excluding Kids
[email protected]
Hi,
Thanks for the comments. Tim, dh, feels very much the same as Sandra and
Heidi. Riley gets to throw a fit each year and we get over it. It is so
terribly sad to see 1 kid of the gang of 5 who hang out together get left
behind. Kindness is something we continuely practice. The past three years the
mom has had a clear cut, girls only. We respected this, let her know how sad
Riley is to not be able to share in the festivities, and then helped him find
another activity. It's difficult. The party is going on right across the
street. Boys, including Riley's buddies, are being invited. I need to help my
older child get ready for it, buy presents, etc. It is in our face for days.
All the other kids we play with are talking about it. Riley is the only one
the block not included. It sucks and he's passionate. He is learning to hate
people. When a mom is having 15 kids over 1 more or less really does not make
a difference. They want to make him feel better by giving him candy, when what
he truly wants is to be included. This year I did ask if the whole family was
invited or just Ashley. There will be more adults at this party than kids as
the family is large with active grand parents. It is a family party for those
who are blood family. I just do not get why the rest of our family does not
get invited? It hurts, we will be sad, Riley will throw fits, now Tessa is
throwing them to. What words would you give these little ones to tell them,
yes it's sad.People suck, but we still need to respect them. My kids do not
respect being left out. I'm sorry. Truly no other activity will be equally
exciting. What ever we do tonight from 5pm-9pm will be second for my son. He
is learning discrimination, first by gender now by age.
To answer Heidi's question about other families calling to ask if their kids
could come too. Parties at are house have always been friends and their
families. I will always say yes if a brother or sister wants to join us. Moms
and dads bring their kids over, they too usually stay and all ages have a
blast together. We usually say sibs included on the invite. This type of drop
your kid off party is perpetuated from the schools where even in Kindergarden,
little kids who hate being left without parents get dropped off at parties.
Wish us well as conjure up some exciting situation to keep our other 2 kids
happy. And tomorrow, I'll let you all know the outcome.
Mary H.
Thanks for the comments. Tim, dh, feels very much the same as Sandra and
Heidi. Riley gets to throw a fit each year and we get over it. It is so
terribly sad to see 1 kid of the gang of 5 who hang out together get left
behind. Kindness is something we continuely practice. The past three years the
mom has had a clear cut, girls only. We respected this, let her know how sad
Riley is to not be able to share in the festivities, and then helped him find
another activity. It's difficult. The party is going on right across the
street. Boys, including Riley's buddies, are being invited. I need to help my
older child get ready for it, buy presents, etc. It is in our face for days.
All the other kids we play with are talking about it. Riley is the only one
the block not included. It sucks and he's passionate. He is learning to hate
people. When a mom is having 15 kids over 1 more or less really does not make
a difference. They want to make him feel better by giving him candy, when what
he truly wants is to be included. This year I did ask if the whole family was
invited or just Ashley. There will be more adults at this party than kids as
the family is large with active grand parents. It is a family party for those
who are blood family. I just do not get why the rest of our family does not
get invited? It hurts, we will be sad, Riley will throw fits, now Tessa is
throwing them to. What words would you give these little ones to tell them,
yes it's sad.People suck, but we still need to respect them. My kids do not
respect being left out. I'm sorry. Truly no other activity will be equally
exciting. What ever we do tonight from 5pm-9pm will be second for my son. He
is learning discrimination, first by gender now by age.
To answer Heidi's question about other families calling to ask if their kids
could come too. Parties at are house have always been friends and their
families. I will always say yes if a brother or sister wants to join us. Moms
and dads bring their kids over, they too usually stay and all ages have a
blast together. We usually say sibs included on the invite. This type of drop
your kid off party is perpetuated from the schools where even in Kindergarden,
little kids who hate being left without parents get dropped off at parties.
Wish us well as conjure up some exciting situation to keep our other 2 kids
happy. And tomorrow, I'll let you all know the outcome.
Mary H.
[email protected]
On Sat, 07 Dec 2002 10:16:44 -0800 <maryfhickman@...> writes:
Two years ago, when she turned 8, she wanted to have a horseback-riding
party. It was lovely, a trail ride at Sunol Regional park for any bay
area folks. They only had 10 horses available, though, so when we were
planning I was very clear with her that we couldn't invite all the little
brothers and sisters like we usually do. So we started making the list ,
but was adding two 4 year old little brothers. I reminded her that this
party had to just be for actual friends, and she puffed up and pointed
out that "Joe is not a Little Brother, Joe is a Friend, Too." And he is -
they play together, either with his older sister or just the two of them
when she and Rain have a tiff. She's known him since he was 6 months old.
And he'll be invited to her party next month...
I agree that you can't control other people, which makes it hard. And it
seems to me that most school-kid parties we've been to run this way,
while most homeschooler parties that we attend are for families. But
since Riley is a Friend Too, it does seem really rude.
I guess I would talk to Ashley about how I thought it was rude, and offer
a special family event for your family at the same time as the party, and
then let her chose. And agree with Riley and Tessa that it sucks, and
isn't nice. I just hate shit like this...
Dar
> It is soleft
> terribly sad to see 1 kid of the gang of 5 who hang out together get
> behind. Kindness is something we continuely practice.Well, FWIW, I'm with you. And so is Rain.
Two years ago, when she turned 8, she wanted to have a horseback-riding
party. It was lovely, a trail ride at Sunol Regional park for any bay
area folks. They only had 10 horses available, though, so when we were
planning I was very clear with her that we couldn't invite all the little
brothers and sisters like we usually do. So we started making the list ,
but was adding two 4 year old little brothers. I reminded her that this
party had to just be for actual friends, and she puffed up and pointed
out that "Joe is not a Little Brother, Joe is a Friend, Too." And he is -
they play together, either with his older sister or just the two of them
when she and Rain have a tiff. She's known him since he was 6 months old.
And he'll be invited to her party next month...
I agree that you can't control other people, which makes it hard. And it
seems to me that most school-kid parties we've been to run this way,
while most homeschooler parties that we attend are for families. But
since Riley is a Friend Too, it does seem really rude.
I guess I would talk to Ashley about how I thought it was rude, and offer
a special family event for your family at the same time as the party, and
then let her chose. And agree with Riley and Tessa that it sucks, and
isn't nice. I just hate shit like this...
Dar
Pam Sorooshian
>>Parties at are house have always been friends and theirfamilies.<<
Parties at our house are sometimes friends and families and sometimes
exclusively a small group of specially invited people - sometimes it
depends on finances and sometimes it depends on how much hoopla I feel like
dealing with.
Mary - I don't know your kids, so there is NO insult intended here, but it
sounds strange that they'd so purposely exclude ONLY your son, when it is
apparent that there are enough people (adults and kids) who are already
attending that one extra kid wouldn't matter.
I'd wonder why they are doing that.
Surely they don't turn into jerks just this one time every year - so, if
they're generally jerks and not nice to kids, then I'd consider backing off
from having my OTHER kid there, either.
If they are NOT generally jerks, then I'd consider whether there is a
reason they don't want your son there. Maybe he did something at their
house once and they're holding it against him. Maybe they have him over
only when someone has time to watch over him. Maybe you're seeing all the
kids playing together but maybe, in fact, their kid has a big problem with
your son that you're not aware of.
I mean - from what you're telling us - something isn't computing.
A party for all girls - yeah - well - that stinks but people do get stuck
in ruts and do that.
I think you started out telling us that they were excluding him because
he's younger and that this was a party for only a certain age of kids.
Again, stinks but not uncommon - it is a way to limit the number of kids in
order to limit the amount of hoopla (stress, space, hassle, money, etc) and
also because sometimes people want to do activities aimed at older kids and
don't want to have to make the accomodations to younger ones (watching over
how they use a hot glue gun, for example).
A party for lots and lots and lots of friends and family of all ages where
one of five playmates gets very very specifically excluded? That is
purposeful and there is a reason of some kind.
Pam Sorooshian
National Home Education Network
www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling
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