Tina

Ren, that's what I've been doing, and trying to get him to focus on what the issue is that's causing the problem and not just the outburst. He just gets upset easily, and I try to remind him to step outside of the frustration and look at the real issues and not just the mess/noise/etc. It's just hard for him to keep from getting frustrated quickly when there is a lot of loud noise. He does try hard, it's just keeping him on track that these are people and we can talk with them and resolve issues in a small easy way instead of escalating it into a loud power struggle. But he is catching on, and although he doesn't always agree with my choices, he does find that after time it's an improvement. Right now he's really not happy with our unschooling choice, but he's willing to wait and see how it develops. He knows I will do what suits the kids best. He does want to be a better, more tolerant parent, he just needs some guidance. It's just frustrating sometimes when he looses patience so quickly and yells at them. But then again I had to grow and evolve too, so I'm sure as he gets used to the concepts he will be able to handle the noise and mess better.

°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°

Dysfunctional Domestic Diva



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

"He was raised by very strict, borderline abusive
parents, and he tends to get very loud/angry/negative. I'm working
with him, trying to get him to come around, but still it's
challenging sometimes."

Try to be a buffer. When he starts to get ugly, place yourself between
him and the children and solve the problem. My dh was never super loud
or anything, but he is known to get edgy and grumpy about messes.
Rather than jumping on the kids WITH him, I became their defender.
I tried to do it in a manner that didn't put HIM on the defensive...so
I started helping the kids, being their friend, making sure he knew
that if he bitched at them it was affecting ME.

He started backing off.
He still gets grumpy about the household mess at times, but he's
really quiet about it usually.:) Most of the time he just cleans up.

The other night, he cleaned up the kitchen after all of us (again) and
there was this can of refried beans left open. I offer to put it away...

Markus replies "What, you're just not going to expect anything from
them?" "Them" being the kids of course. I looked at him funny and
said "how does putting a can of beans away translate into not
expecting ANYTHING?"
"Well, you clean up after them all the time"
Yes, I do. And they clean up after me, and they clean up after
themselves and it's all GOOD honey. Really. I pointed out that Trevor
had cooked himself a meal, cleaned up the entire thing and left a
stupid can of beans out and here he is focusing on the beans and NOT
the ten other cool things Trevor did.

I actually laughed at that point, because he was really just tired and
being silly. Jared popped his head into the kitchen and said "DAD,
it's a can of BEANS" like he was the silliest man on earth.

He didn't say anything after that.:)

Ren

Ren Allen

And I meant to say welcome to the list Tina, but I got off on a can of
beans story! :)

Glad you found your way here.

Ren