Penne & Buddies

Thanks for the fabulous links, Sandra -- yes, those were just what I
was asking for (forgot about the truck) and more! Thanks also for
clarifying the take on dysfunctional aftermath with the reference to
Al-Anon. I wholeheartedly agree that it's important to find a
resource which can help one get to a place where they can see
themselves as empowered individuals and not victims. Your voice of
reason seemed to be one crying in the wilderness for a moment there,
but I'm thrilled to see Steph felt comfortable enough to join in the
discussion and confirm that she hasn't fallen prey to a victim
mentality.

Retrouvaille sounds awesome (take the extra underscore out of the
address line if you click the link in the original message,) but if
Steph's husband is anything like mine -- getting him to a retreat
(especially one sponsored as a ministry) would be nigh impossible.
I'm also tandem nursing two toddlers, so even if I had someone to
take the other kids for the weekend, there would be no way to manage
it for us.

DH is also skeptical about communication "techniques," although we
did have some success with the materials from the Stepfamily
Association in getting us over one particular rough spot with the
ex. She promised to play along, but didn't, so we were only able to
improve communication with our son when he was with us (and he
eventually ended splitting time between us more frequently to avoid
dealing with the problems.)

One thing that impressed me the most about CS and NVC is the fact
that both can be practiced with or without cooperation from others
(including dear hubby.) In some ways they are similar to Al-Anon
and other programs focusing on various forms of self-reliance in
that they teach ways to see others' problems separate from our own
and work from that mindset.

OTOH, CS & NVC show how to work from the standpoint of unity of
purpose and need with the idea that we are basically caring
individuals who have been educated away from a true understanding of
our Being. It is possible to get back to that place and on our way
there, bring others along. Bottom line is that healing takes place
within and radiates to touch others' lives without.

These two methods also hold great appeal to me in that they are
geared to the self-taught individual -- the online resources are
extensive, powerful, and effective for those who are ready and
willing to put in the effort to make it happen. Here are the links
again for Steph and anyone else who might want to check it out:

Healing Unlimited
http://www.christianscience.org

Center for Nonviolent Communication
http://www.cnvc.org

We've been at this marriage & family business for the past twenty
years ourselves -- me helping raise my stepson from the age of three
and unschooling with him (part-time in the pre/teen years) and eight
of his siblings, the oldest of which is nearly nineteen now. She
got up in the wee hours on Christmas morn to help me wrap presents
for one of the kids who had bemoaned the fact that we stopped
playing the holiday game years ago. So, to change the subject...

Dad picked up an artificial tree and we decorated it all month with
origami and other homemade ornaments, strung popcorn, etc. I picked
up some wrapping paper and bows, and we broke out a big bin of
stored toys that hadn't been played with in a long while. The
younger kids had never seen most of the stuff, and the older kids
got a kick out of unwrapping their old toys to show off to the
younger ones. Ear to ear grins all around.

DH had picked up a chuck roast, potatoes, and carrots, so I got to
try out the new stoneware bowl for Christmas dinner. He marinated
it the night before, so all I did was plop it in the bowl along with
the veggies, cover it with the baker and let it roast. Rave reviews
from my often hard-to-please hubby (second time this week that I've
received a compliment on my cooking -- I'm now officially hooked on
stoneware -- those of you who are planning on roast next year are
invited to visit our PC site* and check it out!)

No friends or relatives, just the family. Grandma always sends
money in their birthday and Christmas cards (we've been long-
distance from relatives who don't travel our way for most of our
married life,) so they pick up things throughout the year if they
want something special or there's a good sale going on. We started
taking "field trips" and going out for a nice meal on special
occasions in lieu of stockpiling for the sake of gift-giving years
ago.

The kids make each other happies or present something of their own
that someone has admired, and seem genuinely happy with the way
things work for now. That is, until the kid who had just about
decided we must be related to the Grinch came along. When we
finally hit the hay that night, he whispered a sigh of thanks to us
for making a big fuss over Christmas, and I told him I was a little
worried that hand-me-down gifts might be a disappointment. He
blithely commented that most of it was all new to him anyway, and
all-in-all, it was a really nice surprise. I love the way
unschooling has given us the gift of flexibility and freedom to
think out of the box (pun intended :o)

Happy New Year, Everyone!
Penne & the Crew

'Tis the Season for Giving from the Heart
*http://kitchencrew.ardfamilyco-op.net

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/27/04 11:16:04 AM, crrbuddy@... writes:

<< DH is also skeptical about communication "techniques," although we

did have some success with the materials from the Stepfamily

Association in getting us over one particular rough spot with the

ex. She promised to play along, but didn't, so we were only able to

improve communication with our son when he was with us >>

But the really cool thing about improvement is that ANY improvement is
absolute improvement!

-=One thing that impressed me the most about CS and NVC is the fact

that both can be practiced with or without cooperation from others

(including dear hubby.) -=-

Like that. <g>

Sandra