Sometimes people will express (joyfully, giddily) that they are unschoolers and so now their kids stay up all night.
My kids didn't stay up all night except a very few occasions when they were teens.
Sometimes people will brag that their kids eat ice cream for breakfast.
My kids didn't eat ice cream for breakfast. I wouldn't have cared if they had, but they didn't.
Sometimes people will report that now that they're unschoolers, their kids break the rules.
My kids were happy to follow rules, out at museums and in parks. If a sign said stay out of a fountain, or don't cross this barrier, they didn't.
Unschooling should be about peaceful, supportive relationships, about modelling consideration and thoughtful choicemaking, and about learning.
Being loud and wild and "breaking the rules" seems to be a celebratory stage for some people who are new to unschooling, but it shouldn't be the goal or destination. It's not good for that family, really. It's not good for those who wonder what unschooling is about.
Sometimes people say that one should not 'throw the baby out with the bathwater,' meaning don't make so huge a change, or don't be so rejecting of something that you lose the valuable parts, too.
It seems some unschoolers want to move away from life as they saw it before, including school and rules, and they've thrown out the bathwater, the baby, and the tub.
Where will you live if you reject your whole culture and don't care about anything or anybody, safety or ownership or logic?
It's one thing for a nursing mother to be sleep-deprived because a tiny baby is hungry (or wet, or uncomfortable). That's natural.
If a mother is a child's partner, she should be his partner in learning, and in living a peaceful life—not his partner in living wildly and being inconsiderate.
On Jul 5, 2012, at 5:13 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:It's an entirely different thing for an eight or ten year old to wake people up because his mother thinks being up late proves she's a cool momOr because it sounds like unschoolers are saying "Let your kids do whatever they want without interference or you'll get in the way of their learning."
on Radical Unschooling Info, August 2016
Many people do have experience "removing restrictions," but please help us help others by NOT recommending doing that, ever. Sudden change confuses kids, they don't trust it, they assume it's temporary, and so their behavior reflects that. And it robs parents of the joy of gradually allowing more and more, as the parents learn more and more. You could have said "okay" and "sure" hundreds of times instead of "whatever you want" one time, and the gradual change would have been a joy.A little later in the same discussion, me:
Gradual is better, but when people jump, the reaction of the children to that is really a reaction to all of the controls from the past. And though it's difficult for the parents, it's a crop they planted.