Re : exhastion
Alison Broadbent
One thing that has helped me in uncomfortable situations is finding out why
it bothers me. I've seen that if, in the situation, people were bringing up
issues that I wasn't sensitive to, it wouldn't bother me. If someone says
something about me that I know in my core is not true, it doesn't have any
resonance. But if somebody says something that I've got unresolved stuff
about, it effects me intensely. So since I'm kind of a control freak and I
realized this was an area I could actually have some control over, I've
dived in.
I remember being in a class as an adult where everybody had been there for
about a year before I joined. There was a woman who was the queen bee and
kept everybody else around her. There wasn't much room for me to form
relationships with others which was what I usually would do in a place like
that. She would make plans with everybody in the class but not include me.
She wouldn't even look at me when talking to all of us at breaks. If I said
something, she would ignore it. I didn't want to leave the class bc the
teacher was fantastic. I tried to get in one of his other classes but they
were all full so I was stuck.
Then I started thinking about what this all brought up for me. And it was
how it was when I was a preteen. I was lonely and didn't have good friends
and felt so awkward and ashamed. Never mind that in HS I had lots of
wonderful friends, this is the time that informed lots of who I was. Or who
I was afraid I was. When I really let that sink in and feel all those lousy
things again with my older and wiser and more compassionate self as the
vessel, I was able to be in that situation without that discomfort. I was
able to get out of the class what I needed and leave the rest.
And I wouldn't have been able to do any of that without meditation helping
me to disconnect from the world.
Alison
it bothers me. I've seen that if, in the situation, people were bringing up
issues that I wasn't sensitive to, it wouldn't bother me. If someone says
something about me that I know in my core is not true, it doesn't have any
resonance. But if somebody says something that I've got unresolved stuff
about, it effects me intensely. So since I'm kind of a control freak and I
realized this was an area I could actually have some control over, I've
dived in.
I remember being in a class as an adult where everybody had been there for
about a year before I joined. There was a woman who was the queen bee and
kept everybody else around her. There wasn't much room for me to form
relationships with others which was what I usually would do in a place like
that. She would make plans with everybody in the class but not include me.
She wouldn't even look at me when talking to all of us at breaks. If I said
something, she would ignore it. I didn't want to leave the class bc the
teacher was fantastic. I tried to get in one of his other classes but they
were all full so I was stuck.
Then I started thinking about what this all brought up for me. And it was
how it was when I was a preteen. I was lonely and didn't have good friends
and felt so awkward and ashamed. Never mind that in HS I had lots of
wonderful friends, this is the time that informed lots of who I was. Or who
I was afraid I was. When I really let that sink in and feel all those lousy
things again with my older and wiser and more compassionate self as the
vessel, I was able to be in that situation without that discomfort. I was
able to get out of the class what I needed and leave the rest.
And I wouldn't have been able to do any of that without meditation helping
me to disconnect from the world.
Alison
Have a Nice Day!
When I really let that sink in and feel all those lousy
things again with my older and wiser and more compassionate self as the
vessel, I was able to be in that situation without that discomfort. I was
able to get out of the class what I needed and leave the rest.
*************************
Its interesting you should say this. I've been thinking back to so many instances where I made dumb mistakes, and I am STILL beating myself up for it!!! (and on a regular basis!)
Its only been the last 2 weeks that I finally decided that its really ok; that I was really just young and inexperienced, and there was no way I could be held to the perfectionistic standards that certain people (including me) had. I've only just come to realize that most people *do* make stupid mistakes as they learn, not just when they're young, but at all ages.
I just didn't know.
For the first time in my life, I'm actually forgiving myself for stupid mistakes I made 20 years ago.
I am beginning to think that perfectionists have an intense fear of failure. In my experience, they often take pride in their perfectionism, and believe it makes them superior, but they don't realize how destructive it is to dismiss the value of mistakes and the growth that comes with them. Their perfectionism is all they have to define themselves.
When they hold others to their unrealistic standards, its because they believe that non-perfectionism (Realism) is a character flaw that reflects directly on them. Its a threat to the quality of their personhood.
In any case, I'm trying to set firm boundaries for myself so that I'm done paying interest on mistakes I've made in the past and prevent paying for today's mistakes for the next 20 years.
I don't want anyone to suck me down while I climb out of this hole.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
things again with my older and wiser and more compassionate self as the
vessel, I was able to be in that situation without that discomfort. I was
able to get out of the class what I needed and leave the rest.
*************************
Its interesting you should say this. I've been thinking back to so many instances where I made dumb mistakes, and I am STILL beating myself up for it!!! (and on a regular basis!)
Its only been the last 2 weeks that I finally decided that its really ok; that I was really just young and inexperienced, and there was no way I could be held to the perfectionistic standards that certain people (including me) had. I've only just come to realize that most people *do* make stupid mistakes as they learn, not just when they're young, but at all ages.
I just didn't know.
For the first time in my life, I'm actually forgiving myself for stupid mistakes I made 20 years ago.
I am beginning to think that perfectionists have an intense fear of failure. In my experience, they often take pride in their perfectionism, and believe it makes them superior, but they don't realize how destructive it is to dismiss the value of mistakes and the growth that comes with them. Their perfectionism is all they have to define themselves.
When they hold others to their unrealistic standards, its because they believe that non-perfectionism (Realism) is a character flaw that reflects directly on them. Its a threat to the quality of their personhood.
In any case, I'm trying to set firm boundaries for myself so that I'm done paying interest on mistakes I've made in the past and prevent paying for today's mistakes for the next 20 years.
I don't want anyone to suck me down while I climb out of this hole.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Have a Nice Day!
When I really let that sink in and feel all those lousy
things again with my older and wiser and more compassionate self as the
vessel, I was able to be in that situation without that discomfort. I was
able to get out of the class what I needed and leave the rest.
***************************88
By the way....
What you are describing is exactly the feelings I've been having. Thanks for sharing how you coped with it.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
things again with my older and wiser and more compassionate self as the
vessel, I was able to be in that situation without that discomfort. I was
able to get out of the class what I needed and leave the rest.
***************************88
By the way....
What you are describing is exactly the feelings I've been having. Thanks for sharing how you coped with it.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]