Christy Putnam

Okay here I go with more questions...
1) what do I do since my son is very into guns...well, pretty much anything
to do with violence but I am very against violence? I have never allowed
toys guns or anything like that but have not denied him reading about them
and such. I have a really hard time sitting and listening to him talk about
what he has learned about when he is talking about guns and such. How do
you all handle situations in which your kids are learning things that go
against your principles...how do you listen to it, stay engaged, etc? I
mean I have seen posts about TV shows and how the parents don't really like
it but sit there and watch it and end up getting at least somewhat
interested...how do you do *that* with things that go against your beliefs?
To me it is one thing to educate yourself about others beliefs to better
understand their point of view but when it is about "things" instead of
beliefs I just cant grasp that...I hope this questions isn't too long or
confusing...lol

2) what do you do about college? how do you know your kids are learning
what they need to know to get into college, if they choose to go? I know
part of this is a trust thing and partly that you will know when the time
comes but this is one thing my dh and I are concerned about especially with
Seth being 11 already and us just now going this route...kinda (still in
deschooling mode).

3) How do you deal with conflict in your homes? I understand that with
mutual respect the ideal will be that conflict is hardly experienced but
with varying personalities in a household there is bound to be some.

thanks for being patient with me :) I have requested some books from our
library's inter-library loan program so hopefully I will get them soon and
get more of a grasp on things...until then, please bear with me :)

In Gratitude,

Christy Putnam
<http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance>
http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance


Independent Executive
Discover a way to increase
your health and/or income! <http://practicalsolution.info/>
http://practicalsolution.info



"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you have always imagined."
- Henry David Thoreau




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Christy Putnam <personal_balance@...>

Okay here I go with more questions...
1) what do I do since my son is very into guns...well, pretty much anything
to do with violence but I am very against violence? I have never allowed
toys guns or anything like that but have not denied him reading about them
and such. I have a really hard time sitting and listening to him talk about
what he has learned about when he is talking about guns and such. How do
you all handle situations in which your kids are learning things that go
against your principles...how do you listen to it, stay engaged, etc? I
mean I have seen posts about TV shows and how the parents don't really like
it but sit there and watch it and end up getting at least somewhat
interested...how do you do *that* with things that go against your beliefs?
To me it is one thing to educate yourself about others beliefs to better
understand their point of view but when it is about "things" instead of
beliefs I just cant grasp that...I hope this questions isn't too long or
confusing...lol

-=-=-=-

Is it about *things* or *beliefs*? I can't tell. Is he intersted in violence or guns/weapons?

And are you against violence or guns? I'm sorry---I'm not following well.

I didn't allow guns with my older son. My uncle was accidentally paralyzed from the neck down while playing
with a gun (handing one to a cousin---it was old and fell and fired into his neck). That's always
frightened me. My husband went to The Citadel and Air Force---still in the Air National Guard. He doesn't
like guns either. Cameron never really cared about guns---always the pacifist.

Duncan LOVES war games, but doesn't care so much for weapons---well, except swords--we fence. But his best
friend is CRAZY about WWII. He knows ALL the weapons and tanks and planes and everything! He'll launch
into a description in a heartbeat if you're not careful to keep the conversation moving in a different
direction! <g>

*I* would find him someone who's more interested in guns and warfare than he is! A museum curator? A
neighbor who fought in WWII or Viet Nam. An army base nearby. The police have shooting ranges and are
willing to give lessons on proper gun-handling. College professor who teaches warfare or history of weapons.
Find someone ELSE who is just as fascinated with warfare. Someone who shares his passion. Let them go at
it for hours.
*You* don't have to listen to it---well, maybe a little bit! <bwg>

-=-=-=-=-=-



2) what do you do about college? how do you know your kids are learning
what they need to know to get into college, if they choose to go? I know
part of this is a trust thing and partly that you will know when the time
comes but this is one thing my dh and I are concerned about especially with
Seth being 11 already and us just now going this route...kinda (still in
deschooling mode).

-=-=-=-=-
Colleges and professors love unschoolers. They're different from all the thousands of regular schooled kids
who apply---but they still love to learn (NOT typical in a schooled child). If he has an interesting life,
colleges will scoop him up in a skinny minute.

Do you have a specific question related to college? We answer this one A LOT. You can go back and read the
archives. But if you have a specific concern, we can address that again.

-=-=-=-

3) How do you deal with conflict in your homes? I understand that with
mutual respect the ideal will be that conflict is hardly experienced but
with varying personalities in a household there is bound to be some.
-=-=-=-

We work together to come up with a mutually agreeable solution. If *you* don't have to have it *your* way,
they learn that they don't have to have it theirs. There are many ways to skin cats---you just get creative
and be smarter than the average bear. Deep breathing helps. Patience. Trust. Respect. Everything else
follows.

Again if you can be more specific, we can give you examples.

~KellyKelly LovejoyConference CoordinatorLive and Learn Unschooling Conferencehttp://liveandlearnconference.org


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On Jan 21, 2006, at 12:32 AM, Christy Putnam wrote:

> what do you do about college? how do you know your kids are learning
> what they need to know to get into college, if they choose to go?

It's a myth that they need years of accumulated knowledge in order to
get into college.

What they need is to show the college they're capable of doing the
work expected.

One way of getting that knowledge is by following their interests.
They'll be picking knowledge up as they apply it in practical ways.
Which is much more meaningful than trying to grasp abstract concepts
you aren't familiar with in the real world.

My daughter at 13 started taking her father's college math courses.
Though obviously not the same as going cold into a college course
since she had 24 hour access to the teacher ;-) she didn't need 7
years of school math to do the statistics class. All she went in with
was math she'd been picking up with video games, art programs,
shopping math and so on.

Sandra Dodd's son took remedial math at the college prior to
applying. While he was confused at the beginning -- and I believe
knew to expect that -- because, while he understood the concepts
from using them for 17 years, he wasn't familiar with them in formal
written form, -- he caught on and was the 2nd best student by the end.

2nd best out of a room full of kids who had 12+ years of school math.

Once he reaches high school age you can start jotting down things
he's involved in so you can remember what he did for a portfolio or
transcript. (Each college will be different in what they'd like to
see.) By high school age you'll have a better idea of where he's
headed and how you can help him because his interests will be more
focused than they are at 11.

It's a balance between being aware of how rich their lives are so
they're exposed to enough to explore and expand their interests and
trusting that living that life is enough.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On Jan 21, 2006, at 12:32 AM, Christy Putnam wrote:

> How do you deal with conflict in your homes? I understand that with
> mutual respect the ideal will be that conflict is hardly
> experienced but
> with varying personalities in a household there is bound to be some.

No, I think that's unreasonable. Humans are bound to have conflict.
But the more they experience mutual respect, parents who are actively
seeking to help them learn to deal with the world, the fewer the
conflicts will be and the more the kids will understand the choices
they have when they're in conflict and the more experience they'll
have with the consequences of the choices.

I can't help much with advice on conflict since we only have 3 easy
going people in the family ;-) but just didn't want you to have
unreasonable expectations of filling your life with "mutual respect"!

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Melissa

On Jan 20, 2006, at 11:32 PM, Christy Putnam wrote:

> Okay here I go with more questions...
> 1) what do I do since my son is very into guns...well, pretty much
> anything
> to do with violence but I am very against violence? I have never
> allowed
> toys guns or anything like that but have not denied him reading
> about them
> and such. I have a really hard time sitting and listening to him
> talk about
> what he has learned about when he is talking about guns and such.
> How do
> you all handle situations in which your kids are learning things
> that go
> against your principles...how do you listen to it, stay engaged, etc?

Our 4yo is a child who is definitely interested in weaponry of any
and all kinds. Our older children never showed an interest, which
didn't bother me because i always was afraid of the whole violence
issue. However, watching Sam makes me aware that he isn't trying to
hurt people, he is using these weapons and shows of strength to help
him through a developmental stage. Right now he's pretty much smaller
than every threat he can imagine, bad guys of all sorts, and the
weapons give him a psychological advantage. He doesn't try to hurt
people, he likes to playact with them and show me what he would do if
he were up against a bad guy. It makes him feel more secure, and he
knows HOW to play with them nicely. He has more of a respect when
we're around real weapons.
>
> 2) what do you do about college? how do you know your kids are
> learning
> what they need to know to get into college, if they choose to go?

I don't have kids in college (my oldest is ten) and my hubby and I
always expected that all of our children would go. However, having a
child with special needs was just the pinprick we needed to help us
wake up internalize that not everyone has to go to college. Not
everyone will WANT to go to college (Bre's psych helped with that
one!) And from what I've read, most schooled college freshmen wind up
taking remedial classes anyway!
>
> 3) How do you deal with conflict in your homes? I understand that
> with
> mutual respect the ideal will be that conflict is hardly
> experienced but
> with varying personalities in a household there is bound to be some.

We have lots of people living in our house, giving us lots of
opportunity to practice this! LOL! Something I've learned is that you
cannot mandate kindness. You can provide opportunities, you can model
respect, but you can't force people to get along. What you can do is
help mediate until people are old enough to do it themselves. You can
help by providing love and support for each person. You can help by
providing distractions LOL! Additional TV's and computers have helped
in our house, as well as easy access to crafts and games (we have
three stashes in our house.

HTH, a little insight to our family anyway.
Melissa

Su Penn

On Jan 21, 2006, at 12:32 AM, Christy Putnam wrote:

> 2) what do you do about college? how do you know your kids are
> learning
> what they need to know to get into college, if they choose to go?

I teach at a community college. It is open admissions for kids with
diplomas and GEDs, but admits homeschoolers at age 14. The quality of
instruction is good. The college offers many academic subjects as
well as well-regarded vocational programs, and is well-integrated
with nearby 4-year colleges, so that if a student wants to transfer,
it's very easy to know what classes to take. I see this as one
possible path to college should my kids choose to go to college.

I have a degree from Goddard College, which offers low-residency
degrees and doesn't have grades. Students plan their course of study
in conjunction with their advisor, and at the end of each semester
the student and advisor both write narrative evaluations of the
semester. I've been to four colleges as an undergrad and three as a
graduate student (excessive, I know) and my time at Goddard was my
best educational experience. Goddard now offers a low-residency high
school program for homeschoolers, and I think they'd embrace
unschoolers--it's an unschooly kind of school. A school like Goddard
might be another route to college for my kids.

These are just a couple of possibilities.

HTH.

Su

[email protected]

----Original Message-----
From: Su Penn supenn@...

I've been to four colleges as an undergrad and three as a
graduate student (excessive, I know)

-=-=-=-

I had to laugh!

No, not at all excessive...but I guess that depends on your own experience! <g>

I attended Cornell University, Virginia Tech, Wofford College, the University of South Carolina, two Goethe Institutes, the University of Vienna through Central College in Pella Iowa, and back to the University of SC. I have no degree, but I had a really good time! <g>


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

<<what do I do since my son is very into guns...>>

You find a way to be able to support his interest. You examine THOROUGHLY your own beliefs and EXACTLY what they mean. You discuss them with your child. My son LOVES guns, has his entire life. He is 12 and shoots skeet and trap through 4-H and has done it for 3 years. There is no violence, there is no death, there is tremendous friendship between team mates and lots of work on safety issues.

<<What do you do about college>>

You cross that bridge when you come to it. Some kids want to go to college, some kids don't. Some fields pretty much require it, others don't. There are LOTS and LOTS of ways to enter college. You can take the SAT and prepare a portfolio. You can take classes at the local community college and transfer into a 4 year university. You can decide to set up classes for yourself and come up with a traditional looking transcript. There are many ways to skin a cat.

<<What about conflict>>

We have 5 kids. Of course, there is conflict. We have lots of discussions, lots of suggestions, occassionally firm boundary setting. My 12yo was just asked to leave the living room because his playing with the dog rowdily was bothering the people trying to watch a movie. Several suggestions had been made previous to that but he was basically blowing everyone else off. He wasn't yelled at, he wasn't punished, he was removed from a location where his activity was causing harm.

Julie S.

----- Original Message -----
From: Christy Putnam <personal_balance@...>
Date: Friday, January 20, 2006 11:32 pm
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] More questions...lol

> Okay here I go with more questions...
> 1) what do I do since my son is very into guns...well, pretty much
> anythingto do with violence but I am very against violence? I
> have never allowed
> toys guns or anything like that but have not denied him reading
> about them
> and such. I have a really hard time sitting and listening to him
> talk about
> what he has learned about when he is talking about guns and such.
> How do
> you all handle situations in which your kids are learning things
> that go
> against your principles...how do you listen to it, stay engaged,
> etc? I
> mean I have seen posts about TV shows and how the parents don't
> really like
> it but sit there and watch it and end up getting at least somewhat
> interested...how do you do *that* with things that go against your
> beliefs?To me it is one thing to educate yourself about others
> beliefs to better
> understand their point of view but when it is about "things"
> instead of
> beliefs I just cant grasp that...I hope this questions isn't too
> long or
> confusing...lol
>
> 2) what do you do about college? how do you know your kids are
> learningwhat they need to know to get into college, if they choose
> to go? I know
> part of this is a trust thing and partly that you will know when
> the time
> comes but this is one thing my dh and I are concerned about
> especially with
> Seth being 11 already and us just now going this route...kinda
> (still in
> deschooling mode).
>
> 3) How do you deal with conflict in your homes? I understand that
> withmutual respect the ideal will be that conflict is hardly
> experienced but
> with varying personalities in a household there is bound to be some.
>
> thanks for being patient with me :) I have requested some books
> from our
> library's inter-library loan program so hopefully I will get them
> soon and
> get more of a grasp on things...until then, please bear with me :)
>
> In Gratitude,
>
> Christy Putnam
> <http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance>
> http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance
>
>
> Independent Executive
> Discover a way to increase
> your health and/or income! <http://practicalsolution.info/>
> http://practicalsolution.info
>
>
>
> "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
> Live the life you have always imagined."
> - Henry David Thoreau
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Lisa Smith

>
> > what do you do about college?

Expanding on this is a question my husband asked me.
Not so much about if they would know enough for
college but how they would HANDLE it. Meaning would it
be to fast for them? Like what if they were really
interested in something and they wanted more time to
explore it all the way but they have all this other
stuff to get done. Since they have been learning in
such a different way how do you help them prepare to
deal with the way school happens? Granted they will be
more aware at 17 or 18 then if you threw them in
school at 12 but still how do you get them used to the
structure they will have to deal with?

Lisa

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

Melissa

Well, the great thing about college is that you get to pick your
courses, right? As well, you can choose how many courses you take a
semester, so if you wanted to really immerse, take two classes (six
to eight hours), instead of the reg full time load (which at ou is
like, 12 or 14 hours, i think) It might affect scholarships, but
that's about it. Spend the rest of your time living life, reading,
studying, whatever. It'll take you longer to graduate, but there's no
deadline, they are happy to keep you in college and get your moola.

I took so many offtopic classes in college that no one could figure
my major! Lots of culture and history, while I was premed. Not only
did I learn a lot, I met a lot of interesting people and went to a
lot of parties I wouldn't have hit otherwise LOL! JK....but it did
change my perspective.

Melissa
On Jan 21, 2006, at 10:52 PM, Lisa Smith wrote:

> how they would HANDLE it. Meaning would it
> be to fast for them? Like what if they were really
> interested in something and they wanted more time to
> explore it all the way but they have all this other
> stuff to get done.

[email protected]

<<how do you help them prepare for how school happens?>>

My oldest is 15 and has been unschooled since the age of 8. She decided she wanted to take some classes this year set up by the local hs group. They run like college classes. The kids meet with a teacher once per week for an hour and then do various assignments during the week. Adriane has had zero problem dealing with how things run. In fact, she is one of the star students, often helping other kids (who just came out of ps and can't even figure out how to take notes).

Julie S.

----- Original Message -----
From: Lisa Smith <goobergrl6@...>
Date: Saturday, January 21, 2006 10:52 pm
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] More questions...lol

> >
> > > what do you do about college?
>
> Expanding on this is a question my husband asked me.
> Not so much about if they would know enough for
> college but how they would HANDLE it. Meaning would it
> be to fast for them? Like what if they were really
> interested in something and they wanted more time to
> explore it all the way but they have all this other
> stuff to get done. Since they have been learning in
> such a different way how do you help them prepare to
> deal with the way school happens? Granted they will be
> more aware at 17 or 18 then if you threw them in
> school at 12 but still how do you get them used to the
> structure they will have to deal with?
>
> Lisa
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> http://mail.yahoo.com
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

[email protected]

>>1) what do I do since my son is very into guns...well, pretty much anything
to do with violence but I am very against violence? >>

As others have pointed out, playing with pretend weapons and putting on the persona of a superhero or soldier does not necessarily equal a child who is violent or aggressive. My son Conor is a total pacifist in his own real life, but he has always been drawn to weapons and warfare in his gaming and video/TV viewing. We've tried to model our beliefs while still supporting his passions. And while his passions are different from ours, his overall worldview is remarkable similar.

Conor has a beautiful sword collection, airsoft guns, a paintball gun, action figures and tons of books featuring the same. He also protested against the current war, is not aggressive with his friends or family, reads amazing spiritual books and is a staunch defender of gay and civil rights.

Can you tell I think he's a pretty cool kid? <g>

--
~Mary, unschooling mom to Conor (16) and Casey (11)

"Just today I'm going to be utterly present for my children, I'm going to be in their world (not just doing my own thing while they do theirs), I'm going to really hear them, I'm going to prepare myself to be present starting right now."
~Ren Allen




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