Tina

Malinda, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that from your dad, especially right now. My sincerest condolences on the loss of your friend, and I hope your husband comes home safely and soon. We are anxiously awaiting notice in February to know if hubby will be headed there or elsewhere. Part of me is scared to death, he only has 10 months left before he separates and we move on. But also, we have been waiting for him to get orders for over 9 years now so in a way we are expecting it. He's never been overseas, although he did get orders to Korea last October but had to turn them down because they would have carried past his enlistment and required a 2 year extension and since we have been making our exit plans for well over 6 years now, we decided to stick to them.

I use the term homeschool too, because most people don't know what unschooling is, and they don't really want to be educated and understand, they just want to judge. It's not worth my energy. Heck, most of them don't get homeschooling either, so I don't go into specifics about what we use or what we do because what's the point? If you asked them what their child used in PS or what concepts they were studying this week, chances are pretty good they wouldn't be able to tell you, so why should you have to tell them??

Hang in there, and my thoughts will be with your husband and your family.

°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°

Dysfunctional Domestic Diva



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Malinda Mills

Kay, I so sorry about you and your dd's experience. I know several homeschooling families, and I don't think they will be too receptive to the idea that we are unschooling. As of yet, they have not asked us what curriculum, etc. we are using (all are very rigid and schoolish with their approaches to homeschooling). Unfortunately, one family has two kids that are very good friends of Tristan. When they find out that we are unschooling, I can see those friendships being severed by their mom. It will devastate my son. :o(

Tina, I am right there with you when it comes to family, except my biggest problem is my dad. During my parents' visit over Christmas he kept saying that I would need to "mainstream" Tristan back into school (whether it be public or private) ASAP. Not wanting to get into an argument I would usually give somesort of noncommittal noise and change the subject. Throughout the entire visit, he badgered me with questions in regards to curriculums and making sure Tristan learns the exact same things as other third graders (even to the point of wanting me to call the school district and to get the info, even down to textbook names! I don't think so! LOL). He also harassed me in regards to the repercussions of Tristan falling behind the other kids his age, etc...

The morning they were due to leave, Dad cornered me and asked point blank "so what IS your strategy for mainstreaming Tristan?" Ohhhhh, boy! I answered that right now we were just living day to day, and Tristan going back to school would really depend on how homeschooling goes. (which is true....if Tristan decides to go back to school, he does have the choice) My dad went THROUGH THE ROOF. He said that Tristan would get NOWHERE without a "formal" education. I then cited a few high profile folks that were homeschooled, and this incensed him even more, calling them merely "exceptions." It was bad.....

I know I should stand my ground more, but I just can't handle that battle right now. With my husband in Iraq and a friend of ours dying over there last weekend, I need PEACE and JOY in my home right now. I think I may just tell my dad that the subject of homeschooling is not a topic of dicussion right now.

(I use the term homeschool instead of unschool with my folks. They would never be able to grasp the concept of unschooling)

Malinda


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Deb

--- In [email protected], "Malinda Mills"
<saprswife@a...> wrote:
>
> (I use the term homeschool instead of unschool with my folks. They
>would never be able to grasp the concept of unschooling)
>
> Malinda
>
We used 'homeschooling' for the longest time until family could see DS
just growing fine and dandy. Then we transitioned over to using
unschooling most of the time now (unless we are indeed discussing
homeschooling in the generic sense globally, not just what we choose
to do). Since they had no concept of homeschooling in it's inner
workings except what they saw us do, for them it became
interchangeable almost seamlessly.

--Deb

nrskay

Malinda: I'm so sorry that your father is so unsupportive, even to
the point of being belligerent.

My BIL thinks that we are doing a dis-service to our dd for not having
her in PS. He feels that all kids should learn to deal with bullies.
His dd is in PS and has a lot of problems with other girls picking on
her. I told him that my dd doesn't need those kind of experiences to
learn how to deal with different types of people.

It's amazing to hear some of these statements from family and friends
thinking they are more knowledgeable than you are.

Being that I'm new to unschoolig, sometimes I begin to question my
decision, then I snap out of it and realize I am doing the best thing
for my dd.

Kay

Christy Mahoney

> I know I should stand my ground more, but I just can't handle that
battle right now. With my husband in Iraq and a friend of ours dying
over there last weekend, I need PEACE and JOY in my home right now.
> Malinda

Malinda, I'm sorry that you had this difficult experience, but perhaps
you could tell your father this. If it's too hard to talk to him, a
letter might be a good idea. I know how it is to have a husband gone
and in danger, and that alone is an awful lot of stress. Add
belligerent and argumentative parents - no way. I also do not like to
get into arguments, and I do not think that I would invite him back if
I thought that he would do the same thing again.

Hopefully, with time, he'll be more accepting of your ideas. If that
never happens, well, Tristan is your son and you are his mom.

-Christy

[email protected]

Malinda,
I had ALMOST the same talk with my dad just yesterday. Thank goodness he
tries not to nose around too much! It lasted only a few minutes, and the
conversation wasn't anything like what you had with your dad. My dad is
totally against homeschooling itself ( even though my oldest ds got so depressed
over school he was ready to commit suicide). On that note, that is when I
learned to REALLY listen to my kids from then on out. I refuse to let anyone say
again that ds said what he said because he was a kid and that's what kids
do! I've learned to respect and listen to every word that comes out of their
mouths! I guess I am trying to say in some way I understand. Not to put
your dad down, but why does he bully you like that? It just seems so unfair
to me for him to corner you and put you on the spot.
I don't know if its a father/daughter thing or what, but it seems to me
neither of our dads thinks we know a damn thing! Oh how aggravating!
I agree with another member, if he is going to treat you that way, maybe
not having him over for a LONG time is in order. Or at least a LONG talk
before he comes over, letting him know that you are the mother, and you know
what you are doing and why you are doing it. We can't control how someone
feels but we can control how they make us feel. It may take making him feel
unwelcome to get your point across.
Someday maybe my own dad will fess up to the fact that what we are doing
IS working. I hope yours does too. Hang in there. Your not alone! And if
you feel in your heart what you are doing is right, then it IS right!
Syndi and sons

"Education is an admirable thing,
but it is well to remember from time to time
that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."
Oscar Wilde


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Ren Allen

"Someday maybe my own dad will fess up to the fact that what we are doing
IS working."

You never know.
I got into some pretty heated debates with my Mum in the early days,
she eventually became a big advocate for us and for homeschooling.

I was just reading some archives of unschooling.com the other day and
saw where I was frustrated with some lame comments my Dad made a few
years ago. He's really opened his mind up and sees the beauty in
living the free life now....he and my stepmom even showed up at the
Live and Learn conference in St. Louis and listened to one of my talks!!
You just never know.....

In the mean time, they have no right to bully you, just shut that
conversation right down. Hang in there...

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Ren Allen

"Or the money because we have so many kids. Point one, how
nurtured were they feeling in ps? "

That was my first thought when I read your post! Yeah, public school
is SO nurturing for a child's soul....uh-huh. I'd look at her like she
was nuts and keep on doing whatever I was doing.;)

Ren
learninginfreedom.com