New with a question or two......
thetaberskifamily
Hello everyone....my name is Rebecca and I am mom to 3 great kids (7
and 5 year old girls and a 19 month old son) and wife to a handsome
police officer (former police officer myself). My parents
homeschooled both my sister and me and now after a year in public
school kindergarten my husband and I are "officially" homeschooling
our 7 year old. I say "officially" because what we do hasn't really
changed and we have been living and learning together since the day
she was born! From the point that I began to research homeschooling
(obsessively read anything and everything like a woman possessed) my
conclusion has been that we are unschoolers - although I do prefer
the term interest-led learning to unschooling and that's typically
what I use to describe what we do. We draw from a number of
different methods and approaches as far as WHAT we do but HOW we
implement that has always been the unschooling way. Or so I
thought.....
I have been reading more on unschooling and I keep getting "stuck" on
the whole no limitations or restrictions on food, tv, video games,
computer time, bedtimes, participation in chores, etc. After
reading some of the opinions/interpretations of other unschoolers I
have become almost leary of using the term to describe what we do.
So my question....are you an unschooler if you DO have guidelines on
these issues????? We do alot of things together as a family because
it's just what we do...we don't offer them the choice to not
participate with family/household responsibilites - it's not really
questioned, it's just what we do. We work together and we all have
our own jobs and responsibilities. The tv does not stay on all
day...I really haven't felt at this point like I have to RESTRICT
their tv watching because there is typically something more
interesting for them to do but it does go off after our rather late
breakfasts. BUT if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL
day EVERY day was watch tv.....I would have a problem with that. (I
can't really see that happening but...) The girls don't choose when
they go bed. We don't have a "set" bedtime...it flexes depending on
what time they got up, what we're doing the next day and how early we
have to get up and how everyone is acting and feeling. Ultimately
though, when it's time...it's time. Once again, it's not typically
questioned because they're tired and we have a nice routine that we
follow and they share a bed/bedroom so they chit chat and do shadow
puppets,etc. BUT if they decided that they wanted to stay up till 11
or 12 or later....well, I don't consider that an option for a 7 and 5
year old.
So...again, can you be an unschooler and not let loose with all the
responsibilities and guidelines?? Or are we something else?!?
Thank you all so much ahead of time for any responses in helping me
figure out WHAT we are!!! LOL
By the way, my parents "unschooled" my sister and I after one hideous
year with ACE worktexts but they did so in the same way I've laid out
above. So, maybe after your responses I'll discover that they
didn't "unschool" us at all!
Thanks for helping!
Rebecca
and 5 year old girls and a 19 month old son) and wife to a handsome
police officer (former police officer myself). My parents
homeschooled both my sister and me and now after a year in public
school kindergarten my husband and I are "officially" homeschooling
our 7 year old. I say "officially" because what we do hasn't really
changed and we have been living and learning together since the day
she was born! From the point that I began to research homeschooling
(obsessively read anything and everything like a woman possessed) my
conclusion has been that we are unschoolers - although I do prefer
the term interest-led learning to unschooling and that's typically
what I use to describe what we do. We draw from a number of
different methods and approaches as far as WHAT we do but HOW we
implement that has always been the unschooling way. Or so I
thought.....
I have been reading more on unschooling and I keep getting "stuck" on
the whole no limitations or restrictions on food, tv, video games,
computer time, bedtimes, participation in chores, etc. After
reading some of the opinions/interpretations of other unschoolers I
have become almost leary of using the term to describe what we do.
So my question....are you an unschooler if you DO have guidelines on
these issues????? We do alot of things together as a family because
it's just what we do...we don't offer them the choice to not
participate with family/household responsibilites - it's not really
questioned, it's just what we do. We work together and we all have
our own jobs and responsibilities. The tv does not stay on all
day...I really haven't felt at this point like I have to RESTRICT
their tv watching because there is typically something more
interesting for them to do but it does go off after our rather late
breakfasts. BUT if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL
day EVERY day was watch tv.....I would have a problem with that. (I
can't really see that happening but...) The girls don't choose when
they go bed. We don't have a "set" bedtime...it flexes depending on
what time they got up, what we're doing the next day and how early we
have to get up and how everyone is acting and feeling. Ultimately
though, when it's time...it's time. Once again, it's not typically
questioned because they're tired and we have a nice routine that we
follow and they share a bed/bedroom so they chit chat and do shadow
puppets,etc. BUT if they decided that they wanted to stay up till 11
or 12 or later....well, I don't consider that an option for a 7 and 5
year old.
So...again, can you be an unschooler and not let loose with all the
responsibilities and guidelines?? Or are we something else?!?
Thank you all so much ahead of time for any responses in helping me
figure out WHAT we are!!! LOL
By the way, my parents "unschooled" my sister and I after one hideous
year with ACE worktexts but they did so in the same way I've laid out
above. So, maybe after your responses I'll discover that they
didn't "unschool" us at all!
Thanks for helping!
Rebecca
Donald and Sandra Winn
Rebecca,
We "unschool" in that we have no set curriculum, we
don't use texts, do not have any type of learning plan
other than what comes up in life everyday. My
children haven't "written" in weeks, although 7yo ds,
will write on her own volition every so often. We
play lots of games, their science is often televison
and like the other day, 11yo ds asked to do an
electricity experiment. You can go to my blog for a
peek into our lives, if you want, address is below my
signature line.
However, we do not "radical" unschool which is more a
term, I'm learning is lifting restrictions slowly IF
you had not started off with natural and gentle
parenting. This is where food, tv, computer, video
games comes in. My husband and I are not there yet.
Whether I am considered to be unschooling, is
debatable. My children choose what, if anything they
want to learn, if they don't read for weeks, they
don't read, KWIM? I can't see how that isn't
unschooling. Some don't say your an unschooler unless
you do it in all areas of life, others separate
radical unschooling from just unschooling. I think
the philosophy is that once you start unschooling,
don't be surprised if that philosophy, pleasantly
spills over into all areas of life. ;-)
Happy Learning,
~Sandy
www.360.yahoo.com/aplan4life
__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com
We "unschool" in that we have no set curriculum, we
don't use texts, do not have any type of learning plan
other than what comes up in life everyday. My
children haven't "written" in weeks, although 7yo ds,
will write on her own volition every so often. We
play lots of games, their science is often televison
and like the other day, 11yo ds asked to do an
electricity experiment. You can go to my blog for a
peek into our lives, if you want, address is below my
signature line.
However, we do not "radical" unschool which is more a
term, I'm learning is lifting restrictions slowly IF
you had not started off with natural and gentle
parenting. This is where food, tv, computer, video
games comes in. My husband and I are not there yet.
Whether I am considered to be unschooling, is
debatable. My children choose what, if anything they
want to learn, if they don't read for weeks, they
don't read, KWIM? I can't see how that isn't
unschooling. Some don't say your an unschooler unless
you do it in all areas of life, others separate
radical unschooling from just unschooling. I think
the philosophy is that once you start unschooling,
don't be surprised if that philosophy, pleasantly
spills over into all areas of life. ;-)
Happy Learning,
~Sandy
www.360.yahoo.com/aplan4life
__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/29/2005 2:59:59 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
thetaberskifamily@... writes:
So...again, can you be an unschooler and not let loose with all the
responsibilities and guidelines?? Or are we something else?!?
Thank you all so much ahead of time for any responses in helping me
figure out WHAT we are!!! LOL
*************
We all do what works with our families. You may find that after really
becoming comfortable with unschooling, that some of the responsibilities that
seem so important now become less so as you and your children become more and
more trusting of each other. What makes sense in the education part of life
(unschooling) starts to make more and more sense in the rest of our lives also.
My children complain LOUDLY if something doesn't go their way, they always
have. I can tell immediately when I've crossed into the coercion zone. Some
children are so compliant, that they'll do just about anything mom says, even
if it goes against their own wishes and needs.
An unschooling friend of mine asks herself the question "does this make
sense?" She encourages her children to do the same. It makes sense to go to bed
when you are tired, it doesn't make sense to force a very awake someone to
go to bed.
As for what you *are*, does it matter? It might if you went to a radical
unschooling meeting and made everyone listen to why *they* should restrict TV,
bedtime, etc. But in your own life, just live and learn and have fun! Come
here to read and expand your thinking! It is good to examine our lives
sometimes to see if we are doing things because that is the "right" way or if it
just because we never knew there was another way.
Welcome!
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
thetaberskifamily@... writes:
So...again, can you be an unschooler and not let loose with all the
responsibilities and guidelines?? Or are we something else?!?
Thank you all so much ahead of time for any responses in helping me
figure out WHAT we are!!! LOL
*************
We all do what works with our families. You may find that after really
becoming comfortable with unschooling, that some of the responsibilities that
seem so important now become less so as you and your children become more and
more trusting of each other. What makes sense in the education part of life
(unschooling) starts to make more and more sense in the rest of our lives also.
My children complain LOUDLY if something doesn't go their way, they always
have. I can tell immediately when I've crossed into the coercion zone. Some
children are so compliant, that they'll do just about anything mom says, even
if it goes against their own wishes and needs.
An unschooling friend of mine asks herself the question "does this make
sense?" She encourages her children to do the same. It makes sense to go to bed
when you are tired, it doesn't make sense to force a very awake someone to
go to bed.
As for what you *are*, does it matter? It might if you went to a radical
unschooling meeting and made everyone listen to why *they* should restrict TV,
bedtime, etc. But in your own life, just live and learn and have fun! Come
here to read and expand your thinking! It is good to examine our lives
sometimes to see if we are doing things because that is the "right" way or if it
just because we never knew there was another way.
Welcome!
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Welcome Rebecca. :o)
conclusion has been that we are unschoolers - although I do prefer
the term interest-led learning to unschooling and that's typically
what I use to describe what we do.>>
I like the term child-inspired learning. But it's all just semantics. It's the living that counts.
computer time, bedtimes, participation in chores, etc. After
reading some of the opinions/interpretations of other unschoolers I
have become almost leary of using the term to describe what we do.
So my question....are you an unschooler if you DO have guidelines on
these issues????? >>
I'm not sure when we got off track in appearing that unschoolers give their children no guidance. Of course we offer guidelines. It's not a free for all <NO LIMITS EVER> kind of life. It's more a journey towards eliminating thoughtless restrictions and arbitrary rules. I believe unschooling is about Trusting in the natural process of learnng. It's about providing a rich, interesting, safe and nurturing home in which children are free to explore, ask questions and pursue interests.
As we question the necessity of a structured school life, many of us have also questioned the other childrearing "rules" we were taught. Many of us are questioning the way in which we ourselves were brought up. We question the need for strict and inflexible chores, bedtimes, dinnertimes, etc. In doing so, we have seen the benefit of not placing arbitrary restrictions on things like TV or sweet foods. But just because we don't have a "no TV after noon" rule doesn't mean our kids are necessarily choosing to watch TV all day, eating a diet consisting of Mallomars, Sweet Tarts and lollipops. And it doesn't mean we're leaving them to their own devices all day or night to fend for themselves.
I had similar evening routines to yours when my kids were little. It wasn't "in bed at 9:00, tired or not!" like when I was growing up. It was "Let's get our jammies on and have a snack. Let's read a book and snuggle. We're all getting tired, time for night, night." I wasn't the enforcer of the bedtime rule, I was helping my kids settle in for what I knew was their approximate sleep time. We had routines and they worked for us.
It sounds like your family is working as a team. That's good. And it's very cool that you were unschooled yourself. If you are letting go of structured curriculums and school-inspired education for your children then WooHoo. :o) If you are really thinking about why you make the choices you do and respecting your children for Who They Are then double WooHoo!
Life is good.
--
~Mary, unschooling mom to Conor (16) and Casey (11)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CorvallisTLC/
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
>>From the point that I began to research homeschooling(obsessively read anything and everything like a woman possessed) my
conclusion has been that we are unschoolers - although I do prefer
the term interest-led learning to unschooling and that's typically
what I use to describe what we do.>>
I like the term child-inspired learning. But it's all just semantics. It's the living that counts.
>>I have been reading more on unschooling and I keep getting "stuck" onthe whole no limitations or restrictions on food, tv, video games,
computer time, bedtimes, participation in chores, etc. After
reading some of the opinions/interpretations of other unschoolers I
have become almost leary of using the term to describe what we do.
So my question....are you an unschooler if you DO have guidelines on
these issues????? >>
I'm not sure when we got off track in appearing that unschoolers give their children no guidance. Of course we offer guidelines. It's not a free for all <NO LIMITS EVER> kind of life. It's more a journey towards eliminating thoughtless restrictions and arbitrary rules. I believe unschooling is about Trusting in the natural process of learnng. It's about providing a rich, interesting, safe and nurturing home in which children are free to explore, ask questions and pursue interests.
As we question the necessity of a structured school life, many of us have also questioned the other childrearing "rules" we were taught. Many of us are questioning the way in which we ourselves were brought up. We question the need for strict and inflexible chores, bedtimes, dinnertimes, etc. In doing so, we have seen the benefit of not placing arbitrary restrictions on things like TV or sweet foods. But just because we don't have a "no TV after noon" rule doesn't mean our kids are necessarily choosing to watch TV all day, eating a diet consisting of Mallomars, Sweet Tarts and lollipops. And it doesn't mean we're leaving them to their own devices all day or night to fend for themselves.
I had similar evening routines to yours when my kids were little. It wasn't "in bed at 9:00, tired or not!" like when I was growing up. It was "Let's get our jammies on and have a snack. Let's read a book and snuggle. We're all getting tired, time for night, night." I wasn't the enforcer of the bedtime rule, I was helping my kids settle in for what I knew was their approximate sleep time. We had routines and they worked for us.
It sounds like your family is working as a team. That's good. And it's very cool that you were unschooled yourself. If you are letting go of structured curriculums and school-inspired education for your children then WooHoo. :o) If you are really thinking about why you make the choices you do and respecting your children for Who They Are then double WooHoo!
Life is good.
--
~Mary, unschooling mom to Conor (16) and Casey (11)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CorvallisTLC/
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
Robyn Coburn
<<<< I have been reading more on unschooling and I keep getting "stuck" on
the whole no limitations or restrictions on food, tv, video games,
computer time, bedtimes, participation in chores, etc. After
reading some of the opinions/interpretations of other unschoolers I
have become almost leary of using the term to describe what we do.
So my question....are you an unschooler if you DO have guidelines on
these issues????? >>>>>
Technically, Unschooling is simply "not doing school" - trusting that your
children will learn all they need from living a life of engaging in their
interests.
If you don't want to Radically or Whole Life Unschool, then don't - no one
is going to send the goon squad over to your house to insist that you drop
all restrictions, or even that you ease your restrictions gently. However,
we might suggest this as a way to greater joy and partnership with your
children, instead of continuing to live in an adversarial manner with them,
even if it is only mildly adversarial.
I would encourage you to do more reading about living by Principles instead
of rules, and especially to read at www.sandradodd.com/unschooling and
http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/
One major foundation of Unschooling is the Principle of Trust. Unschooling
will never be as sparkling and joyful and transcendently brilliant while you
are only prepared to trust your children as long as they are making the same
choices that you would make on their behalf. What you are then depriving
them and yourself of are the startlingly brilliant, extraordinary, more
creative choices that they would make for themselves, when they are able to
be the fully autonomous arbiters of their own learning and managers of their
own time.
Whilever you are the person deciding which of their needs or interests is
worthy of fulfilling, you are depriving them of the opportunity to fully
know themselves.
<<<<< We do alot of things together as a family because
it's just what we do...we don't offer them the choice to not
participate with family/household responsibilites - it's not really
questioned, it's just what we do. >>>>
By relinquishing the desire to control, you help your child onto the path of
living mindfully themselves, making choices and decisions mindfully and
deliberately, instead of reactively.
How would you react if the lack of choice *were* to be questioned one day?
Would your subsequent actions be likely to enhance or detract from your
relationship with your children?
You are assuming that given the choice the children would never choose to
help. The lists are full of stories of children spontaneously helping, doing
unasked cleaning or tidying as gifts for their parents, doing *more* than
the children with externally directed chores ever offer or do.
<<<<< The tv does not stay on all
day...I really haven't felt at this point like I have to RESTRICT
their tv watching because there is typically something more
interesting for them to do but it does go off after our rather late
breakfasts. BUT if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL
day EVERY day was watch tv.....I would have a problem with that. (I
can't really see that happening but...) >>>>>
It happens here sometimes, and then it doesn't sometimes. I make no rules,
give no directives, although I do remind her of other things that might be
available in the smorgasbord of activities. My dd gets to choose what
activities are of value *to her*. Sometimes that includes a lot of tv. Then
she is done for a while. I Trust her to know her own desires. I verbally and
physically appreciate her enthusiasm and joy in her chosen love of the
moment.
Switch it around a bit with different words:
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
read books"...
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
Dig in the garden"....
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
Play their violins"...
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
Ride their horse"...
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
Swim"....
The fact is that even if it is ALL they want to do for ALL day EVERY day, it
will still be temporary; EVERY day would still not last forever. It would be
a temporary need being fulfilled. Discovering and facilitating the
children's passions is another tentpole of Unschooling practice. A child
discovering something that they *want* every day is cause for celebration.
The only way to know if your children genuinely, truly want to do the other
activities is if they have the option to choose not to do them. They can
only choose to switch it off when they have the option to leave it on.
<<<<<The girls don't choose when
they go bed. We don't have a "set" bedtime...it flexes depending on
what time they got up, what we're doing the next day and how early we
have to get up and how everyone is acting and feeling. Ultimately
though, when it's time...it's time. Once again, it's not typically
questioned because they're tired and we have a nice routine that we
follow and they share a bed/bedroom so they chit chat and do shadow
puppets,etc. BUT if they decided that they wanted to stay up till 11
or 12 or later....well, I don't consider that an option for a 7 and 5
year old. >>>>
Certainly there is no need to fix what isn't broken, or borrow trouble from
a currently non-existent future scenario.
However what I would encourage you to think about is just how arbitrary the
times are that you mention. There is nothing magical about any particular
hour on the clock, especially if the next day is fluid. Some children are
naturally night owls, even when they are 7 and 5. Some are going to be early
rising morning people for their entire lives. What is important is
understanding and facilitating everyone's needs as much as is possible. At
present it seems like everyone's needs are being met. Things can change,
which is one reason why Principles work better in Unschooling, than rules or
dictates.
Every time you feel the urge to control a choice, you can ask yourself
"why?" and begin to question the assumptions (or fears) about children,
parenting, learning and living joyfully that you are holding on to.
Intentions matter. Guidance offered from the place of partnership and Trust
has a different feeling, avoids rebellion, and is just plain less focused on
the trivial. Guidance means optional acceptance instead of mandatory
compliance. Guidance means parents being safety nets, not trap doors or
examiners. Guidance facilitates mindfulness. Directives shut it down, and
may even foster resentment instead.
The idea of Unschooling is for parents to be the facilitators of options,
the openers of doors, the creators of environments of freedom, and the
guardians of choice, not the installers of roadblocks and barriers.
Unschoolers are making the huge and wonderful choice to renounce our legal
entitlements to be the authoritarian controllers of our children's lives,
and instead choose to be their partners.
Robyn L. Coburn
--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.1.362 / Virus Database: 267.12.5/150 - Release Date: 10/27/2005
the whole no limitations or restrictions on food, tv, video games,
computer time, bedtimes, participation in chores, etc. After
reading some of the opinions/interpretations of other unschoolers I
have become almost leary of using the term to describe what we do.
So my question....are you an unschooler if you DO have guidelines on
these issues????? >>>>>
Technically, Unschooling is simply "not doing school" - trusting that your
children will learn all they need from living a life of engaging in their
interests.
If you don't want to Radically or Whole Life Unschool, then don't - no one
is going to send the goon squad over to your house to insist that you drop
all restrictions, or even that you ease your restrictions gently. However,
we might suggest this as a way to greater joy and partnership with your
children, instead of continuing to live in an adversarial manner with them,
even if it is only mildly adversarial.
I would encourage you to do more reading about living by Principles instead
of rules, and especially to read at www.sandradodd.com/unschooling and
http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/
One major foundation of Unschooling is the Principle of Trust. Unschooling
will never be as sparkling and joyful and transcendently brilliant while you
are only prepared to trust your children as long as they are making the same
choices that you would make on their behalf. What you are then depriving
them and yourself of are the startlingly brilliant, extraordinary, more
creative choices that they would make for themselves, when they are able to
be the fully autonomous arbiters of their own learning and managers of their
own time.
Whilever you are the person deciding which of their needs or interests is
worthy of fulfilling, you are depriving them of the opportunity to fully
know themselves.
<<<<< We do alot of things together as a family because
it's just what we do...we don't offer them the choice to not
participate with family/household responsibilites - it's not really
questioned, it's just what we do. >>>>
By relinquishing the desire to control, you help your child onto the path of
living mindfully themselves, making choices and decisions mindfully and
deliberately, instead of reactively.
How would you react if the lack of choice *were* to be questioned one day?
Would your subsequent actions be likely to enhance or detract from your
relationship with your children?
You are assuming that given the choice the children would never choose to
help. The lists are full of stories of children spontaneously helping, doing
unasked cleaning or tidying as gifts for their parents, doing *more* than
the children with externally directed chores ever offer or do.
<<<<< The tv does not stay on all
day...I really haven't felt at this point like I have to RESTRICT
their tv watching because there is typically something more
interesting for them to do but it does go off after our rather late
breakfasts. BUT if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL
day EVERY day was watch tv.....I would have a problem with that. (I
can't really see that happening but...) >>>>>
It happens here sometimes, and then it doesn't sometimes. I make no rules,
give no directives, although I do remind her of other things that might be
available in the smorgasbord of activities. My dd gets to choose what
activities are of value *to her*. Sometimes that includes a lot of tv. Then
she is done for a while. I Trust her to know her own desires. I verbally and
physically appreciate her enthusiasm and joy in her chosen love of the
moment.
Switch it around a bit with different words:
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
read books"...
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
Dig in the garden"....
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
Play their violins"...
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
Ride their horse"...
"But if they did decide that ALL they wanted to do ALL day EVERY day was
Swim"....
The fact is that even if it is ALL they want to do for ALL day EVERY day, it
will still be temporary; EVERY day would still not last forever. It would be
a temporary need being fulfilled. Discovering and facilitating the
children's passions is another tentpole of Unschooling practice. A child
discovering something that they *want* every day is cause for celebration.
The only way to know if your children genuinely, truly want to do the other
activities is if they have the option to choose not to do them. They can
only choose to switch it off when they have the option to leave it on.
<<<<<The girls don't choose when
they go bed. We don't have a "set" bedtime...it flexes depending on
what time they got up, what we're doing the next day and how early we
have to get up and how everyone is acting and feeling. Ultimately
though, when it's time...it's time. Once again, it's not typically
questioned because they're tired and we have a nice routine that we
follow and they share a bed/bedroom so they chit chat and do shadow
puppets,etc. BUT if they decided that they wanted to stay up till 11
or 12 or later....well, I don't consider that an option for a 7 and 5
year old. >>>>
Certainly there is no need to fix what isn't broken, or borrow trouble from
a currently non-existent future scenario.
However what I would encourage you to think about is just how arbitrary the
times are that you mention. There is nothing magical about any particular
hour on the clock, especially if the next day is fluid. Some children are
naturally night owls, even when they are 7 and 5. Some are going to be early
rising morning people for their entire lives. What is important is
understanding and facilitating everyone's needs as much as is possible. At
present it seems like everyone's needs are being met. Things can change,
which is one reason why Principles work better in Unschooling, than rules or
dictates.
Every time you feel the urge to control a choice, you can ask yourself
"why?" and begin to question the assumptions (or fears) about children,
parenting, learning and living joyfully that you are holding on to.
Intentions matter. Guidance offered from the place of partnership and Trust
has a different feeling, avoids rebellion, and is just plain less focused on
the trivial. Guidance means optional acceptance instead of mandatory
compliance. Guidance means parents being safety nets, not trap doors or
examiners. Guidance facilitates mindfulness. Directives shut it down, and
may even foster resentment instead.
The idea of Unschooling is for parents to be the facilitators of options,
the openers of doors, the creators of environments of freedom, and the
guardians of choice, not the installers of roadblocks and barriers.
Unschoolers are making the huge and wonderful choice to renounce our legal
entitlements to be the authoritarian controllers of our children's lives,
and instead choose to be their partners.
Robyn L. Coburn
--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.1.362 / Virus Database: 267.12.5/150 - Release Date: 10/27/2005
Donald and Sandra Winn
Robyn,
That was absolutely beautiful! I want to share
something with the group that I have noticed happening
as a direct result of unschooling...However, it will
have to wait for awhile because we are off to a
Haunted House tour!
Your words helped not only our new member, but me too.
Happy Learning,
~Sandy
www.360.yahoo.com/aplan4life
__________________________________
Yahoo! FareChase: Search multiple travel sites in one click.
http://farechase.yahoo.com
That was absolutely beautiful! I want to share
something with the group that I have noticed happening
as a direct result of unschooling...However, it will
have to wait for awhile because we are off to a
Haunted House tour!
Your words helped not only our new member, but me too.
Happy Learning,
~Sandy
www.360.yahoo.com/aplan4life
__________________________________
Yahoo! FareChase: Search multiple travel sites in one click.
http://farechase.yahoo.com
thetaberskifamily
--- In [email protected], zenmomma@c... wrote:
not a free for all <NO LIMITS EVER> kind of life. It's more a journey
towards eliminating thoughtless restrictions and arbitrary rules. I
believe unschooling is about Trusting in the natural process of
learnng. It's about providing a rich, interesting, safe and nurturing
home in which children are free to explore, ask questions and pursue
interests.
This I completely agree with.....
go of structured curriculums and school-inspired education for your
children then WooHoo. :o) If you are really thinking about why you
make the choices you do and respecting your children for Who They Are
then double WooHoo!
Mary,
Thank you for the double WooHoo! The first WooHoo was never an issue
for me to have to get over thankfully. Alexandra went to public
school kindergarten and absolutely did not like it (and she's my
little "structure" girl). She wanted to know why ALL they did was
workpapers and more workpapers when it was boring and she knew all
the letters and numbers, etc. She wanted to know why they didn't
paint and sing and play outside and read really good books. She
certainly didn't care for 2 hours of it....1st grade and ALL day is
enough to make her shudder. So this year she stayed home (after
much, much, much convincing of my husband) and we get to continue to
do all that and more!
Rebecca
>> I'm not sure when we got off track in appearing that unschoolersgive their children no guidance. Of course we offer guidelines. It's
not a free for all <NO LIMITS EVER> kind of life. It's more a journey
towards eliminating thoughtless restrictions and arbitrary rules. I
believe unschooling is about Trusting in the natural process of
learnng. It's about providing a rich, interesting, safe and nurturing
home in which children are free to explore, ask questions and pursue
interests.
This I completely agree with.....
>it's very cool that you were unschooled yourself. If you are letting
> It sounds like your family is working as a team. That's good. And
go of structured curriculums and school-inspired education for your
children then WooHoo. :o) If you are really thinking about why you
make the choices you do and respecting your children for Who They Are
then double WooHoo!
Mary,
Thank you for the double WooHoo! The first WooHoo was never an issue
for me to have to get over thankfully. Alexandra went to public
school kindergarten and absolutely did not like it (and she's my
little "structure" girl). She wanted to know why ALL they did was
workpapers and more workpapers when it was boring and she knew all
the letters and numbers, etc. She wanted to know why they didn't
paint and sing and play outside and read really good books. She
certainly didn't care for 2 hours of it....1st grade and ALL day is
enough to make her shudder. So this year she stayed home (after
much, much, much convincing of my husband) and we get to continue to
do all that and more!
Rebecca
thetaberskifamily
--- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
what we do". From a very early age we've worked together, clear the
table, take care of the cat, put toys away, fold laundry. I ask them
for help, they ask me for help. I don't usually pull them away from
something they're really engaged in unless we're on a time schedule
for whatever reason. But when I do...they come and help. Sometimes
there is an initial gripe or two (as there is from me on occasion!!)
but again...from an early age I help them and they help me. I guess
it's a habit and it has definitely carried over onto their own. They
are (typically!) two of the most thoughtful, helpful and considerate
little girls I know...not that I'm bragging or anything...LOL!
really busy, stressed, sick or are just coming off of a little
learning fest and need time to chill out! But it doesn't last very
long
A child
I just know if I'd be okay with that being television all day for a
prolonged period of time. Although I suppose it depends on the
circumstances cause it has happened...this past January my sister's
newborn son passed away and things were crazy and Alexandra wasn't
enjoying kindergarten (tummy aches and feeling sick - she is soooo
like me when stressed). I swear we watched every Star Wars movie
like a thousand times. It's all she wanted to do. Eventually I got
out the playdough and paints, etc. Got Elizabeth started and
Alexandra followed. And I carefully chose a good book to spark her
imagination and refresh her little spirit...The Lion, the Witch and
the Wardrobe. TV took a less important back seat again. It was
just what we all needed.
Rebecca
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
>one day?
> How would you react if the lack of choice *were* to be questioned
> Would your subsequent actions be likely to enhance or detract fromyour> relationship with your children?
>choose to
> You are assuming that given the choice the children would never
> help. The lists are full of stories of children spontaneouslyhelping, doing
> unasked cleaning or tidying as gifts for their parents, doing*more* than
> the children with externally directed chores ever offer or do.I guess that's what I mean by "it's not really questioned, it's just
what we do". From a very early age we've worked together, clear the
table, take care of the cat, put toys away, fold laundry. I ask them
for help, they ask me for help. I don't usually pull them away from
something they're really engaged in unless we're on a time schedule
for whatever reason. But when I do...they come and help. Sometimes
there is an initial gripe or two (as there is from me on occasion!!)
but again...from an early age I help them and they help me. I guess
it's a habit and it has definitely carried over onto their own. They
are (typically!) two of the most thoughtful, helpful and considerate
little girls I know...not that I'm bragging or anything...LOL!
> It happens here sometimes, and then it doesn't sometimes. I make norules,
> give no directives, although I do remind her of other things thatmight be
> available in the smorgasbord of activities.We go through those little phases too...typically after we've been
really busy, stressed, sick or are just coming off of a little
learning fest and need time to chill out! But it doesn't last very
long
A child
> discovering something that they *want* every day is cause forcelebration.
I just know if I'd be okay with that being television all day for a
prolonged period of time. Although I suppose it depends on the
circumstances cause it has happened...this past January my sister's
newborn son passed away and things were crazy and Alexandra wasn't
enjoying kindergarten (tummy aches and feeling sick - she is soooo
like me when stressed). I swear we watched every Star Wars movie
like a thousand times. It's all she wanted to do. Eventually I got
out the playdough and paints, etc. Got Elizabeth started and
Alexandra followed. And I carefully chose a good book to spark her
imagination and refresh her little spirit...The Lion, the Witch and
the Wardrobe. TV took a less important back seat again. It was
just what we all needed.
>children are
>There is nothing magical about any particular
> hour on the clock, especially if the next day is fluid. Some
> naturally night owls, even when they are 7 and 5. Some are going tobe early
> rising morning people for their entire lives. What is important ispossible. At
> understanding and facilitating everyone's needs as much as is
> present it seems like everyone's needs are being met. Things canchange,
> which is one reason why Principles work better in Unschooling, thanrules or
> dictates.I would agree Robyn.
>
Rebecca
Pamela Sorooshian
On Oct 29, 2005, at 2:00 PM, zenmomma@... wrote:
- what matters is how we live.
But using different terminology does give a different idea of how we
live - to others.
I tend not to like child-led or child-inspired learning as
replacements for "unschooling" because people seem to take that to
mean that the parent has no role - that there is no back and forth,
that the parent sits around and waits for the kid to be inspired, or
for the kid to take the lead. In reality, our families aren't working
that way - we're interacting, seldom either totally leading or being
led - although any of us might lead or be led, at times.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I like the term child-inspired learning. But it's all justIt is all semantics in that it doesn't matter what we call ourselves
> semantics. It's the living that counts.
- what matters is how we live.
But using different terminology does give a different idea of how we
live - to others.
I tend not to like child-led or child-inspired learning as
replacements for "unschooling" because people seem to take that to
mean that the parent has no role - that there is no back and forth,
that the parent sits around and waits for the kid to be inspired, or
for the kid to take the lead. In reality, our families aren't working
that way - we're interacting, seldom either totally leading or being
led - although any of us might lead or be led, at times.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
thetaberskifamily
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@e...> wrote:
interest-led learning so much. There's alot of give and take with
it...sometimes it's Allie and Libby's interests that spark something
and get us going and other times it's mine (or hubby's, aunt, Grammy,
Nana, friend, etc.) interests or passions that start us off on a new
learning tangent.
Rebecca
<pamsoroosh@e...> wrote:
>working
>
> > I tend not to like child-led or child-inspired learning as
> replacements for "unschooling" because people seem to take that to
> mean that the parent has no role - that there is no back and forth,
> that the parent sits around and waits for the kid to be inspired, or
> for the kid to take the lead. In reality, our families aren't
> that way - we're interacting, seldom either totally leading or beingI completely agree with you. I think that's why I like the term
> led - although any of us might lead or be led, at times.
>
> -pam
interest-led learning so much. There's alot of give and take with
it...sometimes it's Allie and Libby's interests that spark something
and get us going and other times it's mine (or hubby's, aunt, Grammy,
Nana, friend, etc.) interests or passions that start us off on a new
learning tangent.
Rebecca
[email protected]
>>I tend not to like child-led or child-inspired learning asreplacements for "unschooling" because people seem to take that to
mean that the parent has no role - that there is no back and forth,
that the parent sits around and waits for the kid to be inspired, or
for the kid to take the lead.>>
I was actually thinking of it more as being inspired *by* my children. Or providing the sparks that will inspire them rather than following a curriculum-inspired path.
I can see where others might misinterpret and I don't use any one term to describe what we do. Our group webpage has many different words for unschooling (including unschooling!) on it.
--
~Mary, unschooling mom to Conor (16) and Casey (11)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CorvallisTLC/
Pamela Sorooshian
On Oct 30, 2005, at 7:46 AM, zenmomma@... wrote:
I seem to be running into a wave of people not wanting to use the
term "unschooling" because they're associating it with "un-
parenting," these days. I try not to feed that idea - so I tend to
emphasize the more parent/child interactive nature, rather than
emphasizing child-led aspects of unschooling.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>> I tend not to like child-led or child-inspired learning asRight. That's what I meant, too, that others seem to misinterpret.
>>>
> replacements for "unschooling" because people seem to take that to
> mean that the parent has no role - that there is no back and forth,
> that the parent sits around and waits for the kid to be inspired, or
> for the kid to take the lead.>>
>
> I was actually thinking of it more as being inspired *by* my
> children. Or providing the sparks that will inspire them rather
> than following a curriculum-inspired path.
>
> I can see where others might misinterpret and I don't use any one
> term to describe what we do. Our group webpage has many different
> words for unschooling (including unschooling!) on it.
I seem to be running into a wave of people not wanting to use the
term "unschooling" because they're associating it with "un-
parenting," these days. I try not to feed that idea - so I tend to
emphasize the more parent/child interactive nature, rather than
emphasizing child-led aspects of unschooling.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
>>I seem to be running into a wave of people not wanting to use theterm "unschooling" because they're associating it with "un-
parenting," these days.>>
Yeah what's THAT about anyway?
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."