"Support" can be a problem

A mom wrote:

I recall posting on an unschooling list many years ago about the difficulties I was having with my boys with regard to getting ready and leaving the house in the morning (they were probably five and seven at the time). I was expecting to get ideas about how to make them do I what I needed them to do. What I got instead was a much needed wake-up call about respectful and peaceful family living.

I remember feeling initially hurt and indignant that I did not get a “show of support” from the other moms on the unschooling list. I felt flamed and did not read their posts after that for quite awhile. I continued trying to control my children as I felt a good parent should. But that early flaming and the ideas that were imparted to me slowly seeped into my brain. I WANTED to be a thoughtful, respectful parent. I didn't want to follow in the footsteps of my parents—however well-intended and loving they thought they were being. I wanted to say yes as much as possible, and respect and enjoy my children for who they are, not who I thought they should be.

It took a full year (maybe more) for me to really begin to get it. Sandra, your list has been SO helpful to me. I still read it daily. I have your book, and have spent hours on your website.

—Paula F.


A long list of "supportive" statements from real posts Problems with Support Random Support Generator