so...how does unschooling work in real families?
multimomma
LOL! Just had to ask, since it was in the mission statement. Seriously however...
I would like to hear from other larger families. We have seven kids (well, okay, Avari is only
a month old, and not too much involved in the day-to-day stuff) Josh is ten, Breanna
eight, Emily is seven today (!), Rachel is five, Sam is four, Dan is two, and you heard all
about Avari.
Since I was put on bedrest for most of my pregnancy, it seems natural that the
homeschooling evolved to unschooling. thankfully, because I had no energy for all the
stuff I was doing before. now that I'm back to healthy (somewhat) I'm struggling to keep
my controlling nosy body out of their way. and I'm struggling with the urge to keep my
house clean. I really am type A about that, and need some help with a) letting go and b)
managing the clutter of six little brains running through the house all day. And the
noise...oh geesh, a TV, a computer, an electric keyboard, a 'swordfight' and the yelling...
I think because I'm new to all this, I really need assurances. And to be told to keep my face
out of their business. Still working on destressing (I thought we had that down...now
aware that we are no where CLOSE) and on getting dh used to uncontrolled chaos. I should
mention that actually the kids do really well, make choices that for the most part seem
reasonable and to mesh well with mine. If I ask for help, they cheerfully join in, and I can
take no for an answer (although if I don't see a good reason why I have to bite my tongue
pretty severely)
At this point though, it takes me hours after they go to sleep to relax enough to sleep
myself. I get gripey, and (ugh) complain in the naggy voice. Maybe this has turned into a
vent, a little cry for help or reassurance. Anyway, TIA for any comments or advice. It was
easy to let go of the schooling, the housework and 'obedience' is a little more difficult,
KWIM? It's been fun even, to let go of restrictions and see them self limit sugar and TV!
Although five hours of scooby doo episodes are driving me NUTS. And even more
satisfying to see the look of dismay on my mom's face when the kids were choosing
veggies over sweets at Christmas dinner when given the choice (ok, vicious on my part,
but I'm hoping you'll understand!)
It's midnight and I'm carrying on. FWIW...I'm reading at the AlwaysLearning group as well.
Appreciate the work of both moderators. Thanks
melissa
I would like to hear from other larger families. We have seven kids (well, okay, Avari is only
a month old, and not too much involved in the day-to-day stuff) Josh is ten, Breanna
eight, Emily is seven today (!), Rachel is five, Sam is four, Dan is two, and you heard all
about Avari.
Since I was put on bedrest for most of my pregnancy, it seems natural that the
homeschooling evolved to unschooling. thankfully, because I had no energy for all the
stuff I was doing before. now that I'm back to healthy (somewhat) I'm struggling to keep
my controlling nosy body out of their way. and I'm struggling with the urge to keep my
house clean. I really am type A about that, and need some help with a) letting go and b)
managing the clutter of six little brains running through the house all day. And the
noise...oh geesh, a TV, a computer, an electric keyboard, a 'swordfight' and the yelling...
I think because I'm new to all this, I really need assurances. And to be told to keep my face
out of their business. Still working on destressing (I thought we had that down...now
aware that we are no where CLOSE) and on getting dh used to uncontrolled chaos. I should
mention that actually the kids do really well, make choices that for the most part seem
reasonable and to mesh well with mine. If I ask for help, they cheerfully join in, and I can
take no for an answer (although if I don't see a good reason why I have to bite my tongue
pretty severely)
At this point though, it takes me hours after they go to sleep to relax enough to sleep
myself. I get gripey, and (ugh) complain in the naggy voice. Maybe this has turned into a
vent, a little cry for help or reassurance. Anyway, TIA for any comments or advice. It was
easy to let go of the schooling, the housework and 'obedience' is a little more difficult,
KWIM? It's been fun even, to let go of restrictions and see them self limit sugar and TV!
Although five hours of scooby doo episodes are driving me NUTS. And even more
satisfying to see the look of dismay on my mom's face when the kids were choosing
veggies over sweets at Christmas dinner when given the choice (ok, vicious on my part,
but I'm hoping you'll understand!)
It's midnight and I'm carrying on. FWIW...I'm reading at the AlwaysLearning group as well.
Appreciate the work of both moderators. Thanks
melissa
Ren Allen
"so...how does unschooling work in real families? "
Well....I realize I only have four children, a tribe of six is
nothing compared to your group!!:)
But I did do a talk about larger families at the conference, it's
titled "unschooling a tribe" if you're interested.
I understand about the noise level, I don't like much
loudness...mess is fine, chaos is fine, but noise? Ugh. It's getting
a lot easier here, with all the kids getting older. I run
distraction a lot with my energetic child.:)
Playdough and water play are my crutches.
Our house stays pretty clean these days. My dh is helping a lot
since we moved though. Their rooms are pretty disasterous a lot of
the time, but the main living, dining, kitchen area is staying
picked up.... amazingly!
Do you have a small space for yourself? Just a corner of a room, or
a closet or some space that is just YOURS? It really helps me to
have a meditation area...all the touchstones I need for calming are
in there, my books, candles, meditation stones etc... I can't say
enough good about that.
And there is nothing wrong with doing the cleaning while your
children play happily. As long as they are busy, go ahead and BE
type A.:) Just be willing to stop when they need you (it sounds
like you do).
I found a great game when I need to get stuff done...hide-n-seek. As
I search room to room, I'm picking stuff up at the same time. We can
go on for hours like this!
Ren
Well....I realize I only have four children, a tribe of six is
nothing compared to your group!!:)
But I did do a talk about larger families at the conference, it's
titled "unschooling a tribe" if you're interested.
I understand about the noise level, I don't like much
loudness...mess is fine, chaos is fine, but noise? Ugh. It's getting
a lot easier here, with all the kids getting older. I run
distraction a lot with my energetic child.:)
Playdough and water play are my crutches.
Our house stays pretty clean these days. My dh is helping a lot
since we moved though. Their rooms are pretty disasterous a lot of
the time, but the main living, dining, kitchen area is staying
picked up.... amazingly!
Do you have a small space for yourself? Just a corner of a room, or
a closet or some space that is just YOURS? It really helps me to
have a meditation area...all the touchstones I need for calming are
in there, my books, candles, meditation stones etc... I can't say
enough good about that.
And there is nothing wrong with doing the cleaning while your
children play happily. As long as they are busy, go ahead and BE
type A.:) Just be willing to stop when they need you (it sounds
like you do).
I found a great game when I need to get stuff done...hide-n-seek. As
I search room to room, I'm picking stuff up at the same time. We can
go on for hours like this!
Ren
[email protected]
<<uncontrolled chaos>>
I have 5 kids and I understand <grin>. I try to moderate the chaos, like how I would if I were having a party. I would think ahead of time about having enough food and drink, traffic flow, trash recepticles, that kind of thing.
My grandmother worked as a rancher's wife her entire life. She always seemed to be a fantastic grandmother/mom....things went easy when you were with her, it was like she knew in advance what was coming and already had a plan. She told me that came from years of working with cattle. A cow is going to do what a cow is going to do and you simply needed to watch and make plan. To work WITH the flow rather than against it.
That is what I TRY to do.
Julie S.--congrats on the baby by the way
I have 5 kids and I understand <grin>. I try to moderate the chaos, like how I would if I were having a party. I would think ahead of time about having enough food and drink, traffic flow, trash recepticles, that kind of thing.
My grandmother worked as a rancher's wife her entire life. She always seemed to be a fantastic grandmother/mom....things went easy when you were with her, it was like she knew in advance what was coming and already had a plan. She told me that came from years of working with cattle. A cow is going to do what a cow is going to do and you simply needed to watch and make plan. To work WITH the flow rather than against it.
That is what I TRY to do.
Julie S.--congrats on the baby by the way
----- Original Message -----
From: multimomma <autismhelp@...>
Date: Thursday, December 29, 2005 0:34 am
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] so...how does unschooling work in real families?
> LOL! Just had to ask, since it was in the mission statement.
> Seriously however...
>
> I would like to hear from other larger families. We have seven
> kids (well, okay, Avari is only
> a month old, and not too much involved in the day-to-day stuff)
> Josh is ten, Breanna
> eight, Emily is seven today (!), Rachel is five, Sam is four, Dan
> is two, and you heard all
> about Avari.
>
> Since I was put on bedrest for most of my pregnancy, it seems
> natural that the
> homeschooling evolved to unschooling. thankfully, because I had no
> energy for all the
> stuff I was doing before. now that I'm back to healthy (somewhat)
> I'm struggling to keep
> my controlling nosy body out of their way. and I'm struggling with
> the urge to keep my
> house clean. I really am type A about that, and need some help
> with a) letting go and b)
> managing the clutter of six little brains running through the
> house all day. And the
> noise...oh geesh, a TV, a computer, an electric keyboard, a
> 'swordfight' and the yelling...
>
> I think because I'm new to all this, I really need assurances. And
> to be told to keep my face
> out of their business. Still working on destressing (I thought we
> had that down...now
> aware that we are no where CLOSE) and on getting dh used to
> uncontrolled chaos. I should
> mention that actually the kids do really well, make choices that
> for the most part seem
> reasonable and to mesh well with mine. If I ask for help, they
> cheerfully join in, and I can
> take no for an answer (although if I don't see a good reason why I
> have to bite my tongue
> pretty severely)
>
> At this point though, it takes me hours after they go to sleep to
> relax enough to sleep
> myself. I get gripey, and (ugh) complain in the naggy voice. Maybe
> this has turned into a
> vent, a little cry for help or reassurance. Anyway, TIA for any
> comments or advice. It was
> easy to let go of the schooling, the housework and 'obedience' is
> a little more difficult,
> KWIM? It's been fun even, to let go of restrictions and see them
> self limit sugar and TV!
> Although five hours of scooby doo episodes are driving me NUTS.
> And even more
> satisfying to see the look of dismay on my mom's face when the
> kids were choosing
> veggies over sweets at Christmas dinner when given the choice (ok,
> vicious on my part,
> but I'm hoping you'll understand!)
>
> It's midnight and I'm carrying on. FWIW...I'm reading at the
> AlwaysLearning group as well.
> Appreciate the work of both moderators. Thanks
> melissa
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------
> ~-->
> Give at-risk students the materials they need to succeed at
> DonorsChoose.org!http://us.click.yahoo.com/iEagnA/LpQLAA/HwKMAA/0xXolB/TM
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>
>
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>
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>
>
>
>
Pamela Sorooshian
On Dec 28, 2005, at 10:34 PM, multimomma wrote:
Unschooling requires a LOT of parental involvement - really more than
"schooling" would involve, albeit a very different kind.
Far from "keeping your face out of their business," you need to be
very aware and alert to each individual child's interests and talents
and you need to be closely "in touch" with what is going on in their
inner and outer lives. Your job isn't to try "direct" or "control"
what they learn - but you still have a HUGE role to play. If you
think of unschooling as "parents hands off" then you're confusing it
with neglect.
In some families, there might be lengthy periods of time where
parents and kids are happily and busily "doing their own thing," but
EVEN then, the parents are responsible for making sure kids'
interests are supported and expanded on and that the children have
PLENTY of chances to investigate the world and their lives are
filled with opportunities of all kinds.
Seven kids are a lot of kids to keep up with even just in terms of
physical necessities. Unschooling requires also staying in touch with
their "inner lives" and doing what you can to enrich their
environments in ways that are specifically suited to each child.
I find that unschooling requires that I always have, in the back of
my mind, an awareness of each child's interests - what they express
interest in, what they've been interested in before, things they
might not have ever known about but I think they might be interested
in. Whatever I'm doing, wherever I might be, I'm always constantly
aware of what's around me in terms of what might interest the kids.
Roxana loved "Sunday in the Park with George" which is a musical
about George Seurat, the painter. So I looked up where his paintings
might be found - wondering if we could actually see any of them and
found that the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena has three - a
wonderful museum not too far from us. So we'll go there sometime
soon. My fifteen year old's life is currently consumed with "friends"
- socializing is everything to her, right now. So I recognize that
and am going out of my way to help her get together with friends more
often. This all takes work - it might also be fun/pleasurable for me,
but it isn't at all just staying out of their way. There is far more
to it than that.
For those who are tempted to "school" - I'm thinking that it would be
useful, instead, to put that energy toward creating a more
interesting, swirling, rich, stimulating life filled with
opportunities to experience and enjoy more of the world.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Since I was put on bedrest for most of my pregnancy, it seemsI think you might have the wrong idea about unschooling.
> natural that the
> homeschooling evolved to unschooling. thankfully, because I had no
> energy for all the
> stuff I was doing before....
>
> I think because I'm new to all this, I really need assurances. And
> to be told to keep my face
> out of their business.
Unschooling requires a LOT of parental involvement - really more than
"schooling" would involve, albeit a very different kind.
Far from "keeping your face out of their business," you need to be
very aware and alert to each individual child's interests and talents
and you need to be closely "in touch" with what is going on in their
inner and outer lives. Your job isn't to try "direct" or "control"
what they learn - but you still have a HUGE role to play. If you
think of unschooling as "parents hands off" then you're confusing it
with neglect.
In some families, there might be lengthy periods of time where
parents and kids are happily and busily "doing their own thing," but
EVEN then, the parents are responsible for making sure kids'
interests are supported and expanded on and that the children have
PLENTY of chances to investigate the world and their lives are
filled with opportunities of all kinds.
Seven kids are a lot of kids to keep up with even just in terms of
physical necessities. Unschooling requires also staying in touch with
their "inner lives" and doing what you can to enrich their
environments in ways that are specifically suited to each child.
I find that unschooling requires that I always have, in the back of
my mind, an awareness of each child's interests - what they express
interest in, what they've been interested in before, things they
might not have ever known about but I think they might be interested
in. Whatever I'm doing, wherever I might be, I'm always constantly
aware of what's around me in terms of what might interest the kids.
Roxana loved "Sunday in the Park with George" which is a musical
about George Seurat, the painter. So I looked up where his paintings
might be found - wondering if we could actually see any of them and
found that the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena has three - a
wonderful museum not too far from us. So we'll go there sometime
soon. My fifteen year old's life is currently consumed with "friends"
- socializing is everything to her, right now. So I recognize that
and am going out of my way to help her get together with friends more
often. This all takes work - it might also be fun/pleasurable for me,
but it isn't at all just staying out of their way. There is far more
to it than that.
For those who are tempted to "school" - I'm thinking that it would be
useful, instead, to put that energy toward creating a more
interesting, swirling, rich, stimulating life filled with
opportunities to experience and enjoy more of the world.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nrskay
Pam; I totally agree with you.... All the time and money I spent on
HS in the past is now directed toward spending quality time and money
on things that Elizabeth wants to do.
I'm beginning to learn what it is my dd is interested in, it takes a
real effort on my part, but I know it will get easier. I'm sad to say
that before this I didn't know my dd very well.
One of the earlier posts talks about those voices questioning whether
this is the right way "trusting our children" - I struggle with that
all the time. But then I remember the "hell" we went through our
first year of formal HS and that quickly dispells that fear.
Loving our life together with peace in our home....
Kay
HS in the past is now directed toward spending quality time and money
on things that Elizabeth wants to do.
I'm beginning to learn what it is my dd is interested in, it takes a
real effort on my part, but I know it will get easier. I'm sad to say
that before this I didn't know my dd very well.
One of the earlier posts talks about those voices questioning whether
this is the right way "trusting our children" - I struggle with that
all the time. But then I remember the "hell" we went through our
first year of formal HS and that quickly dispells that fear.
Loving our life together with peace in our home....
Kay
multimomma
No, I certainly understand the part about being aware and alert. I'm really good at that. My
problem is trying not to micromanage how they do things, how they solve problems, interact
with each other, what they are choosing to do with their time. I'm the worst about sitting
down while they're watching tv and interupting with "Do you want to play outside?"
I can honestly say that I know each of my kids really well, much better than my parents knew
me, and I am doing what I can to find resources, activities and such. We're lucky in that we
live in a college town, and so there are many varied avenues to learn from. As I mentioned,
need the support to not tell them what to do or when to do it.
Thanks for the concern, I can see how there is concern that a parent who thinks they are
unschooling could actually border on neglect.
Melissa
problem is trying not to micromanage how they do things, how they solve problems, interact
with each other, what they are choosing to do with their time. I'm the worst about sitting
down while they're watching tv and interupting with "Do you want to play outside?"
I can honestly say that I know each of my kids really well, much better than my parents knew
me, and I am doing what I can to find resources, activities and such. We're lucky in that we
live in a college town, and so there are many varied avenues to learn from. As I mentioned,
need the support to not tell them what to do or when to do it.
Thanks for the concern, I can see how there is concern that a parent who thinks they are
unschooling could actually border on neglect.
Melissa
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@e...> wrote:
> Unschooling requires a LOT of parental involvement - really more than
> "schooling" would involve, albeit a very different kind.
>
> Far from "keeping your face out of their business," you need to be
> very aware and alert to each individual child's interests and talents
Pamela Sorooshian
On Dec 29, 2005, at 1:58 PM, multimomma wrote:
that same energy, instead, into the observation of your kids and the
finding of cool resources, experiences, ideas, and so on. You're
talking about leaving them alone more, I'm saying that it might be
easier for you to focus on DOING something instead of trying to NOT
do something. Choose what you "do" to be supportive, rather than
controlling/directing.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I can honestly say that I know each of my kids really well, muchThen my suggestion was that in place of micromanaging that you put
> better than my parents knew
> me, and I am doing what I can to find resources, activities and such.
that same energy, instead, into the observation of your kids and the
finding of cool resources, experiences, ideas, and so on. You're
talking about leaving them alone more, I'm saying that it might be
easier for you to focus on DOING something instead of trying to NOT
do something. Choose what you "do" to be supportive, rather than
controlling/directing.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
David & Stephanie Mitchell
Hi Melissa,
I know where you are coming from. I also love organising my kids.
Sometimes i do this just out of boredom (i know that is a terrible thing
to admit - but as my boys get older and need me less), some days i find
myself making everything into a learning experience.
Recently my eldest got his pocket knife out and started carving a few
pieces of wood with it.... Well i was off to the library to get every
book i could on whittling wood. Fortunately my boys are very honest with
me, and Jordan just looked at me and said "I'm really not that
interested in wood carving mum, I was just mucking around with my
knife". So the books went back unread and I learned another lesson!
The discussion about getting in touch with your child's interests - has
been really helpful to me. I think that that is my down fall. I find it
hard to just hang out with my kids when they are doing their stuff. If
they want to hang out with me that is fine, and we do that a lot. But I
don't understand play station and I really don't enjoy watching them
jump on the trampoline for any length of time (which they love me to
do!!), and I cant stand Scooby doo.
I realise that I have a real problem with idyll time... I have to be
"doing" all the time. I can force myself not to, of course, but that
only lasts for a few days and I find myself, rushing around again.
this list has been great for me - reading all your mails is helping to
really see why I am finding certain things hard at the moment. I need to
re-frame my thinking in relation to hanging out with the boys. I think
that if I can see the interactions as the important thing, not the
viewing of Scooby doo, then it will be easier to be involved with them.
this insight is really helpful to me and I hope you guys don't mind me
thinking out loud.
Thank you all so much
Blessings
Stephanie
Home Educating mum of Jordan (12) and Luke (10)
Being a fulltime mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field,
since the payment is pure love - Mildred B Vermont
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of multimomma
Sent: Friday, 30 December 2005 8:29 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: so...how does unschooling work in real
families?
No, I certainly understand the part about being aware and alert. I'm
really good at that. My
problem is trying not to micromanage how they do things, how they solve
problems, interact
with each other, what they are choosing to do with their time. I'm the
worst about sitting
down while they're watching tv and interupting with "Do you want to play
outside?"
I can honestly say that I know each of my kids really well, much better
than my parents knew
me, and I am doing what I can to find resources, activities and such.
We're lucky in that we
live in a college town, and so there are many varied avenues to learn
from. As I mentioned,
need the support to not tell them what to do or when to do it.
Thanks for the concern, I can see how there is concern that a parent who
thinks they are
unschooling could actually border on neglect.
Melissa
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@e...> wrote:
Secondary
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Secondary+school+education&w1=Secon
dary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+educat
ion&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chic
ago+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=ZmtJ9eV8jDgLVf_rQitp3g> school
education Graduate
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education&w1=Second
ary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+educati
on&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chica
go+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=_ar44lA2aVf7qUVJT2dfbA> school
education Home
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Home+school+education&w1=Secondary+
school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w
4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+s
chool+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=igfV0UPAcfSvC6KUmUYY6w> school education
Graduate
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education+online&w1
=Secondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+
education&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w
6=Chicago+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=OHt1qK6J19R35_4ff-oJHg> school
education online High
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=High+school+education&w1=Secondary+
school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w
4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+s
chool+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=BV3EOkp5uIRJ0eqRAZQNcw> school education
Chicago
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Chicago+school+education&w1=Seconda
ry+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+educatio
n&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicag
o+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=pesFSb8HMcPS2_oNEoEwuw> school
education
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I know where you are coming from. I also love organising my kids.
Sometimes i do this just out of boredom (i know that is a terrible thing
to admit - but as my boys get older and need me less), some days i find
myself making everything into a learning experience.
Recently my eldest got his pocket knife out and started carving a few
pieces of wood with it.... Well i was off to the library to get every
book i could on whittling wood. Fortunately my boys are very honest with
me, and Jordan just looked at me and said "I'm really not that
interested in wood carving mum, I was just mucking around with my
knife". So the books went back unread and I learned another lesson!
The discussion about getting in touch with your child's interests - has
been really helpful to me. I think that that is my down fall. I find it
hard to just hang out with my kids when they are doing their stuff. If
they want to hang out with me that is fine, and we do that a lot. But I
don't understand play station and I really don't enjoy watching them
jump on the trampoline for any length of time (which they love me to
do!!), and I cant stand Scooby doo.
I realise that I have a real problem with idyll time... I have to be
"doing" all the time. I can force myself not to, of course, but that
only lasts for a few days and I find myself, rushing around again.
this list has been great for me - reading all your mails is helping to
really see why I am finding certain things hard at the moment. I need to
re-frame my thinking in relation to hanging out with the boys. I think
that if I can see the interactions as the important thing, not the
viewing of Scooby doo, then it will be easier to be involved with them.
this insight is really helpful to me and I hope you guys don't mind me
thinking out loud.
Thank you all so much
Blessings
Stephanie
Home Educating mum of Jordan (12) and Luke (10)
Being a fulltime mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field,
since the payment is pure love - Mildred B Vermont
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of multimomma
Sent: Friday, 30 December 2005 8:29 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: so...how does unschooling work in real
families?
No, I certainly understand the part about being aware and alert. I'm
really good at that. My
problem is trying not to micromanage how they do things, how they solve
problems, interact
with each other, what they are choosing to do with their time. I'm the
worst about sitting
down while they're watching tv and interupting with "Do you want to play
outside?"
I can honestly say that I know each of my kids really well, much better
than my parents knew
me, and I am doing what I can to find resources, activities and such.
We're lucky in that we
live in a college town, and so there are many varied avenues to learn
from. As I mentioned,
need the support to not tell them what to do or when to do it.
Thanks for the concern, I can see how there is concern that a parent who
thinks they are
unschooling could actually border on neglect.
Melissa
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@e...> wrote:
> Unschooling requires a LOT of parental involvement - really more thanSPONSORED LINKS
> "schooling" would involve, albeit a very different kind.
>
> Far from "keeping your face out of their business," you need to be
> very aware and alert to each individual child's interests and talents
Secondary
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dary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+educat
ion&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chic
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[email protected]
In a message dated 12/31/2005 7:55:41 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
mitchfam@... writes:
The discussion about getting in touch with your child's interests - has
been really helpful to me. I think that that is my down fall. I find it
hard to just hang out with my kids when they are doing their stuff. If
they want to hang out with me that is fine, and we do that a lot. But I
don't understand play station and I really don't enjoy watching them
jump on the trampoline for any length of time (which they love me to
do!!), and I cant stand Scooby doo.
I realise that I have a real problem with idyll time... I have to be
"doing" all the time. I can force myself not to, of course, but that
only lasts for a few days and I find myself, rushing around again.
***********
Have you tried a different perspective on idyll time as it relates to your
children? If you are unschooling, then part of that job description is being
with your children on their terms.
When I'm having a hard time with this, I set myself a time limit or maybe
say, "I'm going to watch you jump for 15 minutes, then I'm making lunch". Then
I can relax a bit and I find it is enjoyable.
After a few times of this, my body and mind can relax easily and I don't
need the time limit.
Do you do any sort of meditative practice that helps you BE in the MOMENT?
Watching your children is wonderful practice for this. Consider yourself an
honored guest in their world and soak up the joy of being a child. This is
good for you, too!
I know with my children, the most important thing they need is my attention.
And the more fully I can be present with them, the better I've done my work
and the less tugging they do at me. When they know they can get what they
need (unconditional, undivided attention), the less they need to constantly
reassure themselves by being clingy. It brings about a much healthier and
happier relationship for all.
I obviously have a problem with this, too! I use the above ideas for when
we are feeling out of balance and I need to get myself back in practice. My
clue is usually a clingy child! Or yesterday, after a small, tender moment
with my son, my five year old stomped out of the room, declaring that I don't
love her! Oops! Out of balance!
So, I told myself the Christmas decorations could wait and I spent some time
with her, being "in the moment". We had a lovely time. And she went
merrily along her way a bit later and I did get around to those decorations.
I'm not sure if you needed to know all this, but I guess I needed reminding
this morning myself!
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mitchfam@... writes:
The discussion about getting in touch with your child's interests - has
been really helpful to me. I think that that is my down fall. I find it
hard to just hang out with my kids when they are doing their stuff. If
they want to hang out with me that is fine, and we do that a lot. But I
don't understand play station and I really don't enjoy watching them
jump on the trampoline for any length of time (which they love me to
do!!), and I cant stand Scooby doo.
I realise that I have a real problem with idyll time... I have to be
"doing" all the time. I can force myself not to, of course, but that
only lasts for a few days and I find myself, rushing around again.
***********
Have you tried a different perspective on idyll time as it relates to your
children? If you are unschooling, then part of that job description is being
with your children on their terms.
When I'm having a hard time with this, I set myself a time limit or maybe
say, "I'm going to watch you jump for 15 minutes, then I'm making lunch". Then
I can relax a bit and I find it is enjoyable.
After a few times of this, my body and mind can relax easily and I don't
need the time limit.
Do you do any sort of meditative practice that helps you BE in the MOMENT?
Watching your children is wonderful practice for this. Consider yourself an
honored guest in their world and soak up the joy of being a child. This is
good for you, too!
I know with my children, the most important thing they need is my attention.
And the more fully I can be present with them, the better I've done my work
and the less tugging they do at me. When they know they can get what they
need (unconditional, undivided attention), the less they need to constantly
reassure themselves by being clingy. It brings about a much healthier and
happier relationship for all.
I obviously have a problem with this, too! I use the above ideas for when
we are feeling out of balance and I need to get myself back in practice. My
clue is usually a clingy child! Or yesterday, after a small, tender moment
with my son, my five year old stomped out of the room, declaring that I don't
love her! Oops! Out of balance!
So, I told myself the Christmas decorations could wait and I spent some time
with her, being "in the moment". We had a lovely time. And she went
merrily along her way a bit later and I did get around to those decorations.
I'm not sure if you needed to know all this, but I guess I needed reminding
this morning myself!
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nrskay
I had a hard time also with hanging out with my dd. I really stink
at playstation, but I watch her and cheer her on when she gets to
the next level. I usually spend about 15 to 20 minutes doing this
and it seems to be what she really wants.
She is also into designing neopets and fairies using proshop paint
with pixels. Over the past year she has improved tremenously in her
ability and I always get called in to the room to make the final
comment on any changes she might need to make.
Since my dd is 11 yo we also like to go "shopping". This has been
great quality time together. Sometimes we don't even buy we just
walk around the shops and talk. I remember doing this with my mom
and loved it.
Regardin reading... I'm an avid reader and love a great novel, but
since my dd came from the PS system, she won't pick up a book. We
have been unschooling since April. She reads very well, but the
books just sit on the shelf. I even offered to take her to the
library to pick out any type of book she wants. She is not
interested.
I guess I'm hoping she will see what joy reading can bring....
someday.
Kay
at playstation, but I watch her and cheer her on when she gets to
the next level. I usually spend about 15 to 20 minutes doing this
and it seems to be what she really wants.
She is also into designing neopets and fairies using proshop paint
with pixels. Over the past year she has improved tremenously in her
ability and I always get called in to the room to make the final
comment on any changes she might need to make.
Since my dd is 11 yo we also like to go "shopping". This has been
great quality time together. Sometimes we don't even buy we just
walk around the shops and talk. I remember doing this with my mom
and loved it.
Regardin reading... I'm an avid reader and love a great novel, but
since my dd came from the PS system, she won't pick up a book. We
have been unschooling since April. She reads very well, but the
books just sit on the shelf. I even offered to take her to the
library to pick out any type of book she wants. She is not
interested.
I guess I'm hoping she will see what joy reading can bring....
someday.
Kay
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/31/2005 7:55:30 AM Eastern Standard Time,
mitchfam@... writes:
I need to
re-frame my thinking in relation to hanging out with the boys. I think
that if I can see the interactions as the important thing, not the
viewing of Scooby doo, then it will be easier to be involved with them.
My children are much younger than yours, and I'm not all into some of their
things (I totally can't play Playstation, like I used to!). But, we're always
in the same room. Normally, when I come in here to sit down and check emails
or whatnot, my son is playing, and we're talking about what he's doing. He
beats some big end guy, and I am totally in the celebration of it. My older
daughter was also playing in here with her dolls and couldn't get the hair up
the way she wanted, so she asked me and I did it for her right then and there.
Conversations weaved in and out, and at some point, I don't even remember
where it got started, but my son asked what "m-u-m" spelled (he's big on
spelling now), so I told him and he asked what it meant. I said it could mean 2
things that I knew of, either a way to say "mom" or a type of flower. He was
interested in the flower, so I said I could look up a picture (thank you
Google!) and he dropped his video game and checked out flowers. We went through a
whole bunch of flowers he was curious about and decided he wants to plant
sunflowers this year in our garden. Then the mailman came and they ran outside.
Yesterday morning, I decided I wanted to make some "Monkey Bread", and got
all the stuff out. The kids were playing and when they heard me "getting stuff
out", they came running. I had all three wanting to help me, and we had a
great time. Then they went back to playing while it baked.
And this is how our days go... it's like we all have one ear and one eye on
what everyone else is doing, while doing our own things, either together or
by ourselves or any mix of who wants to do what. We're like a woven blanket...
each our own color, but intricately woven in and out of each other's
activities.
Jenny
Unschooling in Greenfield, MA
Danny (12-1-99), Kelsey (11-1-01) and Evelyn (5-19-04)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The important thing is not so much that every child should be taught, as
that every child should be given the wish to learn. ~John Lubbock
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mitchfam@... writes:
I need to
re-frame my thinking in relation to hanging out with the boys. I think
that if I can see the interactions as the important thing, not the
viewing of Scooby doo, then it will be easier to be involved with them.
My children are much younger than yours, and I'm not all into some of their
things (I totally can't play Playstation, like I used to!). But, we're always
in the same room. Normally, when I come in here to sit down and check emails
or whatnot, my son is playing, and we're talking about what he's doing. He
beats some big end guy, and I am totally in the celebration of it. My older
daughter was also playing in here with her dolls and couldn't get the hair up
the way she wanted, so she asked me and I did it for her right then and there.
Conversations weaved in and out, and at some point, I don't even remember
where it got started, but my son asked what "m-u-m" spelled (he's big on
spelling now), so I told him and he asked what it meant. I said it could mean 2
things that I knew of, either a way to say "mom" or a type of flower. He was
interested in the flower, so I said I could look up a picture (thank you
Google!) and he dropped his video game and checked out flowers. We went through a
whole bunch of flowers he was curious about and decided he wants to plant
sunflowers this year in our garden. Then the mailman came and they ran outside.
Yesterday morning, I decided I wanted to make some "Monkey Bread", and got
all the stuff out. The kids were playing and when they heard me "getting stuff
out", they came running. I had all three wanting to help me, and we had a
great time. Then they went back to playing while it baked.
And this is how our days go... it's like we all have one ear and one eye on
what everyone else is doing, while doing our own things, either together or
by ourselves or any mix of who wants to do what. We're like a woven blanket...
each our own color, but intricately woven in and out of each other's
activities.
Jenny
Unschooling in Greenfield, MA
Danny (12-1-99), Kelsey (11-1-01) and Evelyn (5-19-04)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The important thing is not so much that every child should be taught, as
that every child should be given the wish to learn. ~John Lubbock
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
She probably will eventually get into reading on her own.
But - in the meantime, you have a lot of driving in your lives - so
why not get books on cd/tape/audible to listen to in the car?
-pam
But - in the meantime, you have a lot of driving in your lives - so
why not get books on cd/tape/audible to listen to in the car?
-pam
On Dec 31, 2005, at 9:09 AM, nrskay wrote:
> I guess I'm hoping she will see what joy reading can bring....
> someday.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***But I don't understand play station and I really don't enjoy watching
them
jump on the trampoline for any length of time (which they love me to
do!!), and I cant stand Scooby doo. ***
Have you played Play Station? If they showed you how to play one of
their favorite games, hung out with you and helped you, you might gain
some interest/appreciation. You might never love it, but playing is so
much different than watching that I'd be surprised if you came away from
playing a game or two for a day or two without some attitude adjustment.
<g>
Can you take pictures or video of them while they jump on the trampoline,
or throw water balloons at them while they jump, blast them with squirt
guns, or jump with them? Being part of the fun instead of an observer
would make a difference.
Maybe they'd let you slide on the Scooby thing if you were really into
the other stuff. <g> But if they want you there, make your favorite tea
and *watch your kids* love Scooby Doo for that half hour instead of
watching the TV.<g>
Sometimes I think about how long I'll live without Dylan, after he's out
on his own, and when I think of those years ahead of me, the relatively
few hours I spent reading Goosebumps to him or watching Power Rangers
when he was little will seem like the most fleeting moments and I'll be
glad not one of those moments with him was wasted.
Deb Lewis
them
jump on the trampoline for any length of time (which they love me to
do!!), and I cant stand Scooby doo. ***
Have you played Play Station? If they showed you how to play one of
their favorite games, hung out with you and helped you, you might gain
some interest/appreciation. You might never love it, but playing is so
much different than watching that I'd be surprised if you came away from
playing a game or two for a day or two without some attitude adjustment.
<g>
Can you take pictures or video of them while they jump on the trampoline,
or throw water balloons at them while they jump, blast them with squirt
guns, or jump with them? Being part of the fun instead of an observer
would make a difference.
Maybe they'd let you slide on the Scooby thing if you were really into
the other stuff. <g> But if they want you there, make your favorite tea
and *watch your kids* love Scooby Doo for that half hour instead of
watching the TV.<g>
Sometimes I think about how long I'll live without Dylan, after he's out
on his own, and when I think of those years ahead of me, the relatively
few hours I spent reading Goosebumps to him or watching Power Rangers
when he was little will seem like the most fleeting moments and I'll be
glad not one of those moments with him was wasted.
Deb Lewis
Pamela Sorooshian
On Dec 31, 2005, at 4:53 AM, David & Stephanie Mitchell wrote:
while the kids played. Other times they really want your full
attention, though.
I wanted to sort of expand on the idea that it is "the interaction"
not "the activity" that is important. I think that is a really
significant insight and more true than you probably even realize yet.
During times when kids are playing in sort of "free-form" ways --
jumping on the trampoline is a great example, you have the
opportunity to really observe them in their "natural" environment.
Does one of them tend to "watch" first before trying things? Does one
tend to learn by trial and error - physically trying things out
before even thinking through how it is going to work? Does one like
to talk about what he's doing? Does one check for other people's
approval? Does one help organize how they all take turns? And so on.
This is the time you use to really get to know each child's nature
and then you utilize that knowledge as an unschooling parent to
provide ideas, experiences, activities, information, support, etc.,
to your kids.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> But ILots of times kids just want you "there" - I used to crochet a lot
> don't understand play station and I really don't enjoy watching them
> jump on the trampoline for any length of time (which they love me to
> do!!), and I cant stand Scooby doo.
while the kids played. Other times they really want your full
attention, though.
I wanted to sort of expand on the idea that it is "the interaction"
not "the activity" that is important. I think that is a really
significant insight and more true than you probably even realize yet.
During times when kids are playing in sort of "free-form" ways --
jumping on the trampoline is a great example, you have the
opportunity to really observe them in their "natural" environment.
Does one of them tend to "watch" first before trying things? Does one
tend to learn by trial and error - physically trying things out
before even thinking through how it is going to work? Does one like
to talk about what he's doing? Does one check for other people's
approval? Does one help organize how they all take turns? And so on.
This is the time you use to really get to know each child's nature
and then you utilize that knowledge as an unschooling parent to
provide ideas, experiences, activities, information, support, etc.,
to your kids.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]