January 2, 2011
Marty (21) can pack a car in a most efficient way, and remember all sorts of emergency or "just-in-case" equipment and provisions. He is helpful, funny, musical, and sweet.
Kirby (24) has lived away from home for over three years now. He has a job with benefits, extra overtime, and nice, new gym. He has lots of friends at work. As he can wear whatever he wants to work, his desire to dress up was unfulfilled, so He bought a nice suit to wear to parties. He recently purchased a very nice car, without any parental assistance on financing. (We offered, but he wanted to establish credit.) He paid $5,000 down on that car, to the chagrin of the finance desk at the dealership. He has no student-loan debt whatsoever.
Is any of that "success"?
Marty and Kirby both made A's in the first math classes they ever took. Is that success?
Holly has a fulltime job that could potentially last her ten years. Is that "success"?
Look at me, all artsy on that hill. I have a college degree, but am not "employed." Is that failure?
The idea of "success" as good grades leading to big money is an odd measure from an unschooling point of view. "A successful unschooler"? A successful student? A successful adult?
The opposite of "a success" is "a failure." But there must be visions, directions, goals to achieve (or to fail to achieve) to measure this idea of "success." And probably all of us know or know of people who "were successes" who lost their status, wealth, or freedom.
When people ask about unschooling "success stories," perhaps we should ask them to define "success" rather than simply name unschoolers who have gone to college or who have impressive (or just sturdy and steady) jobs. Treating that as a simple, sensible question channels attention away from the broader, deeper benefits of unschooling and of living a life of mindful enrichment.
"Success" might be as ghostly and insubstantial as that image of me in the photo above. It can look nice, but how permanent is it? How warm? How strong?
Look at the immediate benefits of your decisions. Look for the good parts of today. Look for the value in this moment. If someone cannot find joy and goodness now, how can he feel his life is successful?
Unschooling and Success
some thoughts and pointers
"I am very encouraged by her success and hope that my children will feel free like she did to follow their dreams regardless of what those dreams may be. Success to me is measured by my happiness and satisfaction with my life and the relationships within it as well. I hope my children will feel the same." Dana at SandraDodd.com/teens