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"I do really good with the kids as long as no massive stress comes into play.
The kids are asked nicely to do things and usually agree. The kids make
their own decisions about food, tv, friends, etc.. Lots of hugs and kisses,
lots of laughing but with 7 of us in the house and 3 under age 6, we live on
the edge of chaos (which again is ok as long as life is smooth). Then
something happens and I find myself taking out my stress on the kids
(over-reacting, biting someone's head off, etc.) I always apologize when I
have one of my tantrums but I'm having trouble moving past this level."

I'm in the same boat. We only have four children, but boy can things get
chaotic, especially with a wee one that wants to destroy the house!!
I find my stress level rising when to many things are coming at me at once.
The house is a mess, the kids are having a rough day and getting on each
others nerves etc...
If you take any one stress at a time, I am fine. But combine them and I get
cranky.
I do find myself talking more now, than just screaming and being reactive.
And I don't think it hurts kids to know you're angry, sometimes they do
things that warrant anger.
But it's how the anger is directed......am I making them feel rotten? Or am I
just saying "I'm really, really frustrated and angry right now!!"
Time out is not something I'm very good at giving myself...but I try.
I ran outside the other night and did some deep breathing, just being out in
the moonlight really calmed me down.
The kids were a little freaked out I think, because I didn't say I was taking
a time out, I just ran out the door because I could feel the rage rising up.
They wondered if I was going to drive off I think!! So it is good to warn
everyone that you're going to be alone for a while.
Meditation helps a lot. We have these little stones with words on them like
"strength, joy, patience, God" etc....and holding one seems to help you focus
on that characteristic and keep in mind how you want to act.
Reading Deepak Chopra helps a lot.
Buying fun items that I think the kids will like from the dollar store and
keeping them around for tense moments helps (Sandra's idea).
Right now I have a puzzle, sticker book, mini-dolls, a Zen Garden, fake fruit
and Barbie clothes all tucked in my closet. I pulled out a coloring book the
other day which kept Sierra entertained ALL day, so no time for fights with
her brothers.
Worth a buck anytime!!
Taking everyone for a walk to search for leaves or bugs can break my tension,
or if it's really bad I go by myself.
Putting on a new movie can calm me down. Dates with my dh seem to keep things
from building up, time alone or with him helps refresh me and be a better Mom.
Getting dh to entertain the kids for an afternoon without me, or Trevor to
keep them all in his room and watch tv or something, lets me clean the house
without much interruption.
Somehow, house cleaning helps me feel calm. It's something I CAN control when
other things feel out of control.
That's the trigger for me I think, feelings of lack of control. I'm sure it
stems somewhat from childhood. But my anger is definitely related to that.
I used to feel SO angry as a child over certain issues. I was extremely
independant and that was coming into conflict with my Mom and Dads parenting
style too often....caused a LOT of anger and rebellion.
So here I am trying to let go of that. Trying to not let lack of control make
me cranky even though it's in my nature.
House cleaning gives me some sense of control and I can then be very mild and
relaxed for my children. Their messes don't bother me, the noise doesn't
etc... just because I got things straightened up.
Crazy eh?
And I'm no neat freak, I'm just talking getting the dishes done, laundry
started and floor picked up.....strangely calming for me.
That and the meditation seem to help the most right now.

Ren