[email protected]

In a message dated 8/23/2004 12:11:23 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

My daughter never really was a big fan of taking baths or showers,
and it was never much of an issue because a young child who doesn't
produce body odor CAN go days without showers and it's not a huge
deal.

But now that she's getting older (11), she smells pretty bad and has
greasy hair if she goes a few days without a shower. I've talked to
her about the importance of regular bathing. She doesn't think it's
fair that she has to take a bath regularly and I pointed out that
it's not just her, it's ALL people past a certain age who will smell
if they don't stay clean. I told her that people might think poorly
of her if she smells bad and has greasy looking hair.

I've tried getting her nice soaps and shower gels(she likes that when
they're new but the novelty wears off soon and she doesn't care
anymore), I offered to light candles for her (she says she doesn't
care about candles), I offered to take a shower with her and we could
wash each other's backs (she said no)...

So my question is, how much would you remind/try to convince an 11
year old to shower? For example, I noticed on Thursday that she
really needed a shower, so I suggested it to her. She said, "Maybe
later". So I reminded her again later in the day (like 9 pm) and she
said, "later". She never did. Friday she was REALLY smelling bad,
and I told her that. She said, "later". I reminded her again, and
she said, "First thing tomorrow morning, I promise". Saturday
morning she didn't shower. Nor did she all day Saturday. Today, I
said, "How about if you take a shower and then pick out some nail
polish and I'll paint your toenails after your shower? So she did.

Am I nagging too much? If I remind her once and she doesn't do it,
should I keep reminding her or just let it go? What about the issue
of body odor and not wanting other people to look down on her?

Sheila



****************
Ah, pre-teens! I've spent time in a car with bunches of stinky pre-teens,
and it's not pretty!

First, I'd try really hard to let go of fear of other people's judgements.
Right now she doesn't seem to care too much anyway, and when she does she'll
feel bad about herself. I know that's not what you want.

It's fair to point out that when she smells it's kind of unpleasant to be
near her, especially in a closed space. Would she be open to compromise? Maybe
use a washcloth every day in the smelly bits, along with some deodorant? She
could pick out one of those teen, fruity kinds of deodorant. That will help.

About the hair. Get some dry shampoo...one of those things for quick
touch-ups. The other thing that works to cut the grease is putting a little powder
on a hairbrush and brushing it through. She might like these things because
they won't interrupt her life as much as a bath or shower. Then every few days
or so she could do a "deep clean." Just don't try to make her not-a-kid too
fast. This is a very "kid" thing, and she's clearly not ready to be a young
adult yet.

This is one of those things you'll remember in a year or two when she's in
the bathroom a LOT. Isn't that weird about parents and child development? We
really need to lighten up, and sometimes it's SO hard to do that.

Kathryn


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Beth

Sarah (13) was like that around age 11. I bought her some deodorant and
would mention the smell to her when it got to a noticeable level.

Within the last year, she's moved from not wanting to shower at all to
spending a minimum of 20 minutes in the shower, plus another 20 minutes
using various creams and hair products and make up before she's ready to go
anywhere.

Beth
----- Original Message -----
So my question is, how much would you remind/try to convince an 11 year old
to shower?

kayb85

I'm using a different keyboard and I hit something somewhere that
made my last post disappear. I don't know if it got posted to the
list incomplete or deleted, but I'll start over.

> Ah, pre-teens! I've spent time in a car with bunches of stinky pre-
teens,
> and it's not pretty!

I didn't know that about pre-teens! Just hearing you say that is
helpful. :)

I didn't remember that about myself at that age, but then again I
*had* to shower when my parents said, so I never even thought about
my like or dislike of showering...I didn't know I was allowed to even
consider disliking it when I was her age.

> First, I'd try really hard to let go of fear of other people's
judgements.

It's nice to get advice like that. I have friends who I haven't
discussed this with because I know their response would be, "Make her
take showers and if she doesn't shower she loses privelages..." Ick!

> This is one of those things you'll remember in a year or two when
she's in
> the bathroom a LOT. Isn't that weird about parents and child
development? We
> really need to lighten up, and sometimes it's SO hard to do that.

Yeah, you're right! Your post was just what I needed to hear.

Sheila

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/23/04 12:31:18 PM, sheran@... writes:

<< I didn't remember that about myself at that age, but then again I

*had* to shower when my parents said, so I never even thought about

my like or dislike of showering...I didn't know I was allowed to even

consider disliking it when I was her age.

>>

All my kids take a shower ever day. I don't even take a shower every day.
They LIKE to.

Sometimes when Kirby was 12ish I'd remind him. The other two, I don't
remember a time. (Maybe Kirby reminded them. <g>)

-=-I know their response would be, "Make her

take showers and if she doesn't shower she loses privelages..." -=-

Well she loses the privilege of smelling like she just took a shower. <g>

Sandra