[UnschoolingDiscussion]OT - Bedtimes
Rhonda McDowell
Hi Andrea:
I don't claim to be an expert, but I'll tell you what's worked for me. I have two daughters, ages 13 & 8. I found that having a bath right before bed seemed to help them fall asleep quicker through babyhood. I nursed them until they were about 2 1/2, first rocking them in a rocking chair til they fell asleep before laying them in their cribs, then nursing while lying down beside them in bed, then after weaning, still lying down with them until they were asleep ('til age 3 or 4).
Then, up until they were 5 or 6, we had a special "wind-down" routine or ritual every night: a milky snack before bed (yogurt), brushing teeth, potty, get a small glass of water, and cuddle in bed, reading two stories of their choice. Then I would Play very, very soft lullabye-type background music on a cassette player or CD (same song every night, about 30 minutes long, one that winds down to softer & slower music), turn out the lights and spend another 5 minutes sitting on the edge of their bed "scratching backs" (running my fingers under their pj's sideways & up & down their upper backs), then giving kisses and saying "Good night, sweet dreams, I love you!" I was then able to go out and shut the door, leaving just a faint nightlight on.
Maybe I lucked out, but both my girls have been wonderful about settling down, going to sleep and not getting up to bug me. Once in a while when they were younger (maybe once every month or two, sometimes for several nights in a row or if they felt sick) ~ they would wake in the middle of the night and want to come climb in our bed. I always let them, and kept a lamp on outside our bedroom. I always wanted them to know that if they had a bad dream, they could count on coming to cuddle with us and feeling safe.
Sometimes, I add one other ritual that they LOVE. I sit at the foot of their bed an rub their feet with (nice smelling) lotion while they talk to me for 5 minutes or so about their day or their dreams in life (something I LOVE, esp. with the 13 year old, cuz it's the one time when she always wants to talk to me). This really helps them sleep, believe it or not. I don't rub hard enough to hurt, but I rub every crevice & cranny pretty deeply. Now that my girls take dance classes, they really love this.
Anyway, I don't know if that helps or not. All of the above takes about 30 minutes. I figure it's worth it to give me the rest of my evening in privacy, and to get them to bed at a reasonable hour, wake up refreshed without circles under their eyes.
My older sister (a pastor's wife for 20 years) tipped me off to this. She didn't do it with her firstborn (an always had a whiny, clinging kid), but did it with her second born, who's always slept like a baby. She lectured me while I was pregnant with my first, to make sure the baby slept in its own bed from the beginning and after a few months make sure it's in its own room and not let it get used to sleeping in my bed, or I'd never get it moved out. I was motivated to do this, because I am a notoriously light sleeper and found that I just could not sleep with the baby in bed next to me. I'd always pick it up when it cried and nurse it, but always sitting in a rocker or lounge chair (even if I dosed off).
I'm not sure what to say about 2 little ones sleeping in the same room or bed who pester each other. I'd be tempted to lay a pallet on the floor and have one of them on that, maybe hang a sheet between them, and somehow reward the one who's quietest and goes to sleep first (perhaps in the morning?) ~ at least for awhile until they're in the habit of settling down, then phase it out.
One final thought ~ everyone needs a certain amount of sleep every night (depending on if & when there've been naps during the day). If kids have to get up early, then most of them will need to go to bed earlier, especially if they are worn out from activities all day. My older daughter needs about 8 or 9 hours sleep (goes to bed around 10am and wakes about 7am). My younger one can sleep 11 or 12 hours (goes to bed about 9pm and gets up about 8am). If either of my girls goes to a sleepover and stays up half the night, it's odd but almost guaranteed that they get sick within a day or two (needless to say, we allow very few sleepovers). My husband also seems to need a lot of sleep (I think he has apnea from snoring!) and goes to bed early (9pm), but gets up really early (5am). I, unfortunately, have anxiety & insomnia and stay up late (but I LOVE those quiet hours), and always wake up after 6 hours, no matter how early or late I go to bed. So, my point is, whatever time you'd like to aim for the kids to go to bed ~ then they need to be woken up by a certain time, after however many hours of sleep they need. Otherwise, they'll just sleep in and go to bed late.
I respect who are relaxed & mellow enough to let their kids set their own clocks and bedtimes, and hope no one who's philosophy differs blows a gasket over what I've shared here. Hope one or two of my suggestions may help those seeking some quiet time for themselves in the evening.
Good luck!
Rhonda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I don't claim to be an expert, but I'll tell you what's worked for me. I have two daughters, ages 13 & 8. I found that having a bath right before bed seemed to help them fall asleep quicker through babyhood. I nursed them until they were about 2 1/2, first rocking them in a rocking chair til they fell asleep before laying them in their cribs, then nursing while lying down beside them in bed, then after weaning, still lying down with them until they were asleep ('til age 3 or 4).
Then, up until they were 5 or 6, we had a special "wind-down" routine or ritual every night: a milky snack before bed (yogurt), brushing teeth, potty, get a small glass of water, and cuddle in bed, reading two stories of their choice. Then I would Play very, very soft lullabye-type background music on a cassette player or CD (same song every night, about 30 minutes long, one that winds down to softer & slower music), turn out the lights and spend another 5 minutes sitting on the edge of their bed "scratching backs" (running my fingers under their pj's sideways & up & down their upper backs), then giving kisses and saying "Good night, sweet dreams, I love you!" I was then able to go out and shut the door, leaving just a faint nightlight on.
Maybe I lucked out, but both my girls have been wonderful about settling down, going to sleep and not getting up to bug me. Once in a while when they were younger (maybe once every month or two, sometimes for several nights in a row or if they felt sick) ~ they would wake in the middle of the night and want to come climb in our bed. I always let them, and kept a lamp on outside our bedroom. I always wanted them to know that if they had a bad dream, they could count on coming to cuddle with us and feeling safe.
Sometimes, I add one other ritual that they LOVE. I sit at the foot of their bed an rub their feet with (nice smelling) lotion while they talk to me for 5 minutes or so about their day or their dreams in life (something I LOVE, esp. with the 13 year old, cuz it's the one time when she always wants to talk to me). This really helps them sleep, believe it or not. I don't rub hard enough to hurt, but I rub every crevice & cranny pretty deeply. Now that my girls take dance classes, they really love this.
Anyway, I don't know if that helps or not. All of the above takes about 30 minutes. I figure it's worth it to give me the rest of my evening in privacy, and to get them to bed at a reasonable hour, wake up refreshed without circles under their eyes.
My older sister (a pastor's wife for 20 years) tipped me off to this. She didn't do it with her firstborn (an always had a whiny, clinging kid), but did it with her second born, who's always slept like a baby. She lectured me while I was pregnant with my first, to make sure the baby slept in its own bed from the beginning and after a few months make sure it's in its own room and not let it get used to sleeping in my bed, or I'd never get it moved out. I was motivated to do this, because I am a notoriously light sleeper and found that I just could not sleep with the baby in bed next to me. I'd always pick it up when it cried and nurse it, but always sitting in a rocker or lounge chair (even if I dosed off).
I'm not sure what to say about 2 little ones sleeping in the same room or bed who pester each other. I'd be tempted to lay a pallet on the floor and have one of them on that, maybe hang a sheet between them, and somehow reward the one who's quietest and goes to sleep first (perhaps in the morning?) ~ at least for awhile until they're in the habit of settling down, then phase it out.
One final thought ~ everyone needs a certain amount of sleep every night (depending on if & when there've been naps during the day). If kids have to get up early, then most of them will need to go to bed earlier, especially if they are worn out from activities all day. My older daughter needs about 8 or 9 hours sleep (goes to bed around 10am and wakes about 7am). My younger one can sleep 11 or 12 hours (goes to bed about 9pm and gets up about 8am). If either of my girls goes to a sleepover and stays up half the night, it's odd but almost guaranteed that they get sick within a day or two (needless to say, we allow very few sleepovers). My husband also seems to need a lot of sleep (I think he has apnea from snoring!) and goes to bed early (9pm), but gets up really early (5am). I, unfortunately, have anxiety & insomnia and stay up late (but I LOVE those quiet hours), and always wake up after 6 hours, no matter how early or late I go to bed. So, my point is, whatever time you'd like to aim for the kids to go to bed ~ then they need to be woken up by a certain time, after however many hours of sleep they need. Otherwise, they'll just sleep in and go to bed late.
I respect who are relaxed & mellow enough to let their kids set their own clocks and bedtimes, and hope no one who's philosophy differs blows a gasket over what I've shared here. Hope one or two of my suggestions may help those seeking some quiet time for themselves in the evening.
Good luck!
Rhonda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]