Ren Allen

" There are reasons I no
longer live in intentional communities, but in my own little house."

What about intentional communities where people own their own house
and land? More like a neighborhood association with
environmental/organic living in the code.
It's my dream to purchase a huge chunk of land (part of why I moved to
TN) and sell off 2-5 acres to families that I already know well (or
family) and have an agreement to use the land organically, use
environmentally friendly practices and have a community house where we
can share meals, fun and connections when we all feel like it.
There's a shared garden too, more for the sake of efficiency than
anything else. Everyone has a week they are responsible for weeding
etc...with one or two families overseeing the growth and care (so that
the less experienced don't kill it).

Have you witnessed successes in that style of intentional community?
I've heard of some, but the most successful I've heard about are those
that get started by one family, with them providing the framework
around the whole project.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Su Penn

I have friends who are interested in co-housing communities, but I'm
not! Once bitten, twice shy, I guess... Though in my case, it's more
like Quadruply bitten, Quintuply shy.

I tend to agree with you that such a community is more likely to be
successful if someone starts it saying, "Here's what I'm doing here.
You're welcome to join if you are willing to join this project,"
rather than an amorphous group getting together and then trying to
decide what the community norms are. Heck, I do this in small ways--
years ago, I stopped saying, "Do you want to have dinner together?
What should we get?" because the endless discussions that followed
wore me out. I started saying, "I'm going for Chinese. Want to come?"
It works much better.

On the other hand, I look at something like the shared garden and
shared spaces, and think, "And what happens when one family stops
meeting their obligation to keep the garden up?" Every time I've
lived in community, long or short term, there was somebody who
initially agreed to the community's expectations and then failed to
follow through. We ended up with communal bathrooms that hadn't been
cleaned in six months, or a dinner that was supposed to be on the
table and wasn't because that day's cook went to a movie instead. Or
a community member who had stopped paying rent, and we didn't have
the spine as a community to kick him out because we knew he couldn't
pay the rent anyplace else, either, so we ended up subsidizing him
for the better part of a year.

I once lived in a community that had agreed to use only fragrance-
free personal grooming products and cleaning products. When some
members violated this agreement (choosing "unscented" products that
contained fragrance), and I started getting sick from it, none of the
other group members were willing to support me in enforcing the norm.
"It doesn't smell that strong," they said, because to them it didn't.
"If people are choosing products that say unscented, we can't expect
more than that." We had made an agreement (not initiated by me; I
joined this community in part because it already had a commitment to
avoiding things that could trigger allergies and environmental
sensitivities) but it turned out people had different ideas of what
it meant. Most community members thought it meant "we'll do this
within the bounds of what is available in the mainstream
marketplace." I thought it meant, "we'll do this in a way that will
keep people well." They were willing to support the ideal in the
abstract, but in practice they weren't willing to give up a favorite
hand lotion even if the price of them using that lotion was
debilitating headaches for me. Fortunately it was a short-term living
situation and easy to exit, but leaving was ultimately my only option.

I'm not meaning to run down a catalog of personal ills--it's just
that I've done this experiment a lot of times in a lot of places, in
groups as small as 6 and as large as 500--and this stuff always comes
up. The trouble isn't worth it to me anymore. But I know people for
whom the trouble IS worth it--I know a group of young single moms who
are living together in a great big old house right now, and it's
working really well for them and their kids. And it's a place to go
for women who find themselves unexpectedly single with young kids, as
recently happened to a woman I know--the rent is reasonable, there's
practical support. Much better than having to get an apartment and
live in isolation.

I reached my own personal tolerance limit long ago. But I have
friends and acquaintances who have hung in with communities. We're
all middle-aged now, and they've been doing it for twenty years or
more. For them, the good outweighs the bad by far--and they are
committed to continuing to better their communities and get closer to
their ideals. It is entirely possible that I am simply weak, prickly,
or overly sensitive. Was it on this list that I recently mentioned
that I used to have fantasies about being a lighthousekeeper, a
hermit, or a cloistered nun? When you hear me dissing communal
living, you must consider the source.

Su

On Jan 24, 2006, at 11:32 AM, Ren Allen wrote:

> What about intentional communities where people own their own house
> and land?<snip>
> Have you witnessed successes in that style of intentional community?
> I've heard of some, but the most successful I've heard about are those
> that get started by one family, with them providing the framework
> around the whole project.

Melissa

It's funny this topic should come up...several friend families
started discussing this the past few months. I love the way things
are going now...we meet for dinner, exchange kids randomly, take each
other to the movies/museums/parks. We homechurch together. Most of us
keep our kids home instead of school. We have many parenting ideals
in common. But I know that living together would RUIN our
friendships. They are all like family, but one mom's endearing
quality of ADHD probably would not be so cute the fourth or fifth
time I was having to do her chore because she forgot.

Just as well, when we were discussing homeschooling last year, one
family's idea was the all meet together several times a week for a
coop class style, whereas I was totally ecclectic with no set
schedule and didn't really care for one. The other family had their
curriculum, and another family wanted to do their school work alone
and meet for field trips. That blew the whole homeschooling coop out
of the water. if we can't agree on that, how could we live together?

One mom's idea was to all share one big house, one wanted individual
houses close together, another wanted large acreages connecting
within a general area. Community garden, kitchen, dining, whatever.
There were so many things to work out. And maybe I'm prickly as well,
but I don't like people messing with my system LOL! I'm with you, Su!

Melissa
On Jan 24, 2006, at 11:39 AM, Su Penn wrote:
>
> I reached my own personal tolerance limit long ago. But I have
> friends and acquaintances who have hung in with communities. We're
> all middle-aged now, and they've been doing it for twenty years or
> more. For them, the good outweighs the bad by far--and they are
> committed to continuing to better their communities and get closer to
> their ideals. It is entirely possible that I am simply weak, prickly,
> or overly sensitive. Was it on this list that I recently mentioned
> that I used to have fantasies about being a lighthousekeeper, a
> hermit, or a cloistered nun? When you hear me dissing communal
> living, you must consider the source.

Ren Allen

" Was it on this list that I recently mentioned
that I used to have fantasies about being a lighthousekeeper, a
hermit, or a cloistered nun? When you hear me dissing communal
living, you must consider the source."

Ah ok.....that makes me feel a bit better.:) I appreciate your input
though. I prefer community, being surrounded by those that want the
positives a community of like-minded individuals can offer.
My ideal is both my sisters and their families and maybe 2-3 close
friends on a huge property, each with plenty of land and our own
houses. Enough privacy, but plenty of opportunity for shared things if
we wish.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

John & Karen Buxcel

on 1/24/06 9:32 AM, Ren Allen at starsuncloud@... wrote:

> It's my dream to purchase a huge chunk of land (part of why I moved to
> TN) and sell off 2-5 acres to families that I already know well (or
> family) and have an agreement to use the land organically, use
> environmentally friendly practices and have a community house where we
> can share meals, fun and connections when we all feel like it.
> There's a shared garden too, more for the sake of efficiency than
> anything else. Everyone has a week they are responsible for weeding
> etc...with one or two families overseeing the growth and care (so that
> the less experienced don't kill it).

I've dreamed of something like this, too! I love the 'idea' of communal
living, or intentional communities, etc, but I do recognize the need in me
for my own little safe space. So, I love your idea, Ren! I think you just
may have a whole gaggle of unschoolers banging down your door to sign up!

Karen
who just might!!! :)

Ren Allen

". But I know that living together would RUIN our
friendships"

But what you just described is actually more involvement than our
community would have together (unless people wanted it) we wouldn't
have a homechurch and we'd share what everyone wanted to share,
nothing forced.
Nobody would be living together, everyone would have a large amount of
personal space...the only difference between what I'm envisioning and
what you're already doing, is the closer proximity between houses and
a community building and garden being available.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Melissa

yeah, I think the problem is that everyone has different expectations
of what the community living would entail. I'm the one who is
envisioning more of your second paragraph, living close by, with a
community building and a garden, maintaining what we are doing now.
But as friends, we've moved apart since the whole homeschooling
debate. They all want community babysitting, and since I'm the only
full time sahm...that would be me, and I'll do the schooling my own way!
One mom really really wants the dormitory style living, and I know
I'd go crazy there. ;-)

We're still talking about it tho, a little at a time.
Melissa
On Jan 25, 2006, at 9:25 AM, Ren Allen wrote:
>
> But what you just described is actually more involvement than our
> community would have together (unless people wanted it) we wouldn't
> have a homechurch and we'd share what everyone wanted to share,
> nothing forced.
> Nobody would be living together, everyone would have a large amount of
> personal space...the only difference between what I'm envisioning and
> what you're already doing, is the closer proximity between houses and
> a community building and garden being available.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>
>
>
>
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

S Drag-teine

There is an Intentional Community that I would love to join if I had the
money to build my own home...

It is about an hour north of me - everyone has their own home - a reasonable
size townhouse. The rest of the land including the group parking lot and
community center is shared.

Shannon

~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~


I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too.
Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact me
directly.

-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Ren Allen
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 10:25 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] community living

". But I know that living together would RUIN our
friendships"

But what you just described is actually more involvement than our
community would have together (unless people wanted it) we wouldn't
have a homechurch and we'd share what everyone wanted to share,
nothing forced.
Nobody would be living together, everyone would have a large amount of
personal space...the only difference between what I'm envisioning and
what you're already doing, is the closer proximity between houses and
a community building and garden being available.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com






Yahoo! Groups Links

Ren Allen

"yeah, I think the problem is that everyone has different expectations
of what the community living would entail. "

I think that's why it would be important for one family to set it up
and lay out some basic parameters.
I was really thinking about this though, and how I would want mine set
up. There really would be no requirements of anyone, other than a
willingness to keep toxins off the land (organic methods). That's it.
It would be for unschoolers (and in my case only family...which
includes a couple of friends that are family to us...then add people
only if we think it's necessary).

I figure I have neighbors anyway, why not have neighbors I really ,
REALLY like!?

Other than living in close proximity, there would be no requirements.
The community building would be available if people want it, the
community garden will happen whether or not anyone else participates
because *I* want a big garden! Each family could choose how much or
how little involvement there would be. I figure that I'm perfectly
willing to garden whether anyone helps or not, and I'm perfectly
willing to share my garden. Maybe someone else will have chickens and
be willing to share their eggs with me, or honey or??

It would be voluntary, so without all the expectations, there's little
room for disappointment. Maybe one family really wants to keep to
themselves more and NOT get involved. Without any requirements or
expectations, that would be acceptable. But I'd still have neighbors I
like better. Win, win.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Deb Lewis

We've had the community living dialog with some friends of ours for a few
years now.

We've talked about a centrally located, covered pavilion with a fire
place or fire pit for all-weather single family or community get
togethers.
A centrally located, large, screened in summer kitchen for individual or
community cooking, canning or home brewing.
A community pantry/root cellar where each family could donate items for
others to use.

We've had other ideas that come and go but these three are always on our
list. <g>

Deb Lewis

Manisha Kher

I'd like to live in a community. I recently heard
about a co-housing community that's still open to new
members. It's members include homeschoolers and 2
families whose kids go to Sudbury Valley School.
(How's that for tying back the two threads?)

Anyhow, I went for one of their meetings. It sounded
wonderful. But I didn't pursue it because I realized I
don't want to move so far away from everything and
everyone I know. (LOL I moved 7000 miles from my
family in India and now I cannot think of moving 35
miles away) The land that the cohousing community has
purchased is rural. We'd be far from all of our kids
friends and with not enough population density to make
new friends. I thought that if my kids didn't make
friends withing the community it will be hard to find
other friends nearby. Plus I'm a city gal who likes to
have several take-out places within a couple miles.

Money was another big factor. Financially, it won't be
a good decision for us.

I also wondered about unwritten expectations. Like
everyone at the meeting seemed to be "crunchy
granola". Now I'm somewhat granola myself, but I don't
impose that on my kids. It made me wonder if I'd
ultimately be happier where there are no such
expectations. We know homeschoolers across the
spectrum (school-at-home to relaxed to unschoolers).
It's easier to respect other people's choices when you
see them only once a week. I think I might have some
trouble maintaining good boundaries if we were running
into each other all the time.

Manisha

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Pamela Sorooshian

On Jan 25, 2006, at 7:25 AM, Ren Allen wrote:

> But what you just described is actually more involvement than our
> community would have together (unless people wanted it) we wouldn't
> have a homechurch and we'd share what everyone wanted to share,
> nothing forced.
> Nobody would be living together, everyone would have a large amount of
> personal space...the only difference between what I'm envisioning and
> what you're already doing, is the closer proximity between houses and
> a community building and garden being available.

I know someone who has lived in a community like this for many years.

Each individual house is for one family - they have small living
rooms and small dens/offices and decent sized bedrooms. Very very
small kitchens - not really fully equipped. They have lots of
communal space - a SUPER kitchen that is equipped with the most
awesome appliances and cooking gear. A very large dining area that
can be used for meetings and activities. It also has several rooms
off of it that can be used for various kinds of meetings/activities.
Anybody who lives there can use any of this - just need to sign up.
Kitchen duty is mandatory - a certain amount per week. Some people
cook, some serve, some clean up. I can't remember if they prepare
three meals a day or just one there - for everyone to share. You sign
up for the meals that you're going to be present for, too. I don't
remember the details of how it works, sorry.

The homes all open to a large park-like area - large enough and with
enough bushes and trees that you don't see the homes across from you,
but they are actually pretty close - about as close as across the
street would normally be. There are pathways that lead all through
the park area to all the houses.

There is just a bit more sharing than I think I'd be comfortable with
- but the people who choose this are comfortable with it. They share
cars and bikes and stuff, too.

This is in a university town and the people who live there tend to be
professionals - attorneys, professors.

-pam



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

S Drag-teine

For anyone interest in Intentional Communities go to http://ic.org/
Shannon

~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~


I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too.
Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact me
directly.

-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Manisha Kher
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 5:15 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] community living

I'd like to live in a community. I recently heard
about a co-housing community that's still open to new
members. It's members include homeschoolers and 2
families whose kids go to Sudbury Valley School.
(How's that for tying back the two threads?)

Anyhow, I went for one of their meetings. It sounded
wonderful. But I didn't pursue it because I realized I
don't want to move so far away from everything and
everyone I know. (LOL I moved 7000 miles from my
family in India and now I cannot think of moving 35
miles away) The land that the cohousing community has
purchased is rural. We'd be far from all of our kids
friends and with not enough population density to make
new friends. I thought that if my kids didn't make
friends withing the community it will be hard to find
other friends nearby. Plus I'm a city gal who likes to
have several take-out places within a couple miles.

Money was another big factor. Financially, it won't be
a good decision for us.

I also wondered about unwritten expectations. Like
everyone at the meeting seemed to be "crunchy
granola". Now I'm somewhat granola myself, but I don't
impose that on my kids. It made me wonder if I'd
ultimately be happier where there are no such
expectations. We know homeschoolers across the
spectrum (school-at-home to relaxed to unschoolers).
It's easier to respect other people's choices when you
see them only once a week. I think I might have some
trouble maintaining good boundaries if we were running
into each other all the time.

Manisha

__________________________________________________
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Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com



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