Re: [unschoolingbasics] Another question about cleaning theirroom and chores
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<<Does anyone else have experience with this?>>
It sounds to me like you are dealing with different temperaments, people being comfortable with different levels of "give and take."
It happens between adults and kids and between adults and adults. I think my SIL is a selfish shrew. We would come to blows if she ever attempted to treat me the way she does my brother. She is demanding and sees herself as some sort of pampered princess to whom others must kowtow. It has taken many years for my family to understand that apparently my brother ENJOYS seeing himself as some "protector of the realm", the big strong guy who needs to protect her from things like missing her 2 hour nap every day while he works and raises the kids.
Some parents are also like that. They are very comfortable with their kids being demanding and whiny, riding roughshod over people. It is behavior that they inadvertantly encourage. I try real hard to work out MY OWN relationship with people, including other people's children. If I don't like how someone is treating me, I deal with it gently initially, usually with humor, but I don't let it slide and then feel resentful. I wouldn't worry about "going there" with the mom. I would simply interact with the child as a fully functioning human being and work on having a relationship with him that you can both tolerate.
Julie S.
It sounds to me like you are dealing with different temperaments, people being comfortable with different levels of "give and take."
It happens between adults and kids and between adults and adults. I think my SIL is a selfish shrew. We would come to blows if she ever attempted to treat me the way she does my brother. She is demanding and sees herself as some sort of pampered princess to whom others must kowtow. It has taken many years for my family to understand that apparently my brother ENJOYS seeing himself as some "protector of the realm", the big strong guy who needs to protect her from things like missing her 2 hour nap every day while he works and raises the kids.
Some parents are also like that. They are very comfortable with their kids being demanding and whiny, riding roughshod over people. It is behavior that they inadvertantly encourage. I try real hard to work out MY OWN relationship with people, including other people's children. If I don't like how someone is treating me, I deal with it gently initially, usually with humor, but I don't let it slide and then feel resentful. I wouldn't worry about "going there" with the mom. I would simply interact with the child as a fully functioning human being and work on having a relationship with him that you can both tolerate.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: John & Karen Buxcel <buxcel@...>
Date: Wednesday, December 14, 2005 10:39 am
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Another question about cleaning theirroom and chores
> on 12/12/05 4:00 PM, Robyn Coburn at dezigna@... wrote:
>
> > Are they Unschoolers?
>
> Yep, they are.
>
> > I'm not being facetious in asking. It really does make a
> difference because
> > Unschooling permeates every part of the relationships between
> parent and
> > child.
>
> I agree. This particular child, though, seems to do an awful lot
> of taking
> and very little giving. And with plenty of attitude.
>
> > How does his mother speak to him? What is their relationship
> like? Is she
> > joyful or a martyr about it?
>
> She stays joyful, as far as I can tell. I can only comment on how I
> *perceive* their relationship to be, but to me, it feels like he
> runs all
> over her. If I spend too much time with them, my energy is very
> out of
> whack. I can feel it physically.
>
> > Do your children behave that way when they visit other people's
> homes? (Jayn
> > is much more polite to other people than to me sometimes.)
>
> Great point!! No, my children tend to behave very well at others
> homes.Aside from the occasional wanting to jump on the
> furniture/bed or whatever
> that we do at our home, but usually a friendly reminder is enough.
> This
> last question of yours clarifies things for me. I guess I'm
> worrying about
> a 'non-issue' at this point.
>
> Does anyone else have an experience similar to this? If so, how
> do/did you
> handle it? Do I 'go there' with the mother? Leave it be? Limit
> our time
> together?
> A sticky situation, however, is that my 6yo son wants to hang out
> with him.
> And when they spend time together, both of my children usually end up
> getting very frustrated, the 6yo usually teary, and the 4yo takes
> on many of
> said child's little mannerisms. What to do, what do do?
>
> Whatcha think?
> :)
> Karen
>
>
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