k

Joanne. Hi. LOL. I love how you put it. Detoxing. That is what
deschooling seems like to me. I'm new to unschooling myself. Have
read and read for years but am just now doing any real transitioning.
{Yay! --- You'll see what I mean by that.}

Yesterday dh and I conflicted after ds hit me on the head with a wooden

train toy. I was dozing on the couch and ds was trying to get my
attention. I was mad because pain does that to me but wanted to
discuss
it with ds without distractions in order to make sure he understood
--NO
don't hit people. At the same time dh was mad at ds and wanted to have

a few words. After I disagreed, dh went off at me about playdough on
the floor which bugs the fire out of him. I said we are confusing the
issue and it is looking to ds like I am at fault when things go wrong
if
dh talks about side issues like playdough, and that I want ds to know
not to hit people. That was all said in the moment. I managed this
time to keep my head and stay with the issue without delving into side
arguments.

Dh has not read indepth on unschooling or gentle parenting (and I
haven't insisted). Later on I said I need dh to either trust what I'm
doing in avoiding what comes "naturally" (the way I was raised--
spanked, shamed, coerced, you name it) and soaking up info about gentle

parenting which dh agrees to in principle OR get up to speed and parent

with me because ds is 2 and obviously needs us now. For the first time

ever, dh actually said "ok." A breakthrough. Today dh has been
following my lead on a few things and supporting what *we're* doing as
parents together. :)

I agree with Heidi that kids are only little once and we either play
with them or miss the boat. Sometimes try to beat him to it and ask if

he wants to play tag. He would probably enjoy you asking him. My ds
is
not 3 yet and incredibly active, even more than when he was a younger
toddler. I'm sure he's only getting started. He absolutely LUVs
activity. Sedentary, that's me. It's pushing me and I figure boning
me
up for when ds is much stronger like 5.

Then I read in bed a while as ds crawls around on me and finally
settles
to nurse and sleep. He's getting the message that settle down routine
is here to stay. He dozed off around 1AM last night. I used worry
about it but now I'm used to it. Sometimes it's 3AM before sleep comes
on.

I agree it takes time to learn to listen to your body and me and dh
still have a way to go on that one OURSELVES. We aren't settled on our
natural rhythms. I'm wondering if it's because bedtimes and wakeup
were
enforced our whole childhoods. We're both very resistant and
rebellious
about it and also have a way to go about not accepting fussiness from
one another about it. The same with food and tv control or any other
kind of control. Baby steps. We will get there. It's amazing how
over-controlled children turn into bothered adults. At least that's my

experience, if my perspective is right. In any case, it doesn't do
well
for modelling to ds. So yet another thing we need remedies for.

Kathe


> I don't have much advice on this one except sometimes we do have to
> buck up because the kids are only little once and there will be a
> day when you wish you could play tag again. The other thing is to
> talk, talk, talk so that he understands your need to settle down
> after dinner. I have that problem later in the night. I need to
> read before I fall asleep, it is my way to settle down. My kids
> know that when it comes around 10:00 mom is in her room settling
> down and if they need something they should probably ask before
> then. We have been through it enough times that they just know
> now. I usually do the 1/2 hr reminder, "okay, mom is headed to the
> bedroom, anyone need anything before I settle down?" Of course,
> they know if there is something important, that they can't handle on
> their own, I will be there.
>
> Remember too that it takes time for kids to listen to their bodies
> and to recognize what they need and how to go about getting it when
> they have been told what to do and how to do it before. They learn
> a lot from our model too.




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joanne

Hi Kathe, We can be newcomers to unschooling on-line together :) Joanne
*** It's amazing how
over-controlled children turn into bothered adults.***

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

k

Hey Joanne. Righto.

My keyboard hiccoughed and finally went under permanently, so I'm am so

behind on email. :)

Kathe, unschooling newbie wavNatcha



joanne wrote:
> Hi Kathe, We can be newcomers to unschooling on-line together :)
Joanne
> *** It's amazing how
> over-controlled children turn into bothered adults.***




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