siblings and fighting
Ren Allen
"My dd feels like her little brother enjoys bothering
her and won't stop when she says stop."
Are you present when this happens? Are you letting him know that stop
means stop NOW?
When someone says stop in this house, I jump in very quickly if
the "stop" is ignored. I remind them that personal boundaries are very
important and I either get them away from each other (obviously they
need space if they're getting edgy), or find something to do where I
am present and able to head things off at the pass so to speak.
Here's something Sandra wrote about sibling fights:
http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting.html
I assume that they simply don't have the needed skills for useful
negotiation and need an arbitrator if a fight breaks out. It is my job
to keep things safe for everyone and if an older sibling is ignoring
boundaries, it's time for me to step in and find a way to re-direct
their energy OR arbitrate for them.
Rather than playing the blame game, I explain why someone didn't like
the behavior and simply find a short term solution.
Talking and discussing too much, only shuts them down to the
negotiation process. They can only take in what they're ready for at
the moment, and sometimes it's just better to re-direct the play and
be present.
Ren
her and won't stop when she says stop."
Are you present when this happens? Are you letting him know that stop
means stop NOW?
When someone says stop in this house, I jump in very quickly if
the "stop" is ignored. I remind them that personal boundaries are very
important and I either get them away from each other (obviously they
need space if they're getting edgy), or find something to do where I
am present and able to head things off at the pass so to speak.
Here's something Sandra wrote about sibling fights:
http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting.html
I assume that they simply don't have the needed skills for useful
negotiation and need an arbitrator if a fight breaks out. It is my job
to keep things safe for everyone and if an older sibling is ignoring
boundaries, it's time for me to step in and find a way to re-direct
their energy OR arbitrate for them.
Rather than playing the blame game, I explain why someone didn't like
the behavior and simply find a short term solution.
Talking and discussing too much, only shuts them down to the
negotiation process. They can only take in what they're ready for at
the moment, and sometimes it's just better to re-direct the play and
be present.
Ren
crissyhall
We've been working on "stop means stop", I need to add the NOW part.
And I do need to work on being more present. But what I really
struggle with is both kids are very intense and when they should get
away from each other, they both want to be with me. I'm not sure how
to handle that, because then I feel like I'm picking sides and my dd
is super sensitive to that. We've just started to make progress where
she feels like I'm "on her side" and trying to help everyone including
her.
On negotiation, I've been trying to help them come up with solutions
that will work for everyone. I can see how too much talking doesn't
work and redirecting is a good idea. But my oldest dd has a very
strong personality and doesn't want to "give in" and my #2 dd "gives
in" just to keep the peace but feels taken advantage of. One example
was dd#1 wanted to play a game with dd#2 and dd#2 didn't want to play.
I suggested doing something different but dd#1 wanted to play that
game and only that game, and doing something different was the same as
giving in. So I've been trying to show them that there are many
diffent solutions to a problem, and we can come up with something that
everyone is happy with, but it takes too long for them to agree on
something.
Another question. I've heard it said that it takes 1 month of
deschooling for every year of school. How long do you think it takes
to regain your kids trust after being controlling? I love hearing
stories of kids that have a good relationship with their parents even
if their parents didn't find unschooling until much later. I can see
how so many problems would have been avoided or more easily handled if
I had a better history of trust with them.
Thanks so much!!! I'm always so amazed and thankful for the insight
here.
Christine
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@c...> wrote:
And I do need to work on being more present. But what I really
struggle with is both kids are very intense and when they should get
away from each other, they both want to be with me. I'm not sure how
to handle that, because then I feel like I'm picking sides and my dd
is super sensitive to that. We've just started to make progress where
she feels like I'm "on her side" and trying to help everyone including
her.
On negotiation, I've been trying to help them come up with solutions
that will work for everyone. I can see how too much talking doesn't
work and redirecting is a good idea. But my oldest dd has a very
strong personality and doesn't want to "give in" and my #2 dd "gives
in" just to keep the peace but feels taken advantage of. One example
was dd#1 wanted to play a game with dd#2 and dd#2 didn't want to play.
I suggested doing something different but dd#1 wanted to play that
game and only that game, and doing something different was the same as
giving in. So I've been trying to show them that there are many
diffent solutions to a problem, and we can come up with something that
everyone is happy with, but it takes too long for them to agree on
something.
Another question. I've heard it said that it takes 1 month of
deschooling for every year of school. How long do you think it takes
to regain your kids trust after being controlling? I love hearing
stories of kids that have a good relationship with their parents even
if their parents didn't find unschooling until much later. I can see
how so many problems would have been avoided or more easily handled if
I had a better history of trust with them.
Thanks so much!!! I'm always so amazed and thankful for the insight
here.
Christine
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@c...> wrote:
>
> "My dd feels like her little brother enjoys bothering
> her and won't stop when she says stop."
>
> Are you present when this happens? Are you letting him know that stop
> means stop NOW?
> When someone says stop in this house, I jump in very quickly if
> the "stop" is ignored. I remind them that personal boundaries are very
> important and I either get them away from each other (obviously they
> need space if they're getting edgy), or find something to do where I
> am present and able to head things off at the pass so to speak.
>
> Here's something Sandra wrote about sibling fights:
> http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting.html
>
> I assume that they simply don't have the needed skills for useful
> negotiation and need an arbitrator if a fight breaks out. It is my job
> to keep things safe for everyone and if an older sibling is ignoring
> boundaries, it's time for me to step in and find a way to re-direct
> their energy OR arbitrate for them.
> Rather than playing the blame game, I explain why someone didn't like
> the behavior and simply find a short term solution.
>
> Talking and discussing too much, only shuts them down to the
> negotiation process. They can only take in what they're ready for at
> the moment, and sometimes it's just better to re-direct the play and
> be present.
>
> Ren
>
Ren Allen
"How long do you think it takes
to regain your kids trust after being controlling?"
I think it depends a lot on personality. Trevor still acts in ways
that show our former history...just little comments now and then
that make me go "huh?" and then realize it's just how I set things
up when he was younger. We have trust now, but there are residual
things I see come up.
I think it also depends on how much we slip back into old behavior.
The longer we go with our new tools, the more trust can develop.
I have no great wisdom for dealing with two intense kids at
once....I only have one child I would call very "intense", but any
of us can feel intense depending on hunger, hormones or moods.:)
Can you get one of them actively pursuing something they enjoy, and
spend time with whomever is more needy at the moment? Computer works
well here. Or playdough...I can't say enough good about playdough.
A good movie or tv show can be a good distractor too.
I always like having a small stash of toys, games or new foods to
pull out during intense moments. It's amazing how the energy can
change with some new things to pawn over.
Or a drive. I'm a big fan of just piling into the car and driving
when more than one child needs you and the energy isn't good.
Do whatever you can to shift the focus. Water play, dig in the
dirt....anything to shift into a different place where the focus is
no longer about who did what, or how mad someone is.
Sometimes that works, sometimes one of them might need to talk for a
longer time, just venting or bouncing words off someone that can
stay centered.
They get older every day, they gain new tools, it won't always be
this hard.
Ren
to regain your kids trust after being controlling?"
I think it depends a lot on personality. Trevor still acts in ways
that show our former history...just little comments now and then
that make me go "huh?" and then realize it's just how I set things
up when he was younger. We have trust now, but there are residual
things I see come up.
I think it also depends on how much we slip back into old behavior.
The longer we go with our new tools, the more trust can develop.
I have no great wisdom for dealing with two intense kids at
once....I only have one child I would call very "intense", but any
of us can feel intense depending on hunger, hormones or moods.:)
Can you get one of them actively pursuing something they enjoy, and
spend time with whomever is more needy at the moment? Computer works
well here. Or playdough...I can't say enough good about playdough.
A good movie or tv show can be a good distractor too.
I always like having a small stash of toys, games or new foods to
pull out during intense moments. It's amazing how the energy can
change with some new things to pawn over.
Or a drive. I'm a big fan of just piling into the car and driving
when more than one child needs you and the energy isn't good.
Do whatever you can to shift the focus. Water play, dig in the
dirt....anything to shift into a different place where the focus is
no longer about who did what, or how mad someone is.
Sometimes that works, sometimes one of them might need to talk for a
longer time, just venting or bouncing words off someone that can
stay centered.
They get older every day, they gain new tools, it won't always be
this hard.
Ren
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/22/2005 1:39:25 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
crissyhall@... writes:
And I do need to work on being more present. But what I really
struggle with is both kids are very intense and when they should get
away from each other, they both want to be with me. I'm not sure how
to handle that, because then I feel like I'm picking sides and my dd
is super sensitive to that. We've just started to make progress where
she feels like I'm "on her side" and trying to help everyone including
***********
Hi Christine! I've got too very sensitive and intense kids. Sometimes they
are always "at it" and sometimes things go smoothly. I've learned that we
just go through cycles and sometimes even the best situations and the best
parenting still won't make them happy.
Just keep going! You might not get a payoff every day or consistently, but
know you are planting seeds. We had gone through a rough few days a few
weeks ago. Then, my son accidentally popped his sister's balloon that was very
special to her. He cried and she said "you are more important to me than a
balloon, even this one." Wow. I don't know many five year olds that would say
that, but my child.....who the day before would just as soon scream at her
brother than look at him.....that day had the emotional maturity to comfort
him over her own loss.
I also want to recommend the shine with unschooling yahoo list. They talk
a lot about highly sensitive children over there and helping them feel
validated. I can think of one family in particular that has siblings that really
butt heads, and I think they have always unschooled. Have you read the Highly
Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron?
One thing that often works for us is just getting a change in scenery. If
you can do that and everyone is agreeable, I highly recommend that.
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
crissyhall@... writes:
And I do need to work on being more present. But what I really
struggle with is both kids are very intense and when they should get
away from each other, they both want to be with me. I'm not sure how
to handle that, because then I feel like I'm picking sides and my dd
is super sensitive to that. We've just started to make progress where
she feels like I'm "on her side" and trying to help everyone including
***********
Hi Christine! I've got too very sensitive and intense kids. Sometimes they
are always "at it" and sometimes things go smoothly. I've learned that we
just go through cycles and sometimes even the best situations and the best
parenting still won't make them happy.
Just keep going! You might not get a payoff every day or consistently, but
know you are planting seeds. We had gone through a rough few days a few
weeks ago. Then, my son accidentally popped his sister's balloon that was very
special to her. He cried and she said "you are more important to me than a
balloon, even this one." Wow. I don't know many five year olds that would say
that, but my child.....who the day before would just as soon scream at her
brother than look at him.....that day had the emotional maturity to comfort
him over her own loss.
I also want to recommend the shine with unschooling yahoo list. They talk
a lot about highly sensitive children over there and helping them feel
validated. I can think of one family in particular that has siblings that really
butt heads, and I think they have always unschooled. Have you read the Highly
Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron?
One thing that often works for us is just getting a change in scenery. If
you can do that and everyone is agreeable, I highly recommend that.
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
<<I've learned that we just go through cycles...>>
I have found at my house that if *I* am in a good place, things go better for the entire family. If I am stressed, the whole family wiggs out. I would suggest figuring out what makes you function at your best and make those things priority.
I really need to get up 30 minutes to an hour before anyone else. It helps me be calm and centered. I try to have the next day somewhat organized (a plan for MY day) before going to bed the night before. I try to make sure that I get 8 hours of sleep every day. I eat well and drink lots of water. I am also a spiritual person and work to get little snippets of that in during the day (light a candle in honor of Goddess, sing a blessing onto the family, that kind of thing). I also function best with minimun clutter so if I am getting antsy, tense feeling, I straighten up. I enjoy incense and keep a really good book in the bathroom all the time.
Being aware of these things that make me feel like a good mom have helped me BE a good mom which in turn helps the kids feel more grounded and situated.
I also try to be aware of things that calm my kids. The boys like backrubs, Michelle likes to cuddle, a bath always soothes the savage in Marsie, Adriane needs her space.
Julie S.
I have found at my house that if *I* am in a good place, things go better for the entire family. If I am stressed, the whole family wiggs out. I would suggest figuring out what makes you function at your best and make those things priority.
I really need to get up 30 minutes to an hour before anyone else. It helps me be calm and centered. I try to have the next day somewhat organized (a plan for MY day) before going to bed the night before. I try to make sure that I get 8 hours of sleep every day. I eat well and drink lots of water. I am also a spiritual person and work to get little snippets of that in during the day (light a candle in honor of Goddess, sing a blessing onto the family, that kind of thing). I also function best with minimun clutter so if I am getting antsy, tense feeling, I straighten up. I enjoy incense and keep a really good book in the bathroom all the time.
Being aware of these things that make me feel like a good mom have helped me BE a good mom which in turn helps the kids feel more grounded and situated.
I also try to be aware of things that calm my kids. The boys like backrubs, Michelle likes to cuddle, a bath always soothes the savage in Marsie, Adriane needs her space.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: Leslie530@...
Date: Thursday, December 22, 2005 4:56 pm
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: siblings and fighting
>
> In a message dated 12/22/2005 1:39:25 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
> crissyhall@... writes:
>
> And I do need to work on being more present. But what I really
> struggle with is both kids are very intense and when they should get
> away from each other, they both want to be with me. I'm not sure how
> to handle that, because then I feel like I'm picking sides and my dd
> is super sensitive to that. We've just started to make progress where
> she feels like I'm "on her side" and trying to help everyone
> including
>
>
> ***********
>
> Hi Christine! I've got too very sensitive and intense kids.
> Sometimes they
> are always "at it" and sometimes things go smoothly. I've
> learned that we
> just go through cycles and sometimes even the best situations and
> the best
> parenting still won't make them happy.
>
> Just keep going! You might not get a payoff every day or
> consistently, but
> know you are planting seeds. We had gone through a rough few
> days a few
> weeks ago. Then, my son accidentally popped his sister's balloon
> that was very
> special to her. He cried and she said "you are more important to
> me than a
> balloon, even this one." Wow. I don't know many five year olds
> that would say
> that, but my child.....who the day before would just as soon
> scream at her
> brother than look at him.....that day had the emotional maturity
> to comfort
> him over her own loss.
>
> I also want to recommend the shine with unschooling yahoo list.
> They talk
> a lot about highly sensitive children over there and helping them
> feel
> validated. I can think of one family in particular that has
> siblings that really
> butt heads, and I think they have always unschooled. Have you
> read the Highly
> Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron?
>
> One thing that often works for us is just getting a change in
> scenery. If
> you can do that and everyone is agreeable, I highly recommend that.
>
> Leslie in SC
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------
> ~-->
> Give at-risk students the materials they need to succeed at
> DonorsChoose.org!http://us.click.yahoo.com/iEagnA/LpQLAA/HwKMAA/0xXolB/TM
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
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>
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>
>
>
>
>
>
>
patricia tidmore
I don't post very often but we are having a really hard time with this one also.
Ren,or anyone, my ds(10)is bipolar and explodes when I or anyone tells him no or
to stop.And if he doesn't explode he will just ignore.If we try to physically try to
remove him from hurting his brother(5)(he doesn't usually hurt him,more like alienate
him and tease him.really makes him squeel.) he will fight us and he is 5'3 and 135 lb
and strong beyond belief and has been strong like this from birth.I have tried to talk to him after he has had time to calm down and at that time he will be really sad about hitting any of us or hurting our feelings,but when he is in the moment there is no stopping him.
Any advice?
Thanks in advance,
Tricia
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
"My dd feels like her little brother enjoys bothering
her and won't stop when she says stop."
Are you present when this happens? Are you letting him know that stop
means stop NOW?
When someone says stop in this house, I jump in very quickly if
the "stop" is ignored. I remind them that personal boundaries are very
important and I either get them away from each other (obviously they
need space if they're getting edgy), or find something to do where I
am present and able to head things off at the pass so to speak.
Here's something Sandra wrote about sibling fights:
http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting.html
I assume that they simply don't have the needed skills for useful
negotiation and need an arbitrator if a fight breaks out. It is my job
to keep things safe for everyone and if an older sibling is ignoring
boundaries, it's time for me to step in and find a way to re-direct
their energy OR arbitrate for them.
Rather than playing the blame game, I explain why someone didn't like
the behavior and simply find a short term solution.
Talking and discussing too much, only shuts them down to the
negotiation process. They can only take in what they're ready for at
the moment, and sometimes it's just better to re-direct the play and
be present.
Ren
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---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren,or anyone, my ds(10)is bipolar and explodes when I or anyone tells him no or
to stop.And if he doesn't explode he will just ignore.If we try to physically try to
remove him from hurting his brother(5)(he doesn't usually hurt him,more like alienate
him and tease him.really makes him squeel.) he will fight us and he is 5'3 and 135 lb
and strong beyond belief and has been strong like this from birth.I have tried to talk to him after he has had time to calm down and at that time he will be really sad about hitting any of us or hurting our feelings,but when he is in the moment there is no stopping him.
Any advice?
Thanks in advance,
Tricia
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
"My dd feels like her little brother enjoys bothering
her and won't stop when she says stop."
Are you present when this happens? Are you letting him know that stop
means stop NOW?
When someone says stop in this house, I jump in very quickly if
the "stop" is ignored. I remind them that personal boundaries are very
important and I either get them away from each other (obviously they
need space if they're getting edgy), or find something to do where I
am present and able to head things off at the pass so to speak.
Here's something Sandra wrote about sibling fights:
http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting.html
I assume that they simply don't have the needed skills for useful
negotiation and need an arbitrator if a fight breaks out. It is my job
to keep things safe for everyone and if an older sibling is ignoring
boundaries, it's time for me to step in and find a way to re-direct
their energy OR arbitrate for them.
Rather than playing the blame game, I explain why someone didn't like
the behavior and simply find a short term solution.
Talking and discussing too much, only shuts them down to the
negotiation process. They can only take in what they're ready for at
the moment, and sometimes it's just better to re-direct the play and
be present.
Ren
SPONSORED LINKS
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---------------------------------
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Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
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Do not follow where the path may lead.Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail...
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I used to work in a psychiatric setting with adolescents and children. You say that when you attempt to get your older son to stop in the heat of the moment, he begins fighting you. So we know that doesn't work....I would suggest grabbing up your younger child and leaving the room with him to protect him....Then I would want to talk to the doctor about a medication adjustment (if your son is medicated).
There are also natural things you can try outside of the heat of the moment to help your son be calmer. Make chamomile tea, for a change of pace, add hibiscus. Give him a backrub with oils infused with lavender essential oils. Make sure he gets plenty of exercize. Make sure he eats a healthy diet.
Good luck. You obviously love your son but it is still a hard row to hoe.
Julie S.
There are also natural things you can try outside of the heat of the moment to help your son be calmer. Make chamomile tea, for a change of pace, add hibiscus. Give him a backrub with oils infused with lavender essential oils. Make sure he gets plenty of exercize. Make sure he eats a healthy diet.
Good luck. You obviously love your son but it is still a hard row to hoe.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: patricia tidmore <ptidmore1117@...>
Date: Friday, December 23, 2005 9:10 am
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] siblings and fighting
> I don't post very often but we are having a really hard time with
> this one also.
> Ren,or anyone, my ds(10)is bipolar and explodes when I or anyone
> tells him no or
> to stop.And if he doesn't explode he will just ignore.If we try
> to physically try to
> remove him from hurting his brother(5)(he doesn't usually hurt
> him,more like alienate
> him and tease him.really makes him squeel.) he will fight us and
> he is 5'3 and 135 lb
> and strong beyond belief and has been strong like this from
> birth.I have tried to talk to him after he has had time to calm
> down and at that time he will be really sad about hitting any of
> us or hurting our feelings,but when he is in the moment there is
> no stopping him.
> Any advice?
> Thanks in advance,
> Tricia
>
>
> Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
> "My dd feels like her little brother enjoys bothering
> her and won't stop when she says stop."
>
> Are you present when this happens? Are you letting him know that
> stop
> means stop NOW?
> When someone says stop in this house, I jump in very quickly if
> the "stop" is ignored. I remind them that personal boundaries are
> very
> important and I either get them away from each other (obviously
> they
> need space if they're getting edgy), or find something to do where
> I
> am present and able to head things off at the pass so to speak.
>
> Here's something Sandra wrote about sibling fights:
> http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting.html
>
> I assume that they simply don't have the needed skills for useful
> negotiation and need an arbitrator if a fight breaks out. It is my
> job
> to keep things safe for everyone and if an older sibling is
> ignoring
> boundaries, it's time for me to step in and find a way to re-
> direct
> their energy OR arbitrate for them.
> Rather than playing the blame game, I explain why someone didn't
> like
> the behavior and simply find a short term solution.
>
> Talking and discussing too much, only shuts them down to the
> negotiation process. They can only take in what they're ready for
> at
> the moment, and sometimes it's just better to re-direct the play
> and
> be present.
>
> Ren
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> SPONSORED LINKS
> Secondary school education Graduate school education
> Home school education Graduate school education online High
> school education Chicago school education
>
> ---------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
> Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
> Service.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
> "I am learning al the time,the tombstone will be my diploma"-
> Eartha Kitt
>
> Do not follow where the path may lead.Go instead where there is no
> path and leave a trail...
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! for Good - Make a difference this year.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------
> ~-->
> Give at-risk students the materials they need to succeed at
> DonorsChoose.org!http://us.click.yahoo.com/iEagnA/LpQLAA/HwKMAA/0xXolB/TM
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> -~->
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Ren Allen
"he will fight us and he is 5'3 and
135 lb
and strong beyond belief and has been strong like this from birth."
Yikes.
Does he realize there are very serious consequences by law?
Is it due to the bipolar issue, or something related to his
past/temperment?
Is he on medication or other treatment for the bipolarism?
I am by no means any kind of expert or even experienced with
bipolarism, other than knowing a few people that have it. My sil has
it, I'm absolutely positive, but she's undiagnosed as of yet (she's
in her late 30's and probably will never get help).
She's very abusive emotionally at times. When she's in a "high",
she's very pleasant and agreeable for the most part.
I think your issues might be really related to the bipolar
issue....I'm not sure what the answers are. Does he have a safe
place to get away to if he needs space?
Do you all have a way to just get away from him? Is that an option
until he's calm? My first thought is to put up a hand and say "stop
right NOW or we are going to move away from you" and then proceed to
a safe place until he can be reasonable.
Even the car, for a short drive if necessary.
I guess that depends on whether he needs someone there with him to
be safe, whether your house would be safe etc..?
I guess we need more info.
How often is this happening?
And have you checked out Anne Ohman's list for atypical children?
Ren
135 lb
and strong beyond belief and has been strong like this from birth."
Yikes.
Does he realize there are very serious consequences by law?
Is it due to the bipolar issue, or something related to his
past/temperment?
Is he on medication or other treatment for the bipolarism?
I am by no means any kind of expert or even experienced with
bipolarism, other than knowing a few people that have it. My sil has
it, I'm absolutely positive, but she's undiagnosed as of yet (she's
in her late 30's and probably will never get help).
She's very abusive emotionally at times. When she's in a "high",
she's very pleasant and agreeable for the most part.
I think your issues might be really related to the bipolar
issue....I'm not sure what the answers are. Does he have a safe
place to get away to if he needs space?
Do you all have a way to just get away from him? Is that an option
until he's calm? My first thought is to put up a hand and say "stop
right NOW or we are going to move away from you" and then proceed to
a safe place until he can be reasonable.
Even the car, for a short drive if necessary.
I guess that depends on whether he needs someone there with him to
be safe, whether your house would be safe etc..?
I guess we need more info.
How often is this happening?
And have you checked out Anne Ohman's list for atypical children?
Ren
Joanne
Hi Tricia....
My son has bipolar disorder. Someone posted about natural
remedies....have you tried them? If not, it may be something to look
into. When we adopted our son, he was already on Seroquel and we
decided to keep him on it. We hope he can live a peaceful and happy
life without it one day, but this is not that day. He has way to
much emotional baggage to deal with at this point in his life. Where
your son lashes out, mine directs it inward.
If you're saying he has bipolar disorder, then he must have seen a
doctor to get that dx....what does he say? My son's doctor has been
wonderful with us and he bases a lot of his treatment on what I tell
him and he also includes Cimion is his treatment. If your doctor is
not listening to you, I urge you to seek help elsewhere.
I also agree with the person who posted about being present more. I
am always within feet away when Cimion is interacting with my 7 year
old. Also, something that has helped Cimion is, when he is calm and
happy...we talk about how he feels right before he rages and what
signals he can look for.
I hope some of this helps...
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
http://foreverparents.com
--- In [email protected], patricia tidmore
<ptidmore1117@y...> wrote:
and at that time he will be really sad about hitting any of us or
hurting our feelings,but when he is in the moment there is no
stopping him.
My son has bipolar disorder. Someone posted about natural
remedies....have you tried them? If not, it may be something to look
into. When we adopted our son, he was already on Seroquel and we
decided to keep him on it. We hope he can live a peaceful and happy
life without it one day, but this is not that day. He has way to
much emotional baggage to deal with at this point in his life. Where
your son lashes out, mine directs it inward.
If you're saying he has bipolar disorder, then he must have seen a
doctor to get that dx....what does he say? My son's doctor has been
wonderful with us and he bases a lot of his treatment on what I tell
him and he also includes Cimion is his treatment. If your doctor is
not listening to you, I urge you to seek help elsewhere.
I also agree with the person who posted about being present more. I
am always within feet away when Cimion is interacting with my 7 year
old. Also, something that has helped Cimion is, when he is calm and
happy...we talk about how he feels right before he rages and what
signals he can look for.
I hope some of this helps...
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
http://foreverparents.com
--- In [email protected], patricia tidmore
<ptidmore1117@y...> wrote:
>this one also.
> I don't post very often but we are having a really hard time with
> Ren,or anyone, my ds(10)is bipolar and explodes when I or anyonetells him no or
> to stop.And if he doesn't explode he will just ignore.If we tryto physically try to
> remove him from hurting his brother(5)(he doesn't usually hurthim,more like alienate
> him and tease him.really makes him squeel.) he will fight us andhe is 5'3 and 135 lb
> and strong beyond belief and has been strong like this frombirth.I have tried to talk to him after he has had time to calm down
and at that time he will be really sad about hitting any of us or
hurting our feelings,but when he is in the moment there is no
stopping him.
> Any advice?
> Thanks in advance,
> Tricia
Ren Allen
"Give him a backrub with oils infused with lavender essential oils.
Make sure he gets plenty of exercize. Make sure he eats a healthy
diet."
What about sunlight? I bet that helps too...
And if you live in an area that gets less light in the winter, what
about some full-spectrum lighting in the house? I think loads of
preventive measures would have to happen in a home where someone is
dealing with difficult challenges like that.
I know we've bought full-spectrum bulbs at the health food store, but
I bet hardware stores carry them too. What about some plants in his
room to care for? Does he like having some smallish pets or plants to
give his love to? I'm brainstorming and feeling rather useless,
because you've probably thought about every angle of this
situation...but that's all I can come up with.:)
Ren
Make sure he gets plenty of exercize. Make sure he eats a healthy
diet."
What about sunlight? I bet that helps too...
And if you live in an area that gets less light in the winter, what
about some full-spectrum lighting in the house? I think loads of
preventive measures would have to happen in a home where someone is
dealing with difficult challenges like that.
I know we've bought full-spectrum bulbs at the health food store, but
I bet hardware stores carry them too. What about some plants in his
room to care for? Does he like having some smallish pets or plants to
give his love to? I'm brainstorming and feeling rather useless,
because you've probably thought about every angle of this
situation...but that's all I can come up with.:)
Ren
patricia tidmore
Hi Joane,
Yes we have tried homeopathy,herbal remedies,body talk,chiropracters all hoping to keep him off meds.
Never with meds which is a thought.Right now he is on abilify,triliptal and lithium which does help,but I so wanted to keep him med free.Like you said maybe one day,but not today.
He,like your son has alot of emotional baggage.He is our biological grandson we adopted him and his brother because my dd has bipoar also and firomyalgia,although she does live with us.
We don't have alot of choices for pdocs in Alabama although I am much happier with the one we have than with others we've used.My only beef with this doc is he knows that I don't use coercion and groundings and such and he seems to think this is alot of ds problems.I just stick to my guns that I will not do that and for the most part he is now leaving that alone.
I haven't read anyone elses posts on this yet(just found yours 1st:>)) but I haven't thought about staying present and close to them both.Thank you I will do this.
We do talk about what he feels like right before he rages,and he has told me that he get's "lightening bolts of color in his brain"but that then he"just goes crazy".DS and I came up with a word that we decided when I noticed the signs that he was beginning to lose control I would saythat particular word and he would know to take some deep breaths and calm down,but that didn't work either,just too much for him to do I suppose.He would jst repeat the word back to me sarcastically and it seemed to enrage him even more.Looking back I can now see that even though he decided he could calm himself when I say "the word"it was too much for him.He was already in "rage mode".
Thank you Joanne,I think that staying with them as there play buddy and just being there maybe the answer...
or at least part of it anyway!
Tricia
Joanne <billyandjoanne@...> wrote:
Hi Tricia....
My son has bipolar disorder. Someone posted about natural
remedies....have you tried them? If not, it may be something to look
into. When we adopted our son, he was already on Seroquel and we
decided to keep him on it. We hope he can live a peaceful and happy
life without it one day, but this is not that day. He has way to
much emotional baggage to deal with at this point in his life. Where
your son lashes out, mine directs it inward.
If you're saying he has bipolar disorder, then he must have seen a
doctor to get that dx....what does he say? My son's doctor has been
wonderful with us and he bases a lot of his treatment on what I tell
him and he also includes Cimion is his treatment. If your doctor is
not listening to you, I urge you to seek help elsewhere.
I also agree with the person who posted about being present more. I
am always within feet away when Cimion is interacting with my 7 year
old. Also, something that has helped Cimion is, when he is calm and
happy...we talk about how he feels right before he rages and what
signals he can look for.
I hope some of this helps...
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
http://foreverparents.com
--- In [email protected], patricia tidmore
<ptidmore1117@y...> wrote:
and at that time he will be really sad about hitting any of us or
hurting our feelings,but when he is in the moment there is no
stopping him.
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Yes we have tried homeopathy,herbal remedies,body talk,chiropracters all hoping to keep him off meds.
Never with meds which is a thought.Right now he is on abilify,triliptal and lithium which does help,but I so wanted to keep him med free.Like you said maybe one day,but not today.
He,like your son has alot of emotional baggage.He is our biological grandson we adopted him and his brother because my dd has bipoar also and firomyalgia,although she does live with us.
We don't have alot of choices for pdocs in Alabama although I am much happier with the one we have than with others we've used.My only beef with this doc is he knows that I don't use coercion and groundings and such and he seems to think this is alot of ds problems.I just stick to my guns that I will not do that and for the most part he is now leaving that alone.
I haven't read anyone elses posts on this yet(just found yours 1st:>)) but I haven't thought about staying present and close to them both.Thank you I will do this.
We do talk about what he feels like right before he rages,and he has told me that he get's "lightening bolts of color in his brain"but that then he"just goes crazy".DS and I came up with a word that we decided when I noticed the signs that he was beginning to lose control I would saythat particular word and he would know to take some deep breaths and calm down,but that didn't work either,just too much for him to do I suppose.He would jst repeat the word back to me sarcastically and it seemed to enrage him even more.Looking back I can now see that even though he decided he could calm himself when I say "the word"it was too much for him.He was already in "rage mode".
Thank you Joanne,I think that staying with them as there play buddy and just being there maybe the answer...
or at least part of it anyway!
Tricia
Joanne <billyandjoanne@...> wrote:
Hi Tricia....
My son has bipolar disorder. Someone posted about natural
remedies....have you tried them? If not, it may be something to look
into. When we adopted our son, he was already on Seroquel and we
decided to keep him on it. We hope he can live a peaceful and happy
life without it one day, but this is not that day. He has way to
much emotional baggage to deal with at this point in his life. Where
your son lashes out, mine directs it inward.
If you're saying he has bipolar disorder, then he must have seen a
doctor to get that dx....what does he say? My son's doctor has been
wonderful with us and he bases a lot of his treatment on what I tell
him and he also includes Cimion is his treatment. If your doctor is
not listening to you, I urge you to seek help elsewhere.
I also agree with the person who posted about being present more. I
am always within feet away when Cimion is interacting with my 7 year
old. Also, something that has helped Cimion is, when he is calm and
happy...we talk about how he feels right before he rages and what
signals he can look for.
I hope some of this helps...
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
http://foreverparents.com
--- In [email protected], patricia tidmore
<ptidmore1117@y...> wrote:
>this one also.
> I don't post very often but we are having a really hard time with
> Ren,or anyone, my ds(10)is bipolar and explodes when I or anyonetells him no or
> to stop.And if he doesn't explode he will just ignore.If we tryto physically try to
> remove him from hurting his brother(5)(he doesn't usually hurthim,more like alienate
> him and tease him.really makes him squeel.) he will fight us andhe is 5'3 and 135 lb
> and strong beyond belief and has been strong like this frombirth.I have tried to talk to him after he has had time to calm down
and at that time he will be really sad about hitting any of us or
hurting our feelings,but when he is in the moment there is no
stopping him.
> Any advice?SPONSORED LINKS
> Thanks in advance,
> Tricia
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patricia tidmore
I would suggest grabbing up your younger child and leaving the room with him to protect him....Then I would want to talk to the doctor about a medication adjustment (if your son is medicated).This is an idea that I feel stupid not to have thought of!
Make chamomile tea, for a change of pace, add hibiscus. Give him a backrub with oils infused with lavender essential oils. I do the back rubs,although he will not let me touch him until he is over the rage,they still help.And I had not thought of tea,thank you that is one to try. Make sure he gets plenty of exercize.We live in Alabama in the country,most days are great for playing outside.And he loves the trampoline and his bike.At the present he is enjoying playing Vikings and making costumes.But now that you mention it,he does seem worse when he doesn't go outside to play.Thanks! Make sure he eats a healthy diet.This is where we REALLY have a problem!He was 4 yrs old before he would eat
anything other than chocolate milk or carnation instant breakfast and pork and beans.At 4 he started eating fruity pebbles,he has slowly added burgers,green beans and bananas,eggs and cheese.Other than those foods he doesn't eat.But he does eat alot of these foods.
Good luck. You obviously love your son but it is still a hard row to hoe.
The hardest roe I've ever hoe'd,but he has brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined and has tought me what REAL love looks like.Thanks Julie!
Tricia
Make chamomile tea, for a change of pace, add hibiscus. Give him a backrub with oils infused with lavender essential oils. I do the back rubs,although he will not let me touch him until he is over the rage,they still help.And I had not thought of tea,thank you that is one to try. Make sure he gets plenty of exercize.We live in Alabama in the country,most days are great for playing outside.And he loves the trampoline and his bike.At the present he is enjoying playing Vikings and making costumes.But now that you mention it,he does seem worse when he doesn't go outside to play.Thanks! Make sure he eats a healthy diet.This is where we REALLY have a problem!He was 4 yrs old before he would eat
anything other than chocolate milk or carnation instant breakfast and pork and beans.At 4 he started eating fruity pebbles,he has slowly added burgers,green beans and bananas,eggs and cheese.Other than those foods he doesn't eat.But he does eat alot of these foods.
Good luck. You obviously love your son but it is still a hard row to hoe.
The hardest roe I've ever hoe'd,but he has brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined and has tought me what REAL love looks like.Thanks Julie!
Tricia
----- Original Message -----
From: patricia tidmore <ptidmore1117@...>
Date: Friday, December 23, 2005 9:10 am
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] siblings and fighting
> I don't post very often but we are having a really hard time with
> this one also.
> Ren,or anyone, my ds(10)is bipolar and explodes when I or anyone
> tells him no or
> to stop.And if he doesn't explode he will just ignore.If we try
> to physically try to
> remove him from hurting his brother(5)(he doesn't usually hurt
> him,more like alienate
> him and tease him.really makes him squeel.) he will fight us and
> he is 5'3 and 135 lb
> and strong beyond belief and has been strong like this from
> birth.I have tried to talk to him after he has had time to calm
> down and at that time he will be really sad about hitting any of
> us or hurting our feelings,but when he is in the moment there is
> no stopping him.
> Any advice?
> Thanks in advance,
> Tricia
>
>
> Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
> "My dd feels like her little brother enjoys bothering
> her and won't stop when she says stop."
>
> Are you present when this happens? Are you letting him know that
> stop
> means stop NOW?
> When someone says stop in this house, I jump in very quickly if
> the "stop" is ignored. I remind them that personal boundaries are
> very
> important and I either get them away from each other (obviously
> they
> need space if they're getting edgy), or find something to do where
> I
> am present and able to head things off at the pass so to speak.
>
> Here's something Sandra wrote about sibling fights:
> http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting.html
>
> I assume that they simply don't have the needed skills for useful
> negotiation and need an arbitrator if a fight breaks out. It is my
> job
> to keep things safe for everyone and if an older sibling is
> ignoring
> boundaries, it's time for me to step in and find a way to re-
> direct
> their energy OR arbitrate for them.
> Rather than playing the blame game, I explain why someone didn't
> like
> the behavior and simply find a short term solution.
>
> Talking and discussing too much, only shuts them down to the
> negotiation process. They can only take in what they're ready for
> at
> the moment, and sometimes it's just better to re-direct the play
> and
> be present.
>
> Ren
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> SPONSORED LINKS
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> Home school education Graduate school education online High
> school education Chicago school education
>
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> Service.
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>
>
>
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> Eartha Kitt
>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
patricia tidmore
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
Does he realize there are very serious consequences by law?
Is it due to the bipolar issue, or something related to his
past/temperment?
Is he on medication or other treatment for the bipolarism?He does realize there are consequences by law but...when he is raging he can't think.Everything rational just goes out the window.
He is on meds for the bipolar.
I am by no means any kind of expert or even experienced with
bipolarism, other than knowing a few people that have it. My sil has
it, I'm absolutely positive, but she's undiagnosed as of yet (she's
in her late 30's and probably will never get help).
She's very abusive emotionally at times. When she's in a "high",
she's very pleasant and agreeable for the most part.He is the opposite.He is very pleasent and wants everyone to be happy when he isn't on a high.If he is on a high,he is very unpleaseant for the most part.
I think your issues might be really related to the bipolar
issue....I'm not sure what the answers are. Does he have a safe
place to get away to if he needs space?He does have a safe place and since we began meds,he has a couple of times gone and calmed himself.
Do you all have a way to just get away from him? Is that an option
until he's calm?We have tried this,he will just follow us and it makes him even angrier.
Even the car, for a short drive if necessary.
I guess that depends on whether he needs someone there with him to
be safe, whether your house would be safe etc..?He just isn't ready to be home alone for even a few minutes,he would feel that we have abandoned him.What I can do would be to send my dd with the younger ds out for a drive while I stayed with the older.
I guess we need more info.
How often is this happening?Not nearly as often as it was even a few days ago.He has just started meds 3 weeks and they are beginning to help.
And have you checked out Anne Ohman's list for atypical children?I use to belong to that group,but Anne felt that the moms on that list were just too sensitive to deal with the issues Elijah had.At the time he was very suicidal.I can tell you his background story if anyone is interested.
Thanks so much Ren,
Tricia
Ren
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Does he realize there are very serious consequences by law?
Is it due to the bipolar issue, or something related to his
past/temperment?
Is he on medication or other treatment for the bipolarism?He does realize there are consequences by law but...when he is raging he can't think.Everything rational just goes out the window.
He is on meds for the bipolar.
I am by no means any kind of expert or even experienced with
bipolarism, other than knowing a few people that have it. My sil has
it, I'm absolutely positive, but she's undiagnosed as of yet (she's
in her late 30's and probably will never get help).
She's very abusive emotionally at times. When she's in a "high",
she's very pleasant and agreeable for the most part.He is the opposite.He is very pleasent and wants everyone to be happy when he isn't on a high.If he is on a high,he is very unpleaseant for the most part.
I think your issues might be really related to the bipolar
issue....I'm not sure what the answers are. Does he have a safe
place to get away to if he needs space?He does have a safe place and since we began meds,he has a couple of times gone and calmed himself.
Do you all have a way to just get away from him? Is that an option
until he's calm?We have tried this,he will just follow us and it makes him even angrier.
Even the car, for a short drive if necessary.
I guess that depends on whether he needs someone there with him to
be safe, whether your house would be safe etc..?He just isn't ready to be home alone for even a few minutes,he would feel that we have abandoned him.What I can do would be to send my dd with the younger ds out for a drive while I stayed with the older.
I guess we need more info.
How often is this happening?Not nearly as often as it was even a few days ago.He has just started meds 3 weeks and they are beginning to help.
And have you checked out Anne Ohman's list for atypical children?I use to belong to that group,but Anne felt that the moms on that list were just too sensitive to deal with the issues Elijah had.At the time he was very suicidal.I can tell you his background story if anyone is interested.
Thanks so much Ren,
Tricia
Ren
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---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
John & Karen Buxcel
on 12/22/05 6:44 PM, jnjstau@... at jnjstau@... wrote:
I'd love to know!
thanks!
Karen
> I am also a spiritual person and work to get little snippets of that in duringWould you be so kind as to share the blessing you sing onto your family!
> the day (light a candle in honor of Goddess, sing a blessing onto the family,
> that kind of thing).
I'd love to know!
thanks!
Karen
[email protected]
I do two different blessings. I usually have a stick of incense burning in the kitchen and when I light it, I sing:
Goodness and light,
strength and might,
ride this smoke to all who are here,
protect the ones that I hold dear.
The other is to Hecate, Goddess of midwives, crossroads and changes. Since I see childhood and life itself come to think of it as a time of change and of not knowing what the morning will bring, I sing this while thinking of myself and my family.
Hecate,
to Thee I pray,
Guide me through my darkness.
Hecate,
to Thee I pray.
Hold me through the night.
Goodness and light,
strength and might,
ride this smoke to all who are here,
protect the ones that I hold dear.
The other is to Hecate, Goddess of midwives, crossroads and changes. Since I see childhood and life itself come to think of it as a time of change and of not knowing what the morning will bring, I sing this while thinking of myself and my family.
Hecate,
to Thee I pray,
Guide me through my darkness.
Hecate,
to Thee I pray.
Hold me through the night.
----- Original Message -----
From: John & Karen Buxcel <buxcel@...>
Date: Saturday, December 24, 2005 10:35 am
Subject: [unschoolingbasics]family blessing
> on 12/22/05 6:44 PM, jnjstau@... at jnjstau@...
> wrote:
> > I am also a spiritual person and work to get little snippets of
> that in during
> > the day (light a candle in honor of Goddess, sing a blessing
> onto the family,
> > that kind of thing).
>
> Would you be so kind as to share the blessing you sing onto your
> family!I'd love to know!
>
> thanks!
> Karen
>
>
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patricia tidmore
Hi Ren,
I do the back rubs with lavender and witchazel WHEN he will let me:>)
And when he will,it does help.
You know,I have never really thought about getting full spectrum lighting,that may help.
Thanks for the idea.
I do shop at a health food store,trying everything possible I can to help like herbs,non chemical household products,just anything that may give him some relief.
I am going to try the lighting because I have noticed that he starts getting worse as fall sets in.
From the time he was 3 untill he was 8 he spent every Halloween in the hospital.
You just may have hit on something:>)
Thanks again,
Tricia
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
"Give him a backrub with oils infused with lavender essential oils.
Make sure he gets plenty of exercize. Make sure he eats a healthy
diet."
What about sunlight? I bet that helps too...
And if you live in an area that gets less light in the winter, what
about some full-spectrum lighting in the house? I think loads of
preventive measures would have to happen in a home where someone is
dealing with difficult challenges like that.
I know we've bought full-spectrum bulbs at the health food store, but
I bet hardware stores carry them too. What about some plants in his
room to care for? Does he like having some smallish pets or plants to
give his love to? I'm brainstorming and feeling rather useless,
because you've probably thought about every angle of this
situation...but that's all I can come up with.:)
Ren
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I do the back rubs with lavender and witchazel WHEN he will let me:>)
And when he will,it does help.
You know,I have never really thought about getting full spectrum lighting,that may help.
Thanks for the idea.
I do shop at a health food store,trying everything possible I can to help like herbs,non chemical household products,just anything that may give him some relief.
I am going to try the lighting because I have noticed that he starts getting worse as fall sets in.
From the time he was 3 untill he was 8 he spent every Halloween in the hospital.
You just may have hit on something:>)
Thanks again,
Tricia
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
"Give him a backrub with oils infused with lavender essential oils.
Make sure he gets plenty of exercize. Make sure he eats a healthy
diet."
What about sunlight? I bet that helps too...
And if you live in an area that gets less light in the winter, what
about some full-spectrum lighting in the house? I think loads of
preventive measures would have to happen in a home where someone is
dealing with difficult challenges like that.
I know we've bought full-spectrum bulbs at the health food store, but
I bet hardware stores carry them too. What about some plants in his
room to care for? Does he like having some smallish pets or plants to
give his love to? I'm brainstorming and feeling rather useless,
because you've probably thought about every angle of this
situation...but that's all I can come up with.:)
Ren
SPONSORED LINKS
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---------------------------------
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Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
"I am learning al the time,the tombstone will be my diploma"-Eartha Kitt
Do not follow where the path may lead.Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail...
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Photos
Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays, whatever.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
patricia tidmore
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
Does he realize there are very serious consequences by law?
Is it due to the bipolar issue, or something related to his
past/temperment?
Is he on medication or other treatment for the bipolarism?
He does realize the consequences when he is able to think rationally.
Yes,it definately is due to the bipolar.He is on meds now,although my
prayers are that one day he will not need them.I hate medicating him.
But I also know that people with bipolar are more likely to commit suicide than any one else.
I am by no means any kind of expert or even experienced with
bipolarism, other than knowing a few people that have it. My sil has
it, I'm absolutely positive, but she's undiagnosed as of yet (she's
in her late 30's and probably will never get help).
She's very abusive emotionally at times. When she's in a "high",
she's very pleasant and agreeable for the most part.
My big guy is the most sensitive person in the world when he is
rational,very outgoing and a huge people person.He loves everyone
and will make a huge effort to make everyone around him smile.
Does he have a safe
place to get away to if he needs space?Yes,he has his room but usually chooses the hammock in the back yard to go to if he isn't too far into the rage.If he is then he wants us really close to him.
Do you all have a way to just get away from him? Is that an option
until he's calm? My first thought is to put up a hand and say "stop
right NOW or we are going to move away from you" and then proceed to
a safe place until he can be reasonable.
Even the car, for a short drive if necessary.
I guess that depends on whether he needs someone there with him to
be safe, whether your house would be safe etc..?That isan't an option with him,I have to stay near him because he just isn't at a place yet that I would feel comfortable leaving him for no amount of time while he is like he gets.There has been times when he has climbed to the top of a huge oak tree,much,much taller than our house.There was another time that he tried to hang himself.Had it not have been for my nephew finding him he would have succeeded.
I do have to say that since the new medication there has been a definate change for the better with his anger and rages.Today was one of the best days we have had in yrs.We all went shopping without any incident what-so-ever.Our tree dried out much too fast and we had to take it down for fear of fire so Elijah ran out into the rain and came back with about a 7ft tall broken hedge and he and his younger brother decorated it complete with the angel ontop.
We are all awaiting Santa with bells on as I type.
How often is this happening?It was happening several times daily untill we got the new meds,now it hasn't happened in about 8-9 days.
I had another post typed out in answer to this and we had a power surge just as I hit send so since I'm not sure whether or not you got it here is another:>)
Thank you so much,
Tricia
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Do not follow where the path may lead.Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail...
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Does he realize there are very serious consequences by law?
Is it due to the bipolar issue, or something related to his
past/temperment?
Is he on medication or other treatment for the bipolarism?
He does realize the consequences when he is able to think rationally.
Yes,it definately is due to the bipolar.He is on meds now,although my
prayers are that one day he will not need them.I hate medicating him.
But I also know that people with bipolar are more likely to commit suicide than any one else.
I am by no means any kind of expert or even experienced with
bipolarism, other than knowing a few people that have it. My sil has
it, I'm absolutely positive, but she's undiagnosed as of yet (she's
in her late 30's and probably will never get help).
She's very abusive emotionally at times. When she's in a "high",
she's very pleasant and agreeable for the most part.
My big guy is the most sensitive person in the world when he is
rational,very outgoing and a huge people person.He loves everyone
and will make a huge effort to make everyone around him smile.
Does he have a safe
place to get away to if he needs space?Yes,he has his room but usually chooses the hammock in the back yard to go to if he isn't too far into the rage.If he is then he wants us really close to him.
Do you all have a way to just get away from him? Is that an option
until he's calm? My first thought is to put up a hand and say "stop
right NOW or we are going to move away from you" and then proceed to
a safe place until he can be reasonable.
Even the car, for a short drive if necessary.
I guess that depends on whether he needs someone there with him to
be safe, whether your house would be safe etc..?That isan't an option with him,I have to stay near him because he just isn't at a place yet that I would feel comfortable leaving him for no amount of time while he is like he gets.There has been times when he has climbed to the top of a huge oak tree,much,much taller than our house.There was another time that he tried to hang himself.Had it not have been for my nephew finding him he would have succeeded.
I do have to say that since the new medication there has been a definate change for the better with his anger and rages.Today was one of the best days we have had in yrs.We all went shopping without any incident what-so-ever.Our tree dried out much too fast and we had to take it down for fear of fire so Elijah ran out into the rain and came back with about a 7ft tall broken hedge and he and his younger brother decorated it complete with the angel ontop.
We are all awaiting Santa with bells on as I type.
How often is this happening?It was happening several times daily untill we got the new meds,now it hasn't happened in about 8-9 days.
I had another post typed out in answer to this and we had a power surge just as I hit send so since I'm not sure whether or not you got it here is another:>)
Thank you so much,
Tricia
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Do not follow where the path may lead.Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail...
---------------------------------
Yahoo! for Good - Make a difference this year.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Dec 24, 2005, at 8:10 PM, patricia tidmore wrote:
I think at this stage, with meds that look so promising, it might
help you to tell us other things about him - and change even more of
your focus from what's wrong with him to supporting his interests.
I remember that he loves everything Viking, right? You're probably
way ahead of me on this, but PBS has a "Viking" site that is very
cool, a companion to the 2-hour NOVA special on Vikings which you can
order
<http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/vikings/>
There was a Smithsonian Viking exhibit that traveled around the
country - we saw it in Los Angeles. It is completed, but the website
is still there and has a lot of stuff on it: <http://www.mnh.si.edu/
vikings/start.html>
Last - for some reason your email program doesn't identify quotes
very clearly, at least to me. I'm wondering if you could hit "enter"
and put some extra space and maybe some identifying marks around
things you're quoting, to separate them from what you, yourself, are
saying. Thanks!
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> How often is this happening?It was happening several times dailySo - this is REALLY good news, right?
> untill we got the new meds,now it hasn't happened in about 8-9 days.
>
I think at this stage, with meds that look so promising, it might
help you to tell us other things about him - and change even more of
your focus from what's wrong with him to supporting his interests.
I remember that he loves everything Viking, right? You're probably
way ahead of me on this, but PBS has a "Viking" site that is very
cool, a companion to the 2-hour NOVA special on Vikings which you can
order
<http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/vikings/>
There was a Smithsonian Viking exhibit that traveled around the
country - we saw it in Los Angeles. It is completed, but the website
is still there and has a lot of stuff on it: <http://www.mnh.si.edu/
vikings/start.html>
Last - for some reason your email program doesn't identify quotes
very clearly, at least to me. I'm wondering if you could hit "enter"
and put some extra space and maybe some identifying marks around
things you're quoting, to separate them from what you, yourself, are
saying. Thanks!
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
patricia tidmore
Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
On Dec 24, 2005, at 8:10 PM, patricia tidmore wrote:
>It was happening several times daily
> untill we got the new meds,now it hasn't happened in about 8-9 days.
>
>So - this is REALLY good news, right?
"Wonderful news! Especially since it has gotten even better daily!"
>I think at this stage, with meds that look so promising, it might
>help you to tell us other things about him - and change even more of
>your focus from what's wrong with him to supporting his interests.
"I have noticed that just by putting my thoughts to words,by writing to you all that it helps put things in perspective and helps me see where I could have done somethings differently.Does this make sense?"lol
>I remember that he loves everything Viking, right? You're probably
>way ahead of me on this, but PBS has a "Viking" site that is very
>cool, a companion to the 2-hour NOVA special on Vikings which you can
>order
<http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/vikings/>
>There was a Smithsonian Viking exhibit that traveled around the
>country - we saw it in Los Angeles. It is completed, but the website
>is still there and has a lot of stuff on it: <http://www.mnh.si.edu/
>vikings/start.html>
"Yes,He will love these sites,he adores anything viking and dragons.
We got him some beautiful books about Vikings and dragons and he got the idea of making a "dragon and viking journal" so we took a soft covered black journal and he decorated it with his name written in "viking" and pictures of vikings.We had a great time."
>Last - for some reason your email program doesn't identify quotes
>very clearly, at least to me. I'm wondering if you could hit "enter"
>and put some extra space and maybe some identifying marks around
>things you're quoting, to separate them from what you, yourself, are
>saying. Thanks!
"So sorry about that,I had added color and encreased my font size but it must have not worked.I hope this is better."
Thanks,
Tricia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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---------------------------------
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