re: discouraged
frozenandcold
Gayle, I haven't the time to read all the posts but I just wanted to
share something that has helped me completely let go of control. I
take a few minutes and think "what is the worst thing that can
happen?" Often that stops me in my tracks and anyone that knows me
now can vouch for me that I have totally let go of having to be in
control, mostly Ren because she is my sister! Any mess can be cleaned
up, even if it does take a little time. I will put a fun movie or
show on after the mess is made and then I have a bit of time that is
quiet and I just clean it up, sometimes my kids will do a good job of
helping me too! It has probably already been said but you can do
it!! Just recognizing that you need to change is a HUGE step and it
will not go away until the changes begin to happen. You are a great
mom and you LOVE your kids enough to be aware of your behavior and
that is ENORMOUS!!!!!
Heidi
share something that has helped me completely let go of control. I
take a few minutes and think "what is the worst thing that can
happen?" Often that stops me in my tracks and anyone that knows me
now can vouch for me that I have totally let go of having to be in
control, mostly Ren because she is my sister! Any mess can be cleaned
up, even if it does take a little time. I will put a fun movie or
show on after the mess is made and then I have a bit of time that is
quiet and I just clean it up, sometimes my kids will do a good job of
helping me too! It has probably already been said but you can do
it!! Just recognizing that you need to change is a HUGE step and it
will not go away until the changes begin to happen. You are a great
mom and you LOVE your kids enough to be aware of your behavior and
that is ENORMOUS!!!!!
Heidi
Amy Bowers
what is the worst thing that can happen?"
I agree. I took a Dale Carnegie class over 10 years ago and that is
the most important and lasting piece of advice I culled from it. In
_How to Stop Worrying and Start Living_ the advice was
1. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen. (he even
takes it to far out extremes - like death)
2. Prepare yourself for the worst/accept what you can not change
3. Move on - usually the worst does not happen, so you are not doing too bad.
For me this usually means, something might get destroyed. Usually, it
is not even anything I care about - so I can quickly redirect myself.
My big issue is when one child "might" hurt the other (from playing
around and having fun) - but that is another post.
Stamps are actually pretty indestructible - but feelings and memories
are not. Have you done foot print painting? Take a long piece of paper
from an art roll and run it down the sidewalk. Let your kids dip their
feet in paint (use several colors so they can mix them up) and
dance/tiptoe/slide down the walkway. My kids LOVE this ! It is all
about the process, although sometimes the end product is pretty cool
too.
Good luck!
Amy
I agree. I took a Dale Carnegie class over 10 years ago and that is
the most important and lasting piece of advice I culled from it. In
_How to Stop Worrying and Start Living_ the advice was
1. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen. (he even
takes it to far out extremes - like death)
2. Prepare yourself for the worst/accept what you can not change
3. Move on - usually the worst does not happen, so you are not doing too bad.
For me this usually means, something might get destroyed. Usually, it
is not even anything I care about - so I can quickly redirect myself.
My big issue is when one child "might" hurt the other (from playing
around and having fun) - but that is another post.
Stamps are actually pretty indestructible - but feelings and memories
are not. Have you done foot print painting? Take a long piece of paper
from an art roll and run it down the sidewalk. Let your kids dip their
feet in paint (use several colors so they can mix them up) and
dance/tiptoe/slide down the walkway. My kids LOVE this ! It is all
about the process, although sometimes the end product is pretty cool
too.
Good luck!
Amy
Ren Allen
"1. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen. (he even
takes it to far out extremes - like death)"
You know, a lot of people ask Markus and I how we do some of the
things we do (formerly climbed mountains, move to strange places we've
never been without jobs, start new businesses etc...).
My theory is this: We get a ticket for this thing called life, just
one ticket (even if you believe in reincarnation, this is the ONLY
ticket you get for this particular life) and you already know the
ending to the story, it's tragic..YOU DIE.
So knowing that ending, that we ALL get to have, why NOT make the most
of that ride we get?
If death is the outcome for all of us, then hell, let's have some
great memories and fabulous adventures until that day!!:)
And another helpful reminder for me in dealing with my children, is I
might not always have them with me. In the light of death, messes and
paint and stamps and food and all sorts of life issues, are suddenly
very easy to deal with.
Over at the Shine list, one of the families faced a very scary time
with a child hospitalized recently. Every time I read about Ryan and
the fear they were dealing with, I looked at my own sweet children and
thanked the universe they were healthy and able to make loud noise and
big messes.
It's all perspective isn't it? Sometimes our priorities seem very
different when we picture a breathing tube or surguries or any other
number of difficulties we could be facing right now. Doesn't hurt to
remember that once in a while.
Ren
takes it to far out extremes - like death)"
You know, a lot of people ask Markus and I how we do some of the
things we do (formerly climbed mountains, move to strange places we've
never been without jobs, start new businesses etc...).
My theory is this: We get a ticket for this thing called life, just
one ticket (even if you believe in reincarnation, this is the ONLY
ticket you get for this particular life) and you already know the
ending to the story, it's tragic..YOU DIE.
So knowing that ending, that we ALL get to have, why NOT make the most
of that ride we get?
If death is the outcome for all of us, then hell, let's have some
great memories and fabulous adventures until that day!!:)
And another helpful reminder for me in dealing with my children, is I
might not always have them with me. In the light of death, messes and
paint and stamps and food and all sorts of life issues, are suddenly
very easy to deal with.
Over at the Shine list, one of the families faced a very scary time
with a child hospitalized recently. Every time I read about Ryan and
the fear they were dealing with, I looked at my own sweet children and
thanked the universe they were healthy and able to make loud noise and
big messes.
It's all perspective isn't it? Sometimes our priorities seem very
different when we picture a breathing tube or surguries or any other
number of difficulties we could be facing right now. Doesn't hurt to
remember that once in a while.
Ren
Deb
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@c...> wrote:
what memories do you want to leave behind for your children and their
children? My mom had a stroke when she was very young (I was 5, my bro
3 and my sis was about 3 months old, my mom was 28). By nature and
nurture she was very much a 'tidier' type person, she wanted the house
always clean and the yard nicely kept with flower gardens and all. She
recovered well from the stroke but it was merely a signal of a really
damaged heart. She had to choose *daily* where to invest her limited
energy reserves - scrubbing the kitchen floor or baking cookies with
us kids; clean the ceiling light fixtures or take a walk or go to the
park. She adopted as a motto 'what do you want as your epitaph: her
house was always clean OR she always had time for her family'
--Deb
<starsuncloud@c...> wrote:
>And a corrollary to this is that they won't always have you either -
>
> And another helpful reminder for me in dealing with my children,
>is I
> might not always have them with me. In the light of death, messes
>and
> paint and stamps and food and all sorts of life issues, are >suddenly
> very easy to deal with.
what memories do you want to leave behind for your children and their
children? My mom had a stroke when she was very young (I was 5, my bro
3 and my sis was about 3 months old, my mom was 28). By nature and
nurture she was very much a 'tidier' type person, she wanted the house
always clean and the yard nicely kept with flower gardens and all. She
recovered well from the stroke but it was merely a signal of a really
damaged heart. She had to choose *daily* where to invest her limited
energy reserves - scrubbing the kitchen floor or baking cookies with
us kids; clean the ceiling light fixtures or take a walk or go to the
park. She adopted as a motto 'what do you want as your epitaph: her
house was always clean OR she always had time for her family'
--Deb