Comparisons to other discussions and resources:

Marta Borges Pires, 2011 (on the facebook group Radical Unschooling Info (and later note--Marta is Portuguese, so her English is quaint sometimes, but she's a good writer, and organized an event in Lisbon at which Joyce Fetteroll and I spoke in June 2013. She and Rippy Dusseldorp are running another symposium in May 2015. This was her first post.):

I'd like to chime in for the very first time! :) I joined the Always Learning list a year and a half ago, along with other unschooling lists suggested by someone I knew via another forum. I remember reading everything on every list I was plus a couple of groups I had joined later on facebook.

At first, I was marveled by all the great ideas that flew around on one hand, helping us to think outside the box, and on the other, yes, I cringed a bit everytime a big discussion would break on the Always Learning list and older and experienced unschoolers would point things out to newcomers/posters/people who commented. Since I had read the Always Learning list's guidelines and since I have a 2 year old little girl, I always thought that that list would not be the adequate place for me to post (now I see that it was probably the best). So I chose to post on other lists and I got some pretty good ideas, though strangely to me, because I was expecting it, my thoughts (which I had posted) weren't challenged and I knew I needed to be challenged. So it got me thinking - am I in the right place?

Anyway, fast forward to the present day - I left all the lists I was on, except for Always Learning, Unschooling Basics and Unschooling Partnerships (which I joined in the meanwhile), and all the groups I had joined, except this one. Why did I decide to do this? First of all, because the people that write on the above lists are people who are and have living proof that what they did works. That for me, was, I mean is a no-brainer. ;) Secondly, because I can't read everything in the whole wide world of unschooling and I much prefer to be playing with my daughter than reading about how I should be a better mom. So I made a choice and chose to stick with the information that would lead us to a peaceful, joyful and loving life (because that is what the radical unschoolers who have been doing this for years and write on these lists and group have in their own lifes).

I'd also like to add that I have never posted to the list nor to this group because I read the e-mails and the posts every single day and every e-mail and post always have information that is really valuable to me, even if I initially think "hey, maybe it's too early to be reading about this, since my daughter's only 2" or something like that. I've found that even those e-mails and posts are extremely valuable for my thinking process. And since I have been reading for awhile now, I started seeing patterns in the way people posted and in the way the more experienced unschoolers would answer (even though, every time they write, there's always something new to it).

In a year and a half, I've changed in such profound ways that not even five years of therapy managed to help me accomplish (although they probably opened some doors inside, of course). It's funny, I feel like my brain is being re-wired and makes connections that I didn't have before plus the memory of old ways of thinking and being is slowly fading away. Very interesting to experience, indeed!

I cannot thank Sandra and Joyce and Pam and Jenny and Kelly and Meredith and so many others that freely dedicate their time to help us be better parents, better partners, better pet owners, better people, enough. You have changed my life in ways I still cannot describe but am sure you can relate to. ;) Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! :)

PS: The way Sandra and others advise us to write here and on the Always Learning list has also helped me immensely. I'm gradually learning how to express myself toward others in a much more clear, direct and objective way, with a positive tone to it, which not only helps my thinking processes and therefore the way I feel about things but also my relationships with others.

When I first signed up with Always Learning, I thought you were blunt and insensitive. And yet what you have to say about kids, and the partnership you develop with them.... was amazing. Right there and then it made life more shiny, more sparkly, more... alive I guess. I tried a few other unschooling lists, but the sparkle was missing. I felt to myself: ok, I think I'll put up with the bluntness.

Meeting you in real life gave me a totally different way to read what you write. Now I can imagine the tone of your voice, the kindness, the sparkle in your eyes, the tongue in cheek, the reaching hand. And I can let go of feeling defensive and pay more attention to what it is you are really saying. Most of the time :-)

This thread reminds me of the first time I posted to Always Learning and instead of getting the pats on the head I thought I would get, I got a close reading of my post and some frank advice that helped me look at my relationship with my child and the very schooly expectations I had for her. I was hurt at first, because I didn’t really understand the tenor and purpose of the group as well as I should have if I’d read more first before posting. But If I’d just gotten upset and insulted that the people here jumped right on the clues in my post that indicated where I could use help and didn’t coddle me then I wouldn’t have benefited as much as I have from this group.

I’m not a perfect unschooling parent and I probably will never be as deschooled as I’d like to be, but my daughter is a pretty happy and responsible almost 16 year old person after 5 years of unschooling and my family is peaceful (mostly).

I’ve posted very few times over the years because usually when I do think of posting a question I find just the act of writing and reading and re-reading my post and trying to see it as I expect Sandra and Pam and y’all will read it (ie people who don’t know me from Adam except for the words in my posts) makes me see the shape and often the resolution to the problem for myself. The problem is usually with me and how I’m looking at things. If you are always thinking that a problem will be fixed if only someone else changes then you probably won’t resolve your problem.