strike
back. It worked for us.
Kristi
When my older kids were little and I was going through a divorce, we had
some times where my son repeatedly tried to hit or kick me when he was
angry. I believe he was five then. I would hold him firmly to myself in
a type of bear hug where he could not get any momentum in his swings and
tell him that I was NOT going to let him hurt me. I told him that I knew
he was angry but he did not have the right to hurt me when expressing his
anger. Sometimes it would take quite a while for him to calm down but I
knew I could wait him out. I tried to let him know that I loved him no
matter how he was feeling but I absolutely would not tolerate hurting the
people we care about. It also seemed to help me from wanting to strike
back. It worked for us.
Kristi
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/11/2002 12:51:09 PM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
think of three of them that are sitting abandoned with their outdated
computers in storage or in the next room. :)
Is it a special keyboard he wants? If not, I'd simply put out a request
locally for any spares someone might have in the attic.
I have a special keyboard that I used when I did medical transcription,
though. Has a good "click" and a left thumb backspace key. I wouldn't want
to be without it, but I'd simply go in the next room and pick up that one if
something happened to this one. ;)
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> He spilledAn aside about keyboards...they seem to be a dime a dozen around here. I can
> chocolate milk in his computer keyboard a week ago. Washing it didn't
> help.
> He's calm. He's not whimpering for a new one (a friend is going to get him
>
> one, he said; if not we can take him to get a used one, and if he doesn't
> go
> to Denver he can afford a new one).
>
think of three of them that are sitting abandoned with their outdated
computers in storage or in the next room. :)
Is it a special keyboard he wants? If not, I'd simply put out a request
locally for any spares someone might have in the attic.
I have a special keyboard that I used when I did medical transcription,
though. Has a good "click" and a left thumb backspace key. I wouldn't want
to be without it, but I'd simply go in the next room and pick up that one if
something happened to this one. ;)
Tuck
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[email protected]
In a message dated 12/11/02 2:35:28 PM, Tuckervill@... writes:
<< Is it a special keyboard he wants? If not, I'd simply put out a request
locally for any spares someone might have in the attic.
the center, but that's because a tech friend of ours furnished his last two
free, from surplus.
He's told friends, and every night they've been too busy playing other,
non-computer games, that they haven't really needed it! He checks his
e-mail on my computer to see what the news from the Colorado social plan
might be.
He knows where he can get one for $15 if he doesn't get a free one.
He's being patient! I'm amazed.
Sandra
<< Is it a special keyboard he wants? If not, I'd simply put out a request
locally for any spares someone might have in the attic.
>>He's used to the ergonomic or whatever, with the two sides angled away from
the center, but that's because a tech friend of ours furnished his last two
free, from surplus.
He's told friends, and every night they've been too busy playing other,
non-computer games, that they haven't really needed it! He checks his
e-mail on my computer to see what the news from the Colorado social plan
might be.
He knows where he can get one for $15 if he doesn't get a free one.
He's being patient! I'm amazed.
Sandra
[email protected]
Hi Mary
I'm so glad you posted about this, sometimes I feel like I'm the only parent
dealing with an intense child. Lanora (12) was like this, although she
didn't hit. She would scream and cry for 1/2 an hour or more, would not
accept comfort but wanted me near. I would just sit with her and wait. Now
she understands her feelings and knows how to control them; she is a calm and
gentle person and always a joy to be with.
Jonathan (5) is intense and physical, almost every emotion is expressed
physically. He is gaining more and more control every day but it can seem
like an eternity.
were having a party and I wasn't invited I would be very hurt.
I think I have permanently pulled muscles from wrestling with Jonathan to
keep either himself or others safe. LOL Thank God he has gotten more
control as he's gotten bigger.
It's like a Hyde to Jekyll transformation! Within just a few minutes he
becomes this peaceful, gentle and happy boy. We can talk about what
happened, why it happened and how he can resist the urge to hit next time
while snuggling together.
I realized a couple of things about how I, as the parent, was feeling during
these moments.
Having been raised and indoctrinated with the "spank them till they submit"
mindset can cause you to question yourself. People tend to view the parent
dealing with a child in a meltdown as ineffective and having lost control.
I've done it myself, looked at a kid screaming and the parent trying to talk
with them and thought "Sheesh, who's in control here?" So now I see myself
from the outside and it can make me unsure of myself.
When you parent with respect and tolerance of a child's personality and
emotions you can "appear" to be out of control. Knowing that control of
another person is only an illusion helps but people will still judge.
I just look at Lanora and remember that I could see who she was going to be
even when she screamed in my ear for 45 minutes. I can see who Jonathan is
going to be even when he is trying to hit me. They grow up knowing
themselves and why they feel the way they do and the rage isn't stuffed down
inside somewhere where it will do much worse damage someday.
Most of all, don't beat up on yourself. You'll make mistakes and feel like
you're totally blowing it but you'll both make it through. Apologize, that's
how they learn to do it and forgive each other.
Kris
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I'm so glad you posted about this, sometimes I feel like I'm the only parent
dealing with an intense child. Lanora (12) was like this, although she
didn't hit. She would scream and cry for 1/2 an hour or more, would not
accept comfort but wanted me near. I would just sit with her and wait. Now
she understands her feelings and knows how to control them; she is a calm and
gentle person and always a joy to be with.
Jonathan (5) is intense and physical, almost every emotion is expressed
physically. He is gaining more and more control every day but it can seem
like an eternity.
> yup, Riley is a kid who when losses it is very intense. I can not carryActually, I don't think it's trivial, it's painful. If some of my friends
> him.
> What seems trivial to you and me, like being the only kid on the block not
> invited to a party, sends him into rages.
were having a party and I wasn't invited I would be very hurt.
I think I have permanently pulled muscles from wrestling with Jonathan to
keep either himself or others safe. LOL Thank God he has gotten more
control as he's gotten bigger.
> Mostly I think I'm just venting. It gets tiring and I lose my love ofThe only effective thing I've done is to just hold him until the rage passes.
> parenting when I have to deal with being hit and I feel a bit helpless. I
> do
> not want to yell, punish, or otherwise make the situation more negative.
> Yet I
> want him to gain control of his actions. I do not want a 10-12 year old who
> thinks it's ok to strike his mother because he can not do what he expects.
> I
> really do not want a 6 year old striking out at me. It puts me in an
> uncomfortable situation. Is there anyone out there who deals with a kid
> like
> this. What do you do when they start lashing out?
It's like a Hyde to Jekyll transformation! Within just a few minutes he
becomes this peaceful, gentle and happy boy. We can talk about what
happened, why it happened and how he can resist the urge to hit next time
while snuggling together.
I realized a couple of things about how I, as the parent, was feeling during
these moments.
Having been raised and indoctrinated with the "spank them till they submit"
mindset can cause you to question yourself. People tend to view the parent
dealing with a child in a meltdown as ineffective and having lost control.
I've done it myself, looked at a kid screaming and the parent trying to talk
with them and thought "Sheesh, who's in control here?" So now I see myself
from the outside and it can make me unsure of myself.
When you parent with respect and tolerance of a child's personality and
emotions you can "appear" to be out of control. Knowing that control of
another person is only an illusion helps but people will still judge.
I just look at Lanora and remember that I could see who she was going to be
even when she screamed in my ear for 45 minutes. I can see who Jonathan is
going to be even when he is trying to hit me. They grow up knowing
themselves and why they feel the way they do and the rage isn't stuffed down
inside somewhere where it will do much worse damage someday.
Most of all, don't beat up on yourself. You'll make mistakes and feel like
you're totally blowing it but you'll both make it through. Apologize, that's
how they learn to do it and forgive each other.
Kris
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