voices in our heads
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In a message dated 7/30/04 1:55:33 AM, aburlingame@... writes:
<< At first when I read your
suggestion that I should replace the voices in my head with more helpful,
soothing voices, I thought to myself, "Yeah, OK, but I was just joking to
illustrate my occassional state of mind." But then I realized, that IS my
state of mind and it's no joke! >>
That is the crux of much of the success and the frustration on this sort of
online unschooling discussion. It fascinates me. I used to try to control it
more and worry if someone's feelings were hurt, and try to find them and
explain more, but the I started to think of it as a river. This list is like a
river of information flowing all the time. (Unschooling.com is like a lake with
infusion and evaporation, I guess. <g>)
If we dam up a river or try to channel it, that's more work than it's worth.
If some people come along and say "I hate rivers, I want a little baggie with
a small amount of clean water and one easily-seen goldfish," they've come to
the wrong source.
<< At first when I read your
suggestion that I should replace the voices in my head with more helpful,
soothing voices, I thought to myself, "Yeah, OK, but I was just joking to
illustrate my occassional state of mind." But then I realized, that IS my
state of mind and it's no joke! >>
People will blurt out what they don't even know they believe sometimes.
People will reveal their deep hurts in the words they choose.
Some will deny it, some will even deny having written what we respond to.
My least favorite (but fascinating like a train wreck <bwg>) is when someone
posts something like, "My kids are lazy brats . . . " in the midst of 300
words, and then not notice th 'brats'," we can EASILY be in for 300 e-mails of
them saying "I love my kids unconditionally and think only the best of them, how
could you think otherwise, you meanies!?" and others saying "You were so MEAN
to that mom who just needed support."
But nobody held a gun to her and said "Type L-A-Z-Y and call them BRATS. NOW
HIT SEND." Out of her own mind and fingers came the words.
And how much worse when it's the voices of our parents, grandparents,
teachers, critics, who squeak out their little messages when we're asleep or
distracted or angry? Those can come out too.
So yes! I'm glad you wrot what you wrote, Andrea. Because people's "just
jokes" are often not funny at the level at which they reveal fears and beliefs
that weren't in their top-100-conscious-thoughts.
And who, with young children, can easily HAVE 100 conscious thoughts!? <g>
-=- Can't really explain, but I was being hard
on myself, and not taking myself seriously at the same time. -=-
Many of the voices I have gradually captured and encapsulated in my mind were
telling me I wasn't worth taking seriously. My granny's declaration "You're
booksmart, but you just ain't got no horse sense" (said in different ways at
different times). My mother's "I love you but I don't like you sometimes"
(when she couldn't control me to cater to my preschool sister when I got back
from school, so that she/mom could sit and smoke cigarettes, drink beer and
listen to the radio as though she had no children at all).
I caught them, examined them, figured out why each individual would have
thought that was a good thing to choose to say (sometimes the explanations are
weak <g>), and I forgave them and turned off their tape! Now it's just a museum
piece in my head, a reminder of what not to say to my kids.
Sandra
<< At first when I read your
suggestion that I should replace the voices in my head with more helpful,
soothing voices, I thought to myself, "Yeah, OK, but I was just joking to
illustrate my occassional state of mind." But then I realized, that IS my
state of mind and it's no joke! >>
That is the crux of much of the success and the frustration on this sort of
online unschooling discussion. It fascinates me. I used to try to control it
more and worry if someone's feelings were hurt, and try to find them and
explain more, but the I started to think of it as a river. This list is like a
river of information flowing all the time. (Unschooling.com is like a lake with
infusion and evaporation, I guess. <g>)
If we dam up a river or try to channel it, that's more work than it's worth.
If some people come along and say "I hate rivers, I want a little baggie with
a small amount of clean water and one easily-seen goldfish," they've come to
the wrong source.
<< At first when I read your
suggestion that I should replace the voices in my head with more helpful,
soothing voices, I thought to myself, "Yeah, OK, but I was just joking to
illustrate my occassional state of mind." But then I realized, that IS my
state of mind and it's no joke! >>
People will blurt out what they don't even know they believe sometimes.
People will reveal their deep hurts in the words they choose.
Some will deny it, some will even deny having written what we respond to.
My least favorite (but fascinating like a train wreck <bwg>) is when someone
posts something like, "My kids are lazy brats . . . " in the midst of 300
words, and then not notice th 'brats'," we can EASILY be in for 300 e-mails of
them saying "I love my kids unconditionally and think only the best of them, how
could you think otherwise, you meanies!?" and others saying "You were so MEAN
to that mom who just needed support."
But nobody held a gun to her and said "Type L-A-Z-Y and call them BRATS. NOW
HIT SEND." Out of her own mind and fingers came the words.
And how much worse when it's the voices of our parents, grandparents,
teachers, critics, who squeak out their little messages when we're asleep or
distracted or angry? Those can come out too.
So yes! I'm glad you wrot what you wrote, Andrea. Because people's "just
jokes" are often not funny at the level at which they reveal fears and beliefs
that weren't in their top-100-conscious-thoughts.
And who, with young children, can easily HAVE 100 conscious thoughts!? <g>
-=- Can't really explain, but I was being hard
on myself, and not taking myself seriously at the same time. -=-
Many of the voices I have gradually captured and encapsulated in my mind were
telling me I wasn't worth taking seriously. My granny's declaration "You're
booksmart, but you just ain't got no horse sense" (said in different ways at
different times). My mother's "I love you but I don't like you sometimes"
(when she couldn't control me to cater to my preschool sister when I got back
from school, so that she/mom could sit and smoke cigarettes, drink beer and
listen to the radio as though she had no children at all).
I caught them, examined them, figured out why each individual would have
thought that was a good thing to choose to say (sometimes the explanations are
weak <g>), and I forgave them and turned off their tape! Now it's just a museum
piece in my head, a reminder of what not to say to my kids.
Sandra