We can't get anywhere on time!
Rebeca Zavaleta
First off, I'm new to the list and to unschooling (less than a year).
Since I've relaxed and let learning happen naturally -- my children (and
husband and I) have been much happier. I've also loosened up with our
'house rules' and found that my kids (3, 7, and 10 yrs) are reasonable,
responsible, and willing to help me most times (when I ask -- and sometimes
when I don't). Especially the 3 yr old.
But we just can't all seem to get out of the house together in a timely
manner. And some things have to be done by a certain time.
I always give the kids a heads up if something is planned, and remind them
a half hour before the time to leave. (bathroom breaks, shoes on, get stuff
together if they need to bring something).
At the very last second someone who seemed ready gets to our car but has
forgotten shoes, or important toy, prescription glasses,(even underwear)...
And then makes us all late, because they honestly cannot find the important
item they had a moment ago. (We even have a basket near the front door
where we place items to take and the shoes are in the front closet
(ideally)).
I'm a pretty patient person, but I find myself getting uptight. And what's
worse -- I've lost my sunglasses quite a few times lately, too! (but not
underwear!)
We've relaxed our schedule, but we're scattered (only with leaving the house
-- the rest of the time the kids and I are organized). These are not
usually forced outings (except grocery shopping or the like), even so, the
kids enjoy even the usual outings. Once we've actually LEFT the house,
they're fine -- it's the leaving that seems hard for the kids.
Is this typical?
We have outings that we've planned for the summer and I'm dreading the
getting out of the house routine.
Rebeca
Since I've relaxed and let learning happen naturally -- my children (and
husband and I) have been much happier. I've also loosened up with our
'house rules' and found that my kids (3, 7, and 10 yrs) are reasonable,
responsible, and willing to help me most times (when I ask -- and sometimes
when I don't). Especially the 3 yr old.
But we just can't all seem to get out of the house together in a timely
manner. And some things have to be done by a certain time.
I always give the kids a heads up if something is planned, and remind them
a half hour before the time to leave. (bathroom breaks, shoes on, get stuff
together if they need to bring something).
At the very last second someone who seemed ready gets to our car but has
forgotten shoes, or important toy, prescription glasses,(even underwear)...
And then makes us all late, because they honestly cannot find the important
item they had a moment ago. (We even have a basket near the front door
where we place items to take and the shoes are in the front closet
(ideally)).
I'm a pretty patient person, but I find myself getting uptight. And what's
worse -- I've lost my sunglasses quite a few times lately, too! (but not
underwear!)
We've relaxed our schedule, but we're scattered (only with leaving the house
-- the rest of the time the kids and I are organized). These are not
usually forced outings (except grocery shopping or the like), even so, the
kids enjoy even the usual outings. Once we've actually LEFT the house,
they're fine -- it's the leaving that seems hard for the kids.
Is this typical?
We have outings that we've planned for the summer and I'm dreading the
getting out of the house routine.
Rebeca
Jennifer
>At the very last second someone who seemed ready gets to our car(even underwear)...
>but has forgotten shoes, or important toy, prescription glasses,>>
>And then makes us all late, because they honestly cannot find theBoy do I have this problem, too! Here are some things which have
>important item they had a moment ago.
made my life easier when trying to get out the door..
Plan ahead! Have clothes ready the night before or a few hours
before and put them in a central place. My closet is big enough for
us all to fit into so that's a good place in my house.
Have a go-bag for everyone. I have little hooks by the garage
door. Everyone has a little bag to hang on it. At least a couple
of hours before we need to leave, I gather everything each person
will need and toss it in their bags. I also have a small dry-erase
magnetic board above the hooks and keep a list of what each person
always needs when we leave. (This would be good for listing such
things as glasses, inhalers, diaper bag supplies, small book or toy
for everyone, etc.)
We have had the shoe problem more times than I can count. We tried
the shoe basket, then the shoe closet but everytime I was ready to
walk out the door, someone was missing a shoe. The only solution
that worked for us was to put the shoes up high on a closet shelf
and make that the last thing we do before we walk out the door. I
make sure I schedule time to do it and as soon as we get home I put
the shoes back. Our problem is the babies like to wear everyone's
shoes and end up hiding them in places we never think to look just
as we're heading out the door. If the kids that can't reach them
yet need them, they just ask and then I'm alerted to remember to ask
about them later so I can put them away again.
We've actually left the house and noticed one of the girls didn't
have underwear on. It took about three times of that happening and
now do panty-checks on the little girls before we head out the
door.
I think most of the problems are resolved with mom being prepared
and organized. Of course, once the kids get older and you have
everyone in the habit, it gets easier and they begin to naturally
pick up those tricks and use them for themselves.
Good luck!
Jennifer
the_clevengers
--- In [email protected], "Rebeca Zavaleta"
<rzavaleta@s...> wrote:
for my daughter (who has been known to wear dresses and forget it)
and spare sunglasses for me, since I can't exist without them. I also
have spare snacks, hats, coats, mittens, a gallon of water, and other
stuff. Yes, I could probably outfit a small country from the back of
my minivan, but it does make leaving the house less stressful. When
we go on the bike, it's a bit trickier and they definitely need to
have shoes on before we start pedaling :-) but I still have spare
underwear, snacks, water, and sunglasses in my backpack.
I also get them moving toward the door about 10 minutes before we
actually need to leave the house. If they've left something like a
toy they were planning to bring, that way they have some time to
locate it without us being late.
Blue Skies,
-Robin-
<rzavaleta@s...> wrote:
> At the very last second someone who seemed ready gets to our carbut has
> forgotten shoes, or important toy, prescription glasses,(evenunderwear)...
> And then makes us all late, because they honestly cannot find theimportant
> item they had a moment ago. (We even have a basket near the frontdoor
> where we place items to take and the shoes are in the front closetIn my car, I always have spare shoes for the kids, spare underwear
> (ideally)).
for my daughter (who has been known to wear dresses and forget it)
and spare sunglasses for me, since I can't exist without them. I also
have spare snacks, hats, coats, mittens, a gallon of water, and other
stuff. Yes, I could probably outfit a small country from the back of
my minivan, but it does make leaving the house less stressful. When
we go on the bike, it's a bit trickier and they definitely need to
have shoes on before we start pedaling :-) but I still have spare
underwear, snacks, water, and sunglasses in my backpack.
I also get them moving toward the door about 10 minutes before we
actually need to leave the house. If they've left something like a
toy they were planning to bring, that way they have some time to
locate it without us being late.
Blue Skies,
-Robin-
Fetteroll
on 6/8/04 2:56 AM, Rebeca Zavaleta at rzavaleta@... wrote:
;-) has problems getting out in time. I seriously underestimate how much
time it will take to get me ready. But, oh, yeah, I have to get Kat ready
too. (She's only been around for 12 years. ;-) And I don't want to stop
something fun one minute sooner than I have to. So I assume I need 5 minutes
when I really needed 15 minutes.
Anger does *not* help. It just makes everyone grumpy and fills the
atmosphere with negative feelings.
We can't control other people. And your frustration is coming from wanting
something that isn't in your power to control.
Maybe it will help to look at it from the point of view of what situation
would make you behave as they are. What if every time you were in the middle
of a great movie that you just couldn't stop watching your husband wanted
you to stop right now so you could accompany him to a sports bar to watch
(some sport you detest) on the big screen for the next 3 hours for reasons
that weren't making much sense to you but you didn't have a choice. How
quickly would you be getting ready each time he told you to get ready?
You can ask them to get ready but you can't make them. Ask but assume you'll
have to do it for them. (And you'll be surprised and pleasantly thankful
when they do get ready instead of being irritated when they don't :-) Tell
them it's important to you and thank them when they help out. Ask one of the
older ones to help a younger one? Talk to them about how to get out and work
out a plan. Analyze the plan to see how it's working. Tweak it or revise it.
Joyce
> At the very last second someone who seemed ready gets to our car but hasI've never forgotten underwear but at least one adult in my family (uh, me
> forgotten shoes, or important toy, prescription glasses,(even underwear)...
;-) has problems getting out in time. I seriously underestimate how much
time it will take to get me ready. But, oh, yeah, I have to get Kat ready
too. (She's only been around for 12 years. ;-) And I don't want to stop
something fun one minute sooner than I have to. So I assume I need 5 minutes
when I really needed 15 minutes.
Anger does *not* help. It just makes everyone grumpy and fills the
atmosphere with negative feelings.
We can't control other people. And your frustration is coming from wanting
something that isn't in your power to control.
Maybe it will help to look at it from the point of view of what situation
would make you behave as they are. What if every time you were in the middle
of a great movie that you just couldn't stop watching your husband wanted
you to stop right now so you could accompany him to a sports bar to watch
(some sport you detest) on the big screen for the next 3 hours for reasons
that weren't making much sense to you but you didn't have a choice. How
quickly would you be getting ready each time he told you to get ready?
You can ask them to get ready but you can't make them. Ask but assume you'll
have to do it for them. (And you'll be surprised and pleasantly thankful
when they do get ready instead of being irritated when they don't :-) Tell
them it's important to you and thank them when they help out. Ask one of the
older ones to help a younger one? Talk to them about how to get out and work
out a plan. Analyze the plan to see how it's working. Tweak it or revise it.
Joyce
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], Fetteroll
<fetteroll@e...> wrote:
doesn't seem *right* or *fair* that it takes so long, yadda yadda
yadda.
It takes a long time. Flylady recommends starting the night before.
Whatever tools you use, it helps to accept what a big job it is and
go from there.
I actually build in time for a last minute poopy diaper. Hey, it
happens enough times, you start counting on it!
--aj
<fetteroll@e...> wrote:
> I seriously underestimate how muchThat's the key for a lot of people. We want it to take less time, it
> time it will take to get me ready.
doesn't seem *right* or *fair* that it takes so long, yadda yadda
yadda.
It takes a long time. Flylady recommends starting the night before.
Whatever tools you use, it helps to accept what a big job it is and
go from there.
I actually build in time for a last minute poopy diaper. Hey, it
happens enough times, you start counting on it!
--aj
kayb85
> But we just can't all seem to get out of the house together in atimely
> manner. And some things have to be done by a certain time.We make it our goal to leave at a time earlier than we really have to
leave.
If we have a dentist appointment at 3:00 and it takes 1/2 an hour to
get there, we don't plan on leaving at 2:30, we plan on leaving at
2. When my kids were littler (nursing and in diapers) I often
planned on leaving an entire hour earlier than I had to.
We got places early a lot of times but there were also times that we
got there just in time and I was grateful that I had allowed extra
time.
If I plan on leaving the house at 2, I plan on starting to get ready
an hour ahead of time. That way if you need to spend 15 minutes
finding someone's shoe, you can. I don't usually need the whole hour
anymore because the kids are getting themselves dressed and ready
most of the time. But still sometimes I need to remind Alisha to get
something to do in the car, I sometimes need to print out mapquest
directions or make sure I have my phone with me, make sure I have
lunch packed and money in my wallet or whatever I need. Check
people's hair and make sure no one really needs to jump in the shower
before we go.
I don't say, "We have to leave in an hour". I say, "We have to start
getting ready to leave in an hour".
Sheila
Rebeca Zavaleta
From: "Jennifer" <jmcseals@...>
Subject: Re: We can't get anywhere on time!
"Have a go-bag for everyone. I have little hooks by the garage
door. Everyone has a little bag to hang on it. At least a couple
of hours before we need to leave, I gather everything each person
will need and toss it in their bags."
I LOVED this idea - my younger child does this already with an old bag from
Great Grandma, but it's a good idea for the older kids. I guess their hands
are so busy that they quickly misplace what they've been holding. I like
the idea of them being responsible for their own toys and things in their
own bags - definitely will put less pressure on me.
Thanks for the note about missing underwear - maybe it's not that unusual!
Thank goodness that time my Grandmother wasn't with us - she would have been
shocked! Ha-ha!
Rebeca Z.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Subject: Re: We can't get anywhere on time!
"Have a go-bag for everyone. I have little hooks by the garage
door. Everyone has a little bag to hang on it. At least a couple
of hours before we need to leave, I gather everything each person
will need and toss it in their bags."
I LOVED this idea - my younger child does this already with an old bag from
Great Grandma, but it's a good idea for the older kids. I guess their hands
are so busy that they quickly misplace what they've been holding. I like
the idea of them being responsible for their own toys and things in their
own bags - definitely will put less pressure on me.
Thanks for the note about missing underwear - maybe it's not that unusual!
Thank goodness that time my Grandmother wasn't with us - she would have been
shocked! Ha-ha!
Rebeca Z.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rebeca Zavaleta
From: "the_clevengers" <tri_mom@...>
Subject: Re: We can't get anywhere on time!
"In my car, I always have spare shoes for the kids, spare underwear
for my daughter (who has been known to wear dresses and forget it)
and spare sunglasses for me, since I can't exist without them. I also
have spare snacks, hats, coats, mittens, a gallon of water, and other
stuff. Yes, I could probably outfit a small country from the back of
my minivan, but it does make leaving the house less stressful."
Blue Skies,
-Robin-
Robin,
I know what you mean, sometimes I feel like we live from the car! I'm
also stocked-up, but it doesn't seem to help much. Water, snacks, pull-ups
for the 3 year old. that's my mind set. The kids' agenda is more into the
perfect traveling companion - Magnetic Spiderman, a stuffed doggie, the foot
high Lego creation.
Actually, putting shoes in the car and just leaving them there is a
wonderful idea. We never wear shoes in the house or in the backyard. At
least we'd know where they are!
And the 7 year old (the missing underwear guy) - found out he was
against underwear while on a shopping trip to buy him new clothes
(Surprise!)- well, he's a typical beach- bum Californian type (We live in
California but we're a ways from the beach, chaparral, mostly) and he ONLY
wears flip-flops and shorts (I can actually SEE my much more conservatively
dressed husband literally bite his tongue when he sees how his son is
dressed). It would be easy to stash a couple of pairs of thong shoes into
the trunk.
My 7 year old is so funny, I knew he was against socks - but
underwear?!!
Rebeca Z.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Subject: Re: We can't get anywhere on time!
"In my car, I always have spare shoes for the kids, spare underwear
for my daughter (who has been known to wear dresses and forget it)
and spare sunglasses for me, since I can't exist without them. I also
have spare snacks, hats, coats, mittens, a gallon of water, and other
stuff. Yes, I could probably outfit a small country from the back of
my minivan, but it does make leaving the house less stressful."
Blue Skies,
-Robin-
Robin,
I know what you mean, sometimes I feel like we live from the car! I'm
also stocked-up, but it doesn't seem to help much. Water, snacks, pull-ups
for the 3 year old. that's my mind set. The kids' agenda is more into the
perfect traveling companion - Magnetic Spiderman, a stuffed doggie, the foot
high Lego creation.
Actually, putting shoes in the car and just leaving them there is a
wonderful idea. We never wear shoes in the house or in the backyard. At
least we'd know where they are!
And the 7 year old (the missing underwear guy) - found out he was
against underwear while on a shopping trip to buy him new clothes
(Surprise!)- well, he's a typical beach- bum Californian type (We live in
California but we're a ways from the beach, chaparral, mostly) and he ONLY
wears flip-flops and shorts (I can actually SEE my much more conservatively
dressed husband literally bite his tongue when he sees how his son is
dressed). It would be easy to stash a couple of pairs of thong shoes into
the trunk.
My 7 year old is so funny, I knew he was against socks - but
underwear?!!
Rebeca Z.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rebeca Zavaleta
From: Fetteroll <fetteroll@...>
Subject: Re: We can't get anywhere on time!
on 6/8/04 2:56 AM, Rebeca Zavaleta at rzavaleta@... wrote:
Joyce replied
"I've never forgotten underwear but at least one adult in my family (uh, me
;-) has problems getting out in time. I seriously underestimate how much
time it will take to get me ready. But, oh, yeah, I have to get Kat ready
too. (She's only been around for 12 years. ;-) And I don't want to stop
something fun one minute sooner than I have to. So I assume I need 5 minutes
when I really needed 15 minutes."
I do try to be respectful about interrupting them when we need to go out.
Sometimes they really do NOT want to, and if all possible, I accommodate.
Organization and time management are our key problems, I think. Their sense
of time passage isn't too clear yet.
Joyce:
"Anger does *not* help. It just makes everyone grumpy and fills the
atmosphere with negative feelings. We can't control other people. And your
frustration is coming from wanting something that isn't in your power to
control."
When I say, "We're getting late and I need some help here," one person does
help (my 10 year old daughter), but as soon as she's done putting on the one
brother's shoes, we loose the other brother, then we find him but the little
one has taken off his shoes, then. And it IS comedic. And it IS
frustrating. I usually use my "Stern Mommy" voice, but I don't get really
angry or yell (My daughter hates yelling - if I raise my voice she takes it
so personally, even if I'm not yelling at her. Then we have one shoeless 3
yr old, one hyper-jumping running upstairs again 7 yr old and an emotionally
crumpled 10 year old.
No, I've learned THAT is not the way to actually leave the house!!
"Maybe it will help to look at it from the point of view of what situation
would make you behave as they are."
Yeah, they're kids, and grocery shopping, doctor appointments, etc. aren't
fun. I used to use incentives (bribes), but I stopped when the incentives
they demanded were impossible, like going to Disneyland after grocery
shopping. My ideas were modest.
Maybe I need to tape up some funny cartoon on the inside of the front door.
Something to remind me that this too shall pass, and to keep my sense of
humor! At least they're wearing clothes - mostly!
Rebeca Z.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Subject: Re: We can't get anywhere on time!
on 6/8/04 2:56 AM, Rebeca Zavaleta at rzavaleta@... wrote:
> At the very last second someone who seemed ready gets to our car but hasunderwear)...
> forgotten shoes, or important toy, prescription glasses,(even
Joyce replied
"I've never forgotten underwear but at least one adult in my family (uh, me
;-) has problems getting out in time. I seriously underestimate how much
time it will take to get me ready. But, oh, yeah, I have to get Kat ready
too. (She's only been around for 12 years. ;-) And I don't want to stop
something fun one minute sooner than I have to. So I assume I need 5 minutes
when I really needed 15 minutes."
I do try to be respectful about interrupting them when we need to go out.
Sometimes they really do NOT want to, and if all possible, I accommodate.
Organization and time management are our key problems, I think. Their sense
of time passage isn't too clear yet.
Joyce:
"Anger does *not* help. It just makes everyone grumpy and fills the
atmosphere with negative feelings. We can't control other people. And your
frustration is coming from wanting something that isn't in your power to
control."
When I say, "We're getting late and I need some help here," one person does
help (my 10 year old daughter), but as soon as she's done putting on the one
brother's shoes, we loose the other brother, then we find him but the little
one has taken off his shoes, then. And it IS comedic. And it IS
frustrating. I usually use my "Stern Mommy" voice, but I don't get really
angry or yell (My daughter hates yelling - if I raise my voice she takes it
so personally, even if I'm not yelling at her. Then we have one shoeless 3
yr old, one hyper-jumping running upstairs again 7 yr old and an emotionally
crumpled 10 year old.
No, I've learned THAT is not the way to actually leave the house!!
"Maybe it will help to look at it from the point of view of what situation
would make you behave as they are."
Yeah, they're kids, and grocery shopping, doctor appointments, etc. aren't
fun. I used to use incentives (bribes), but I stopped when the incentives
they demanded were impossible, like going to Disneyland after grocery
shopping. My ideas were modest.
Maybe I need to tape up some funny cartoon on the inside of the front door.
Something to remind me that this too shall pass, and to keep my sense of
humor! At least they're wearing clothes - mostly!
Rebeca Z.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rebeca Zavaleta
From: "mamaaj2000" <mamaaj2000@...>
Subject: Re: We can't get anywhere on time!
--- In [email protected], Fetteroll
<fetteroll@e...> wrote:
happens enough times, you start counting on it!
--aj
How right you are!
If my children we back in public school - Well, I think they'd make it there
by lunch time. Sometimes we're even eating breakfast at that time.
Unschooling IS glorious!
Rebeca Z.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Subject: Re: We can't get anywhere on time!
--- In [email protected], Fetteroll
<fetteroll@e...> wrote:
> I seriously underestimate how muchI actually build in time for a last minute poopy diaper. Hey, it
> time it will take to get me ready.
happens enough times, you start counting on it!
--aj
How right you are!
If my children we back in public school - Well, I think they'd make it there
by lunch time. Sometimes we're even eating breakfast at that time.
Unschooling IS glorious!
Rebeca Z.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
We went and got each of the boys an extra pair of sandals to keep in the car, for thoses times that one or both forget shoes, or they start of in tennis shoes, but their feet get to hot.
~Rebecca
--
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."
-Calvin
~Rebecca
--
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."
-Calvin
> We have had the shoe problem more times than I can count. We tried
> the shoe basket, then the shoe closet but everytime I was ready to
> walk out the door, someone was missing a shoe. The only solution
> that worked for us was to put the shoes up high on a closet shelf
> and make that the last thing we do before we walk out the door. I
> make sure I schedule time to do it and as soon as we get home I put
> the shoes back. Our problem is the babies like to wear everyone's
> shoes and end up hiding them in places we never think to look just
> as we're heading out the door. If the kids that can't reach them
> yet need them, they just ask and then I'm alerted to remember to ask
> about them later so I can put them away again.
>
[email protected]
I understand!
We're from San Diego, in Michigan right now, and plan to move back asap...but both of my kids HATE socks and shoes, not a biggie in SoCal, but in MI in the winter a must. They are both so happy it's warmed up now, no shoes-a pair of sandles for going into stores- no socks, and underware? forget about it, their papa won't wear them, so they don't. I don't stress them, I figure it's one less thing to buy and wash. :)
~Rebecca
--
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."
-Calvin
We're from San Diego, in Michigan right now, and plan to move back asap...but both of my kids HATE socks and shoes, not a biggie in SoCal, but in MI in the winter a must. They are both so happy it's warmed up now, no shoes-a pair of sandles for going into stores- no socks, and underware? forget about it, their papa won't wear them, so they don't. I don't stress them, I figure it's one less thing to buy and wash. :)
~Rebecca
--
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."
-Calvin
> And the 7 year old (the missing underwear guy) - found out he was
> against underwear while on a shopping trip to buy him new clothes
> (Surprise!)- well, he's a typical beach- bum Californian type (We live in
> California but we're a ways from the beach, chaparral, mostly) and he ONLY
> wears flip-flops and shorts (I can actually SEE my much more conservatively
> dressed husband literally bite his tongue when he sees how his son is
> dressed). It would be easy to stash a couple of pairs of thong shoes into
> the trunk.
>
> My 7 year old is so funny, I knew he was against socks - but
> underwear?!!