zenmomma2kids

Okay here's my second question.

Casey has a new best friend on the block (only for 3 months, since we
moved here). This little girl goes to a Core Knowlege school and
Casey sometimes helps her with her homework. <g> Casey mostly does
this to have more time to spend with her friend since she has
homework every night.

So it turns out that this kid has been giving Casey some grief about
math, telling her she doesn't know ANY math since she's not familiar
with school-type problems. I've coached Casey on this and pointed out
to her when she's doing some similar level problems in her head. She
says she understands that she knows the language of numbers and how
to work with them, but she hasn't been able to explain it to her
friend in a way the friend will accept.

This is not a new problem, I know. It's just hard to hear my bright,
amazing child tell me she doesn't "know math" with a dejected look on
her face. I thought maybe she was asking for a little school math,
but that doesn't seem to be it. She just wants her friend to not
think she's dumb, I think.

Funny thing is, we were in Burger King the other day and Casey was
able to tell me, in a split second, that 2 $.99 toys would cost
$1.98. I took that opportunity to show her that she had just done
what the schools call double digit addition with decimals and
carrying. I wrote it out on a napkin and then she explained how she
got the answer in her head. She thought the paper way took to long. I
agreed, but also showed her sets of numbers that might be easier to
add on paper.

She was interested, so we also went on to multiplication. She
completely got that it's a shortcut to adding. The other day we had a
similar experience with subtraction and division. So this kid gets
numbers. I KNOW that. Any ideas as to how I can help HER believe in
it and explain it to others?

Life is good.
~Mary

v_malott

--- In [email protected], "zenmomma2kids"
<zenmomma@h...> wrote:
> This is not a new problem, I know. It's just hard to hear my
bright, amazing child tell me she doesn't "know math" with a dejected
look on her face.


Mary,
I would love to know the answer to this question myself. My poor
9yodd gets the same kind of BS from her school friends, made to
feel "dumb" because she doesn't do any work on paper to prove she
understands something.

One day the neighborhood kids were playing yard sale and put the 4th
grade boy (public school, who winds up in summer school each year) in
charge of the booth. DD was upset that she wasn't chosen and asked
why. The younger girls (one in 2nd grade, one repeating 1st grade,
both in private school) replied, "Well, he's smart and in 4th
grade." My dd's reply was, "Well, so am I." And then there was the
argument, "Well, OUR work is MUCH HARDER than YOURS." Nah-nah-nah.
She came home in tears.

Looking to come to some kind of solution, I asked if she wanted
school work to be more like them. Of course she said no, she just
wanted them to understand that she wasn't dumb just because she
didn't go to school like them and spend hours on homework.

I think some of it is attitude from their parents that they are
reflecting so they can justify the expense of private school. The
public school kids in the neighborhood don't have the same attitude.
and my daughter is definitely more sensitive to the bias than my son.

Valerie in OH

Tia Leschke

>
>
>Looking to come to some kind of solution, I asked if she wanted
>school work to be more like them. Of course she said no, she just
>wanted them to understand that she wasn't dumb just because she
>didn't go to school like them and spend hours on homework.

A friend's daughter had the same problem a few years ago. They called her
dumb over the summer because she didn't go to school. Then when school
started, they got her to help with their homework . . . sigh. These are
kids who argued vehemently once that a century was ten years!

Maybe you could put your heads together and find a bunch of things she
knows that they won't know. Then she could quiz them on those things when
the issue comes up.
Tia

zenmomma2kids

>> Maybe you could put your heads together and find a bunch of things
she knows that they won't know. Then she could quiz them on those
things when the issue comes up.>>

We talked about that. Casey reads many more books than this girl and
could ask her all sorts of literature based questions. She doesn't
want to put her friend on the spot though with quizzes designed to
point out her lack of knowledge.

Unschhoolers! Too darn considerate! <g>

Life is good.
~Mary

Crystal

Mary, I don't know what to say here, either, but that I understand
what your daughter is going through. My daughter daily talks to a
girl from Georgia, a girl from Pennsylvania, a girl from California,
a girl from France and a boy from Canada via Instant Messenger and
sometimes on the phone (not the girl in France). Last week my
schooled neice was talking to Erica via IM and she told Erica she had
to go because she has real friends and a real life. Erica got mad at
her, but I know it hurt her that she doesn't have all these friends
in person every day. These friends are probably much better friends
than most of the people Erica will ever meet in real life.

Schooled kids start out very young telling the kids younger than them
that they are dumb. A kindergartener is smarter than kids who've
never been to school, a first grader is smarter than a
kindergartener, a sixth grader is smarter than the whole school
(except for the other sixth graders). Of course, the teacher is
smarter than all of them.

Crystal

>
> Unschoolers! Too darn considerate! <g>
>
> Life is good.
> ~Mary

[email protected]

When it's been kids I knew, I just talked directly to the other kid, reminded
them of a thing or three my child COULD do better than they could, asked them
a few well-chosen questions about school and grades, and told them part of
the reason I don't send my kids to school is because kids at school are mean,
and I'd like for them not to be mean to my kids.

The last time it happened, I saved an account of it while it was fresh.
There were four homeschoolers in a D&D game, but the night this happened my two
were there and the other two weren't. It was the first time my kids were ever
"graded" by anyone else. Pretty amusing!! (They were old enough to laugh it
off by this time--it was within the past year.) I was telling one of the
other homeschoolers:

SandraDodd: Hey, you really missed something not being at Eric's game
Saturday!
XRuaFalconX: uh oh... what happened?
SandraDodd: They started a new game. Post-apocalyptic fantasy from a new
book Eric has (a real game).
SandraDodd: Instead of rolling stats, they voted real stats on each person
from 8 to 15.
SandraDodd: I'm glad I was awake when K & M got home because they poured out
the whole story.
SandraDodd: Eric said "I don't want to say anything about homeschooling
but..."
SandraDodd: So on intelligence, he didn't want to give our guys much because
they were homeschooled and he said intelligence was how much chemistry and
stuff you knew.
SandraDodd: !!
SandraDodd: Kirby and Marty were amused by that. I said "That's knowledge.
Intelligence is how easily you learn it."
SandraDodd: They said "Yeah, we know," all merrily.
XRuaFalconX: lol
SandraDodd: So Eric said they both had more common sense than the others in
that group. (mostly his school crowd that night, Joe, Steve, Jared crowd, I
think, though Jeremy was there)
XRuaFalconX: thats pretty funny
SandraDodd: So I think even though Eric considers them
intelligence-impaired, that they got 13 (K) and 11 (M) for intelligence. I think.
SandraDodd: I had asked about charisma. I said "Did anyone get a 15
charisma?"
SandraDodd: Guess who
XRuaFalconX: ummm....
XRuaFalconX: leaha?
XRuaFalconX: or steve
SandraDodd: Oh, and Eric wanted more strength than they voted him, but they
said he lost because of his bad knee and gave him a 9 or something low.

Kirby.
SandraDodd: Kirby 15, Marty 13 charisma.
I was so amused.
XRuaFalconX: lol!
XRuaFalconX: thats great
SandraDodd: I tried to defend Eric because marching with a baritone takes
strength, but I guess marching with a baritone isn't going to be a smooth move
to fight bad guys in this game.
XRuaFalconX: i gues not lol

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/14/2003 12:58:38 PM Central Standard Time,
leschke@... writes:
Maybe you could put your heads together and find a bunch of things she
knows that they won't know. Then she could quiz them on those things when
the issue comes up.
~~~

Good idea.

Will had the same kind of scenario happen to him at the family reunion last
weekend. All the second cousins quizzing him about multiplication (naturally).
Will said told me he said he wasn't good at math. yikes. He was very
confused by their questions, but part of it was just particular-to-their teacher
talk that only someone in 4th grade at Redfield Elementary would know. It took
us a week for him to fully explain what the problems were and what they were
saying.

Today I pulled some pages about multiplication out of a Miquon workbooks that
I bought brand-new when he was a baby (this was before the evolution to
unschooling of even my middle child). I put them on a clipboard with some pencils,
colored pencils and drawing pad, and put it in the car for our daily 1 hour
commute to whatever we're doing in town. I showed them to him when we got to
the interstate. By the time we got to the Children's Museum, he had worked a
couple of pages and was totally getting the concept of multiplication. (I
think he knew it already, just not in schoolish terms.)

We talked some. I told him I was sad that he thought he was "not good at
math". I told him I thought maybe I hadn't been very good at making numbers and
math a part of his life like I had letters and reading. I told him that he
used to lie in the back seat of the Explorer when he was really little and do
adding and subtracting on his fingers, and that I knew he knew how to do all the
math he needed to know for living day to day, and that multiplication was
just a shortcut for getting it done faster.

As we left the Children's Museum, he had said he couldn't wait to get in the
car to do more sheets. (!) And he said he liked doing math and *was* really
good at it after all. After lunch he was asking if he could do "science and
stuff like that" in worksheets, and I did say I didn't think it would be as
much fun as doing math in worksheets, that science and other subjects are better
if you can actually *do* the science experiments or read the books or do Mad
Libs for learning parts of speech, etc. Let's not get carried away here! lol.

I was mentioning this to a friend (before today), and she said to watch out
for the kids who quiz, because her daughter was taken in by the neighborhood
kids. They weren't asking her *real* questions...just made-up false ones to
trip her up and make her feel bad about herself. Beware of that.

Tuck


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

tuckervill2@... writes:


> I was mentioning this to a friend (before today), and she said to watch out
>
> for the kids who quiz, because her daughter was taken in by the neighborhood
>
> kids. They weren't asking her *real* questions...just made-up false ones to
>
> trip her up and make her feel bad about herself. Beware of that.
>
> Tuck
>



Just thought I'd say that this has happened to my never-schooled dd
too, many times, and she absolutely hates it. For her, it ruins the shared
activity (whatever it is) at which it happens. Lately there is a schooled girl in
her dance company who seems to use this technique as a last resort to sabotage
DD, especially when DD has been chosen for a solo or is chatting with the
older kids about musical theatre or literature. It seems to be the weapon of
choice, and in our experience at least, math factoids are the usual ammunition. JJ



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

zenmomma2kids

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> When it's been kids I knew, I just talked directly to the other
kid,>>

That's what I've been thinking, but I'm never there when she says
these things. I'll have to lurk in the shadows more.

>>reminded them of a thing or three my child COULD do better than
they could,>>

Casey specifically doesn't want me to do this. She thinks it would
hurt her feelings.

>>asked them a few well-chosen questions about school and grades,>>

Such as?

>>and told them part of the reason I don't send my kids to school is
because kids at school are mean, and I'd like for them not to be mean
to my kids.>>

I like this. If I get the opportunity, I'll definitely use it.

>>It was the first time my kids were ever "graded" by anyone else. >>

And I'd say they scored pretty well. ;-)

Casey didn't get graded, but she did get some peer approval in the
form of applause last night when she walked the length of the
gymnastics floor in a handstand. It was beautiful and contolled. 36
steps. She counted. See, she *does* know math. ;-)

Life is good.
~Mary

zenmomma2kids

>>It took us a week for him to fully explain what the problems were
and what they were saying.>>

I've been taking extra care to point out everday math as Casey does
it and putting into the terms her friend was using. (I think she's
sick of hearing it so much in a day!) We've also been doing those IQ
Brain Teaser questions and I reword the math into money or something
she can conceptualize. When she gets an answer, I tell her the
schooly way to say the problem.

I also explained what "word problems" are in school and how most kids
hate them. She looked puzzled. "But I love word problems. That's the
fun part." She also wondered why you'd do math if you weren't looking
for an answer to a real problem.

Unschoolers, Ya gotta love 'em.

>>I was mentioning this to a friend (before today), and she said to
watch out for the kids who quiz, because her daughter was taken in by
the neighborhood kids. They weren't asking her *real*
questions...just made-up false ones to trip her up and make her feel
bad about herself. Beware of that.>>

Yuck. :-P~

Life is good.
~Mary

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/14/03 6:39:38 PM, zenmomma@... writes:

<< >>asked them a few well-chosen questions about school and grades,>>


Such as? >>

Remembering Nick and LaGina, neighbors at our old house, I had similar
conversations with both of them at different times:

Do you always like school?
Are the kids ever mean to you?
(answer yes; then don't be mean to my kids since you know how it feels)

Did you learn everything you know in school?
Why do you think Marty/Holly wouldn't know these things?

I knew they didn't like school. They grew up to be juvenile delinquents (at
this point in their growing; they're +/- 16 & 18). They had bully parents,
and they were budding bullies, and the best I could do was intimidation
(gently) and it worked.

They wanted to play at our house, and so I set the conditions, privately and
not in front of my kids.

They had the clear option to just stay away, but that's not what they wanted,
so we negotiated.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/14/03 6:53:15 PM, zenmomma@... writes:

<< I also explained what "word problems" are in school and how most kids

hate them. She looked puzzled. "But I love word problems. That's the

fun part." She also wondered why you'd do math if you weren't looking

for an answer to a real problem. >>

The're the only math I ever liked.
I would do the word problems first and then I'd have an idea what the other
28 practice "problems" were. I was way grown when I talked to Keith, a
natural-born mathy, about that. He said the "word problems" are the ONLY problems in
math books, the other things are solutions to unstated problems, just
awaiting having the calculations completed. That, he said, is not math.

Sandra

pam sorooshian

On Nov 15, 2003, at 10:20 AM, SandraDodd@... wrote:

> He said the "word problems" are the ONLY problems in
> math books, the other things are solutions to unstated problems, just
> awaiting having the calculations completed. That, he said, is not
> math.

YAY for Keith!!!

And, that is one big reason why algebra is such a terrible ordeal and
makes people feel so dumb, like they're the only ones missing the
point.

An algebra problem ought to be a whole mystery - an Agatha Christie at
her best!! <G>
There is a mysterious situation that needs to be figured out. Someone
is murdered. In algebra, you have some sort of "situation" that needs
to be figured out. By "situation" I don't mean "solve for X" or
anything like that - I mean there is a REAL problem, something you can
describe in words.

Evidence is gathered and processed and connections made and some
possibilities eliminated and some expanded upon. In algebra, this is
the process of figuring out what information is available, what is
relevant to use, what can be discarded, etc.

All the evidence has to work together. In algebra this is the
equivalent of writing an equation or system of equations knowing they
all have to be true.

The detectives work to figure out how all the evidence fits together.
They determine what it "tells" them - are there some suspects who can
be entirely ruled out? Can they narrow it down to just one? Is there
one more piece of information that would be critical in solving the
crime? In algebra, this is the stage of "solving the equations." In
beginning algebra, this means "solving for X" - the answer narrows down
to just one number. Simple, open and shut case and the "detective"
knows who to arrest for the crime. In more complicated situations,
solving the equation might lead to two possible suspects being equally
likely. In algebra, this kind of situation gets described with certain
kinds of equations - quadratic equations are one kind that gives you
two possible solutions, for example. Really complicated situations
might never even be solved. Maybe some suspects are eliminated, but no
final culprit can be nailed for the crime. In algebra, we sometimes can
say only something like "the solution is a number greater than zero,"
or some other description that doesn't "nail" the anwer, but gives us
some information about it.

Once the detective has used his skills to determine who the perpetrator
is, decision has to be made as to what to DO with that information.
What crime should he be charged with? How should the evidence be
presented to a jury? What sentence should be sought. In algebra,
finding the value of X is never the purpose. The purpose was to get
information to help us figure out that situation we started with,
remember? So, if you determined that the value of X must be greater
than zero or that X=15 or whatever the solution to the equation was,
you still have to figure out how that information helps you solve YOUR
mystery and what to do about it.

In school, they do a VERY poor job of putting algebra into any kind of
context at all. A textbook might try to describe uses for algebra in
its opening chapter, but it quickly resorts to teaching all about how
to manipulate equations and find values for variables that mean nothing
because they are not grounded in an actual problem, mystery, situation.

-pam

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