I wanted something to read while I was having lunch, so I clicked on a homeschooling blog ring and read something a little sad. In the description of the blog the mom had specified right early and clearly that her method was eclectic. After reading about another slightly younger child for whom she finds reading and math instruction online, I read this:

My daughter, age 16, is going her own way, refusing to believe that she doesn't have to attend public highschool to succeed in college. She's been a rebellion factory for years now - this is nothing new. I know if I wanted her to attend a public school she would be begging for homeschool.

I think mostly it's because I don't just TELL my kids that something is or isn't true, I try to find evidence so they can see for themselves and believe it because of proof. There's no refusal to believe what is clearly shown.

Kirby brakes quickly and later than I would, when he drives. I've told him a couple of stories and reminded him that brakes CAN fail, and I told him that I wished he'd be careful BEFORE he experiences brake failure. He didn't "refuse to believe" it, he tries to do it my way, but his belief so far is based on his own experience.

The other day he bumped the back of a pickup (or SUV or something high). He was in a big van. They were big. He didn't hit hard. The other car turned right from the middle lane, so Kirby followed figuring they wanted to pull over and discuss insurance, maybe call the police, all that. (For those locals wanting to picture this, he was coming south/downhill on Juan Tabo and it happened just before the light at Comanche; they turned right onto Comanche.) So... He's following politely as as he should, and they speed up and take off. He pulls into a parking lot to look at the van. Some part of the plastic edges of the bumper cover (aren't cars irritating sometimes!?) is gone, so he went back to the scene and retrieved it.

NOW Kirby knows what can happen if you count too much on the magic of brakes. Now he KNOWS. He was lucky not to get a ticket and a moving violation. He felt it was the other driver's fault, for doing some weird stop-and-start-and-hesitate thing about maybe changing lanes. I reminded him it's his job to give all the cars in front of him room to do that very thing.

So back to the reported 16-year-old rebellion factory...

The conditions required to create rebellion don't exist at my house. I don't think unschooling provides a good environment for a rebellion factory to emerge.

Holly (14 now) very seriously considered going to 8th grade. She talked about it for over a year, and a dozen times, we lurked around the middle school when kids were arriving or leaving. (Cameron Lovejoy went with us one day, so we have a witness to Holly's fascination.) Holly wasn't doing that out of rebellion or a refusal to believe. She wanted to learn about school and schoolkids. She wanted to see what she was missing.

A couple of all-day visits to another school (Sandia Prep) satisfied a lot of her curiosity. Discussion with friends who had done school and homeschool both convinced her that home was good for her.

Kirby, at 19, isn't a rebellion factory.
Marty, 16, isn't a rebellion factory.
Holly, 14, isn't a rebellion factory.

Just thought I'd mention that. **g**

Next time I need lunchtime reading I'll go to the unschooling blogring!

My DS rebelled at 5! (maybe earlier). He rebelled against authoritative parenting, and teachers who did not respect their students. Good for him! It took years for me to get it. I am sad and I have apologized about this. He is now 17 ( out of the system for 5 years ) with freedom to choose his own path, and to hang with kids and adults who respect each other.

My very complacent, easy going 13 yos began calling me on few things recently. It took me by surprise. It was usually something simple. Can't remember exactly what now. Maybe just a tone of mine. It ruffled my feathers. Then I realized. Good for him! And I apologized. I had worried that he was too much a pleaser. He will be fine!

My then 5yod changed personalities when she went to kindergarten. She became subdued. She is 10 and free now (K was her first and last year). She rebels against anyone who tries to "do it for her", or "teach her" or make her "perform". Good for her!

Our journey stared with eclectic homeschooling and evolved quickly. I found respectful parenting and unschooling just naturally flowed together. Good for me! Good for our family!

Unschooling parents are rebelling against the cultural ideal of completing a course of study and being done with learning.

Mindful Parenting Parenting Peacefully Teens