corporal punishment
Ren Allen
"Jayn took a step onto the busy road once in a moment of excitement,
but
stepped back instantly when dh said "stop" very sharply. Our
response was to
give her a lot of hugs instead of any spanks."
A very loud "STOP" screamed at Jalen saved his life once...I'm very
sure.
We were pulled up in front of the discount theatre in Pensacola, a
small band of unschoolers. The times advertised on the website had
been incorrect and we were all parked, and trying to figure out
where to go since our plans had been thwarted.
The kids were running around on the sidewalk, adults and kids
walking back and forth on the quiet, side street and a group of
people were at the window of my van, chatting.
I saw Jalen start to walk out into the street and out of the corner
of my eye a huge, black truck comes barreling around the corner. I
saw adults moving towards him, but he was almost in front of the
truck...there wasn't time.
I screamed at the top of my lungs in absolute fear "JALEN STOP!!"
He froze instantly, about 2 inches from the truck tire.
There were some visibly shaken adults standing against my van
going "oh my god!", I just laid my head down and almost started
crying. It was SO close. If he hadn't known to trust me it would
have meant severe injury or even death. I'm so glad I NEVER, EVER
hit that child or made him want to run from me.
That being said, he is extremely independent and does NOT see safety
problems at times. I did have to find creative ways to keep him safe
in a parking lot when he was younger, now I can just say "it's
really busy, I don't feel safe without holding your hand" and he's
fine. But I'm glad physical punishment has not been part of his
life, I think he'd try harder to get away from me and ignore my
words.
Ren
but
stepped back instantly when dh said "stop" very sharply. Our
response was to
give her a lot of hugs instead of any spanks."
A very loud "STOP" screamed at Jalen saved his life once...I'm very
sure.
We were pulled up in front of the discount theatre in Pensacola, a
small band of unschoolers. The times advertised on the website had
been incorrect and we were all parked, and trying to figure out
where to go since our plans had been thwarted.
The kids were running around on the sidewalk, adults and kids
walking back and forth on the quiet, side street and a group of
people were at the window of my van, chatting.
I saw Jalen start to walk out into the street and out of the corner
of my eye a huge, black truck comes barreling around the corner. I
saw adults moving towards him, but he was almost in front of the
truck...there wasn't time.
I screamed at the top of my lungs in absolute fear "JALEN STOP!!"
He froze instantly, about 2 inches from the truck tire.
There were some visibly shaken adults standing against my van
going "oh my god!", I just laid my head down and almost started
crying. It was SO close. If he hadn't known to trust me it would
have meant severe injury or even death. I'm so glad I NEVER, EVER
hit that child or made him want to run from me.
That being said, he is extremely independent and does NOT see safety
problems at times. I did have to find creative ways to keep him safe
in a parking lot when he was younger, now I can just say "it's
really busy, I don't feel safe without holding your hand" and he's
fine. But I'm glad physical punishment has not been part of his
life, I think he'd try harder to get away from me and ignore my
words.
Ren
Ren Allen
" I think that's been pretty obvious so far, what with people
calling me
everything from cold-blooded to a child abuser."
I realize the poster has left...unfortunately, she decided the posts
were about her, rather than the TOPIC. But inevitably, a person
will leave in a huff and others that are lurking, or on the fence,
will gain something valuable from the discussion.
I've also gotten letters from those that left in a huff and came
back, because all the posts got them to thinking.
I quoted the above, because I can't find a single post accusing her
of this. If a person hasn't examined their own childhood and
upbringing enough to understand WHAT they are doing differently and
WHY they are, then this list might be hard for them to swallow.
It IS a gentle list, it IS a place to gain new insights and
information, but only if you're willing to self examine. I don't
think anyone is going to be harsh on someone wanting to learn and
grow, but if someone is going to come here and defend spanking as a
viable form of parenting, then this might not be the list for them.
I don't think it has to be.
We have plenty of members (including myself) that used to
spank...this is not an overly judgemental list. But it's going to
feel judgemental for those that don't think they need to do anything
different than their own parents did (unless they had incredible,
radical unschooling parents!)
This list is for folks new to unschooling, sure. But I have to
believe that unschooling works best for those that can do some
pretty deep self examination. It's uncomfortable. Hell, it's painful
and difficult at times....but I really believe it's necessary.
Ren
calling me
everything from cold-blooded to a child abuser."
I realize the poster has left...unfortunately, she decided the posts
were about her, rather than the TOPIC. But inevitably, a person
will leave in a huff and others that are lurking, or on the fence,
will gain something valuable from the discussion.
I've also gotten letters from those that left in a huff and came
back, because all the posts got them to thinking.
I quoted the above, because I can't find a single post accusing her
of this. If a person hasn't examined their own childhood and
upbringing enough to understand WHAT they are doing differently and
WHY they are, then this list might be hard for them to swallow.
It IS a gentle list, it IS a place to gain new insights and
information, but only if you're willing to self examine. I don't
think anyone is going to be harsh on someone wanting to learn and
grow, but if someone is going to come here and defend spanking as a
viable form of parenting, then this might not be the list for them.
I don't think it has to be.
We have plenty of members (including myself) that used to
spank...this is not an overly judgemental list. But it's going to
feel judgemental for those that don't think they need to do anything
different than their own parents did (unless they had incredible,
radical unschooling parents!)
This list is for folks new to unschooling, sure. But I have to
believe that unschooling works best for those that can do some
pretty deep self examination. It's uncomfortable. Hell, it's painful
and difficult at times....but I really believe it's necessary.
Ren
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/11/2005 1:01:26 PM Eastern Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
This list is for folks new to unschooling, sure. But I have to
believe that unschooling works best for those that can do some
pretty deep self examination. It's uncomfortable. Hell, it's painful
and difficult at times....but I really believe it's necessary.
~~~~~~~~~~
I have to say, this has all helped me a lot. I mean, unschooling in general,
too. It's given me time to do a lot of soul-searching and healing. I come
from an abusive childhood, and it truly is a viscious cycle to end. I have
lashed out in anger before and spanked, and, for me, it's such a knee-jerk
reaction that I have to struggle with. Over the years, it gets easier. I would
NEVER EVER want my children to go through anything like what I endured, even in
the slightest. The few times I have spanked, I have felt so sick to my
stomache, and have broken down in tears and have apologized. I just feel so awful.
Just because my parents hit me, and I've turned out "ok", doesn't mean it
was right. And because of growing up that way, and being all I knew, I don't
want that to be MY kids' views on parent/child relationships.
Jenny
Unschooling in Greenfield, MA
Danny (12-1-99), Kelsey (11-1-01) and Evelyn (5-19-04)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The important thing is not so much that every child should be taught, as
that every child should be given the wish to learn. ~John Lubbock
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
starsuncloud@... writes:
This list is for folks new to unschooling, sure. But I have to
believe that unschooling works best for those that can do some
pretty deep self examination. It's uncomfortable. Hell, it's painful
and difficult at times....but I really believe it's necessary.
~~~~~~~~~~
I have to say, this has all helped me a lot. I mean, unschooling in general,
too. It's given me time to do a lot of soul-searching and healing. I come
from an abusive childhood, and it truly is a viscious cycle to end. I have
lashed out in anger before and spanked, and, for me, it's such a knee-jerk
reaction that I have to struggle with. Over the years, it gets easier. I would
NEVER EVER want my children to go through anything like what I endured, even in
the slightest. The few times I have spanked, I have felt so sick to my
stomache, and have broken down in tears and have apologized. I just feel so awful.
Just because my parents hit me, and I've turned out "ok", doesn't mean it
was right. And because of growing up that way, and being all I knew, I don't
want that to be MY kids' views on parent/child relationships.
Jenny
Unschooling in Greenfield, MA
Danny (12-1-99), Kelsey (11-1-01) and Evelyn (5-19-04)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The important thing is not so much that every child should be taught, as
that every child should be given the wish to learn. ~John Lubbock
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<<<< It's given me time to do a lot of soul-searching and healing. I come
from an abusive childhood, and it truly is a viscious cycle to end. I have
lashed out in anger before and spanked, and, for me, it's such a knee-jerk
reaction that I have to struggle with. Over the years, it gets easier.>>>>>
One of the odd things that I am grateful for is that I didn't have my dd
until I was older. I had a lot of time to work through the issues that my
childhood left me with. I am full of admiration for the really young mothers
who still come to Unschooling and mindful parenting. I suspect that I would
have been a pretty crappy mother if I had children earlier, and blind about
how crappy I was. I certainly was holding on to a lot of dumb ideas about
how children "should" be, that I let go of.
However one useful thing that I always told myself, from when I was child -
I remember thinking the thought in moments of pain - was that I would
remember what it felt like to be little in a way that I was convinced my own
mother did not.
I just want to remind everyone that there is a message board called "Support
for the Child in Us" at www.unschooling.info/forum that might be a place to
publish painful childhood stories for the purpose of aiding in healing.
Robyn L. Coburn
--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
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from an abusive childhood, and it truly is a viscious cycle to end. I have
lashed out in anger before and spanked, and, for me, it's such a knee-jerk
reaction that I have to struggle with. Over the years, it gets easier.>>>>>
One of the odd things that I am grateful for is that I didn't have my dd
until I was older. I had a lot of time to work through the issues that my
childhood left me with. I am full of admiration for the really young mothers
who still come to Unschooling and mindful parenting. I suspect that I would
have been a pretty crappy mother if I had children earlier, and blind about
how crappy I was. I certainly was holding on to a lot of dumb ideas about
how children "should" be, that I let go of.
However one useful thing that I always told myself, from when I was child -
I remember thinking the thought in moments of pain - was that I would
remember what it felt like to be little in a way that I was convinced my own
mother did not.
I just want to remind everyone that there is a message board called "Support
for the Child in Us" at www.unschooling.info/forum that might be a place to
publish painful childhood stories for the purpose of aiding in healing.
Robyn L. Coburn
--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.1.371 / Virus Database: 267.13.13/197 - Release Date: 12/9/2005
Mother Earth (Tyra)
>>>>This list is for folks new to unschooling, sure. But I have toI am there right now. The "still waiting" thread has had me doing some VERY deep introspection about why I interact with my children the way that I do. It is so amazing that so many of us set out to find out what our family's learning style will be. What I am finding is that unschooling is helping me to do some healing from my own childhood because it is the lack of healing that is hindering the unschooling process for me.
>>>>believe that unschooling works best for those that can do some
>>>>pretty deep self examination. It's uncomfortable. Hell, it's painful
>>>>and difficult at times....but I really believe it's necessary.
Peace
Tyra
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Ren Allen
"What I am finding is that unschooling is helping me to do some
healing from my own childhood because it is the lack of healing that is
hindering the unschooling process for me."
This was a topic I thought deeply about all year. Sandra Dodd and I
did something in the conference handbook on the topic of healing
through unschooling...you can read it here:
http://sandradodd.com/rentalk
I've heard story after story of the healing process that unschooling
facilitates. It's really beautiful.
Ren
healing from my own childhood because it is the lack of healing that is
hindering the unschooling process for me."
This was a topic I thought deeply about all year. Sandra Dodd and I
did something in the conference handbook on the topic of healing
through unschooling...you can read it here:
http://sandradodd.com/rentalk
I've heard story after story of the healing process that unschooling
facilitates. It's really beautiful.
Ren
[email protected]
>>... those that don't think they need to do anything different than their own parents did (unless they had incredible, radical unschooling parents!)>>Even kids of incredible, radical unschooling parents will do *some* things differently.
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Ren Allen" <starsuncloud@...>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mother Earth (Tyra)
Thank you for the link!
Peace
Tyra
Peace
Tyra
----- Original Message -----
From: Ren Allen
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2005 3:38 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] corporal punishment
"What I am finding is that unschooling is helping me to do some
healing from my own childhood because it is the lack of healing that is
hindering the unschooling process for me."
This was a topic I thought deeply about all year. Sandra Dodd and I
did something in the conference handbook on the topic of healing
through unschooling...you can read it here:
http://sandradodd.com/rentalk
I've heard story after story of the healing process that unschooling
facilitates. It's really beautiful.
Ren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]